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Pregnant PS''ers....Belly Rubbing?

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NakedFinger

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Some of you may recall my colleague that is TTC. Since I have baby fever, and she is TTC, we have been doing a lot of "baby" and "preggers" talk. An interesting debate came up with us (actually quite hilarious for those involved) about complete strangers rubbing your belly?

Why is this ok? No strangers come up to me and rubs my stomach now? (and its pretty damn nice if I do say so myself
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so nows the time to do it! Hehe) So why do strangers feel compelled to rub your stomach if you are pregnant ? As noted in Peony's thread about questions, why do people feel that all boundaries are down and social decency can be completed discarded when a women is pregnant? You dont touch strangers normally, dont speak to strangers about their sexual habits, their breasts, etc. so why is it ok when a woman is pregnant?

Is it just me? Do you ladies mind when a complete stranger comes up and rubs your stomach? Are you ok with it or does it bother you too?
 

Circe

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So far, only one completely-devoid-of-boundaries co-worker has touched my belly, and she''s ... well, completely devoid of boundaries at the best of times, so it was hard to be offended. That said, if a complete stranger if decides to lay hands on me, I''ll be hard put not to pull out the bear-trap.

I''ve had people try to defend this to me: the belly-touchers are just friendly, just want to share in the miracle of new life, etc., but I say they should still *ask,* and not get pissy if the answer is no. I think the only reason it''s permitted is that women''s bodies are seen as public property generally anyway (anybody ever had random people play with their hair? or comment on what they are or are not eating for lunch?), and this is just an extension of that. BAH.
 

brightlight

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Date: 8/5/2009 2:45:32 PM
Author:NakedFinger
Some of you may recall my colleague that is TTC. Since I have baby fever, and she is TTC, we have been doing a lot of 'baby' and 'preggers' talk. An interesting debate came up with us (actually quite hilarious for those involved) about complete strangers rubbing your belly?

Why is this ok? No strangers come up to me and rubs my stomach now? (and its pretty damn nice if I do say so myself
2.gif
so nows the time to do it! Hehe) So why do strangers feel compelled to rub your stomach if you are pregnant ? As noted in Peony's thread about questions, why do people feel that all boundaries are down and social decency can be completed discarded when a women is pregnant? You dont touch strangers normally, dont speak to strangers about their sexual habits, their breasts, etc. so why is it ok when a woman is pregnant?

Is it just me? Do you ladies mind when a complete stranger comes up and rubs your stomach? Are you ok with it or does it bother you too?
No, no, no, no, no. I've never understood why people think it's ok to do this. You wouldn't go up and start rubbing a stranger. If you did, they'd think something was wrong with you. I don't know why people think your belly is public property because you're carrying a baby. Your body is even more sacred when you're pregnant, and people should respect that. People should always ask first.

ETA: I wouldn't want strangers coming up and touching my child. Why would it be ok just because my baby's' still inside me?
 

princesss

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Date: 8/5/2009 2:51:07 PM
Author: Circe
So far, only one completely-devoid-of-boundaries co-worker has touched my belly, and she''s ... well, completely devoid of boundaries at the best of times, so it was hard to be offended. That said, if a complete stranger if decides to lay hands on me, I''ll be hard put not to pull out the bear-trap.

I''ve had people try to defend this to me: the belly-touchers are just friendly, just want to share in the miracle of new life, etc., but I say they should still *ask,* and not get pissy if the answer is no. I think the only reason it''s permitted is that women''s bodies are seen as public property generally anyway (anybody ever had random people play with their hair? or comment on what they are or are not eating for lunch?), and this is just an extension of that. BAH.
Yup. Just imagine if somebody tried to do that to a man.
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Drives me batty (and poor BF has to listen to rants about how he doesn''t know what it feels like to have the laws and norms of a society written all over HIS body, have people place unrealistic expectations on HIM, etc.).

Anyways, I don''t get the belly rubbing thing, but I''m super defensive about my personal space.

I will admit that at some point I''d like to know what it''s like to feel the baby kick, but since I won''t ask I''ll probably just wait until I have kids (unless it''s my BFF, in which case I''d ask and really really hope she says yes).
 

Lilac

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I would never touch someone''s pregnant stomach unless it was a close friend who specifically ASKED me if I wanted to feel the baby kick!

Breasts get bigger too, but you don''t see people reaching out to rub those to see what a pregnant woman''s breasts feel like, so why is it ok to reach out and feel a stranger''s pregnant stomach?!
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jas

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Ugh, so not ok. This was discussed in the preggo thread awhile back...I believe it was TGal who came up with the best retort: my a$$ is getting bigger, too. Wanna touch that?

I hated it when people started coming at me with their hands ready to touch my tummy while they said, "I know I''m not supposed to do this..." and then did it.


Date: 8/5/2009 2:51:07 PM
Author: Circe
So far, only one completely-devoid-of-boundaries co-worker has touched my belly, and she''s ... well, completely devoid of boundaries at the best of times, so it was hard to be offended. That said, if a complete stranger if decides to lay hands on me, I''ll be hard put not to pull out the bear-trap.

I''ve had people try to defend this to me: the belly-touchers are just friendly, just want to share in the miracle of new life, etc., but I say they should still *ask,* and not get pissy if the answer is no. I think the only reason it''s permitted is that women''s bodies are seen as public property generally anyway (anybody ever had random people play with their hair? or comment on what they are or are not eating for lunch?), and this is just an extension of that. BAH.
Amen amen amen. Not to threadjack, but I also put "smile, honey" in the same category. Not that I walk around with a grouchy face, but I live in a city and don''t think it''s a good idea to be grinning like an idiot while I''m strolling around the neighborhood. It''s always men who say, "Smile!" Either they are taking a mental picture, or they feel I need to be a grinning fool all of the time. Or maybe I do just have a natural scowl. Even so, would you ever tell a random strange man to smile.

Uh, I may have changed the topic here. Sorry.

If I haven''t given you the okey-dokey to touch my non-pregnant belly, you may not touch my pregnant belly without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
 

trillionaire

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I''m actually hoping that no one ASKS me to touch their preggo belly!
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i''ll wait for the baby to come out, thank you very much!
 

MustangGal

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I must have been lucky while pregnant, and never had any strangers try to touch. Even my family all asked before doing so (as they reach towards you...). I have NO CLUE why people think it''s OK to do this
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Mara

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I am not a fan of anyone touching me in general, I am a huge believer in personal space. People tell me to get ready for people to touch me soon and I am like oh heck no. There will be chopped off digits if that happens. On the plus side, I am not exactly a ''friendly face'' so people don''t typically run up to me and get gushy anyway, so hopefully my sour puss will keep them from wanting to rub on the belly.

That said, I do have a coworker who is a huge toucher but she is like that with everyone and she has already rubbed my (practically nonexistent) belly twice, and with her I don''t mind and just laugh. So I guess it''s how you do it, for a close friend sure, but a STRANGER somewhere, no thanks.
 

TravelingGal

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I don''t think many women think it''s OK. I did try to be polite if it happened though, because I know it isn''t done out of malice.

But yeah, I don''t know why they didn''t want to touch my growing butt too!
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NakedFinger

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Haha, LOVE the growing butt comment!

Thank you for your feedback girls. I am so glad I am not the only one who feels this way!

I've seen it happen to every pregnant woman I've ever known, and I always thought to myself "How is she ok with that?". I guess most women arent, and are just too polite to say anything. I will straight up step back and/or remove the person's hand if they do that to me when I'm preggars. Not only are you infringing on my personal space, but I've also heard from pregnant women that it feels really weird/icky (on the insides) when you touch a really pregnant belly. Is that true?
 

fieryred33143

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I didn''t mind belly rubs from certain people and it could only be women. Our department admin was one that I didn''t mind. I also didn''t mind if my mom rubbed my belly. My FIL liked to rub my belly all the time which made me extremely uncomfortable.

Honestly, it bothered me because of insecurities. I''m a big girl and my belly didn''t become a pregnant belly until about week 30. Before then it was really just fat so getting my fat rubbed was not cute in the least bit.

As for why people do it, I suppose its for the same reason that complete strangers will stop you in the mall to say how adorable your LO is. They just lurve anything that has to do with babies.
 

Hudson_Hawk

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I''m one of those people who''s hand itches when I see a pregnant woman I know (note I said who I know, NOT a stranger! LOL). I''m fascinated by the texture of a pregnant belly. Squishy yet firm, like a full water balloon. I don''t know why, but I imagine I''ll be one of those women who''s constantly rubbing her own belly!
 

Pandora II

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Only one person did without asking and that was the mother of one of my best-friends. She was one of the first people I told I was pg - I just said I had something to tell her and she put her hand on my belly and said okay, so you''re pregnant!

Those who did ask were all family or close friends - mainly female and planning on getting KTFU in the near future!

Maybe people are more restrained in the UK?

I have noticed that pretty much anyone who goes all gooey over Daisy when we are out invariably seems to be an American tourist - you guys seem to be baby crazy!
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lili

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Date: 8/5/2009 5:05:01 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I''m one of those people who''s hand itches when I see a pregnant woman I know (note I said who I know, NOT a stranger! LOL). I''m fascinated by the texture of a pregnant belly. Squishy yet firm, like a full water balloon. I don''t know why, but I imagine I''ll be one of those women who''s constantly rubbing her own belly!

Haha, same here...but I only do so w/ family and really close friends.
I was really fortunate to not have any strangers or acquaintances touched my belly.
 

neatfreak

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TOTALLY bugged me. I don''t mind when a close friend did it-but a stranger? No way!
 

cellososweet

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Well, all of you from the pregnancy thread know how I feel about this. Haha. I''d hate it if anyone did it, but I was really touchy when a nurse, who works in a freaking midwifery clinic, did it to me. C''mon! First of all, it''s unprofessional (she wasn''t examining me, it was in passing). And on top of that, I really feel like she of all people should have known better. It''s definitely a no-no for me.
 

fisherofmengirly

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Date: 8/5/2009 5:14:14 PM
Author: Pandora II
Only one person did without asking and that was the mother of one of my best-friends. She was one of the first people I told I was pg - I just said I had something to tell her and she put her hand on my belly and said okay, so you're pregnant!

Those who did ask were all family or close friends - mainly female and planning on getting KTFU in the near future!

Maybe people are more restrained in the UK?

I have noticed that pretty much anyone who goes all gooey over Daisy when we are out invariably seems to be an American tourist - you guys seem to be baby crazy!
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Agreed, we are!
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I will say that I don't touch pregnant bellies, though. I mean unless a friend is saying her baby is kicking/poking and they tell me to feel. I love that! If I were in England, I'd be all gooey over Daisy, too!
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Sort of a threadjack, but I had no idea it was annoying to pregnant people when people ask how far along they are, or when they're due. One of my friends goes all but irrate when someone asks her this.
 

snlee

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This bugged me a lot. I am a huge believer in personal space. I don''t touch other women''s pregnant bellies even though it''s fascinating because it doesn''t feel right to me. I wish everyone felt that way. When I was pregnant, I didn''t mind people touching my belly if I invited them to but if it wasn''t invited, it really annoyed me.
 

October2008bride

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I totally understand the ''no touching strangers'' rule but I''ll be honest. I WANT to touch preggo bellies all the time. I don''t, because I know it isn''t right, but how I want to. Not strangers really, but friends and colleagues - definitely.

I really do think it is so amazing and so incredible and something I haven''t nor might not experience.

But yeah, I know it isn''t right, but I wanted to come clean :)
 

Circe

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Date: 8/5/2009 7:23:56 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly

Sort of a threadjack, but I had no idea it was annoying to pregnant people when people ask how far along they are, or when they''re due. One of my friends goes all but irrate when someone asks her this.

I think it varies from woman to woman, what annoys: for example, I haaaaaaaaaaate it when people pipe up to "helpfully" tell me that I shouldn''t be doing something, like, say, drinking a caffeinated beverage. Except a Coke has 50 mgs of caffeine, and pregnant women are supposed to stay below 300 per day, and I researched it because it is my pregnancy and I care more than they do. I know these people think they''re being helpful ... but it''s the kind of help that''s predicated on the belief that I, and by extension, all women (all pregnant women?) are either careless or stupid, and it''s just insulting. I also would not like the invasion-of-personal-space of the stranger-inflicted belly-touch, for the above reasons.

But being asked my due date? Wouldn''t bug (at least not yet ....). I''m betting it''s either the repetition of it, or maybe the judgment of unsolicited opinions, a la "You look like you''re about to pop!" vs. "OMG, you look so tiny, are you sure there''s a baby in there?!?" A lot of people seem to lack an internal filter when it comes to talking about women''s bodies, and double when it comes to pregnant women''s bodies ....
 

packrat

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I was too busy rubbing my own tummy for anyone to get their mitts on it, haha. It''s fun, especially when the baby gets bigger, if you tap or poke your tummy, the baby will kick back. Before I got pg, I was fascinated by other pg women-but I never touched any tummy''s I didn''t know. Usually I''d ask if the baby would move, could I feel it-it''s the coolest sensation!

My mom, gramma''s, my bff, rubbed my tummy often, and I didn''t mind. I never had a stranger do it tho. I would feel more compelled to beg every mom of a newborn I saw to please please let me hold the baby-there is nothing better than holding a newborn, I swear.
 

DivaDiamond007

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Date: 8/5/2009 7:47:05 PM
Author: october2008bride
I totally understand the ''no touching strangers'' rule but I''ll be honest. I WANT to touch preggo bellies all the time. I don''t, because I know it isn''t right, but how I want to. Not strangers really, but friends and colleagues - definitely.

I really do think it is so amazing and so incredible and something I haven''t nor might not experience.

But yeah, I know it isn''t right, but I wanted to come clean :)
I feel the same way. I didn''t mind it much when I was preggo if someone I knew wanted to touch the belly, but strangers NO WAY! I let my best girlfriend feel my son kick all the time and it didn''t bother me at all to have her touching my bulging belly.
 

Kay

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I never had a stranger try to touch my belly while I was PG. I must look more intimidating than some of you.
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I do not think it is appropriate for a stranger to put their hands on you unless it is to push you out of the way of a speeding bus.

A few of my friends who are baby crazy were so excited that they reached out and touched my belly without asking, but those are friends who I hug or cheek-kiss hello and goodbye, so I did not mind.
 

Kay

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Date: 8/5/2009 5:05:01 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk
I''m one of those people who''s hand itches when I see a pregnant woman I know (note I said who I know, NOT a stranger! LOL). I''m fascinated by the texture of a pregnant belly. Squishy yet firm, like a full water balloon. I don''t know why, but I imagine I''ll be one of those women who''s constantly rubbing her own belly!
LOL! Before I got pregnant, I never had a desire to touch a preggo belly and I thought it was funny to see preggo women walk around with their hands on their bellies -- I just didn''t see the point. Once I hit the second half of my pregnancy, I couldn''t keep my hands off my own belly. I would be sitting on the couch and look down and see I was holding my belly, and I hadn''t even consciously realized I was doing it.
 

Kay

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Date: 8/5/2009 7:23:56 PM
Author: fisherofmengirly

Sort of a threadjack, but I had no idea it was annoying to pregnant people when people ask how far along they are, or when they''re due. One of my friends goes all but irrate when someone asks her this.
The only time I got annoyed was when a teeny-bopper cashier at Old Navy asked me when I was due 4 days after I gave birth to DD (who was home with DH at the time). I told her I had the baby 4 days prior, and she got this horrified, wide-eyed expression on her face, looked at my belly and said, "It doesn''t go away?!"
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qtiekiki

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I don''t think it''s ok for strangers to rub pregnant belly. I would say "no" even if they ask. I actually never had a stranger tried to rub my belly last time; maybe b/c I don''t look friendly. On the other hand, it doesn''t really bother me with people I know. There were a few older co-workers rubbed without asking and a couple friends asked to touch, and I just let them do it.
 

Kaleigh

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I would never do that, as I know back in the day I hated anyone trying to do that to me!! I am all about keeping my personal space... I would think that today people know better?? I guess not... Yuck..
 

Mara

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LOL Kay...I have to admit that when I found out it just doesn''t magically deflate and you come home wearing your skinny jeans (well except for Kaleigh!) .... I was pretty horrified too. THANKS BODY.
 

sparklyheart

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I don''t get the belly rubbing! One of my best friends just had a baby and I just walked away laughing everytime someone rubbed her belly.. She didn''t mind.. she also didn''t get why I was so weirded out about it! In fact, NO ONE I''ve talked to about it understands.. I always say "People don''t come up and rub your belly with no baby in there, do they? So why is it ok to rub it just because there is a baby??" People look at me like I''m an idiot.. so I''m glad to see other people think the way I''m thinking! I went to ALL of her Dr. appts and never touched her belly until she was in labor and she made me come feel the baby''s foot. I just don''t get it!
 
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