Find your diamond
Find your jewelry
shape
carat
color
clarity

Pre-Nups

PrincessNatalie

PrincessNatalie

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 30, 2010
Messages
382
What are everybodies thoughts? For em? Against em? on the fence?

My SO does want one, and yes I will sign one for his peace of mind, but I certainly do not see them as nessesary.

But its not worth fighting about in my mind though.

Anyone else discussed this kind of thing?
 
My parents want me to have one because I am their only child. I am ok with it. My FI doesn't care. I love him for that. We will get one. It's good anyways, because you never know what happen in the future. It's not about not trusting your FI. It's just playing safe to protect yourself. :bigsmile:
 
I'd consider one if I thought it would be in either of our best interests but neither of us is coming into this relationship with more then the other.

BF is an only child but I think he'd be oposed to a prenup just to protect his parents 'estate'.
 
C and I will sign one for his peace of mind. He has been married before and burned my his ex, and even though he knows i would never do that to him, he still wants it for his peace of mind, and because i love him, i will sign one. I have a few family mebers who have signed one, so its no biggie.
 
Yes, I personally want one to protect my interests in the future. I personally do not have much, but my parents own a business and a beautiful home, so I just prefer to keep things like that separate just to be safe. ( of course, I hate to even think along these lines, because in my mind my parents will be around for a longggg time) :bigsmile:

I think pre-nups are becoming pretty common, or at least not as taboo as in the past, so thank goodness for that!
 
It's a personal decision that each couple has to make together IMO.

For us, we never even considered it. Both of our homes are in both of our names and everything we have is shared (investments, stocks, bank accounts etc).
That was the right decision for us but I acknowledge there is no one right/wrong answer. It is specific to the couple.
The problem lies when the couple are not on the same page but as long as you both are it is all good.

ps what is also very important to consider (even at an early stage) are living wills and power of attorneys.
 
We haven't discussed it. I don't have much in the way of personal assets and I don't think K does either (no homes etc). I would sign one if he wanted to though.
 
I wish I had prepared a pre-nup for my first marriage. or at an absolutely minimum documented what we each came into the marriage with (retirement balances, debt, assets, etc) - because once funds go into a marital account - they are no longer yours when you divorce. I sold a home that had a huge amount of equity and because I combined it with marital funds, it was considered a gift to the marriage. And retirement balances can be tricky to sort out 10-20 years later...
 
Prenups are typical for couples who either have a lopsided relationship in terms of assets/debts OR who like to have every eventuality ironed out ahead of time.

My second husband and I did not do a prenup as we had about the same worth/debt ratio. But we did talk about how we would conduct ourselves during a divorce and exactly what would trigger a divorce (I'd had a brief but painful first marriage/divorce).
 
Wow! I'm surprised how many LIW are planning to create/sign them. I thought they were still pretty uncommon. I totally get the rationale for protecting yourself, but my heart aches when I think of preparing for divorce even before we get married. BF and I are both financially stable and responsible, neither of us owns a home or car (thanks NYC!), neither of us comes from a wealthy family and we make about the same salary. Perhaps if things were more imbalanced, I'd feel differently.
 
D got some of his inheritance early and saved up for years to get together the deposit for our house and I know what I am like in a break up (not nasty in any way), but he doesnt, and I want him to feel protected even in the event that we do break up.

I want him to know that I want the best for him in all scenarios and that I am not going into it for money, just him. Its not like he is rolling in it or anything, but he worked very hard for the deposit and so I hope he would feel that he is protected. I really dont mind.

On the otherhand signing a financial agreement before 2 years after I moved in passes (at that point you are legally defacto in Australia) has been thrown around and I can tell you what, if he really wants me to sign anything it will be a pre nup, I will not pay $1000's for a financial agreement (basically a pre nup for a defacto relationship), when we will have to do the same thing again for a pre nup, and paying and signing for a "financial agreement" will likely just delay anything wedding related because otherwise we wasted our money.

I will move back out, and we can resume just dating if it comes to it. Because I will feel like the relationship is about to stall anyway. What is the delay. Put the darn ring on my finger already lol.
 
SweetPea-<3 said:
Wow! I'm surprised how many LIW are planning to create/sign them. I thought they were still pretty uncommon. I totally get the rationale for protecting yourself, but my heart aches when I think of preparing for divorce even before we get married. BF and I are both financially stable and responsible, neither of us owns a home or car (thanks NYC!), neither of us comes from a wealthy family and we make about the same salary. Perhaps if things were more imbalanced, I'd feel differently.
Click to expand...


I don't really think of it as preparing for divorce. I mean if you never get divorced then it won't ever matter. A family law attorney once described it as planning for the future while you can think rationally. I mean if somehow things didn't work out, you're less likely to be rational about the division of assets at that point than now. If I had substantial assets or bf wouldn't have a good profession once he finished school then I might have considered it. I also think it may be necessary in our situation to insulate him from my student loans. He owes less than a 1/4 of what I owe. I wouldn't want him to ever be responsible for that.
 
I also don’t see it as preparing for divorce. I honestly would just end the relationship if it felt like we were in any way preparing for divorce. I feel like it is looking after each others best interests even in worse case scenarios.
 
SweetPea-<3 said:
Wow! I'm surprised how many LIW are planning to create/sign them. I thought they were still pretty uncommon. I totally get the rationale for protecting yourself, but my heart aches when I think of preparing for divorce even before we get married. BF and I are both financially stable and responsible, neither of us owns a home or car (thanks NYC!), neither of us comes from a wealthy family and we make about the same salary. Perhaps if things were more imbalanced, I'd feel differently.
Click to expand...


I agree. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we were raised Catholic, but divorce really isn't an option for us.

I asked SO what he thought and even showed him this thread, we agree that it's sort of like planning to get a divorce before you get married. That's us though! I can see why/how some couples could find them necessary.
 
My (Catholic) divorce attorney dad (who has been divorced) said we didn't need one. This is even though the ol' husband has significant student loan debt, I have a potential sizeable inheritance (and in that will there is a clause that reads that in the event of a divorce, the ex-spouse cannot collect on any of those funds...it's a very long document.)

Besides, I have an "in" with family law attorneys in town, and my husband would get the crap end if we got a divorce anyway, as a result of my peeps.

We considered it. Break ups are not rational. There is a LOT of hate and despair when a marriage falls apart (or stops being cared about) and I've witnessed it first hand. And if there is something I can do beforehand to help alleviate any pain...I'll do it. That is, if there is a point. In our case, not much of a point.

No one except a golddigger goes into marriage thinking about divorce as an eventuality. And yet, we still have a divorce rate that is pretty high! (But it's NOT 50% and I wish that statistic would go far far away because it's MADE UP!) But really, it happens. To a lot of people who went into marriage thinking it was forever.

P.S. There have been many many many many many threads on this topic before. 8)
 
I know this is an unpopular area to post this sentiment... but NO ONE "plans for a divorce" - no one thinks it will ever happen to them - divorce was not an option in my marriage either..... and what do you know, I ended up divorced. Things change - you and your spouse can be capable of things you've never dreamed of (both good and bad) and divorce is awful. It's just smart to see exactly where you are at financially at the point you marry. I'd never suggest anyone get a pre-nup would doesn't like the idea at all... but it does make sense - just like how wearing your seat belt doesn't mean you think you'll be in a big car accident - it's just a reasonable step you can take to prevent damage if it does happen. And a divorce is much more likely to happen than a car accident.
 
I will have one. Both of us are business owners (different businesses). Plus, he makes A LOT more than me - 6 + figures....
 
There was no point... they're not legally binding in the UK. (Although that may change in the not so distant future).

ETA: I wouldn't sign one anyway. I don't like the idea.
 
I won't sign one and I don't like them. I know you never can tell what will happen, but I'd rather take the risk than have a pre-nup hanging over our heads.
 
I'm definitely open to signing one if Mr. Fiance wants one. SO has worked extremely hard for his 6+ figure salary and saving the money he has made over the years working 70+ hrs a week... so if it gives him peace of mind, I have no objection to it. I don't think of it as "preparing for divorce". Sometimes plans don't go accordingly. I also don't consider pre-nups as something that is "hanging over" someones head and neither are wills, you make the contract, sign it and move on.
 
In my case, I do not find it necessary. My SO and I are young and are currently in graduate school. We have more debt than assets, so I don't see a point to signing a pre-nup. I do know that with my SO, he is going to inheriate land from his father, and the will and other documents are specific in stating that if something were to happen to SO then the land and the money made off of it would go to our children (when we have children,) not to me. I don't have any say in that, but overall we aren't bring a lot to the table to have a pre-nup. But I could understand the need in some situations, however I'm not really for them.
 
I understand the need for it for people who want to protect their assets or due to past experiences and just want to take the necessary precaution. With my SO and I he has money that his saved up since his been working trying to buy a house. I don't have any money as of now but I do have a house my mom left my sis and I when she died. I've decided to use that money to help with a joint down papyment on a house we want to get in a couple of years. I wouldn't get a pre-nup though because I see once your married two people become one what's your is mine and vice versa. We both came into the relationship spending a good amount of money on each other when it came to gifts for special occasions. His been supportive of me paying for things when we go out since the start of the relationship so I don't see why it would be a problem now. If he asked for a pre-nup I wouldn't sign it I don't like them really.
 
AdanaEsq said:
SweetPea-<3 said:
Wow! I'm surprised how many LIW are planning to create/sign them. I thought they were still pretty uncommon. I totally get the rationale for protecting yourself, but my heart aches when I think of preparing for divorce even before we get married. BF and I are both financially stable and responsible, neither of us owns a home or car (thanks NYC!), neither of us comes from a wealthy family and we make about the same salary. Perhaps if things were more imbalanced, I'd feel differently.
Click to expand...


I don't really think of it as preparing for divorce. I mean if you never get divorced then it won't ever matter. A family law attorney once described it as planning for the future while you can think rationally. I mean if somehow things didn't work out, you're less likely to be rational about the division of assets at that point than now. If I had substantial assets or bf wouldn't have a good profession once he finished school then I might have considered it. I also think it may be necessary in our situation to insulate him from my student loans. He owes less than a 1/4 of what I owe. I wouldn't want him to ever be responsible for that.
Click to expand...


Personally, I think that family law attorney was wrong. How can you (the hypothetical you -- male or female) rationally plan right now for your situation at some undetermined potential future divorce?? What if you have kids when the divorce happens, maybe you will want some of that inheritance, or a piece of that business, or whatever it is you signed your rights away to when you agreed to a pre-nup? I just think it is very naive to sign a document that may or may not affect you in the future, especially because you cannot pre-determine the circumstances of your life at the time the document may take effect. So, unless the document protects you (and thus not your spouse)...this would not be my advice.
 
I'm waiting for the dust to settle in the UK. If pre-nups become legal here, I will have one. I potentially stand to inherit (low) 7 + figures so it seems logical. FI will inherit (high) 6+ figures so we are not that imbalanced. But I believe in preparing for the worst while hoping for the best. I don't think having a pre-nup makes it any more or less likely that you will get divorced. Happy to be corrected on this as I don't have the stats.
 
I guess I can understand it for the very wealthy (Tiger Woods situation comes to mind), but I would see it as a HUGE red flag if that came up in any other circumstance. I believe in combined assets once a couple is married, and even if the wife stayed home with the kids for years, she would still deserve half the assets. My understanding from Freke above is that student loan debt would still stay the responsibility of the one who incurred it. That would be my only concern as my daughter has no debt from school and her FF has a ton from grad school.
 
megumic said:
AdanaEsq said:
SweetPea-<3 said:
Wow! I'm surprised how many LIW are planning to create/sign them. I thought they were still pretty uncommon. I totally get the rationale for protecting yourself, but my heart aches when I think of preparing for divorce even before we get married. BF and I are both financially stable and responsible, neither of us owns a home or car (thanks NYC!), neither of us comes from a wealthy family and we make about the same salary. Perhaps if things were more imbalanced, I'd feel differently.
Click to expand...


I don't really think of it as preparing for divorce. I mean if you never get divorced then it won't ever matter. A family law attorney once described it as planning for the future while you can think rationally. I mean if somehow things didn't work out, you're less likely to be rational about the division of assets at that point than now. If I had substantial assets or bf wouldn't have a good profession once he finished school then I might have considered it. I also think it may be necessary in our situation to insulate him from my student loans. He owes less than a 1/4 of what I owe. I wouldn't want him to ever be responsible for that.
Click to expand...


Personally, I think that family law attorney was wrong. How can you (the hypothetical you -- male or female) rationally plan right now for your situation at some undetermined potential future divorce?? What if you have kids when the divorce happens, maybe you will want some of that inheritance, or a piece of that business, or whatever it is you signed your rights away to when you agreed to a pre-nup? I just think it is very naive to sign a document that may or may not affect you in the future, especially because you cannot pre-determine the circumstances of your life at the time the document may take effect. So, unless the document protects you (and thus not your spouse)...this would not be my advice.
Click to expand...


People can also say that it is very naive NOT to sign a pre-nup, so saying that couples that DO sign pre-nups are "naive" isn't really accurate or fair because when it comes down to it...it could go either way.

I think its important to recognize that this type of thing is very specific to each couple and situation and there is no right or wrong answer to this.
 
diamondseeker2006 said:
I guess I can understand it for the very wealthy (Tiger Woods situation comes to mind), but I would see it as a HUGE red flag if that came up in any other circumstance. I believe in combined assets once a couple is married, and even if the wife stayed home with the kids for years, she would still deserve half the assets. My understanding from Freke above is that student loan debt would still stay the responsibility of the one who incurred it. That would be my only concern as my daughter has no debt from school and her FF has a ton from grad school.
Click to expand...

But what exactly is the definition of 'very wealthy'? Some people may consider people who make 6+ figures in the mid range to be 'very wealthy' while others consider the 7+ 'very wealthy'.
 
Also, I'd just like to say that in my opinion it is absurd to say its like "planning for a divorce"....who in their right mind goes into a marriage PLANNING to divorce? Oh hey! Lets spend money on a rings, lets spend money on a wedding, on a home, on furniture and anything else to build our lives together but since we signed a pre-nup that must mean all of this is for nothing since we are planning for divorce by signing it. Come on, that's ridiculous. Nobody wants to have to go through a divorce and everyone hopes that it does not ever have to happen to them. Unforeseeable things happen all the time and typically our lives do not go according to plans and I think many people can agree with that.
 
If our assests entering marriage were really lopsided, I would consider it. I have a reasonable amount of school debt, but DH has a TON! He also has a job in Engineering with a lot more salary command and potential than I do currently. We'll see what the future holds.

I could have asked for one in terms of estate planning. I stand to inherit substantial money from my family (my mom's sister didn't have kids and will probably leave us their houses in the NY/NJ area). My parents love and trust DH though, otherwise they could put those clauses in their wills. Honestly, the only clause I want in terms of sharing my family money with DH is that I don't want him spending my family's money to bail out his brother. He always does this, and I respect and admire how much he loves his brother, but I'm not into coddling adults either... I would rather us leave money to our nieces and nephews :love: , especially since college costs will be absorbitant by then! :errrr:

DH's parents are doing well for themselves and have a lovely home in the Bay. I would assume that they are doing some estate planning as well, but it's never come up in discussion.
 
So after reading this thread, I became curious. I asked bf what he thought about pre-nups and if he'd want one. He said he would think it over and then a few days later he said he didn't think that it's necessary since his theory is that if I'm around while he's building his empire then we don't need one.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
GET 3 FREE HCA RESULTS JOIN THE FORUM. ASK FOR HELP
Jewelry Blog
PriceScope-Concierge-Ad
Find prime cuts.
Top