Pot luck

[gem_anemone]

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding coming up. The MOH is ...um...difficult. She is a photographer by trade, so she thinks she knows everything there is to know about weddings. However, she has never been engaged or married. So far she has done annoying things like try to change the color of the bridesmaids dresses and also she did not follow the rules on the type of dress the bride let us pick out. She also waited until the last minute to schedule all the wedding functions, so I was not able to make the first shower or the bachelorette party. This is all after my friend, the bride, was there for me through everything for my wedding in July.....

Now we're having a second shower this weekend (we had to have two because of the scheduling issues). I can make it so I offered to help with the pot luck. I wasn't asked what I wanted to contribute, but given a food dish to bring - fruit salad - fine, I guess. It was kind of annoying to me that I don't get to pick what I bring because I was a chef for 6 years and my hobby is cooking, but whatever. Well now the MOH just sent me a recipe for fruit salad. I am offended and frankly I think I'm being overdramatic because of all the other stuff she has done stupidly. So what I want to know is, is it acceptable for the MOH to expect me to prepare a dish that she provided the recipe? I'm just annoyed. I don't need to be micromanaged. I am a good cook and I think it's rude that she presumed that I don't know how to make fruit salad. Also the fruit salad recipe she gave me sounds nasty and nothing like what I would make.

I just wrote this whole thing out and reread it and now I feel like a whiner. Oh well. People annoy me! I'm posting it anyway...... Should I make her fruit salad or can I make my own without being a you-know-what?

 

[lulu]

A recipe for fruit salad? It's kind of self-explanatory; I've never used a recipe. Just make your own and ignore her.

 

[junebug17]

I think you should just make your own! Rather nervy of her to provide a recipe, as if you can't be trusted to make a fruit salad - sorry, I'm probably adding fuel to the fire, but she's annoying me too!

 

[lliang_chi]

Make your own fruit salad. When she asks about it at the shower, tell her, you got her recipe but thought this one (the one you made) will be much tastier. You're still bringing a fruit salad. Maybe ask her what else are other people bringing, so you can coordinate your dish with everyone else. E.g. if it's a "themed" food dinner (like Spanish or Middle Eastern etc)

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Bring your own salad.

 

[gem_anemone]

I think you should just make your own! Rather nervy of her to provide a recipe, as if you can't be trusted to make a fruit salad - sorry, I'm probably adding fuel to the fire, but she's annoying me too!

Thanks! This lady has slowly been aggravating me throughout this whole process. There was some more stuff that went on between me and her and the scheduling that I left out of the story. At this point it's really hard for me to be nice to her.

I thought I was being bitter about the fruit salad mostly because of everything else about her behavior...but if you all think it's OK to make my own, then I am going to do it.

 

[yssie]

Could it be a beloved family recipe of the bride's or something where the nitpicking is legit?

 

[gem_anemone]

Could it be a beloved family recipe of the bride's or something where the nitpicking is legit?

Actually it's just a recipe the MOH said she used at some other party, so it's not from the bride's family. But had she said it was a bride family recipe I surely would have complied!

 

[yssie]

Could it be a beloved family recipe of the bride's or something where the nitpicking is legit?

Actually it's just a recipe the MOH said she used at some other party, so it's not from the bride's family. But had she said it was a bride family recipe I surely would have complied!

Yeah, it didn't sound like that was the case but it was worth asking.
How weird. Of all the things to dictate...

 

[Mayk]

Make you own.. and bring your best or favorite dish to add to the mix.... why follow her rules... make your own....

 

[Gypsy]

It's the bride's day and the MOH didn't follow the rules for the dresses. IMO she has no credibility left to force you to follow any of her rules either. Do what you want--bring a fruit salad and anything you want and if she gets in your face about it just tell her to back off-- you are a good cook and used to be a chef and last time to checked she was a photographer.

 

[OneFifty]

Definitely make your own. If she asks if why you didn't follow her recipe, you appreciated her suggestion, but thought this one sounded better.

How did the bride take it when she found out that the MOH completely dismissed her dress rules?

 

[gem_anemone]

It's the bride's day and the MOH didn't follow the rules for the dresses. IMO she has no credibility left to force you to follow any of her rules either. Do what you want--bring a fruit salad and anything you want and if she gets in your face about it just tell her to back off-- you are a good cook and used to be a chef and last time to checked she was a photographer.

Haha! Now THAT is what I WANT to say to her!

 

[gem_anemone]

Definitely make your own. If she asks if why you didn't follow her recipe, you appreciated her suggestion, but thought this one sounded better.

How did the bride take it when she found out that the MOH completely dismissed her dress rules?

The bride let her get away with it and they gave the excuse that she is the maid of honor so it's ok for her to "stand out" a little. Which is fine as long as the bride was actually ok with it and not just backing down to her (which is actually what I think happened).

 

[JewelFreak]

Pushy chick. I can imagine too well how hard you have to hold your tongue. I'm on the "make your own" team, for sure. Yours will be much better -- next time she puts together a pot luck she'll be handing out YOUR recipe (if you give it to her; I wouldn't). Sad how often weddings can be made into hair-tearing events by one difficult person -- too bad the bride hasn't told her to chill. Well, enjoy everybody else & accept the compliments on your fruit salad! Which, by the way, will be very welcome -- everybody eats so much during parties around weddings, they'll be thrilled with something healthy & low-fat.

--- Laurie

 

[kenny]

Just tell her you've actually planned a special surprise, so she can't argue with you.

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

lmao...I would make my own for SURE! And I second the idea of bringing something extra to let her know she isn't in charge.

 

[gem_anemone]

OMG I just got done chatting with my friend who was invited to this shower, but is not in the wedding party. She said "I also think it was rude of her to tell guests what to wear at the shower. She seems like she may be a bit of a control freak. lol"

I said "I never got an invite. What am I supposed to wear?! LOL". Which is totally true! I was just told to show up at a certain place at a certain time, but I never got an actual invitation....

WTF! So apparently we're supposed to follow a dress code, but I never got that memo. I can't believe this MOH dictated the dress code for the shower! That's INSANE! I kind of want to wear whatever just to make a point that I was not included in any of the planning. I honestly would never had known the dress code had I not been complaining about this situation to my friend.

 

[kenny]

Can a MOH be fired or demoted?

IMHO, that would be much less "mean" than the crap you are letting her getting away with.

This is YOUR wedding.

 

[AGBF]

I honestly would never had known the dress code had I not been complaining about this situation to my friend.

Change it! Send out new notices to everyone on pretty cards and make it white tie or something...but neglect to tell the MOH.

Deb

 

[AGBF]

Can a MOH be fired or demoted?

IMHO, that would be much less "mean" than the crap you are letting her getting away with.

This is YOUR wedding.

Actually, she's not the bride, kenny.

Deb

 

[kenny]

Can a MOH be fired or demoted?

IMHO, that would be much less "mean" than the crap you are letting her getting away with.

This is YOUR wedding.

Actually, she's not the bride, kenny.

Deb

Oh, sorry.

 

[Gypsy]

I honestly would never had known the dress code had I not been complaining about this situation to my friend.

Change it! Send out new notices to everyone on pretty cards and make it white tie or something...but neglect to tell the MOH.

Deb

Oh the evil little gremlin inside me loves this idea.

I'd show up in something COMPLETELY WRONG and when she gets on you:

"You're joking right? You didn't actually dictate what people had to wear to a bridal shower?"

blah, blah, blah...

"Well, let's put aside from the fact that it's the most ridiculously micromanaging thing I've ever heard of: If it was that important to you don't you think you should have CONSULTED the rest of us and let us in on the secret?

Blah, blah, blah...

"Well, you failed to inform me of it. You made the decision unilaterally, and it's not my job to read your mind. Next time send out an email."

 

[Gypsy]

It's the bride's day and the MOH didn't follow the rules for the dresses. IMO she has no credibility left to force you to follow any of her rules either. Do what you want--bring a fruit salad and anything you want and if she gets in your face about it just tell her to back off-- you are a good cook and used to be a chef and last time to checked she was a photographer.

Haha! Now THAT is what I WANT to say to her!

You can also say it this way, if she asks you about her recipe: "Well I know that photography is your thing not cooking, so when I read the recipe and KNEW it would just result in a nasty mess, I decided to go with something people would actually want to eat."

 

[StacylikesSparkles]

It's the bride's day and the MOH didn't follow the rules for the dresses. IMO she has no credibility left to force you to follow any of her rules either. Do what you want--bring a fruit salad and anything you want and if she gets in your face about it just tell her to back off-- you are a good cook and used to be a chef and last time to checked she was a photographer.

Haha! Now THAT is what I WANT to say to her!

You can also say it this way, if she asks you about her recipe: "Well I know that photography is your thing not cooking, so when I read the recipe and KNEW it would just result in a nasty mess, I decided to go with something people would actually want to eat."

I love this! Seems like the girl needs to be put in her place anyway! May as well be by YOU

 

[Enerchi]

It's the bride's day and the MOH didn't follow the rules for the dresses. IMO she has no credibility left to force you to follow any of her rules either. Do what you want--bring a fruit salad and anything you want and if she gets in your face about it just tell her to back off-- you are a good cook and used to be a chef and last time to checked she was a photographer.

Haha! Now THAT is what I WANT to say to her!

You can also say it this way, if she asks you about her recipe: "Well I know that photography is your thing not cooking, so when I read the recipe and KNEW it would just result in a nasty mess, I decided to go with something people would actually want to eat."

Oh SNAP!! right on! Awesome response

I'm in agreement with the rest to make your own...or if you're really feeling totally wild and crazy... Don't even bring the fruit salad. Go rogue and make something the bride totally loves. I can't cook worth a sh#t but even I'd try ANYTHING else just to see her go postal!

Love the idea about reminding her she's a photographer, not Queen of the World

 

[Haven]

The responses in this thread area awesome.
This MOH sounds like a very difficult person. I'm with everyone else--I'd bring and wear whatever I wanted to this shower.

Out of curiosity--what is the dress code? Did I miss it? I cannot even think of what a dress code would be for a shower!

 

[tyty333]

OMG...bring your own fruit salad. I wouldn't even tell her that you are not using her recipe. Just show up with your
relish dish and watch her eyes pop out!


I feel sorry for the future Mr.Control Freak!

 

[junebug17]

OMG...bring your own fruit salad. I wouldn't even tell her that you are not using her recipe. Just show up with your
relish dish and watch her eyes pop out!


I feel sorry for the future Mr.Control Freak!

Oh, I wouldn't either! I'd just waltz in and proudly display my dish on the table - and if she dared make a comment I'd just say I wanted to make it my way, and if she was so concerned she should have just made the fruit salad herself!

 

[rainydaze]

Oh, totally make your own fruit salad (the one exception would have been if the recipe she gave you was the bride's family recipe - in which case she would have ideally presented that information and *asked* if you would be willing to use that recipe in honor of the bride) and I also thought 'bring another of your own dishes.' Being that you were a chef, I imagine the bride herself would love something chosen and prepared by you and this *is* about her after all!

Good luck weathering this MOH-zilla!