please cross your fingers for me!

[JenStone]

Hi fellow brides-to-be! Although I was engaged two whole weeks ago this is my first post on this board.

My FI and I want to get married next year and currently we''re looking at spring 2008. His mother has been looking for an auspicious date for us (although I don''t believe in this stuff it''s his culture and I want to respect it. Plus being able to pick the date means so much to my FMIL.)

Although we do not have a date yet, we both jumped into wedding-planning mode seeing that spring is less than 9 months away.

The first order of business was venues. Neither of us are into opulent styles with crystal chandeliers, gold accents/trimmings, etc. We prefer modern styles and clean lines, and to be honest, something more ghetto.

I did a lot of research online and spent quite some time with phone calls and emails.

Our dream venue is the Tribeca Rooftop. We knew it would be expensive but we figured what the heck and asked them to give us a quote. Their response? A ridiculous (at least to us) price of $250/head + 20% gratuity.

We considered renting a loft, but that would mean more work and money on our part (renting tables, chairs, linens, tableware, etc) and we weren''t sure if we could handle that.

Then I found The Fountainhead in New Rochelle, NY (only 20 minutes from Manhattan). Just from their website, we didn''t LOVE the place, since some of the decor seemed too fancy for our taste. However, we made an appointment anyway.

The Fountainhead was the first venue we actually visited in person, and we loved it! It actually looks SOOOO much better in real life than in pictures. We both literally gasped when we saw the ceremony hall. The service was great, and their basic package beat out all the other venues we had been considering. The best part? It also had the lowest price!

My FI immediately called his mother and asked her for a date ASAP. She should be getting back to us today or tomorrow...

So I''m asking everyone in PS to cross your fingers for us that the date she picks is free! I''d really appreciate it!

 

[robbie3982]

Crossing my fingers for you! That''s where my cousin''s getting married in less than a month! I haven''t been there yet since I live out of state, but on August 4th I''ll be walking down the aisle dropping petals! (This is the wedding I''m the flower girl in

). Our aunt also got married there a long time ago which is how my cousin found out about it.

 

[Harleigh]

Jen, it sounds lovely!!! I''m so happy you found a place that is affordable.

I know my FF and I will be paying for our wedding ourselves, so I have already been researching venues near Sacramento, CA, and every place is way out of our budget...seems there is nowhere that hasn''t been discovered and taken over by the money-hungry vendors!

Good luck with the date! Keep us posted!

 

[AndyRosse]

Crossing my fingers!!! I know how nerve-racking it is waiting to see if the venue you love is available!

 

[enbcfsobe]

fingers crossed!!

BTW, JenStone, belated congrats -- I haven't been checking up on the LIWs nearly enough. I know you waited and deliberated plenty. I hope you are able to enjoy your engagement!

ETA: I love that you don't believe in the auspicious date thing, but asked us to keep our fingers crossed...

 

[Love in Bloom]

Fingers are crossed for ya JS!! Oh how exciting

 

[ephemery1]

Jen that venue looks GORGEOUS... fingers are crossed!!!

 

[whatmeworry]

I can relate. The date of our wedding was not up to us. I''ll even cross my toes and hope that your date falls on a weekend.

 

[snlee]

That venue looks beautiful!

Thank goodness my MIL didn't want to pick our wedding date. After my husband and I decided on a date, she checked to make sure it wasn't a bad day. Luckily we picked a good date, probably not the most auspicious date but my husband and I don't believe in that stuff so all was good!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!

 

[zoebartlett]

It''s beautiful!!!!!!!! I''m definitely crossing all fingers and toes for you. Let us know what happens.

 

[JenStone]

Okay....a long vent.....

We had asked my FMIL to pick a date for us as soon as we were engaged. She kept saying she needed more time, but I really think she was just stalling. She wants us to get married in Fall 2008 instead, at the earliest. However, (no offense to anyone getting married in the fall) I can''t imagine having my wedding in autumn. Sure, the weather is nice and the foliage is beautiful. However, just the thought of getting married at a time when all of nature seems to be dying doesn''t sit well with me.

We can''t do it in the summer because that''s the busiest time of the year for me at work. Plus I HATE the summer due to the heat and humidity - I don''t want my makeup running down my face on my wedding day.

Truth be told, I''ve been waiting to get engaged for so long that I just want to get married! I''m totally fine with going to a courthouse or eloping, but both sets of families would kill us. In addition, we''re looking to buy a place together soon....I would want to get married as soon as possible just to have the peace of mind. (Although we lived together before, I don''t want to until I get married since I started attending church again.)

I would love a spring wedding and my FI doesn''t mind either. However, for the past two weeks, whenever we brought up the date to my FMIL, she kept pushing for fall or winter.

After we found our venue, my FI took a stand and told her that the spring is what we wanted, no questions asked. She reluctantly gave us some dates last night. Luckily, two of the dates were free. From those two dates, she chose one.

HOWEVER, she told my FI that she was very disappointed that we weren''t listening to her and told him that he will need to do something for her in the future.

What it is, she won''t tell him yet. Of course I got pretty upset over this, but my FI reassures me that she won''t ask anything unreasonable. THE DEMAND ITSELF IS UNREASONABLE!

The date that she chose was 5/23/08. I was SOOO happy to finally have a date, because honestly, you can''t do much planning without a date. But when I relayed the news to my parents, they asked, "Isn''t that Memorial Day weekend?"

Now, asking people to take a day off or leave work early because our wedding is on a Friday is one thing (about 50% of our guestlist is out-of-towners). But it''s quite another to ask them to give up a holiday weekend too, at least in my opinion.

So when my FI called his mother back and told her that we''ll need to take the other date that she had chosen, she got really upset because that was the less auspicious of the two days. He was on the phone with her for more than an hour last night, calming her down.

For a date that she had chosen in the first place!

Honestly, I really think my FMIL is the devil. She''s already getting a separate Chinese banquet, she''s not paying for a cent of the western wedding, and she''s acting this way?!? Am I being unreasonable here?

Sorry for the loooong vent....

 

[labbielove]

She''s already getting a separate Chinese banquet, she''s not paying for a cent of the western wedding, and she''s acting this way?!? Am I being unreasonable here?

If the Chinese banquet is another ceremony, then she is being totally unreasonable. If however the wedding is THE wedding, and it is a strong cultural thing then it sounds like you will have to deal with it.
Although, where is the compromise on her part? She should be willing to meet you halfway. If the other date is "less auspicious" but still acceptable, then she should be willing to move halfway to the Western tradition of observing Memorial Day and the trouble it can cause for OOT people.

Just my humble opinion, but a wedding is BLENDING 2 families, not superceding one set of traditions to the exclusion of another.

 

[JenStone]

The Chinese ceremony and banquet are on another day, another location, etc. I''m paying for the western wedding with a little bit of help from my parents, and my FI is paying for the Chinese part......and his parents aren''t contributing at all. I know I shouldn''t pull the "I''m paying for the wedding" card, but still....she''s just being so difficult!

 

[robbie3982]

Awe, I''m sorry Jen

. At least you have a date and you get your venue! I''ve heard great things about Fountainhead and I can''t wait to see it at my cousin''s wedding.

 

[sk8rjen]

Hi Jen! I just wanted to hop in here and yell CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement (a bit belated, but that''s me these days...)!!!!
jen

 

[akw94]

Jen,
Congratulations!!!

On to wedding planning, sorry to hear that your FI''s parents are being difficult! Just out of curiosity, how does the "auspicious" date choosing work? I guess I would just say to concentrate on the fact that you do now have a date that works for you and hope his parents are able to deal w/the fact that it is one of the ones they chose. Maybe once his mom has called down a bit more, she''ll lighten up about it!
I would be pretty annoyed too about her saying you now owe her something. That seems crazy to me but families are crazy! Mine is for sure, just in a different way. I''d try not to worry too much about this future event and hope that it never comes up!

Congratulations again!!!

 

[snlee]

Date: 7/12/2007 9:56:06 AM
Author: JenStone
The Chinese ceremony and banquet are on another day, another location, etc. I'm paying for the western wedding with a little bit of help from my parents, and my FI is paying for the Chinese part......and his parents aren't contributing at all. I know I shouldn't pull the 'I'm paying for the wedding' card, but still....she's just being so difficult!

Jen, What is the other less auspicious date that she choose? Would that work for the venue you want?

I always thought that the 'choosing of the auspicious day' thing was for the day where the Chinese ceremony and banquet is taking place. I think I'm wrong? I'm not sure how that works. I had everything take place on the same day. Is that an option for you? If your wedding is on a different day than the Chinese ceremony and banquet, I totally think your FMIL is being unreasonable. She can choose the date of your Chinese ceremony and banquet but the rest should be up to you. It's all so complicated. I wish you didn't have to deal with this.

 

[Trelala]

Hi Jen,

I don''t know how useful this post will be to you... but I just wanted you to know that I had to deal with some Chinese weddings traditions. Well, this is how I dealt with it, I just put my foot down and said "no way" to the ones that were terribly inconvenient/expensive, unfair to FI, or just embarrassing. Luckily, I was dealing with my own parents, so they''re used to my rebellious ways.

While your FMIL can suggest auspicious days, she doesn''t need to throw a fit if you don''t use them. Especially since she''s not paying and gets her own Chinese banquet! Even the most obnoxious parent would recognize they have no say in this case.
I really think you need to stop playing the good daughter-in-law and draw the line.