photographer dilemma

[slg47]

so...my mom wants to hire a photographer that has NEVER done a wedding before...because she saw some portraits that he did. I would feel more comfortable going with someone who has examples of weddings that they have done so I can see their style and not just see photographs that they have done of non-wedding situations, because it is very different...

any thoughts?

 

[Haven]

I don't want to give you advice because this is such an important decision.

That being said: Our photographer was horrible, and now we have no photo album from our wedding. I wish I had done more research before I booked him, because I deeply regret it, now.

The beautiful memories I have in my head of our wedding day only exist in my head. I wish I had even ten good pictures so I could put them away in a book and look back on them over the years.

 

[slg47]

thanks Haven...I have already decided that I want to research the photog...it just really upsets me that my mom gets mad at me every time I don't like her suggestions. She just gets all indignant like "well you're not going to listen to anything I say so I won't bother"...it's REALLY frustrating

 

[Haven]

thanks Haven...I have already decided that I want to research the photog...it just really upsets me that my mom gets mad at me every time I don't like her suggestions. She just gets all indignant like "well you're not going to listen to anything I say so I won't bother"...it's REALLY frustrating

Ugh, I can only imagine how frustrating it is to deal with that! I'm sorry she's being so difficult, but it really will be worth the headache if you end up with gorgeous photos in the end.

 

[slg47]

threadjack...haven what is your cat wearing?

 

[nkarma]

The photographer was the most important thing for me and is the major splurge for a lot of brides. If you do want great pictures, research and interview, and usually you get what you pay for.

Is your mom paying? I also don't want to tell you what to do but because photography is VERY important to me, if I were in your situation, I would find a way to pay for the photographer myself and therefore let it be my decision solely.

That being said you may luck out and the photog may do a great job. If you are willing to gamble, then go for it. You can't go back and do your wedding again with a different photog if it doesn't work out though.

 

[slg47]

nkarma-photography is very important to me (and my FI, and his parents). my mom is NOT paying for the photos, so I am not sure why she was so upset when I rejected her suggestion. I am not willing to 'gamble' on photography-too important to me.

ETA I think she is just upset that I am getting married (not that she doesn't like FI, but perhaps because she is not married...or because I am her only child and am growing up...or something...) and will use ANY excuse to pick a fight. We've already had fights about basically everything-if I disagree with her on something it turns into an argument! She is upset that I "broke my promise" that we would go dress shopping together (but she encouraged me to check out a sample store and OK'ed the gown purchase...), she hates the rehearsal dinner restaurant (but that is FI's parents...) and now she is upset because I want a photographer that has done weddings before? This is just ridiculous...now she is just like 'well pick whatever you want, don't ask me'...I suppose I was naive when I thought it wouldn't be like this. It's really frustrating because I want her to be involved...

 

[pancake]

Sig47, I think you should go with a photographer you feel comfortable with. I know it's hard when you are close to your mother and want her to feel included/part of the process, but as others have said - you only have this day once and it's important to document it the way you want it!

Similarly to you, my mother and I are very close but for some reason there are some things we cannot talk about - the wedding was not one of them, but my equivalent at the moment is house hunting. Every time I say I like something about a house, she immediately counters it with something negative - maybe it is just the way she says it or the timing of saying it as soon as I've made my positive comment, but to me it feels like she is nay-saying me all the time. When it's a house she likes that I am less keen on, it is the opposite. When I try to calmly explain how I feel about it, she accuses me of being too defensive and that I should just learn not to react to it, why can't she express her opinion, etc etc etc, and it degenerates into an argument (about what exactly...not sure!). From my point of view, I don't mind her expressing a divergent opinion but I get upset that she does it IMMEDIATELY - like she needs to squash me ASAP. I think part of this is just that some mums are like that... I'm sure your mother thinks (as does mine) that she is looking out for you, knows you better than anyone else does, and that she is being helpful. I think you just need to let her know that you are listening to her, then quietly go about doing things the way that you and your partner want to do them.

It's often major life events that trigger these sorts of issues between parents and offspring, I think. Hang in there and stick to your guns (but quietly)!

ETA: PS - my mother thought we were overspending on photography as well (although we really weren't - I don't think Mum knew how much photographers generally cost!) and then when she saw our photos she was in cataclysms of praise and bliss about them

 

[Autumnovember]

nkarma-photography is very important to me (and my FI, and his parents). my mom is NOT paying for the photos, so I am not sure why she was so upset when I rejected her suggestion. I am not willing to 'gamble' on photography-too important to me.

ETA I think she is just upset that I am getting married (not that she doesn't like FI, but perhaps because she is not married...or because I am her only child and am growing up...or something...) and will use ANY excuse to pick a fight. We've already had fights about basically everything-if I disagree with her on something it turns into an argument! She is upset that I "broke my promise" that we would go dress shopping together (but she encouraged me to check out a sample store and OK'ed the gown purchase...), she hates the rehearsal dinner restaurant (but that is FI's parents...) and now she is upset because I want a photographer that has done weddings before? This is just ridiculous...now she is just like 'well pick whatever you want, don't ask me'...I suppose I was naive when I thought it wouldn't be like this. It's really frustrating because I want her to be involved...

I would definitely go with a photographer that has wedding experience. If photos are very important to you then it is definitely in your best interest to do whatever research you need to find the perfect photographer for you. Maybe your mom can come look at some different photographers with you and see some of the beautiful work they are able to do? Pictures are really the only thing you get to take away from your wedding day that you get to keep forever. I say, don't budge on it no matter how stubborn she is being about it.

 

[rosetta]

photography is very, very important.

i would not skimp on this, beautiful photos will last you forever, long after everything else is gone. Even after elderly loved ones have died, how wonderful to have photos of them to look back upon.

i would seriously consider a videographer as well.

listen to haven, she knows the pain of disappointing photos!

 

[turboflgrl]

thanks Haven...I have already decided that I want to research the photog...it just really upsets me that my mom gets mad at me every time I don't like her suggestions. She just gets all indignant like "well you're not going to listen to anything I say so I won't bother"...it's REALLY frustrating

I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts back when I was in the beginning of planning....

My Mom said the SAME exact thing when I would disagree or not want to go along with what she said. We have two very different tastes. Whatever you do, don't let her use an inexperienced photographer for your big day. My Mom also didn't think photography was a big deal but I really did. It comes down to what parts you can't budge on and for me, that was one of them.