perfect age to get married

[mochamamasita]

So... my boyfriend and I were having a discussion the other day about what the perfect age to get married would be and it got me thinking that it would be a good topic to discuss here. He said that his ideal age would be 30, but he'd settle for 25 (he's 25 now) if he had enough money for the ring. So my question for you guys is.... what age do you want to be when you get married and why?

Personally, I want to get married at 27 (engaged at 26). I think it's a good age because it gives a person time to graduate college, finish grad school, and spend a couple years in the workforce.

 

[sonnyjane]

I remember this article came out two years ago. It's interesting. For the record, I was 25 and DH was 23 when we got married. I think 23 is a little young to be honest, but I wanted him to marry me so, what can you do?

http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2008-11-09-delayed-marriage_N.htm

 

[SB621]

I don't think there is a perfect age. You might think the perfect age is 27 but what happens if you don't have a BF? Or your BF/GF isn't ready to be married/ commited? There are so many what if's..when it comes down to marriage I think most people should ask important questions like "can i spend my life with this person, do we have the same ideas/ life goals? " At least I'm hoping they are asking these questions- perhaps not and that is why the divorce rate is so high.

For the record DH and I were both 23 when we got married. Engaged at 22. He was fresh out of college ( i graduated the year before). He gave me a beautiful ring which I upgrade on our 3 year anniversary to something a little larger since we both were broke when we got engaged.


EDITED because I really didn't mean for it come off so rude! Sorry

 

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's a "perfect age", but I will say that I think it's a VERY good idea to wait until you're at least 23-25. There's just a lot of growth that happens between 18 and that time frame.

 

[Jessie702]

Honestly, i think anything over 21 is a good age. Why? Well you have had time out of high school, and hopefully some time in college. You have travelled without your parents, and you have had a chance to "party". It also give you some time to date, and other things .

My family was just wondering the same question this past month, when my cousin got married, she just turned 18 a week before the wedding, and had just graduated from high school, along with her SO. We think she and he are too young, espically since they cant party, havent travelled, havent started school, and are both working part time, but everyone is different and learns different, so i guess to each their own.

 

[monarch64]

I agree with others who've said there really isn't a perfect age to get married. Maybe we all have our "ideal" ages, but are those perfect? Methinks not.

You just can't pin down a number ABOUT ANYTHING and expect that it your goals will happen in that particular, there-I-said-it-so-it-must-be-so timespan. In fact, you have a higher chance of it NOT happening that way than you do HAVING it happen to your specifications!

Life should be all about goals. Set goals, achieve them, but do not expect anything to be concrete, ever.

Go take a look at the Family, Home & Health threads if this is still a question in your mind. Plenty of people say, we'll get engaged now (check,) get married then (check,) get a job and never lose it (wtf?) have a baby by such-and-such age (wtf? .........) pay off our student loans (wtf? or check?) buy a house (see where I'm going????)

My point is that just because you have a goal, maybe do not stick to a certain number steadfastly! Learn to have some give and take in life even though that is what your current employer is telling you what NOT to do. You WILL get there! You just have to be forgiving and accepting of yourself!

 

[Indylady]

I have no idea..

my parents say at least 25.

 

[purselover]

Depends on the couple of course but I would say at the very earliest 22/23 so they have time to graduate college and start settling in on a career path. I got married at 24 and I think even that seems really young normally, (but we had been together almost 9 years)

 

[lovetorenovate]

I would suggest much closer to 30... but that's just me. I think it all depends on the personality of the couple - and by far the most important is finding the person you want to be with - and if that's earlier and the couple is mature enough - then get married. At 27, 28, I was pretty anxious about getting married... when in reality, there's so much time.

 

[SweetPea-<3]

For me, waiting until I was older (I'm 30 now) to think seriously about marriage was a critical part of my personal development. In the past 8 years since college, I completed my MBA, established myself in my career, found and decorated a cute little studio apartment, started building my retirement savings, travelled the world, found a spiritual direction that makes me happy and discovered what I want/need (and more importantly, what I don't want/need) in a mate. And while I don't think that marriage prevents you from being able to do any of those things, I don't think I would've made the same choices along the way.

I've told my BF that if I met him in my early 20s, I don't know if I would have been ready for him. He's deep and complex, like a good, old bottle of wine that if given to a novice might be underappreciated (or worse, dismissed all together).

So, when it comes to the question of the perfect age to get married, I'm biased towards waiting--not to a particular number, but until you've achieved a certain level of confidence, comfort and clarity that, for me, came when I realized that choosing to commit to someone (or staying single) doesn't define who I am.

 

[AdanaEsq]

The first time around, I was 25 and we'd been together 9 years. I just turned 29 and BF turns 30 tomorrow. I would love to be engaged by my 30th birthday but I'm not sure it will happen. Bf is finishing up his md/phd and has other goals he wants to accomplish before he gets married. I respect his goals although I don't think they're mutually exclusive. I also think it's an individual thing. If my ex wasn't a total idiot then we'd be almost at our 4th anniversary now. I believe things work out as they're supposed to though so I'm happy with where I am.

 

[Steel]

Sorry to be boring, but I'm in the no-age camp. Do it when you feel ready.

 

[Jessie702]

Sorry to be boring, but I'm in the no-age camp. Do it when you feel ready.

Sorry for going off topic, but Steal, your picture is so cute. Is that your cat?

 

[LadyluvsLuxury]

I'm with Steal, I don't think there is a perfect age. There are WAY too many variables. I got married at 21, to a guy I was with for 5 years. I had already graduated from college and had started my career, he was in the military with no goals. Needless to say we seperated after 5 years an divorced after 7. I was ready to be married and settle down, for a lifetime, at 21 because I was already very self-aware, was already in my career field, and had lifetime goals. Today, my ex is 32 and he has now gotten kicked out of the military and is living with his mama. Needless to say I would NOT say he is the "perfect age" to marry, even though he is 32. I'm sure there are millions of people out there much younger than him that would make for a much better and "ready" spouse.

 

[elrohwen]

I think it depends where you are in life. Some people don't finish college until well into their 20s, so that person could be 25 but still not in that settled place with a job and permanent residence. Some people get a job with just a bachelor's degree and are living independently with a good career by 22. I don't think it's a matter of age as much as where you are in life and how settled you feel. It's much easier to decide to get married at 25 if you've already had your own place and been working for 3 years - I imagine if DH and were both in grad school at 25 we wouldn't be so ready to get married.

I also think it matters when you meet the person. I met DH in college and we started dating the end of senior year (though we had been friends for longer) - neither of us went to grad school and we married at 25. I have a few other friends who met in college and also married around 24-26 (and even a couple who were together from high school on). However, none of my friends who met someone after school are married yet (even those who have been dating 3+ years), so I think it says something for when and where you meet the person. Perhaps those of us who met in college were ready to be married sooner because we generally knew the person for a while before dating - someone in the "adult world" might just meet a new partner out of the blue and feel the need to date longer to get to know each other, I'm not sure. I've just noticed this trend and thought it was interesting.

eta: For what it's worth, when I was a young teenager I decided 25 would be a good age to get married. Surprisingly, DH and I were both 25 when we married. I wasn't attached to that age, but it's funny how things work out.

 

[mochamamasita]

Thanks for all of the responses. After reading the responses, I totally agree that it depends on where someone is in life.

 

[Dancing Fire]

24...and have all your kids before turning 30...

 

[heyme]

When I was a teenager I wanted to be married at 21. What was I thinking?! lol.

Now I think mid 20's, anywhere from 24-26 is a good age. I definitely want to be married before 30.

If everything goes as planned I'll be 24 and he'll be 25. Sounds perfect to me!

 

[Pandora II]

I was a week short of turning 36 and DH was 33... I was very happy with waiting till 36 and no way wanted to get married before my 30's.

Everyone needs to make their own minds up about what works for them, but saying that I hope my daughter waits till she's 30 before settling on her life partner.

If she was to tell me she wanted to get married before the age of 25 I would be very worried and not at all happy.

 

[PinkTower]

I agree, it depends on the circumstances. With a theoretical blank slate, I think I prefer to get married a bit younger than some people. This is because I like the idea of having some years as a couple, to pay off student loans, buy a condo, etc. before starting a family.

 

[KatM]

for me, 28-29. I'm 27 now. Maybe a kid in 5-10 years.

 

[PrincessNatalie]

Ideally I think waiting until you are old enough to: know what you want in a partner (I had no idea until I was about 24/25 some people might know at 18 though), mature enough to not take the decision lightly, and wealthy enough to have the wedding you want (and raise a family if you are that way inclined - but we aren't lol).

But really, I think the best time is when you meet the amazing person you want to spend every day of the rest of your life with!

 

[inflorescence]

now... hahaha...

It really depends on where you are at, sometimes people are at different stages of their life at different ages. For me I feel that I have been mentally ready for that commitment for over a year now. I have the firm belief you need to travel, school, travel together, live together, and truely know yourself.
I have lived away from home for over six years now and think thats why I am ready, I am still young and back in school, but I have a few more years to go.... and really don't want to wait THAT LONG. lol...He is finishing his law program this semester and will be articling in the summer... we are both at big transition phases in our life, but have both seen the world. I know his poistion and that he is ready to settle down, that this is his last big travel before 10-12 hour work days for several years. ... *sigh*....

I'm 24 and he's 27, I believe men have to get the party out of their system before really settling down, he's getting there.. but I am thinking and HOPING married before he's 30.....

I also made a promise to a long time high school friend that when we were 16 that if we were both unmarried when we were 29 we would get hitched..... I can tell you I don't want to marry him, hahahaha.... so my bf has 5 years and then he's cut off.. lol......

 

[inflorescence]

sweatpea I enjoyed reading your post. Thank you

 

[allycat0303]

I think that being fixated on the *perfect* age can cause needless anxiety. The perfect age to be married is whenever you and your boyfriend feel ready to make the committement. I was 29 when I got married and he was 3o. We had been together for 14 years and people always asked us, "what are you waiting for?" Looking back, I can honestly say that I wasn't ready before that. The decision never sat comfortably with me, and even at the very end, I found it difficult to make the committement. I think that I needed to feel settled in my life before I made that decision. For some (or perhaps many) it can come at a much younger age. For others, it may come much later in life. A lot of it has to do with what your vision of your life will be. Different people want different things, which is why a single *perfect* age will never suit everyone. Not to mention all of the surprises life can throw at you...the perfect age can easily change with your life situation.

 

[hkt00]

I don't feel like there is a "perfect age". Of course I don't think its the smartest idea to get married at the age of 16, 17 or even 18. My mom and dad were married when my Mom was 20 and Dad was 27, they have now been together 23 years. I feel a lot has to do with where you are in you life. Most people my age(21) are in college, still doing the drinking thing every other night and most don't have serious boyfriends. I am getting ready to graduate Massage Therapy school and have been with my boyfriend ( 30) for 3 years. We have been talking about marriage for a little over a year now and hopefully I will soon get a ring! Since I was around 7, the only thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up was to be a mom and a wife. I can't wait for that day . Don't let anyone tell you there is a perfect age , because there isn't.

 

[Tickles]

I think part of the answer lies in where you live. If you live in Australia university is only 4 years (average) and that isn't like university in the US. After 4 years you are an engineer/scientist/lawyer/economist etc. Post grad courses are very rare because we specialize from day 1 of university. As I understand university in the US, you study 4 years of a basic degree with a major, but then need to complete a masters or similar to actually be a qualified *insert profession here*

So most people are in full time employment for what they studied in university by age 21 in Australia. Get engaged at 22ish, married at 24ish if you have a long engagement and then wait 3-4 years before having children (at least, that's what I would do).

I think that conversing about the ideal age to get married is a very useful thing to do, especially with your SO as it gives a clear indication of goals and views on the timeline of life. However, in the end there will of course be no set rule (as many above have said). If a person travels for some time and thus delays study, or changes degrees or works full time at some point or does a double degree then they won't graduate by age 21.

And everything is of course dependent on whether or not you find that "someone" before your ideal age. That's kind of necessary .

 

[PrincessNatalie]

I am Australian.... I dont know anyone at all in my social circle/family who married that young (ok maybe my parents).

ETA - there is no cookie cutter marriage/family/life in any country, tis is a relationship specific issue, and there is no definate answer.