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Pearaffair appreciates what she already owns! (Bling ban 2020)

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
Well guys, I’ve been on a bling ban. And I’ve lasted... 5 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days! Woot woot! Nearly half a year!

Now, a normal person might be giving me the side eye right about now. But a PSer, I believe, will know what a journey this has been for me. I’ve been buying ZERO JEWELLERY. None. Nada. Not even as gifts! Not even if it’s under $100! Not even costume jewellery!

I’m not gonna lie- it has been HARD for me! I used to buy a piece or two a month. Granted, the overall spend was not insane. But the volume was getting excessive. And I was realizing that “you can never buy enough of something you don’t need” lol. I set out in 2020 to focus on what I have instead of what I don’t have. I also want to be able to make more considered purchases, instead of letting impulse buys and good deals constantly deplete my bling fund.

Now, I have to admit- I’ve given myself two teeny tiny exceptions for this year of bling ban: I’m allowed to repair, resize, or reset things I already own. Giving my goldsmith money to rework or repurpose or newly appreciate that which I already own, is A-ok. And the second exception: I’m allowed to buy one piece of epic bling to celebrate the birth of my son this fall. (And the bling fund is feeling healthier than normal due to my abstinence of spending for nearly half a year! Woohoo!)

I’ve been reading threads that have popped up lately about jewellery addiction etc. Myself, I truly had some impulse control and no sooner had I purchased something, I’d be on the look for the next lovely thing. My wish list was ever-growing.

I am still working on improving and now, my wish list is getting SMALLER and I am learning how to refine my desires and curate my collection more carefully. I’ve been inspired by those of you on here that have a very thoughtfully-done collection. You seem to really know your tastes (no matter how long it took!) and everything suits you and your life. There are no freeloading rejects in your jewellery box. Bravo! I’m working on getting there myself.

Ok, so I’m rambling. But it’s been 170 days of no-bling-buying... I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I’ve made a list of mantras, points-to-ponder, and questions to ask myself when I am desperately coveting some beautiful little trinket. I will share them here, maybe they will help you too!

-Things are easier to buy than to sell!!!

-HALT Acronym - hungry? angry? lonely? tired?
[Do not buy when you are actually just feeling one of those things.]

-The fallacy of “I’ll be happy if I just lose 10lbs” is the same falsity as, “If I just buy the perfect ring... then my collection will be complete / I’ll be done / I’ll be the most glamorous lady in the land...”

**ONLY BUY JEWELLERY YOU WILL WEAR EVERY DAY**
[This is a reminder for me to not be a hoarder of beautiful things. I appreciate them more when I wear them.]

-Ask: Does it fit your lifestyle??
[I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ignored this in the past!]

-You can’t buy jewelry as a way of coping with life. You have to just sit with life. [SEE: H.A.L.T.]

-YOU CAN NEVER BUY ENOUGH OF WHAT YOU DON’T NEED.

-I CAN LOVE SOMETHING WITHOUT BUYING IT.

-DON’T BUY THINGS TO COLLECT; BUY TO ENJOY (you can’t buy it to add to the museum).

-CURATING A GREAT COLLECTION IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU LET GO OF, MORE THAN WHAT YOU ACQUIRE. [credit to @mrs-b for this one]

-MORE LEADS TO MORE, AND LESS LEADS TO LESS.

-Get rid of anything in your life that no longer serves your best interest.

-My kid doesn’t need to inherit a great bounty. It’s more meaningful if she inherits a few things I truly treasured. Or instead of things- values, memories, love.

-How easily would you spend $5k elsewhere?? [This is a reminder to me that my frugal brain turns completely off when looking at jewellery. I would never spend more than a few hundred on a purse or a coat - I’m more likely to spend $20... yet I’ll drop thousands on bling? Wtf!]

-If I stop working on the outside, I will have to start working on the inside. [A reminder to me that this bling hobby is fun but maybe I could devote some of those shopping hours to learning a new language, or doing strength-training, or etc...]

Ok. I hope it wasn’t a trick to post those thoughts in a SMTB thread. Truly this thread is going to end up with a lot of photos! I am going to use this spot to show photos of the bling I’m keeping, the special ones that I need to appreciate and enjoy. I’ve got about six more months of this journey and focusing on what I have, so stay tuned to this thread for photo updates in the half year to come :)

And thanks, as always PSers, for your support and knowledge! You are a treasure trove of inspiration <3
 
Last edited:

diamondhoarder

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Messages
558
:angel:
Well guys, I’ve been on a bling ban. And I’ve lasted... 5 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days! Woot woot! Nearly half a year!

Now, a normal person might be giving me the side eye right about now. But a PSer, I believe, will know what a journey this has been for me. I’ve been buying ZERO JEWELLERY. None. Nada. Not even as gifts! Not even if it’s under $100! Not even costume jewellery!

I’m not gonna lie- it has been HARD for me! I used to buy a piece or two a month. Granted, the overall spend was not insane. But the volume was getting excessive. And I was realizing that “you can never buy enough of something you don’t need” lol. I set out in 2020 to focus on what I have instead of what I don’t have. I also want to be able to make more considered purchases, instead of letting impulse buys and good deals constantly deplete my bling fund.

Now, I have to admit- I’ve given myself two teeny tiny exceptions for this year of bling ban: I’m allowed to repair, resize, or reset things I already own. Giving my goldsmith money to rework or repurpose or newly appreciate that which I already own, is A-ok. And the second exception: I’m allowed to buy one piece of epic bling to celebrate the birth of my son this fall. (And the bling fund is feeling healthier than normal due to my abstinence of spending for nearly half a year! Woohoo!)

I’ve been reading threads that have popped up lately about jewellery addiction etc. Myself, I truly had some impulse control and no sooner had I purchased something, I’d be on the look for the next lovely thing. My wish list was ever-growing.

I am still working on improving by now, my wish list is getting SMALLER and I am learning how to refine my desires and curate my collection more carefully. I’ve been inspired by those of you on here that have a very thoughtfully-done collection. You seem to really know your tastes (no matter how long it took!) and everything suits you and your life. There are no freeloading rejects in your jewellery box. Bravo! I’m working on getting there myself.

Ok, so I’m rambling. But it’s been 170 days of no-bling-buying... I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I’ve made a list of mantras, points-to-ponder, and questions to ask myself when I am desperately coveting some beautiful little trinket. I will share them here, maybe they will help you too!

Things are easier to buy than to sell!!!

-HALT Acronym - hungry? angry? lonely? tired?
[Do not buy when you are actually just feeling one of those things.]

-The fallacy of “I’ll be happy if I just lose 10lbs” is the same falsity as, “If I just buy the perfect ring... then my collection will be complete / I’ll be done / I’ll be the most glamorous lady in the land...”

**ONLY BUY JEWELLERY YOU WILL WEAR EVERY DAY**
[This is a reminder for me to not be a hoarder of beautiful things. I appreciate them more when I wear them.]

-Ask: Does it fit your lifestyle??
[I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ignored this in the past!]

-You can’t buy jewelry as a way of coping with life. You have to just sit with life. [SEE: H.A.L.T.]

-YOU CAN NEVER BUY ENOUGH OF WHAT YOU DON’T NEED.

-I CAN LOVE SOMETHING WITHOUT BUYING IT.

-DON’T BUY THINGS TO COLLECT; BUY TO ENJOY (you can’t buy it to add to the museum).

-CURATING A GREAT COLLECTION IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU LET GO OF, MORE THAN WHAT YOU ACQUIRE. [credit to @mrs-b for this one]

-MORE LEADS TO MORE, AND LESS LEADS TO LESS.

-Get rid of anything in your life that no longer serves your best interest.

-My kid doesn’t need to inherit a great bounty. It’s more meaningful if she inherits a few things I truly treasured. Or instead of things- values, memories, love.

-How easily would you spend $5k elsewhere?? [This is a reminder to me that my frugal brain turns completely off when looking at jewellery. I would never spend more than a few hundred on a purse or a coat - I’m more likely to spend $20... yet I’ll drop thousands on bling? Wtf!]

-If I stop working on the outside, I will have to start working on the inside. [A reminder to me that this bling hobby is fun but maybe I could devote some of those shopping hours to learning a new language, or doing strength-training, or etc...]

Ok. I hope it wasn’t a trick to post those thoughts in a SMTB thread. Truly this thread is going to end up with a lot of photos! I am going to use this spot to show photos of the bling I’m keeping, the special ones that I need to appreciate and enjoy. I’ve got about six more months of this journey and focusing on what I have, so stay tuned to this thread for photo updates in the half year to come :)

And thanks, as always PSers, for your support and knowledge! You are a treasure trove of inspiration <3
I love this post! I was reading it through and thinking "mmmm, this all sounds very familiar". :lol: I really like your "mantras", they are certainly thought provoking.

I am still in the process of refining my collection, and I wonder if its a process that will ever be completed. I do make a point of selling things that I'm not attached to and have not been wearing much, even if I was thrilled with them when I originally bought them. One of my key deciders for a purchase these days (apart from all the cut/ design/ quality criteria) is: am I getting this at more of a trade price rather than a retail price, and can this be easily sold on without much of a loss if needed? These criteria mean that I don't come across many items that tick all my value boxes as well as my quality boxes, so at least I'm unlikely to go on any unfettered spending sprees :D Also, having this approach means I generally manage to fund new purchases from the sale of previous items.

I sold a ring that I had fallen out of love with before lockdown and was really glad to have banked the money, because who knows when that money could be needed, especially in uncertain times. But then I saw an amazing and unique stone which has been on my wishlist for years at an amazing price and of course you can guess the rest..........

There is still some money left in my bling fund, and, reason/ common sense/ anxiety about the future etc is telling me to keep it aside. But I have to confess that there are at least 2 items that I have my eye on, which come under the category of "finds" that I am trying to resist buying. So I will be re-visiting your "mantras" regularly to see if they can help me stay sensible :angel:
 

Diamond Girl 21

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
636
@pearaffair, I so needed to hear this. Especially this part in particular...."CURATING A GREAT COLLECTION IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU LET GO OF, MORE THAN WHAT YOU ACQUIRE." [credit to @mrs-b for this one]. Thanks to both you and @mrs-b for the advice.

I am trying to edit my collection, but oh how I struggle with letting go. This post has provided inspiration, giving me a nudge to move forward. I truly appreciate you sharing your journey with us.
 

Niffler75

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
934
@pearaffair I really admire you for this and am reading with interest.
I don't think I could go on a bling ban for as long you, but I am in the process of refining my collection and paring it down very significantly. :mrgreen2:
What are you planning bling wise for when your son is born? Congrats by the way!
 

Dr_Diesel

Rough_Rock
Joined
Dec 23, 2019
Messages
65
Well guys, I’ve been on a bling ban. And I’ve lasted... 5 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days! Woot woot! Nearly half a year!

Now, a normal person might be giving me the side eye right about now. But a PSer, I believe, will know what a journey this has been for me. I’ve been buying ZERO JEWELLERY. None. Nada. Not even as gifts! Not even if it’s under $100! Not even costume jewellery!

I’m not gonna lie- it has been HARD for me! I used to buy a piece or two a month. Granted, the overall spend was not insane. But the volume was getting excessive. And I was realizing that “you can never buy enough of something you don’t need” lol. I set out in 2020 to focus on what I have instead of what I don’t have. I also want to be able to make more considered purchases, instead of letting impulse buys and good deals constantly deplete my bling fund.

Now, I have to admit- I’ve given myself two teeny tiny exceptions for this year of bling ban: I’m allowed to repair, resize, or reset things I already own. Giving my goldsmith money to rework or repurpose or newly appreciate that which I already own, is A-ok. And the second exception: I’m allowed to buy one piece of epic bling to celebrate the birth of my son this fall. (And the bling fund is feeling healthier than normal due to my abstinence of spending for nearly half a year! Woohoo!)

I’ve been reading threads that have popped up lately about jewellery addiction etc. Myself, I truly had some impulse control and no sooner had I purchased something, I’d be on the look for the next lovely thing. My wish list was ever-growing.

I am still working on improving and now, my wish list is getting SMALLER and I am learning how to refine my desires and curate my collection more carefully. I’ve been inspired by those of you on here that have a very thoughtfully-done collection. You seem to really know your tastes (no matter how long it took!) and everything suits you and your life. There are no freeloading rejects in your jewellery box. Bravo! I’m working on getting there myself.

Ok, so I’m rambling. But it’s been 170 days of no-bling-buying... I’ve had a lot of time to think. And I’ve made a list of mantras, points-to-ponder, and questions to ask myself when I am desperately coveting some beautiful little trinket. I will share them here, maybe they will help you too!

-Things are easier to buy than to sell!!!

-HALT Acronym - hungry? angry? lonely? tired?
[Do not buy when you are actually just feeling one of those things.]

-The fallacy of “I’ll be happy if I just lose 10lbs” is the same falsity as, “If I just buy the perfect ring... then my collection will be complete / I’ll be done / I’ll be the most glamorous lady in the land...”

**ONLY BUY JEWELLERY YOU WILL WEAR EVERY DAY**
[This is a reminder for me to not be a hoarder of beautiful things. I appreciate them more when I wear them.]

-Ask: Does it fit your lifestyle??
[I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ignored this in the past!]

-You can’t buy jewelry as a way of coping with life. You have to just sit with life. [SEE: H.A.L.T.]

-YOU CAN NEVER BUY ENOUGH OF WHAT YOU DON’T NEED.

-I CAN LOVE SOMETHING WITHOUT BUYING IT.

-DON’T BUY THINGS TO COLLECT; BUY TO ENJOY (you can’t buy it to add to the museum).

-CURATING A GREAT COLLECTION IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU LET GO OF, MORE THAN WHAT YOU ACQUIRE. [credit to @mrs-b for this one]

-MORE LEADS TO MORE, AND LESS LEADS TO LESS.

-Get rid of anything in your life that no longer serves your best interest.

-My kid doesn’t need to inherit a great bounty. It’s more meaningful if she inherits a few things I truly treasured. Or instead of things- values, memories, love.

-How easily would you spend $5k elsewhere?? [This is a reminder to me that my frugal brain turns completely off when looking at jewellery. I would never spend more than a few hundred on a purse or a coat - I’m more likely to spend $20... yet I’ll drop thousands on bling? Wtf!]

-If I stop working on the outside, I will have to start working on the inside. [A reminder to me that this bling hobby is fun but maybe I could devote some of those shopping hours to learning a new language, or doing strength-training, or etc...]

Ok. I hope it wasn’t a trick to post those thoughts in a SMTB thread. Truly this thread is going to end up with a lot of photos! I am going to use this spot to show photos of the bling I’m keeping, the special ones that I need to appreciate and enjoy. I’ve got about six more months of this journey and focusing on what I have, so stay tuned to this thread for photo updates in the half year to come :)

And thanks, as always PSers, for your support and knowledge! You are a treasure trove of inspiration <3
This is just brilliant! :clap:

Such a profound bit of PS wisdom.

Will you be offering 12-step meetings or an outpatient program?

I have a *friend* (ahem) who is really struggling with the affliction you speak of :bigsmile:

I am currently ‘on the wagon’ as well but find myself looking for ways to justify another ‘slip’...

Such a gift to have peers who understand the struggle!
 
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pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
Ok, story time!

D339E6E9-8CA7-48E8-9444-2E5E05D9000D.jpeg FD726D99-DBF0-474F-8FA2-2933F3E19C5A.jpeg

Have you ever stalked a ring? Obsessed over it, checked it daily, and pondered like crazy? Only to pull the trigger... and then change your mind? Oh yes, I am a special kind of indecisive. Let me back up and start from the beginning.

DH was a student when we got married; I was a new grad. In other words, we were broke! And we had student loans up to our eyeballs. We'd go out on a date and share an appetizer and a drink, then go home and have dinner LOL. We worked really hard to crush our debt. This also meant that we had a very no-frills wedding, which I was totally fine with. We selected a $175 sterling and labradorite e-ring, and we bought a platinum wedding band that has three tiny baguette diamonds secondhand. DH's band is sterling silver, $30. Frugal! But there was always the understanding that one day, when we could afford it, I would get A REAL RING.

Nearly three years later, I was obsessing over this ring from Attos Estate Jewelry on Ruby Lane. I was completely OBSESSED, I tell you. I got quotes from custom jewellers to see how much it would cost to make this ring from scratch (much, much more). I tried on a Cartier eternity band to see how I liked the style (hand pic, shown above here) - I LOVED IT. :kiss2:

IMG_0606.JPG

I contacted the good people at Attos for more info on the ring, and they sent me hand pics and videos. I then made an offer (Ruby Lane lets you offer a lower price sometimes)... and they ACCEPTED! I was over the moon! And instantly regretful. I felt so weird about such a large purchase. I hadn't spent that kind of money on myself EVER. I messaged them and told them I was having reservations and wanted to change my mind. They were extremely gracious and said: sure thing, no problem, we are here if you need us and don't worry - you'll find the right ring, and you'll know when it's right. They were kind and sensitive and (seemingly) not at all put out that I had been crazy flakey about this ring.

WELL, wow. I'm sure many of you would agree that the interactions with the seller can really colour the way you feel about a piece. This is what did it for me - their kindness and understanding made me not ashamed to go back haha. Two weeks passed and I did some soul-searching - I really did love the ring, I just needed to give myself permission to buy it. Oh, and I also needed to get my dear husband more on board. He had somehow *forgotten* that we were going to buy me a *proper* ring one day, and so it took some time to remind/convince him that this was a deal we had made. There may have been a moment where I was in labour with our firstborn and telling him "I'M BUYING THAT RING!" - and I think it is very very hard to argue with a woman who is giving birth to your child :lol:. Anyways, those two weeks passed and I got in touch with Attos again, saying that this time I was in fact going to be buying the ring. For reals, guys.

When it arrived, I had three years of marriage, a new little family of three, and three rows of diamonds to mark the occasion. Not only is it a ring that gets a ton of attention when I wear it, it is a ring that is so special and symbolic to me. I love it. Even the underside is beautiful! It is comfortable and flashy without having HUGE diamonds. I really adore it.

IMG_0639.JPG

I'll feature more bling in the days to come! But I had to start with my favourite :)

TL;DR:

The ring has 25 E-F VS1 stones. Size 5.5. (My ring size is 4.75 but this band is wide). It was a third anniversary present and a push present. It is my favourite piece.
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
Inspiring post @pearaffair I hear you on all of those counts. I love the point about you can love something without buying it. And you go girl on staying on your bling ban! I think I need to start one too lol. Excellent points and I really appreciate your post.
Thanks, lady!! I've done bling bans in the past but they've never lasted. I really committed this year and I am pleased with the things I've been discovering about myself. You can do it!
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
I really like your different points - I think we can develop a tendency to get caught up in the hectic, consumer driven pace of life today and want to acquire more more more. Kudos to you for taking a step back and being more considered with your purchases!
So true. Very easy to get caught up with it all. Thanks for the kudos! I wish I could say that after half a year it's easy - but nope, still hard sometimes. I'm working on it though and comments like yours are very supportive and helpful! :)
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
:angel:

I love this post! I was reading it through and thinking "mmmm, this all sounds very familiar". :lol: I really like your "mantras", they are certainly thought provoking.

I am still in the process of refining my collection, and I wonder if its a process that will ever be completed. I do make a point of selling things that I'm not attached to and have not been wearing much, even if I was thrilled with them when I originally bought them. One of my key deciders for a purchase these days (apart from all the cut/ design/ quality criteria) is: am I getting this at more of a trade price rather than a retail price, and can this be easily sold on without much of a loss if needed? These criteria mean that I don't come across many items that tick all my value boxes as well as my quality boxes, so at least I'm unlikely to go on any unfettered spending sprees :D Also, having this approach means I generally manage to fund new purchases from the sale of previous items.

I sold a ring that I had fallen out of love with before lockdown and was really glad to have banked the money, because who knows when that money could be needed, especially in uncertain times. But then I saw an amazing and unique stone which has been on my wishlist for years at an amazing price and of course you can guess the rest..........

There is still some money left in my bling fund, and, reason/ common sense/ anxiety about the future etc is telling me to keep it aside. But I have to confess that there are at least 2 items that I have my eye on, which come under the category of "finds" that I am trying to resist buying. So I will be re-visiting your "mantras" regularly to see if they can help me stay sensible :angel:
Lol I have my "mantras" in my notes on my phone directly above my bling wish list... it's good to have these reminders, that's for sure! "Can this easily be sold without much of a loss?" - I should add that to my list!

Good luck with your journey. It is hard when epic deals pop up, le sigh. But I remind myself of the words of Gail Vaz-Oxlade - "If you bought every good deal you ever saw, you'd be broke!" And I can relate to your feelings of anxiety about the future. It is really hard to think about big purchases in this uncertain world (unless my brain turns off because I'm infatuated with something sparkly haha - then all bets are off!).
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
@pearaffair, I so needed to hear this. Especially this part in particular...."CURATING A GREAT COLLECTION IS MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU LET GO OF, MORE THAN WHAT YOU ACQUIRE." [credit to @mrs-b for this one]. Thanks to both you and @mrs-b for the advice.

I am trying to edit my collection, but oh how I struggle with letting go. This post has provided inspiration, giving me a nudge to move forward. I truly appreciate you sharing your journey with us.
Wow, thank you for your kind words. It really helps me stay motivated! All I can say is: baby steps. I started by putting my absolute favourites in a different jewellery box. The all-stars, so to speak. And then it was really clear to me which ones I loved without question, and which pieces I was keeping for the wrong reasons. If it wasn't for the pandemic messing up my insurance and shipping options, I'd have sold the non-keepers by now, I'm sure! But again with the baby steps. My suggestion:

1. Separate the all-stars.
2. Admire how lovely the all-stars look together.
3. Get realistic about the rejects.
4. Start the process of listing. Work on one ring a day: collect info, determine pricing, draft description, take photos.
5. Post for sale!

Psychology says that we have a much harder time parting with something that we own that saying no to something that we don't own. Ask yourself, would you buy this piece again if you saw it for sale today?

You can do it <3
 
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pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
@pearaffair I really admire you for this and am reading with interest.
I don't think I could go on a bling ban for as long you, but I am in the process of refining my collection and paring it down very significantly. :mrgreen2:
What are you planning bling wise for when your son is born? Congrats by the way!
Thank you for the support! Being "public" about my ban will help me stay strong, for sure. And thanks for the congrats!

I have some ideas for a "baby celebration purchase". I am really all over the place about it, but my top ideas are:

- A large antique OEC platinum ring (will post pics if I buy, but can't post yet because don't want it sniped)
- A 14k gold link bracelet (in photo)
- Putting my half-carat D SI1 Brian Gavin super ideal into a platinum bezel necklace (instead of the solitaire ring setting it's currently in - and I never wear)
- A 7-stone or 9-stone diamond band
- 2ctw (lab)diamond studs

So as you can see, I'm all over the place! I'm hoping to buy the OEC ring, and then the rest I will buy in 2021 as I can afford to ;-)
 

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pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
This is just brilliant! :clap:

Such a profound bit of PS wisdom.

Will you be offering 12-step meetings or an outpatient program?

I have a *friend* (ahem) who is really struggling with the affliction you speak of :bigsmile:

I am currently ‘on the wagon’ as well but find myself looking for ways to justify another ‘slip’...

Such a gift to have peers who understand the struggle!
Ooooh! On the wagon with me! Do you have a time frame in mind? Happy to have a fellow sufferer along for the ride lol ;-)

I will say, the #1 suggestion I have if you are feeling very serious about going on a ban, would be to enlist the help of a close friend that does not care much about bling. It is a major reality check, and they will have no problem telling you to walk away from something *AMAZING* because they just won't get why you'd want it in the first place, lol! And they will remind you of your goal. When I almost slipped, my friend (sponsor?!) said to me: "Pearaffair, I really think you should do this goal in earnest. If you still want XYZ in the new year, buy it then." Her real talk always brings me back down to earth and helps me stay strong.

Oh, and #2 suggestion is to have a days counter on your phone! Nobody wants to reset that thing to zero. Nope nope nope :naughty:
 

diamondhoarder

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Apr 5, 2012
Messages
558
1. Separate the all-stars.
2. Admire how lovely the all-stars look together.
3. Get realistic about the rejects.
4. Start the process of listing. Work on one ring a day: collect info, determine pricing, draft description, take photos.
5. Post for sale!

Psychology says that we have a much harder time parting with something that we own that saying no to something that we don't own. Ask yourself, would you put this piece again if you saw it for sale today?

You can do it <3
This is very insightful! Pearaffair I think you may have the makings of a self help guru for bling addicts :D
 

tyty333

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
21,845
I love your "mantras". I tend to abide by several of them but its more of a feeling. Nothing I've ever put into words and now I dont have to
because now I'm just going to steal yours! Thanks!

Your diamond band story is a good one. Sometimes I have to give myself permission to spend that kind of money and remind myself I'm
worth it and I deserve it.
 

RunningwithScissors

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Apr 29, 2019
Messages
598
Your ring is beautiful and so is your story behind it.

You can do this! And, personally, I find that a well curated (pared down) jewelry collection of pieces you truly love, and truly wear, brings the most happiness. For me, when I remove the clutter I can then fully see and appreciate the pieces I adore. Before, the truly great pieces get lost in a sea of no-so-loved ones.

I also like the thought of sending pieces off to new homes where they will receive more love and attention then I can give them. So by giving some away or selling them, you are honoring them.

And adding to a designated "Sparkly Fund" with the proceeds of sales gives a great dopamine boost! (Happy boost.)

It is difficult to let go of things we've had around for awhile. Sometimes a piece is almost perfect, but something holds us back from wearing it. Maybe it needs repair or resizing, other times the design is gorgeous but it is uncomfortable to wear. Other times its a gift that is very kind but just not our aesthetic/style.

One tactic I use when I need to weed out is to do it in rounds. First I remove (sell/give away, etc.) the easier to let go of things, the ones on the bottom rung of my "like/wear" list. That will take a little while, especially if you are selling each piece.

Then once all the bottom-tier pieces are gone, another group of items naturally fills the bottom tier. Before, these items were middle-tier items, and looked more appealing because they weren't the bottom tier pieces. But now they are the bottom tier, it is easier to see that you really don't like them as much as your really great pieces, so out the door they go!

It also helps to know and fully visualize your own unique style. A jewelry piece can be beautiful and valuable (or a great bargain, etc.) BUT if it doesn't fit your unique aesthetic, then you have to ask yourself if it really fits your collection.

Anyway, I think this is a great project and I'm cheering you on!
 
Last edited:

dk168

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
5,942
Your special ring is beautiful, enjoy!

I wish I had your kind of self- constraints when it comes to bling!

DK :lol-2:
 

Slick1

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 3, 2013
Messages
2,255
Such an enjoyable thread to read. I remember you buying your three row diamond band! It was also a fun thread to read. I am so happy you got it! It looks perfect on.
I am also paring down my jewelry wants and needs but I think it’s because the the older I get, the more I know what I love.

You have such an engaging writing style! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your jewelry story and words to live by. Perhaps you should write stories....ya know, for more bling funds! :lol: #kiddingnotkidding
 

MissGotRocks

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 23, 2005
Messages
12,353
You truly do have a great strategy going there and I admire your willpower! I have never been one to buy what I don't wear but have been well known for tweaking what I have along the way - several times - lol! I know some folks like to rotate things or have special pieces for dress up but that's not me. I prefer white diamonds in polished metal that can dress up or down that I can wear every day. I know people with lots of boxes of jewelry that they might love but don't wear and to me that just seems a waste. I am just not a collector per se but I do enjoy my collection. We are all different and that's what makes the world go round but when it's not working for you, kudos for realizing it and changing it up!
 

Morenita21

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Nov 16, 2018
Messages
617
I too needed to hear this. I am compulsive with my purchases too. I need to learn to stop and think if this is something that I would wear everyday or get a lot of use out of. Your post came a little late as I purchased two Cartier pieces in the last month! I have lots of work to do on myself.
 

Diamond Girl 21

Brilliant_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 26, 2017
Messages
636
Wow, thank you for your kind words. It really helps me stay motivated! All I can say is: baby steps. I started by putting my absolute favourites in a different jewellery box. The all-stars, so to speak. And then it was really clear to me which ones I loved without question, and which pieces I was keeping for the wrong reasons. If it wasn't for the pandemic messing up my insurance and shipping options, I'd have sold the non-keepers by now, I'm sure! But again with the baby steps. My suggestion:

1. Separate the all-stars.
2. Admire how lovely the all-stars look together.
3. Get realistic about the rejects.
4. Start the process of listing. Work on one ring a day: collect info, determine pricing, draft description, take photos.
5. Post for sale!

Psychology says that we have a much harder time parting with something that we own that saying no to something that we don't own. Ask yourself, would you buy this piece again if you saw it for sale today?

You can do it <3
I so appreciate this wonderful advice! Let the clearing process begin!❤
 

YadaYadaYada

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 2, 2016
Messages
6,193
@pearaffair, I remember when you bought that lovely three row band ring and how excited you were! Funny the posts we remember out of how many?!

Can I just put you in my pocket? I feel like I need a mini Pearaffair to keep me on track:

"Stop looking at that ring"

"Look at how lovely your existing pretties are"

"No put down that doughnut!"
 

Dandi

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jan 9, 2006
Messages
5,505
I culled my collection nearly 3 years ago, and it's honestly the best jewellery decision I've ever made. I had a lot of yellow gold jewellery...dozens of pairs of earrings, 15 or so rings, 10 bracelets or thereabouts, maybe a dozen necklaces...you get the idea. I used to open my jewellery box, and it was utter nonsense (to me) that I was overwhelmed wondering what to wear, or how to wear as much as possible at once without looking tacky.

I had a change of heart and fell out of love with yellow gold, and for the longest time, wished so much that my collection would magically decrease and change to rose gold. Then when hubby asked what piece I would like for our tenth wedding anniversary, it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't time to add, it was time to change. And downsize. So with the exception of a few sentimental pieces that I will never wear must absolutely must keep, plus my e-ring, white gold diamond tennis bracelet and diamond studs, I sold the lot. EVERYTHING. And boy, did it feel great! The proceeds easily covered resetting my e-ring and studs into the blingy rose gold 5 stone I had dreamed of, plus a few basics (rose gold wedding band, earrings and bangle). For special occasions I've slowly pieced together a much smaller, but much higher quality collection.

I now have my e-ring, wedding band, 3 RHRs, 2 bracelets, a bangle, 2 necklaces, and 6 pairs of earrings. All bought or made with thought given to how they fit in with everything else. Far fewer but all with much more impact and meaning. And I am super happy!
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
@pearaffair :appl:Hope everything is progressing smoothly with your pregnancy! Take care!
Sure is! Thank you so much <3

This is very insightful! Pearaffair I think you may have the makings of a self help guru for bling addicts :D
Haha well it takes one to know one ;-)

I love your "mantras". I tend to abide by several of them but its more of a feeling. Nothing I've ever put into words and now I dont have to
because now I'm just going to steal yours! Thanks!

Your diamond band story is a good one. Sometimes I have to give myself permission to spend that kind of money and remind myself I'm
worth it and I deserve it.
Oh man, I've been working on those mantras for 6 months! And most of the ideas are borrowed from elsewhere, I'm sure. Nice to have them compiled though, and I'm glad you're enjoying them.

Giving myself permission to spend and to remind myself I'm worth it and deserve it - definitely something many of us have had to work on! I'm finding that the more considered a purchase is, and the more carefully I save for something, the more I enjoy it and the less guilt I feel.

Your ring is beautiful and so is your story behind it.

You can do this! And, personally, I find that a well curated (pared down) jewelry collection of pieces you truly love, and truly wear, brings the most happiness. For me, when I remove the clutter I can then fully see and appreciate the pieces I adore. Before, the truly great pieces get lost in a sea of no-so-loved ones.

I also like the thought of sending pieces off to new homes where they will receive more love and attention then I can give them. So by giving some away or selling them, you are honoring them.

And adding to a designated "Sparkly Fund" with the proceeds of sales gives a great dopamine boost! (Happy boost.)

It is difficult to let go of things we've had around for awhile. Sometimes a piece is almost perfect, but something holds us back from wearing it. Maybe it needs repair or resizing, other times the design is gorgeous but it is uncomfortable to wear. Other times its a gift that is very kind but just not our aesthetic/style.

One tactic I use when I need to weed out is to do it in rounds. First I remove (sell/give away, etc.) the easier to let go of things, the ones on the bottom rung of my "like/wear" list. That will take a little while, especially if you are selling each piece.

Then once all the bottom-tier pieces are gone, another group of items naturally fills the bottom tier. Before, these items were middle-tier items, and looked more appealing because they weren't the bottom tier pieces. But now they are the bottom tier, it is easier to see that you really don't like them as much as your really great pieces, so out the door they go!

It also helps to know and fully visualize your own unique style. A jewelry piece can be beautiful and valuable (or a great bargain, etc.) BUT if it doesn't fit your unique aesthetic, then you have to ask yourself if it really fits your collection.

Anyway, I think this is a great project and I'm cheering you on!
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for your kind words and your support! I love your method of wedding out bling, especially the idea that middle-tier items only looked so appealing because they weren't bottom tier! I think I'm facing that right now. It will be hard for me to part with some of my nicer things that are objectively stunning, but just not *me*.

Anyways, you're an awesome cheerleader, thank you!!

Your special ring is beautiful, enjoy!

I wish I had your kind of self- constraints when it comes to bling!

DK :lol-2:
Haha well I'm a little afraid of what I'll be like in 2020... will it be a dam unleashed? Will I exercise restraint? I'm trying to develop a spending plan; so far I'm thinking very controlled spending with a very restricted budget and bling savings plan will be the way to do it. My "sponsor" friend suggests only making purchases to celebrate milestones (more special that way) OR to only buy things I will legitimately wear every day. I'll have to think on this.

Such an enjoyable thread to read. I remember you buying your three row diamond band! It was also a fun thread to read. I am so happy you got it! It looks perfect on.
I am also paring down my jewelry wants and needs but I think it’s because the the older I get, the more I know what I love.

You have such an engaging writing style! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your jewelry story and words to live by. Perhaps you should write stories....ya know, for more bling funds! :lol: #kiddingnotkidding
Your comment makes me so happy! I can't believe you remember my excitement for the three-row band! Isn't it great that I still absolutely LOVE it? That's the dream. To buy something, to enjoy and love it - that's the goal.

Hmm and perhaps I'll create a donation link so that my sparkly readers can add to my bling fund LOL I AM COMPLETELY KIDDING but you made me laugh and gave my self-esteem a boost, so thanks for that.

You truly do have a great strategy going there and I admire your willpower! I have never been one to buy what I don't wear but have been well known for tweaking what I have along the way - several times - lol! I know some folks like to rotate things or have special pieces for dress up but that's not me. I prefer white diamonds in polished metal that can dress up or down that I can wear every day. I know people with lots of boxes of jewelry that they might love but don't wear and to me that just seems a waste. I am just not a collector per se but I do enjoy my collection. We are all different and that's what makes the world go round but when it's not working for you, kudos for realizing it and changing it up!
I am someone who likes to rotate. My dream is a closet with pull-out jewellery drawers and I'll have my rose gold section, my platinums section, my white gold section, my yellow gold section, my sterling silver section... oh man. Is this amazing or just OCD? Lol.

But in reality, I think it makes much more sense to concentrate my funds on a smaller number of items, and things that I wear almost all the time. I can use costume jewellery to mix things up.

I too needed to hear this. I am compulsive with my purchases too. I need to learn to stop and think if this is something that I would wear everyday or get a lot of use out of. Your post came a little late as I purchased two Cartier pieces in the last month! I have lots of work to do on myself.
Aww don't beat yourself up! Do you know that I went through a stage like that, where I was really hard on myself and full of self-recrimination? I was listening to an audiobook by Russell Brand, about how he overcame his addictions*, and he relayed a story about how one day, eventually a counsellor said to him: Russell, how very brilliant of you to find a way to keep on living. You've found a way to cope with life and it allowed you to stay alive. Good job, there. But now it's time to find a way that serves you better.

Anyways, although my "bling addiction" isn't anywhere near the same level of destruction as alcoholism or drug addiction etc etc, it did make me feel a bit kinder towards myself. We all find ways to cope with life and to have a pleasant distraction. It served me for a time, but clearly a part of myself was ready for a change and ready for this challenge. It also stands mentioning that this is not the first time I've attempted a bling ban! But if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. (This also explains why my day counter is at less than 6 months - I had a little slip in January but was determined to not give up.)

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that wanting to do the work is the first step. Finding the resources is the second. Maybe finding support is the third. You'll make up your own steps. You can do anything if you really want to <3! Best wishes on your journey. (And... omg can I see the Cartier rings??? Haha I'm incorrigible.)

I so appreciate this wonderful advice! Let the clearing process begin!❤
You can do it! And feel free to post about your thought process. Talking to other PSers has really helped me sort out my thoughts.

@pearaffair, I remember when you bought that lovely three row band ring and how excited you were! Funny the posts we remember out of how many?!

Can I just put you in my pocket? I feel like I need a mini Pearaffair to keep me on track:

"Stop looking at that ring"

"Look at how lovely your existing pretties are"

"No put down that doughnut!"
Can I tell you how absolutely flattered I am that anyone can remember my excitement about this ring? You are so sweet to mention that! I was, and still am, totally enamoured with this ring. I am also a bit shocked that I even wear it! Usually the things I love the most never see the light of day. (Cue my Gollum impression, haha). So the fact that I wear and enjoy this one is wonderful.

Oh - and as my bling buying has gone down, my ice cream buying has gone up. Or is that just the result of being pregnant? Hmm. Anyways as a bakery fiend I can't promise I would ever tell you to put down a donut (unless it was to pass it to me!!) but I do support admiring what you already own. It's a very satisfying practice.
 

pearaffair

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Jun 15, 2015
Messages
2,508
I culled my collection nearly 3 years ago, and it's honestly the best jewellery decision I've ever made. I had a lot of yellow gold jewellery...dozens of pairs of earrings, 15 or so rings, 10 bracelets or thereabouts, maybe a dozen necklaces...you get the idea. I used to open my jewellery box, and it was utter nonsense (to me) that I was overwhelmed wondering what to wear, or how to wear as much as possible at once without looking tacky.

I had a change of heart and fell out of love with yellow gold, and for the longest time, wished so much that my collection would magically decrease and change to rose gold. Then when hubby asked what piece I would like for our tenth wedding anniversary, it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't time to add, it was time to change. And downsize. So with the exception of a few sentimental pieces that I will never wear must absolutely must keep, plus my e-ring, white gold diamond tennis bracelet and diamond studs, I sold the lot. EVERYTHING. And boy, did it feel great! The proceeds easily covered resetting my e-ring and studs into the blingy rose gold 5 stone I had dreamed of, plus a few basics (rose gold wedding band, earrings and bangle). For special occasions I've slowly pieced together a much smaller, but much higher quality collection.

I now have my e-ring, wedding band, 3 RHRs, 2 bracelets, a bangle, 2 necklaces, and 6 pairs of earrings. All bought or made with thought given to how they fit in with everything else. Far fewer but all with much more impact and meaning. And I am super happy!
Dandi, I love EVERYTHING about this comment. And now when I have a spare moment I'm going to go and hunt down your old threads so I can see some of these beauties you describe!

I do think many of us go through a process of trying a bunch of things, realizing we actually don't love some of them as much as we thought we would... and ultimately paring down the collection to some incredible favourites of high quality. So much of what you described reminds me of @mrs-b's journey, and how well-thought out everything is.

I think the only thing keeping my collection of "absolute keepers" down is the small size of the box they're in, lol. I'm going to think about everything you've said though, and let it inspire me anew. Thanks for helping me stay strong as I figure out what I actually like!
 
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