parents meeting!

[vip0802]

BF and i were talking the other night and out of the blue, he said, "you know, we should plan a dinner so our parents can finally meet. we've been together for a while now and i think them meeting is a bit overdue. i mean they might as well get to know each other since they'll be in-laws in the future right?". yay!

good sign of things to come right?

honestly, i don't know why we didn't think of them meeting until recently but then again, everyone's schedules are always conflicting so it just never happened. his mom and my dad have regular Mon-Fri/9-5 jobs so they're always free on the weekends. however, his dad is a police officer and his schedule sometimes changes week to week. my mom owns a jewelry shop so she is almost constantly at work. not only that but my parents (divorced yet still friends) live in separate areas in northern VA, while me, BF and his parents all live in our respective places in MD. i guess what i'm trying to say is that it might be difficult to pull this off, but i'm hoping it'll happen and soon!

i'm also a little...well, i don't know if "worried" is the right word, but maybe anxious? my parents are Vietnamese & Chinese and his parents are the quintessential Wisconsin-bred-all-American family. i'm not saying they wouldn't get along because both sets of parents are so incredibly wonderful and loving. they've already accepted the both of us as family and love us as if we're their own. for me, i think it's that my parents are just a bit more reserved at first (Asian culture thing perhaps?) and even though they understand and speak English extremely well (their accents are hardly noticeable), i'm afraid they may not "get" the jokes that BF's dad sometimes tells. i just don't want his parents to feel like they can't be themselves.
BF just hopes him and his parents don't make any faux pas that might insult my parents. even though he's had dinner with my parents plenty of times before, he has a bit of a reoccurring nightmare that he'll be "that guy" from The Joy Luck Club movie. (here's a YouTube clip to better understand his so-called fear) i find it hysterical since my mom is soooo not like the movie mom, and even though my parents may be traditional, they are by no means uptight.

just to make it clear, we think they'll get along fabulously...i think it's just the anxiety of them meeting for the first time that's getting to us.

i'm curious if any LIW have any "parents meeting for the first time" story to share? any other LIW in an inter-racial/cultural relationship with experiences like this? i'd love to hear 'em!

 

[NakedFinger]

Ahh how exciting!

Its a big step! I am sure it will be fine, but you have every right to feel anxious. I sooooo know how you feel. My parents are 47, and even though my FF and I are only a year and half age difference, his dad is 63! So basically he is almost old enough to be their dad! Haha. I am afraid they are going to have nothing in common. Plus, my future FIL has a tendancy to come off a little abrasive. Its his personality, and when you know he is joking its fine. I am just afraid he is going to say something and my mom (who is very polite, reserved, etc) might get offended.

Obviously you can tell I''ve thought about this before!

But when I was expressing my concerns to my FF''s step mom, she said "I am sure he (FIL) will be on his best behavior. He loves you, and wants you and (insert FF''s name here) to get married so bad, he wont do anything to screw it up!" And you know what? She is totally right. So I will express that same setiment to you. I think both families will be extremely polite, friendly, and on their best behavior the first time they meet. It will be fine! Good luck!

 

[jcarlylew]

woohoo!
have fun and enjoy it! it sounds like that both parents will get along great!!

 

[LadyBlue]

Well, my parents and his parents met the day before the wedding day

. My DH parents live in Wisconsin and my parents in Mexico. We were having the wedding in Mexico, so DH parents and sisters flew to the wedding at my home town. My parents and I were waiting for them at the airport and that''s how they met

. My mom and my brother in law do not speack english, my dad and my sister do but with an accent. All of us went for dinner that night and we get along perfeclty. My sister in law speaks spanish and she was chatting with my mom. DH nices love my sister and everybody was just enjoying dinner and very happy.

Even tought there was a lenguage challenge, everybody tried to get to know eachother and at the end everything works out just perfeclty.

I will say, don''t worry so much about it

 

[elation]

Good luck!
I am of asian descent as well and my BF is something like 4th generation Canadian since his great-greats came from Britain... his dad has a huge personality, but the first meeting was at a Chinese dim sum restaurant and there was flowing small talk about culture to make it educational (his parents are from a small town and I live in the big city) and enjoyable! I just told my parents what to expect, and they''ve been living in Canada long enough to understand the Canadian culture.

It''s really hard to anticipate how these meetings will make out, but hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised! Best of luck and don''t worry

 

[princesss]

Well, our parents meeting was kind of a long, drawn-out process. First my mom met his parents (we''d been together 2.5 years at this point, I think). She was coming from Panama and met them at their house in VA. Then my dad came over from Panama, and met them in the town BF and I went to school in (also in VA). That was when we''d been together for 3 years. We finally got everybody together around the 3.5 year mark. Culturally, my family is kind of a mish mash, but our families have pretty different backgrounds. Luckily our parents are all fairly relaxed, and they got along really well. It wasn''t really nervewracking for me (though my mom seemed stressed) because the likelihood of them being in the same place frequently is slim to none. My family moves around a lot, and so it''d honestly be once every few years that everybody is together, and that''s probably more frequently than it''s actually going to happen.

It''s not the end of the world if they don''t get along fabulously. As long as both sets of parents love and respect you two, you''re good to go. (AKA it''s not worth stressing over, it''ll all be okay in the end.)

 

[miss_flo]

Ohh gosh I forgot how awkward that scene from Joy Luck Club was. I''m sure your DB will do a million times better, especially since your parents sound super nice and understanding. My parents met DB''s dad this year and I had the same concerns (my mom is Filipino, his dad is white) but they got along just fine Good luck and congrats on being so close to your engagement!

 

[trillionaire]

LOL, oh the parents meeting! So much fun! We actually had a great time doing it! My family is all over the US and SO''s family is in the SF Bay area, so I decided that our families should have Thanksgiving together. (we had been dating for 4 yrs at the time) Both families were nervous, which I think is cute! My family travel to the Bay and had a mini vacay. SO''s brother was also dating someone (maybe 2 yrs?) who was local, she was invited, along with her family. Everything went really well, and everyone got along famously. It was a bit awkward when the father of the other young lady invited his cop GF to dinner without telling anyone... and she showed up in uniform in a squad car, with her gun on her hip

... but other than that, very enjoyable. Plus SO''s family LOVED my family and told them they couldn''t wait to be my in-laws!

You already know your parents personalities, so if it was going to be a poor match, neither of you would want to do it! (I know I wouldn''t!) So, I don''t think you have much to worry about. It''s fun to see parents nervously interacting and trying not to embarrass you... and you can talk later at subsequent meetings about how nervous everyone was, which is good for a laugh!


Best Wishes!

 

[mrscushion]

Our parents just met for the first time, after 8 years together (and recently getting engaged). Two different cultures (and two different continents) as well. They got along fabulously well. I set low expectations for my parents'' ability to speak English, and when it turned out that they speak quite well, everyone was very pleased. Perhaps you should let your FILs know that your dad may not fully get every joke, but that that''s okay and not to worry. That way, they''ll be prepared and if your dad does pick up on everything, all the better.

I would say that most of the time, everyone is really eager to make a good impression, so the meeting should be fine.

 

[lilmissrugger]

Ooooh, no culture clashes here (except for the fact that we''re all bears fans in my family, and they''re all packers fans-- almost a culture clash, if you live in the northern illinois/southern wisconsin area!!!) but our families are meeting for the first time on Sunday, and I am SOOO nervous!

 

[vip0802]

thanks for all the wonderful input ladies! i really appreciate it and i love hearing about all the stories!

lilmissrugger, i TOTALLY understand what you mean. BF''s parents grew up around Madison, WI so their whole family are huge Packers fans. although since they grew up poor, they were never able to go to an actual Packers game. so for our first anniversary, i surprised him by flying us out to WI with tickets to go see the Packers play at Lambeau AND they were playing the Bears. it was a culture clash indeed!

good luck with your families meeting on Sunday! i''m sure it''ll be awesome and let us know how it turns out!!!

 

[lilmissrugger]

Oh wow, what a wonderful gift for you to give him!!!

Glad there''s someone here who has witnessed the madness first hand-- I went to his house for a football party last year, and one lady cried when the Packers lost, and after all the yelling and getting angry, my FF let it slip that I was a Bears fan...I felt like a leper the way they glared at me, lol!


Thank you, I reallllly hope it goes well! I''ve never been so nervous about a meeting before!

 

[Londongirl1]

I was very nervous about my mom meeting my father in law and his family

My mom is quite conservative and the in laws are really 'outgoing party people'. Well I couldn't have been more wrong because my mom loved them and thought they were great!

Also when my family met my SIL's family for the first time they couldn't speak a word of english and we couldn't speak a word of spanish but somehow me still managed to have a ball

I'm sure everyone will get on just fine.