Paralyzed mother of triplets...

[fisherofmengirly]

I just saw this story on the news (fast news bite), so I looked it up on the internet. So sad.

A young couple married and tried to have a baby, found the road to parenthood to be rough, with issues. They went the route of IVF and she found herself pregnant with triplets.

The mother had medical complications (blood loss) and brain damage; she is now paralyzed and can''t speak.

The father and mother are no longer married and the mother is cared for by the mother''s parents.

Now there is a hot legal debate as to whether or not the mother has any rights to see her children.... Her parents say she communicates through blinking and has indicated she''d like to see her kids.

The link to one of the stories: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36694847

It''s just so sad. They apparently sought parenthood very seriously, given the medical intervention they underwent.... And the outcome is so heartbreaking.

 

[taovandel]

Hmm..off to go read up more on this story...not understanding why she isn''t allowed to see the kids....she gave up the ultimate sacrifice to bring these children into the world and she may not be able to even see them!

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Yeah, I have been looking for different stories, too. I am outraged! Apparently Dad made the determination that it would be detrimental to the children to see her.

I think I read that Mom saw them last at one year old.

So sad!

I don''t know about her specific health issues, but I do know that having those around who love you and who you love can lead to healing, and improvements that medical professionals can''t explain sometimes. At the very least, she would have the opportunity to see and hopefully comprehend, that her children are doing well, growing....

 

[Kaleigh]

I pray she gets to see them.

Imagine being trapped in a body that doesn't work. Your mind knows all that is going on around you. That's what my friend who had ALS told me, and it broke my heart.


The DOC nicked her uterus in the delivery causing excessive bleeding thus the paralysis.

Denying her visitation is outrageous...

She almost died giving birth... She needs to see them. It's only right.

She's very much alive.

 

[PumpkinPie]

I hope she gets to see her children - this is a tragic story

 

[cara]

I think the husband is arguing that it is basically grandparent visitation as the mom is in a vegetative state. Can't figure out from the article how reasonable an assertion that is, except that the mom is pretty impaired in her abilities.

Wow, how sad all around. Sad that this happened to the mom, sad that the dad divorced her afterwords, sad that the grandparents and dad can't get along better without suing each other over the kids visiting their mom.

 

[snlee]

Wow, what a sad heartbreaking story. Makes me want to cry. I really hope she gets to see her children.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Date: 4/21/2010 11:43:07 PM
Author: cara
I think the husband is arguing that it is basically grandparent visitation as the mom is in a vegetative state. Can''t figure out from the article how reasonable an assertion that is, except that the mom is pretty impaired in her abilities.

Wow, how sad all around. Sad that this happened to the mom, sad that the dad divorced her afterwords, sad that the grandparents and dad can''t get along better without suing each other over the kids visiting their mom.

Yeah and I can''t get past the thought that one day, the kids will google themselves and see the big mess it was, and open for all to see. So stinkin horrible.

 

[Laila619]

Sad story.

 

[packrat]

Oh how awful! I hope she gets to see her kids.

 

[janinegirly]

Shocking. And that is a top hospital too. Just scary and makes you thankful.

And i agree, outrageous that she can''t see them--just unfathomable.

 

[radiantquest]

This angers me. It seems that the mother and father were very much together when they went through the whole process of getting medical intervention to conceive. Then there is a complication and they divorce, he wants to keep the kids from her and even wants child support. How can he even ask for child support from someone who is paralyzed. She will have to pay him out of the settlement money that I am sure is not enough to pay for all her care for the rest of her life. I think she absolutely deserves to see the kids. The defense that it would be too tramatic for the children is BS. If that is all they ever knew of her then it wouldnt be tramatic for them at all. Just because she is not able to pick them up and talk to them doesnt mean she shouldnt be allowed to see them. She is living with her parents and I am sure that if one the kids needs something while they are with her the grandparents would be happy to pour a cup of juice. I really hope this works out in her favor.

 

[AprilBaby]

Sad story, saw it last night on Anderson Cooper 360. Sounds like the problem is proving that she really is in there and trying to communicate. Dad says the triplets will feel guilty if they see her because they will feel like it is their fault. I doubt 3 year olds would even think that unless they are told to. He also says they would be traumatized. That *might* be true if she is really not there. 6 might be a better age if they can prove she is vegetative.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 4/22/2010 12:26:32 PM
Author: AprilBaby
Sad story, saw it last night on Anderson Cooper 360. Sounds like the problem is proving that she really is in there and trying to communicate. Dad says the triplets will feel guilty if they see her because they will feel like it is their fault. I doubt 3 year olds would even think that unless they are told to. He also says they would be traumatized. That *might* be true if she is really not there. 6 might be a better age if they can prove she is vegetative.

The children may feel guilty as time goes on. Who knows what the 3 year olds are thinking now, but may feel it''s their fault when they''re a few years older. Not saying they shouldn''t see their mom. I don''t think it''s my place to determine that. . .still that''s a sticky situation.

 

[TravelingGal]

As a friend to a mom with triplets and seeing what she went through, this story made me so mad when I saw this thread last night that I could not comment.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

TGal,

I totally thought of your friend when I was reading this story. I remember the thread with all the issues she faced throughout her pregnancy. I''m glad her journey through pregnancy ended with three healthy babies.

How horrible that it doesn''t always end up that way. I hate it!

(How are her boys now?)

 

[vespergirl]

This father is such a total sh!t.

First, his wife nearly dies while giving birth to his children, so he divorces her, and doesn''t let her see the kids that she nearly gave her life for.

Plus, he wants child support out of her settlement.

His argument that he doesn''t want the kids to feel bad about doing that to her is ridiculous - they don''t have to know that their birth caused her illness - the only way that they would know that is if he told them. Also, there''s nothing damaging or traumatizing about being around sick or disabled people. He''s really just a selfish ass who''s looking for excuses to keep his kids away from his ex.

Shame on him.

 

[lulu]

I guess I''m the only one who thinks three year olds might be a little freaked out in this situation. I also have reservations about how much benefit there would be to a mom who can only blink.

Play out this visit in your mind''s eye---three normal three year olds and a woman in a bed who can only blink. Don''t romanticize it. What do you see happening? It would be just as good to give her video of the children.

As far as the money is concerned, from a legal point of view, a large part of the award represents lost earning potential which does mean there should be some sort of child support expectation. I''d try to negotiate a sum in trust for the kids.

 

[fisherofmengirly]

Lulu,

I can see where you're coming from. The first times the children saw their mother would likely be tramatic.

But what about when they're older, and never knew their mother and have questions? And Dad tells them the story (or doesn't and they find it out on their own); that's the makings of bad blood between parent and children, and well, this father is the only fully-functioning parent these three kiddos have.

They're three, they can't decide for themselves right now and I assume it is a very difficult decision for the father, because it is a very out-of-the-ordinary situation, and surely not what he imagined for his children, for his family.

Likewise, this is certainly not what the mother expected when she underwent procedures to carry children.

If I had a young child (or children) and they had an ill grandparent or other family member, I would explain to them in age-appropriate terms that their family member wasn't feeling good and wouldn't be able to talk to them, but still encourage them to interact with the person. I think this mother should be afforded the same opportunity. And I think the children should also be afforded this opportunity.

Questions will come, certainly. But the questions of why they never were allowed to see their mother seem to be much more detrimental....

 

[lulu]

Fisher- I agree it''s a double edged sword. If I were their dad I''d have been telling them about their mother a bit at a time. If they expressed a desire to see her I would arrange it. Some children are stronger than others -it''s the kind of thing you have to play by ear.

 

[packrat]

I guess I figure, the kids are 3. Yes they''re young but..I''m assuming she doesn''t look like a "monster", she''s not disfigured or horribly burned and scarred that it might be completely shocking. Wouldn''t she just be laying in a bed? London doesn''t remember anything from that age. To me, the benefits outweigh the rest.

I can''t fathom being able to just lie there and blink and never talk to my kids or hold them. I''m assuming she has her sense of touch? How much of a blessing would it be for the mom to feel her babies hands on her face? Or heaven forbid, a kiss? She went thru, is going thru, hell to bring those babies into this world and is completely incapable of doing anything for them. If she has her sight, think what it would be to her to see her kids in person. Pictures aren''t the same.

There''s no reason why the dad can''t talk to the kids about it, and yes they may feel guilty, but isn''t that part of the dad''s job to explain to them that it''s not their fault? Can she hear? Hearing my kids talk and jabber and giggle is a wonderful sound. Wouldn''t it be just as wonderful for this mom? To me, making it a huge ordeal and also a mystery to the kids, makes it worse appearing to the kids than what it is and what it needs to be. Regular visits might very well be good for the mom and the kids wouldn''t be so scared or traumatized, if they even are, and good lord, throw the woman a bone for pete''s sakes um hello, he was a part of this too. Compassion and empathy aren''t a part of this guys vocabulary, far as I can see.

I''ve never read Johnny Got His Gun but I saw a few snippets in a video, and it seems to me a fate far worse than death. Obviously not entirely the same, but she''s left w/only her mind same as in the book, and it''s not a fictional anti-war story from years ago, she''s a real person.

 

[partgypsy]

Believe it or not, I think most kids are mature beyond their years. All they need to know is that this is their mother, and she would love to see them, and for them to hold her hand so they know they are there. That she knows that they are there even if she can't show it. Who knows how much time they will have with her? If they are not given the chance to see her and then she dies, I think when get older there will be much sadness, regret, and yes guilt. And what about the grandparents, do they not deserve to see their grandchildren? This is a tragedy, the husband should not compound it.

There are some things you do not have to protect children from, and one of those things is love.