Overcoming Body Image Issues

[cammy85]

I saw something a while ago on What not to Wear where they discussed bosy image and your perception about how you look. They had a woman who was curvy and insecure about her body. She would dress in baggy clothes because she thought they would hide her weight. They had her draw a life-size image of her body shape based on what she thought she looked like. They then had her stand in front of the drawing a retraced her actual body shape ontop of her mental image of herself. She had added almost 2 inches in every dimension of her shape, and didn''t realize that she had a defined waist.

It really has me thinking about my own body image. I always feel as though all I see about myself are my imperfections. I am so envious of people who realize that imperfections are what make you unique, and can embrace them and love them. I was unhappy with how I looked (and was a little heavier) so I did make the conscious effort to lose weight to be healthy. Now that the weight is gone (not a ton, but enough to make a difference) I still see imperfections. I don''t want to lose much more (if any) weight. I know I''m at a good size for my body. My husband loves that I have a butt, and a small waist and have curves. But when I look in a mirror, I see a big butt, cellulite and jiggly thighs.

How did you get past your body image issues and learn to be happy with who you are and what you see in the mirror?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Not sure I know anyone who has

I know I am not 100% happy with my body. I KNOW I could look better if I tried harder. There comes a point though were I have to live my life and enjoy it. I do not make a living based on my looks so as long as I am healthy I try not to obsess about what my body USED to look like before I had a child. Recently I found a picture at my RD and I was down right SKINNY! The funny thing is I remember feeling chubby. I remember being critical. Obsession will get you nowhere (good) fast. So I try not to let it bother me. I try to remember the things that are really important in my life, my family, our health, spending time together, etc...if I was being truly honest with myself my desire for a perfect body (or even one I just felt comfortable with) would be low on the list.

 

[Elegant]

You know, recently I have just been reflecting upon how happy I am that nothing is seriously wrong with my health and that all of my pieces are still intact and I am functioning normally/properly. I have to lose weight, but I am okay and so is my bf and the rest of my family. My father has had 4 quadruple bypass surgeries and died 3 times on the table. I am sure he could care less how he looks (which isn't all that great for a 60 year old man) and I could care less how he looks - I am just happy he is still alive.

I don't think I will ever be 100% happy with how I look, but I do try to work on what I can change (watching what I eat and exercising more and regularly - thanks to everyone for commenting on my "normal people" post).

I recently saw an hour long program on plastic surgery gone wrong, and THAT scares me. After the malpractice happens, people look back at themselves and wish they are what they were...it doesn't look so bad after all in comparison to the way they look now.

I know I look much slimmer and better in professional clothes than I do in jeans - which really busted my hippie bubble...

Oh, and I remember losing lots of weight and going from a size 14/16 to a 7/8 and looking in the mirror and thinking I looked fat...uh, serious problems because I wasn't fat at all. I am a perfectionist too...uh.

 

[cammy85]

tacori - you''re right, I know if I try harder the reults will follow. But I am not sure I''m willing to make those sacrifices just to look better. I''m healthy from a BP, check-up perspective, so it''s mainly aestetics. And it''s so funny reading the interviews with celebrities... one that always sticks with me is "One thing I regret..." I''ve seen three or four answer "not being happy with my body in my 20''s/30''s (what-have-you). If I would have known then what I would look like now, I would have been walking around naked all the time!" I''m also worried that in the future after children, I''m going to have similar issues accepting a new body and dealing with those changes as well. Due time.

elegant - you''re right. Sometimes we take for granted just being healthy that we nitpick over little things. And I am very thankful for being a happy newlywed with a DH that loves every (occasionally jiggly) bit of me. I''ve seen the plastic surgery shows too, and the ones that go wrong are those people who want "just one more" procedure, 14 more times, because they ''fix'' one thing and another isn''t right. I want to get out of that mindset. I lost nearly 20 pounds, and instead of being proud of that, I just see that I have cellulite and what I feel are large thighs for my size. I need to learn to loosen up my standards and remember to be happy for my ''little victories.''

 

[Elegant]

cammy85, what is even better is that you have someone who accepts you for who you are - everyone has imperfections, everyone. I mean everything is fake and airbrushed in the media. My arms are big and I wouldn''t wear sleeveless shirts because I was embarrassed. Basically, my big arms are genetic because even my older sister who is slim has the family big arm syndrome... that''s just a fact and that''s just the way it is, period. It is what it is...

 

[princesss]

Just my $.02:

I said screw it. Am I totally thrilled beyond belief with my body? No. Am I a little jealous when I see the women I play Ultimate with who have incredible legs and not the flabby, cellulite-ridden thighs I have? Yes.

But screw it! Who cares? I have a BF that loves me, two cats I adore, I can do what I want to with my body, and am training it to do more. I want to love what I can do with my body. I'm most confident when I do something I couldn't do before, not when my pants size is consistantly in the single digits (though it'd be nice). I'm happy with me. I'm happy with what my body does, and happy that I can push my limits like I never could before. I have a heart problem that I was convinced meant that I had to stay at home in bed, and I thought I'd never be able to do the things I'm doing now. Do I still need more breaks than my teammates? Yes. Do I have to take precautions? Yes. But I can get out there and play. I can run. I can bike. And what's more, I can enjoy it all! (Well, maybe not running.) So screw it. It's not how my body looks, it's what it does that gives me confidence.

 

[Allisonfaye]

I live in a neighborhood where I am a size 6 and I am the biggest one. Yeesh. I go back and forth. I sometimes feel like in spite of having two kids, I look pretty good and then other times, I feel like I would look sooo much better with 10 fewer pounds. But I love to eat. My husband is Italian and food is a HUGE part of his life (and now mine). I love to bake. I work out pretty regularly. I am on the fence. Life''s too short. I guess the worst part is fitting into clothes. I have a butt. (and a tummy)

 

[cammy85]

elegant - you are right. I am so lucky to have a husband who not only accepts me for who i am, but absolutely adores every curve on my body. i am for sure my toughest critic. I wish I could see what he sees

I think I''m a little perfectionist/ocd as well, and that certainly makes it a little more difficult to accept what I see as ''flaws'' as unique characteristics, but there is always going to be something. I need to loosen up. The reminder about the airbrushed ads is always helpful too. Even the 85 pound models have airbrushing done. Even they aren''t perfect.

princess - thank you so much for your 0.02. I should be more focused on what my body can do. I''m thrilled it''s gotten me this far, and to be lucky to do the things that I can. I really need to adopt your attitude, and I think that''s going to be a daily goal. every time I find myself self conscious, just say screw it. I can''t spend my life being unhappy because of a few imperfections. I''m missing out on so many other wonderful things... including fully enjoying my

time with the DH because of my insecurities. If I can just let go, I think everything else will follow. I am in awe of those people who walk by with just that ''sense'' of confidence, and I do realize I notice that more than how someone looks. They are confident in themselves, and I envy that. It''s so empowering.

Allisonfaye - I have those up and down days as well (and it usually corresponds with a number on a scale - that ''time of the month'') I do have a butt, and finding clothes that fit and are flattering gets frustrating. And I think that''s part of what gets me down. Things that look amazing on everyone else looks downright inappropriate on me (big bewbies and butt) If I can find clothes that make me feel like a million bucks, maybe I won''t worry so much about what the scale says.

 

[Circe]

I think that part of it is just realizing how subjective it all is, and - sorry, this is twee! - learning to recognize the less "conventional" forms of beauty that you may embody. I'm a short, curvy woman, and it took me until my late 20s to see the beauty in that: I could see it in other people, but not in myself. In my head, I was "dumpy."

I actually credit a friend with making me see the light: I was visiting her during her year abroad, and we were trying on one another's clothes, and she convinced me to go and get properly fitted for a bra - she could just *see* that I wasn't wearing the right size. She was right, too: I was wearing a 34B when I was really a 32D. I didn't believe the first fitter. After the 2nd, when she said, "See! You can't be fat, not with those measurements!" I literally hyperventilated. It was just too much cognitive disjuncture. I spent the rest of the day having these little moments of revelation like "So, when a dress doesn't zip all the way - that's not fat. That's ... curves. Huh." And she spent the rest of the vacation making me point out women whom I thought I resembled, and correcting me by pointing out what I *actually* looked like. It was ... educational.

Now, when I look back on photos, I'm shocked. I was so pretty, and I didn't know it! I don't want to feel that way about myself *now,* when I look back in ten years. So, I make the conscious effort to feel good about myself - to emphasize the bits I like, and to play up the things that make me feel most confident. And, perhaps most of all, to know that at the end of the day, I'm the only one who cares, so I'm the only one who decides. Ever see two women wearing the same thing, one with panache, and one with a shamed hunch? I'll go with door number one every time ... maybe it's a case of faking it till you make it. Whatever it is, it's totally worth thinking critically about - good thread!

 

[princesss]

I think the way we look at ourselves in the mirror is a habit. And it can be broken. I don''t do the "substitute one good thought for a bad thought" method, though I hear it works. I just...I don''t know. I got so depressed when I looked in the mirror. I hated it. I hated my body, I hated my face...I felt disgusting. So I started eating better (Weight Watchers is amazing, and I feel more energized following that plan than I do when I eat whatever I want), and doing things. Walking the dog. Playing sports. Riding my bike. I rode 5 miles the other day and wasn''t tired at all. It''s amazing.

And I''m with you on having a hard time finding clothes. I''m a curvy girl (size 8/10, but very defined waist and some big chesticles and quite the round tush), and it''s like people went out of their way to make clothes that wouldn''t fit me. I mean, it must really take effort to design clothes that do not fit. I started sticking to more retro cuts - think 50''s A-lines and wrap dresses - and they do a whole lot more for my figure. Bootcut jeans and a t-shirt with curved seams on the sides, or button-ups with darts to accentuate the curves, and life is good (and even kinda stylish!). Emphasize your waist (vests are good for that, amazingly) and love your smile. Because the happier/more confident you are, the more often people will see it.

 

[anyname]

I''ve worked with women/girls (and men/boys) with body image problems, it''s not uncommon to feel unhappy with your body even if there is nothing "wrong" with it. Focus on what you do like about yourself, when you start to criticize yourself say something positive, do things that make you feel good about yourself, and find ways to distract yourself.

 

[Dannielle]

I used to struggle with body issues- when I would go out I would always think that people were looking at me thinking I was fat and ugly, I would always wear baggy clothes and heaps of makeup.. I was always miserable and could never enjoy myself because I was constantly worrying about what I looked like and what other people thought until one day I just had enough..

I have weight on my body, I have cellulite, I am pasty and I have recently had an outbreak of acne.. BUT I think that I am a really great person, who can be funny, charming and very caring. I also have a wondeful FI, a great father and gorgeous friends.. I have finally realised that this matters much more than what I look like- and I have never been happier than I am now

 

[Squirrly]

i dislike my size more so because it is not "proportional" in my mind (i am a pear). i really like even/proportional things, so i suppose in this regard little is bound to change in my like or lack thereof of my body size.

my darling boy tries his very best to beat those thoughts out of my head though. can''t say i mind one bit

 

[cammy85]

I''m glad to hear so many of you have been able to get past what you think other people percieve you as and are able to appreciate your body and your uniqueness and individuality. This week has been a pretty good week for me. I''ve been eating a little better (less salt does wonders!) and just in general trying to be more positive about how I look. I''m wearing one of my favorite tops today so that helps too

 

[jstarfireb]

Date: 7/27/2009 1:58:51 PM
Author:cammy85
I know I''m at a good size for my body. My husband loves that I have a butt, and a small waist and have curves. But when I look in a mirror, I see a big butt, cellulite and jiggly thighs.

This struck a chord with me because it''s exactly how I feel about myself (specifically those parts). I don''t think I ever will get over it. Changing my focus just doesn''t work for me...it always comes back to the same thing. I''m a perfectionist, and until I look supermodel-perfect (i.e. never), I won''t accept my body. But there are a few things that make me feel better about it, like working out (during the actual workout, not just in the "eat right and exercise" sense), dressing my body in a flattering way, and...well, bumpin'' uglies with the husband.

 

[cammy85]

Date: 7/29/2009 11:03:05 AM
Author: jstarfireb

Date: 7/27/2009 1:58:51 PM
Author:cammy85
I know I''m at a good size for my body. My husband loves that I have a butt, and a small waist and have curves. But when I look in a mirror, I see a big butt, cellulite and jiggly thighs.

This struck a chord with me because it''s exactly how I feel about myself (specifically those parts). I don''t think I ever will get over it. Changing my focus just doesn''t work for me...it always comes back to the same thing. I''m a perfectionist, and until I look supermodel-perfect (i.e. never), I won''t accept my body. But there are a few things that make me feel better about it, like working out (during the actual workout, not just in the ''eat right and exercise'' sense), dressing my body in a flattering way, and...well, bumpin'' uglies with the husband.

I had to respond because I''m the same way. OCD runs in my family and I think I have some of those tendencies as well. I have no desire to be a twig, mind you, but man, some of those movie stars have curves and bodies that I am so envoius of. Granted, that''s mostly the product of hiring some 1,000/hour trainer who will beat their butt into shape! I think it''s part of the reason I''m so conflicted. I know we are supposed to accept our bodies the way they are and love the shape we have, and dress it the best we can. But I think I will always find something to critisize (though I would never resort to plastic surgery or anything to correct it. too extreme) And cellulite is a difficult thing to deal with, it''s not fat nor does it respond to working out and eating right like fat does. I can do what is best for my body, working out and eating right and let it do it''s thing, and just learn to accept what I have, even if I don''t love it all the time.

as for your highlighted part. ditto, ditto and.... well, ditto

 

[waxing lyrical]

I have severe body image issues. I need to lose about 85 lbs. I''m not in a huge rush, but it''s something that needs to be done and is a slow process.

I had body image issues during my teen years that was largely due to feeling left out and being a minority. Looking back I was darn silly to have those insecurities. I''d love to be a size 16 again. I don''t think I could go lower than 12. It wouldn''t look good on my frame.

At least I like my face.

Sometimes I try to look at the positives. I see these faded stretch marks and think of them as battle scars. I''ve birthed three babies in 4 years and come December I will have birthed another (hopefully he''s a chunky one like 10 lbs -- I like them big). I like having curves, but I don''t like my current weight. And pregnancy has destroyed my breasts, but I when they''re filled with milk I''m actually pleased with them. So, it''s not all bad, but it can definitely be better.

 

[waxing lyrical]

LOL @ bumpin'' uglies. I only hear that in military circles.

 

[Liane]

Date: 7/29/2009 11:13:57 AM
Author: cammy85

And cellulite is a difficult thing to deal with, it''s not fat nor does it respond to working out and eating right like fat does.

I just wanted to highlight this part because cellulite is fat -- or, more properly, is caused by fat. It''s fat just below the skin dimpling up through the matrix of connective tissue (see: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/25/fashion/25skinintro.htm ).

There''s a heavy genetic and gender-based component to it as well, and some people will have some degree of cellulite no matter what they do, but generally it is possible to reduce or eliminate cellulite by getting sufficiently fit. It does, in fact, respond to diet and exercise. Whether it''s worth going 110% gung-ho fitness nut over a cosmetic issue that has no real impact on health is entirely up to each individual, but it''s not totally intractable.