Our (cell) phones are ruining relationships

[Ellen]

I saw this on FB and thought it was so good I wanted to share it. If I had small/young children now, they wouldn't get a phone, period. The entirety of civilization up to a few years ago lived without carrying a phone on them. Heck, most of civilization didn't even have phones. Everywhere I look now, people are looking at their phones. At work, at the gym, at resaurants. It's sad...

This guy puts it well. I agree with everything he said.

https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=505790973240599

 

[YadaYadaYada]

This and FB certainly plays a part in the social demise of America as well. I do my fair share of browsing and working on my phone but DH has struggled with excessive gaming on his. I told him when our younger son goes to school and they ask him to draw a picture of his father not to be surprised if he draws a head with a big black box in front of it.

Our 11 year old doesn't have a phone any won't be getting one anytime soon.

 

[Arcadian]

They do make the phones that are...phones and not a hand held computer. considering when I was a kid that you had some accessibility to a phone booth (not anymore, at least not where I am) having this as a phone to call a basic set of numbers isn't a bad idea.

No need for a child to have an iphone or another type of "smart" phone.

 

[FancyDiamond]

I think a cellphone is useful even for children, in case the children need to contact their parents for emergency and vice-versa. Instead of a smart phone, I would give a flip-phone to children. A flip phone should serve the purpose of communication without exposing the children to dangers of online fraud or mindless games. Moreover, with a flip-phone, the children are less likely be absorbed in internet surfing or video games playing during social gathering or family activities. I think parents should set rules about the amount of time children spend on internet and monitor the contents.
As for adults, I have no rights minding others’ business. However, in a business and social gathering setting, I expect others would stay engaged in conversations with minimal interrruptions or distractions. If needed, just excuse oneself to conduct “side business” elsewhere. This behavior is basic respect or others.
For spouses, downtimes on the phone, internet, or watching tv after having completed daily chores and responsibilities are acceptable.

 

[Cozystitches]

It is sad, and it is socially acceptable. I went to a school function for my daughter. I had my phone, but it was in my pocket. I took out some handwork (was sewing hexagons for a quilt that's on hold..LOL), and no one said anything to me, except for one person. It was uncomfortable for me. Was sad really. It seemed more acceptable for me to be on my phone than to be sewing.

 

[lyra]

I use a phone as a texting device. I use no data. The horror of all horrors, so I've learned, is that the 4 of us (2 adult daughters) are all sharing our GPS data with each other. So we know exactly where the family is at all times. I don't know anyone else who does this exactly, especially with grown kids. We might have slightly unique circumstances due to hubby travelling all the time. I share nothing on SM though. I think younger kids think we older folks know nothing about the internet and technology, but we were here when it all came together and have used it longer than any previous generation. I suppose that could lead a person to go either way with today's phone tech. In Canada, data plans are ridiculously expensive. I don't think we CAN use our phones as much.

 

[GliderPoss]

UGH amen! I hate the impact of mobile phones on us as a society. Sure they are handy but sometimes I honestly feel like I'm talking to a brick wall...

 

[stracci2000]

Recently, I was having lunch by myself at Panera, and reading a book.
A man came by my table and said "Wow, you're reading a real book!, how refreshing! These days everyone is on their phones!"
I looked around, and sure enough, everyone was on their phones.
Sad and creepy.

 

[asscherisme]

What is even worse is when you see couples and families going out together to a restaurant, and they are sitting at the table, ignoring each other, staring at their phones.

I took my daughter to Chipole the other day. Just her and me, no phones, we looked at each other and actually talked. Right next to us was a dad with 3 kids. Young kids. The dad ignored them and started at his phone the whole time while the kids ate and just started off in space; nobody talked to each other. It disturbed me.

 

[Lisa Loves Shiny]

Every time I leave the house and forget my phone I get this sense of panic. Then I calm down and remember that I really don't need it 24/7 and I will survive without going back to get it.

Also- my Godson spends about 3 to 4 nights a month over my house and being a pre-teen he is addicted to his tablet, XBox and Video games. I don't let him play video games when he is over. We do things. He is spending the night tomorrow and I bought a microscope and we are going to find cool things to look at under it. I saved a dead bug just for the occasion. Gross I know -but he is a boy and he will love it. When the weather is relatively nice we do archery, go outside and go to war with our nerf guns, take our RC cars for walks and take the drones for a spin.

 

[OoohShiny]

I don't think phones are necessarily evil or ruining life as we know it, but I think we are still in the phase where people are learning how to use them appropriately.

After all, in Star Trek: Next Generation they had the all-knowing computer and instant communications with whoever they wanted to speak to via their badges, but people were not just randomly messing about on them lol

Perhaps we need to go through the cycle of everyone being addicted to instant-access information and communications, coming out the other side, then going 'ah, of course - with hindsight we should use them more selectively and focus on interacting with actual people as much as possible instead, using electronic devices for information gathering when required, rather than just trolling celebrities and watching videos of cats playing pianos...'

I am on my phone and my laptop a lot TBH but less so now, and I do try to have a break from it all once in a while - I spend so much time at a screen for work I get fed up with it! and life is short, so I would rather be out doing things than indoors looking at another screen in my free time. After all, when my life flashes before my eyes as my last breath exhales from my body, do I want it to be full of fun things like climbing mountains and larking about with friends and hanging out with my family while they are around? Or do I want it to be hours and hours of staring at a small glowing screen that I can't remember and had little actual benefit to my life??

Mind you, that last point is perhaps an interesting one - after all, I like learning, and while I like looking at the shiny things on PS and enjoying bling vicariously, the information imparted by the wise Trade and 'prosumer' members on the board is what challenges my brain and makes me feel like it's not just an ultimately aimless distraction


Anyway, I'm rambling on and taking time away from your Facebook scrolling, so I'll shut up now lol

 

[AV_]

I do not have one.

 

[House Cat]

This topic comes up every once in a while. People complain about cell phones ruining society. The funny thing is, I never see anyone throw away their cell phones in order to better society.

 

[peacechick]

I probably have a different opinion on this but my view is: while technology has changed a lot, human nature hasn’t changed that much. The behavior is just modified by the technology, albeit with the additional element of screen addiction.

I don’t think the people on cell phones in restaurants would necessarily be a ton more social or making a ton more conversation without the phone. The people who aren’t social would not be a lot more social without their phones. The people who are really social manage to be really social even with the presence of cellphones because they crave eye contact and social interaction.

I do feel that people today are pressurized to be a lot more social in modern society (I’m including the 50s and 60s), because dining out and transportation is so affordable, and there are social expectations such as corporate functions and going out with friends that you can’t really opt out of.

When we blame technology for someone being a bad or mentally absent parent, we have to question if that person would necessarily be a better or more present parent without technology. From stories I heard from my grandparents about their childhood and their parents in the early 1900s, nope! I think we like to romanticize the past.

 

[missy]

I think that technology has changed people. There are pros and cons to almost everything in life and this is no exception. Mobile phones have their place but yes many people become obsessed and check/use them almost all waking hours. I have been guilty of this as well and feel my attention span has gone from "normal" to almost non existent with all the devices offering me instant gratification. Mobile phone induced ADD. And of course this is completely my responsibility and my fault. I blame no one but me. I have it within my control to resist the temptation yet I find myself often checking to see what is happening on my phone in any downtime instead of just peacefully enjoying the moment.

In fact this is how I feel.

 

[OoohShiny]

I think that technology has changed people. There are pros and cons to almost everything in life and this is no exception. Mobile phones have their place but yes many people become obsessed and check/use them almost all waking hours. I have been guilty of this as well and feel my attention span has gone from "normal" to almost non existent with all the devices offering me instant gratification. Mobile phone induced ADD. And of course this is completely my responsibility and my fault. I blame no one but me. I have it within my control to resist the temptation yet I find myself often checking to see what is happening on my phone in any downtime instead of just peacefully enjoying the moment.

In fact this is how I feel.

This!!!

I find it so incredibly hard to focus for even a few minutes nowadays - the only way I can work through something large is to do it overnight and skip a night's sleep, as it's only when everything else is 'off' that I can not be distracted

 

[lyra]

I think people are increasingly uncomfortable just being alone and unwired. I still bring books when I'm waiting for an appointment or having to sit somewhere for a time. I'm comfortable standing in line, or sitting alone, without having to refer to my phone. I usually leave my phone at home which I really shouldn't do, but I just plain forget 90% of the time. My DH on the other hand, Oy! He can't be without his TWO phones for a minute in case there is an all important call.

 

[OoohShiny]

I think people are increasingly uncomfortable just being alone and unwired. I still bring books when I'm waiting for an appointment or having to sit somewhere for a time. I'm comfortable standing in line, or sitting alone, without having to refer to my phone. I usually leave my phone at home which I really shouldn't do, but I just plain forget 90% of the time. My DH on the other hand, Oy! He can't be without his TWO phones for a minute in case there is an all important call.

I like being alone

I just have a very low boredom threshold, and I always think "I could be reading and learning right now and not wasting my time staring into space" if I'm stuck doing something tedious and time-consuming, like waiting in a queue or waiting for a train!

 

[Ellen]

This and FB certainly plays a part in the social demise of America as well. I do my fair share of browsing and working on my phone but DH has struggled with excessive gaming on his. I told him when our younger son goes to school and they ask him to draw a picture of his father not to be surprised if he draws a head with a big black box in front of it.

Our 11 year old doesn't have a phone any won't be getting one anytime soon.

I hope he heard you....

Also- my Godson spends about 3 to 4 nights a month over my house and being a pre-teen he is addicted to his tablet, XBox and Video games. I don't let him play video games when he is over. We do things. He is spending the night tomorrow and I bought a microscope and we are going to find cool things to look at under it. I saved a dead bug just for the occasion. Gross I know -but he is a boy and he will love it. When the weather is relatively nice we do archery, go outside and go to war with our nerf guns, take our RC cars for walks and take the drones for a spin.

I think this is awesome! Good for you gramma.

I think that technology has changed people. There are pros and cons to almost everything in life and this is no exception. Mobile phones have their place but yes many people become obsessed and check/use them almost all waking hours. I have been guilty of this as well and feel my attention span has gone from "normal" to almost non existent with all the devices offering me instant gratification. Mobile phone induced ADD. And of course this is completely my responsibility and my fault. I blame no one but me. I have it within my control to resist the temptation yet I find myself often checking to see what is happening on my phone in any downtime instead of just peacefully enjoying the moment.

In fact this is how I feel.

I love it!!

 

[Ellen]

For the record, mine is for actual emergencies, texting ocassionally, and shopping for my son. I send pics of clothes, he ok's or nixes. It's wonderful, no more returns. If I discover I've left home without it, I'm like, meh.

 

[SandyinAnaheim]

I use mine for business but other than that, I am basically unconnected. My husband, on the other hand, has a serious problem. He can barely pay attention with no devices, but usually spends his time in front of the TV with a tablet on his lap and the phone in his hand. It's unappealing, emotionally disturbing and destroying our relationship....he knows it, and yet cannot stop.

 

[House Cat]

There are many people in the world that would have been socially isolated if it weren’t for their phones or the internet. They are the outliers or people with social anxiety. They find socializing on the internet to be less threatening.

I keep remembering the story of the terribly bullied boy in high school who was suicidal. He found a group of friends through his x-box and no longer felt socially isolated. He found lifelong friends!

This mode of socialization might not look the way we’ve been accustomed to but people are socializing on their devices. They are cultivating meaningful friendships.

I get caught up in this thinking too. My 13 year old doesn’t leave the house as much as I did as a kid. I worry a lot that he’s isolated. Then my 24 year old says “yeah mom, but he hangs out with his friends everyday on x-box and he talks to them on instagram.” It’s true. It takes a shift in thinking for me to realize that socializing is changing.

 

[Ellen]

I use mine for business but other than that, I am basically unconnected. My husband, on the other hand, has a serious problem. He can barely pay attention with no devices, but usually spends his time in front of the TV with a tablet on his lap and the phone in his hand. It's unappealing, emotionally disturbing and destroying our relationship....he knows it, and yet cannot stop.

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds quite like my hubby.

There are many people in the world that would have been socially isolated if it weren’t for their phones or the internet. They are the outliers or people with social anxiety. They find socializing on the internet to be less threatening.

I keep remembering the story of the terribly bullied boy in high school who was suicidal. He found a group of friends through his x-box and no longer felt socially isolated. He found lifelong friends!

This mode of socialization might not look the way we’ve been accustomed to but people are socializing on their devices. They are cultivating meaningful friendships.

I get caught up in this thinking too. My 13 year old doesn’t leave the house as much as I did as a kid. I worry a lot that he’s isolated. Then my 24 year old says “yeah mom, but he hangs out with his friends everyday on x-box and he talks to them on instagram.” It’s true. It takes a shift in thinking for me to realize that socializing is changing.

Not meaning to be argumentative, but typing on a device, and having an in person (or ear to ear on phone), conversation with someone are not the same things. Now I am not saying there is no good side to cell phones, there are. But I personally believe there is an insidious side to them. Like a lot of things.

 

[House Cat]

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds quite like my hubby.


Not meaning to be argumentative, but typing on a device, and having an in person (or ear to ear on phone), conversation with someone are not the same things. Now I am not saying there is no good side to cell phones, there are. But I personally believe there is an insidious side to them. Like a lot of things.

That’s your interpretation of things. The younger generation is finding just as much social satisfaction with socializing this way. It isn’t up to you to define how they socialize. It is up to them.

 

[Ellen]

That’s your interpretation of things. The younger generation is finding just as much social satisfaction with socializing this way. It isn’t up to you to define how they socialize. It is up to them.

Right.

 

[missy]

I find it very useful to be able to just quickly text someone as a way of saying hey thinking of you even when life is super busy and I cannot make more time for a chat or visit. I also love how it affords us the opportunity to be away from work (in my dh's case) while still being on call when necessary. IOW not tied to being at the office physically and that is a huge advantage.

I agree there are drawbacks and it sometimes seems as if the younger generation cannot communicate verbally and/or face to face as well as the older generation but perhaps that is my misperception. I agree it allows one to socialize and keep in touch and it is invaluable in many ways. It's not the way we grew up but that doesn't mean it isn't as valid a form of socialization as any other.

I admit I wouldn't want to go back to the days with no mobile phones and I was as resistant as they come when it came time to get a phone of my own...my dh finally just brought a phone home one day in 2003 and said it is time and it is mine and no arguments anymore. LOL I never looked back. I don't remember when I started texting but that too was a huge hurdle for me to decide to finally do and when I did once again I never looked back. Love texting and love my phone. But most days I know when to shut it off or put it on mute and I don't let it take over my life.

I make it work for me not the other way around. I find it much more of an advantage than not.

 

[peacechick]

I agree that there is nothing like in-person interaction and friendship—my best and most enduring friendships were the ones I made in childhood. But I think about my DH who grew up in a small town where he was extremely socially excluded due to being so different from the other kids. The internet turned out to be a lifeline for him, emotionally as well as vocationally (he went on to work in tech). And hey, it was a good thing for him he didn’t hang out with those kids since most of them ended up on drugs or living off welfare.

 

[missy]

Just to add IRL I am shy at first and "meeting" people on the internet is a really nice way to get to know someone more gradually and easily. And online I am less shy than IRL. But once you get to know me IRL I am not shy at all but at first yes I am very shy. And I get overwhelmed when meeting new people in person so this is really a lovely way to get to know people beforehand.

And not to mention what a valuable resource being online can provide for those of us researching topics and gathering info that before the internet was only available at the library or using big research books like the Encyclopedia Brittanica, Worldbook, etc. LOL seems like ancient times those olden days.

 

[chrono]

Meeting face to face is incredibly stressful for me. I prefer communicating over the Net.

 

[strawrose]

Having being bullied throughout school, I had trouble making friends. In high school, the internet chats were an escape. It helped me learn how to be social and stand up for myself. It may be bad for most, but it is good for those who had trouble making friends in the first place.

Meetup.com was also the way I met my husband.