Opinions! Opinions! Please help!

[jmfarmer]

Ok, so this is kinda long and frustrating but I will try to explain it so you can tell me what you think!

Ive been dating my FF for 3 years now, he is in the military and is stationed overseas. We have been doing the long distance thing for a little over a year now and soon he will be restationed, still overseas but somewhere in Europe. He is 21. I am 19 and completely done with college. I know im young but I finished early and am finished with school and live on my own. We got engaged when he was home on leave and I wanted to wait a while to get married. Ok so here is the problem. For me to be stationed with him in Europe we would have to be married, which I dont mind doing besides everyone telling me im insane and so young. Everyone that knows me always says I have an old soul and have never acted my age and honestly ive never done things very "normal" or traditional. It just get old with everyone looking at me like im nuts.

I also dont really have the time to plan the kind of wedding I want. The only conclusion we have come to for that having a court wedding for military purposes and it being our little secret till we come back to the state and i can have MY wedding.

Its all very confusing and frustrating so I just would like to hear yalls opinions!!!

 

[lala2332]

I will probably not have a wedding per se. BF really wants one and I couldn't care less. What we will hopefully do is elope with our parents and siblings, and maybe invite a couple of friends, like who would be maid of honor/best man.

Then later we would throw a celebration party, that could be just like a reception. That way you get the special family part of the ceremony and still get the celebration part with everyone! Plus, not having it together can save SO much money. B/c nothing is expected from a celebration party...it can be anything from a cocktail party, to a full on reception-like event, to a backyard cook-out.
PLUS you can get TWO dresses...one for your elopement and one for the party! (haha)

Anyway, sounds like this may work well for you as well.

You are in a hard spot having to be away from your FF. I can't even imagine. Good luck!

 

[DivaDiamond007]

I met my DH when I was 19 but married when I was 22 (2.5 weeks until my 23rd b-day). Marriage is a huge step in a relationship and you should really be sure that you want to take that step. I personally see nothing wrong with "marrying young" but you both will grow and change in your early 20''s (and beyond!) and you should be prepared for that. Have you talked to your families about your possible plans? What does your FF think? Have you discussed money, children, sex, religion, family matters, living arrangements, education, career paths, goals and other long-term plans? Also, remember, you don''t need a huge wedding to be married. You need to plan for life, not a wedding. I wish you the best of luck!

Diva

 

[Winks_Elf]

Hmmm...you know, back in the 40''s it was very normal for people to get married so young, and you know what - the divorce rate was much lower than it is now! As a matter of fact, the divorce rates for our country didn''t seriously start to climb until the 60''s. And it wasn''t until 1972 that we saw the average age of women at the time of marriage rise from 20 to 21, up to 23 in 1984, and by 1997 it was up to 25 years of age.

What is my point? There is no magic age at which to get married. There are many benefits to being married, and honestly, if you are going to uproot your life to follow him to Europe, you''d better be married to him! The military benefits alone are important.

Only you can decide what is best and true to your heart.

 

[BlueSki231]

My BF''s very close friend did this..
His friend''s GF was in the military... they ended up getting married (AND he joined the military) so they could be stationed together. They just went to the courthouse initially, and then had a formal wedding/reception about a year later when things settled.
You are extremely young but only you can know if you are really ready and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders - Go travel the world with him!

 

[girlie-girl]

I wouldn't let people talk you out of how you feel just because of your age. Everyone is different and everyone's relationship is different. My parents married when they were 18 and 19 years old. They are still so in love today, you can just feel it emanating from them both. Plus they are each other's best friend and have now been married 42 years (will be 43 years in January).

Having said that, I wouldn't get married just so you can be stationed with him in Europe. Get married because you want to spend your life with this man, no matter where that may be.

As far as a wedding goes, you could do a small, intimate ceremony for immediate family without having to get married at the courthouse. Perhaps there is a location that is special to the two of you? I'd be more concerned with getting to marry the man I loved, rather than having a wedding I'd always dreamed of.

Good luck!

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

jmfarmer what was your situation before you were doing long distance while he was overseas? Did you live together while you were in school? What was the first two years of your relationship like?

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Also - does your SO want to stay in the military as a career or is he finishing up after his time owed is through? I know you have your college degree, does he have one? If hes not planning on staying in the military and does not have a degree what is he planning on doing to support you after hes out?
My FF is in the Navy - hes on deployment now ''til May. We couldve gotten engaged before he left but decided to wait because we know we have enough time afterwards to truly make the most of it for ourselves and our family. THe point I''m trying to make is that we know we''ll where be in 2009 - engaged and he''ll be on his 2nd base with possibility of another deployment if that ship is out - 2010 engaged and getting married, we set the date already so he has something to work around and I know I''ll be done with school by then - then we have ''til 2011 so I can get a job for over a year whereeveer we end up living and if he decides to stay after his four years we''ve discussed possible places we''d like to live for his 3rd placement in the navy which may be land duty, but if he doesnt we''ve talked about him going back to grad school because he already has a degree so I know theres a chance I''ll support us for a couple years. If I didnt have this general idea of what was happening to us I''d be more reluctant to marry him and move away. I think thats all you should really consider with this wedding - your own well being. I know your family and friends can come down hard when it comes to age but just consider their perspectives while thinking about yourself and your SO first and foremost.

 

[jcarlylew82]

Date: 12/18/2008 10:59:14 PM
Author: Winks_Elf
Hmmm...you know, back in the 40''s it was very normal for people to get married so young, and you know what - the divorce rate was much lower than it is now! As a matter of fact, the divorce rates for our country didn''t seriously start to climb until the 60''s. And it wasn''t until 1972 that we saw the average age of women at the time of marriage rise from 20 to 21, up to 23 in 1984, and by 1997 it was up to 25 years of age.


What is my point? There is no magic age at which to get married. There are many benefits to being married, and honestly, if you are going to uproot your life to follow him to Europe, you''d better be married to him! The military benefits alone are important.


Only you can decide what is best and true to your heart.

excellent advise, thank you!!!

 

[jmfarmer]

THanks for all yalls help! I know he is the man I want to marry and know he can provide for me with whatever I might need, I have no doubt in that. He is currently finishing school while enlisted and will be starting law school soon after finishing. He also has a pilot slot and so will be furthering that career for as long as possible until he feels we are stable enough to get out and start a full on law career. He knows what he wants and is very determined and hard working. We were living together for about a year before he left while I was going through school and everything was awesome! His family isnt really involved with him or our relationship, but my family absolutely adores him. No one in my family has ever been divorced and it isnt something I believe in, unless there are extreme measures of course. I has always believed people give up to easily on their relationship. It really is a lot of work and I know that. I think we will most likely do a small ceremony before we leave and have a bigger one or reception later after we return. I think this will be the most realistic and suitable option for us!


thanks for all your advice! keep it coming!!

 

[radiantquest]

i think that you should do it, but dont think you can keep it a secret. everyone will know that you got married if all of a sudden you go wherever he is stationed. as long as you are sure that you are ready to be married and arent just doing it to be with him i would say do it.