Opinions on preschool protocal?

[MichelleCarmen]

Okay, can someone clear this up for me. . .My younger son has been going to the same preschool for 3 1/2 years. Before last year, my older son also went there. Over the course of that time period, there have been occasions when I''ve been upset over minor issues. Like for example, every month there was an official birthday party for the kids. On those days, my sons were both sent home with bags of candy. The teachers NEVER gave the candy out in class, so I was always stuck with having to battle my boys over when they could have the candy. It pissed me off, so finally I said NO MORE! That left me as being less than the most respected parent.

Another time, I asked that my kids no longer be given juice because the dentist said no more due to my younger son having two developing cavities. When I mentioned that, nobody looked particularily responsive or pleased but they''ve been serving my son water or milk instead.

Sooo, I''ve made a few other requests, BUT, the newest one was that the other day, I arrived at school and found my son sitting on the floor sucking his thumb and watching other kids play video games. His teach was off to the side playing with some of the other kids. I told her I didn''t want my son watching video games and that he''s only allowed to have any computer contact on Fri. & Sat. (he''s 5). She said okay but then rumour spread around the entire preschool about my son not being able to watch video games. A teacher I didn''t even know came up and commented on it.

My husband told me yesterday that every time I''ve brought up any issue, the teachers give him weird looks when he goes in there. . . he thinks we aren''t liked because we''re not "appathetic like other parents." He basically said just go with the flow. . .

Any thoughts on this? If it matters any, my son is just there PT so I can get errands done and laundry, etc., and then have more one-on-one when he''s home. We pay about $480 per month.

 

[Independent Gal]

Well, first of all, I totally do NOT get why it''s any of their business that your son has restricted video game exposure or whether he''s allowed to have juice. You''re the parent. Sending kids home with huge bags of candy, seating them in front of video games, adn giving them sugary juice does sound like a recipe for obesity and ill health. If you want to restrict those things, that is definitely your prerogative.

Second of all, now I''m seriously curious. When does SCHOOL start in the United States? I was 3 when I started school...and your son is 5? Is there no kindergarten or nursery in American schools?

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Kindergarten starts at age 5. In the district my son is in, any child turning 5 by the middle of July can enter kindergarten that Sept. My son only made the cut off by one week so he'd be the youngest in his class. We decided to wait an extra year because his older brother is 22 months older and is only in first grade, so cronologically speaking, they should be two years apart in school. It's a tough call to make, but we did make the right decision for him especially since the school goes up through age 12 and those kids seem so much older/bigger. (some are bigger than I am!) But, some of the kids are so tiny though, and a friend in another district is putting her daughter in school at age 4! That is just really young in the region we're in.

 

[asscherisme]

Why are they even playing video games? I have never been at a preschool where they do that and if they did, I would not be happy about it. I would not pay to have my child go to a school where they are playing video games.

And I hear you on the treats thing. That would bug me too.

I just recently pulled my daughter out of her preschool that her older brother went to for a year and she went last year because the teachers had become rude and my duaghter would leave there crying. I had the same thing that if I brought something up, they would become rude and snotty to me.

Is it possible for you to move her to another school?

 

[Independent Gal]

Ah, I get it! I was juuuuust after the deadline, and somehow mom snuck me in. So I was always the youngest (and smallest) in the class. But even now I''m smaller than the average first grader, so whatever!

Seriously, though. You are completely within your rights and within good sense, and those teachers are being rude.

 

[strmrdr]

Well personaly id have just told ya too take your kids elsewhere and had them do as the group did if ya didnt except on the juice that was legit.
On the games your setting your lids up too be alianated by the other kids or the other kids are going to see it as punishment that they cant have candy too take home and its your kids fault because you cant handle them.
Either way your kids lose.

 

[strmrdr]

ouch sorry MC that came out 50x more mean sounding as what I intended.
Sorry :{

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 10/24/2007 5:47:51 PM
Author: strmrdr
Well personaly id have just told ya too take your kids elsewhere and had them do as the group did if ya didnt except on the juice that was legit.
On the games your setting your lids up too be alianated by the other kids or the other kids are going to see it as punishment that they cant have candy too take home and its your kids fault because you cant handle them.
Either way your kids lose.

My husband said basically the same, that he'd be singled out. It's ridiculous to even have to ask such a thing. Letting them play video games is a sign of lazy teachers! What am I paying them for? I could keep my son at home all day and let him play LEGO STAR WARS II and use the $ I save to buy diamonds!

Really though, I cannot figure out a way to be happy about either of my kids' schools (remember I asked about private schools for my older one?). The systems are all incompetent and I'm just expecting proficiency.

Regarding changing schools. . .I had intended to do so, but found that most of the other schools are chain ones like Kindercare and the ones located by my house are on noisy streets and the only quiet one is the YMCA and that place simply creeps me out! It's also kind of late-in-the-game to change since he's starting elementary next year. I'm not sure about how he'd adjust now. . .(and I'd probably find more complaints about the other schools! lol)

 

[VegasAngel]

Well anyone who knows about daycare or preschool will tell you that videogames, tv etc.. at such places is a huge no-no. They provide juice & so called "Healthy" snacks becuase it is cheap. With the candy centers usually dont even allow it. If you are not happy pull your kid out. I pulled my daughter out of one after 4 days

Juice being one of the problems.

 

[mrssalvo]

MC, the video game thing seems strange to me. My daughters pre-school has a computer but it''s for one on one instructional time only on a very limited bases. our school swithced to searving only milk or water, kids aren''t even allowed to bring drinks in their lunch boxes. as for the b-day candy. i''d probably let it go, it''s once a month right not every day or even once a week. Let him have fun with the other kids going through the bag. although, our school doesn''t allow candy but does allow cupcakes or treats for snack on a b-day. i''m sure it''s hard, but you only have one more year of preschool. I have found kindergarten to by waaaaay worse. sugar treats every day, parties etc. athough my daughter is in a public school so private may be different. good luck though.

 

[zoebartlett]

Hmmm, I''m not sure about the video game thing but I''d let go of the candy being handed out. At least the teacher isn''t letting the kids eat it at school (she''s probably letting the parents dole it out as they choose). Where is the candy coming from? Are parents bringing it in as a treat for their child (and the class) who''s celebrating a birthday? If so, I''d let that go. As MrsS. said, it''s not an everyday occurance. I''m a teacher, and although we try to promote healthy snacks at school, we do allow parents to bring in cupcakes, etc. for special occasions.

As for the computers, I let my kids use the computer for reading, math, and keyboarding related activities a few times a week. Any other computer toys or games kids bring in from home are off-limits.

 

[surfgirl]

Personally, I see nothing wrong with having no candy and no video games/TV! Kids spend WAY too much time on computers when they get older, no need to get them to start vegging out at age 5! I think that''s ridiculous. You need to find another place. My nephews went to Montessory I think, and got ALOT of structured attention and they sure as heck weren''t playing video games. It sounds like you simply aren''t a good fit with this place. Find another option!

 

[mrssalvo]

surfgirl, you''d be surprised how difficult it is to find a preschool and changing after the school year has started in nearly impossible. normally, the best one''s have waiting lists of at least a year if not longer. and it''s soooo hard to find one''s that are just preschools and not daycare/preschools. Many are run by chruches so depending on your faith you may be limited to your denomination or run the risk of having your child learning about things you many or may not believe in or support. I honestly had no idea until my daughter was 3 and I started looking. At least that is how it is here in TN.

MC, look at it this way, although many parents may be upset there are other parents who i''m sure support and agree with you and may just not want to speak up. you are laying the ground work for the future and hopefully the school will look at some of their policy''s and change them and others will benefit.

 

[Haven]

MC--Children should NOT be playing video games in school--preschool, elementary school, high school, it doesn''t matter. Video games are not a good use of instructional time. The juice thing shouldn''t be an issue for the teacher--children have all sorts of food restrictions and school should be used to accommodating them. And as for the candy, I can''t believe the teachers give the candy to the CHILDREN at the end of the day, that seems irresponsible to me.

I''m surprised that the staff is not being receptive to your needs--I can tell you that in my school the parents have ALL the power, and it should be the same in your son''s preschool, too. If the staff doesn''t understand this, I''m sure there is an administrator who would be willing to listen to your feedback and take some action. Your experience with this school is unacceptable. You are the type of parent most educators dream of having--you are involved and you care about your child''s health, well-being, and education. If I were you I''d start looking for a school that did the same. Good luck!

 

[diamondfan]

Mc, what you are doing is called parenting. Please do not feel you should not speak up. I think, frankly, they are not being professional if they are giving you attitude for telling them what you would like in terms of your children. You have every right. More parents should do this. Most times parents have a laissez faire attitude. It is tough to speak out, but this is your family and you have to deal with reperscussions. And may I be honest and say I am less than thrilled with a school the gives kids candy (allergies? weight issues?) and allows video games, because those are personal choices for a parent to make and I think they should not be the ones to promote it. You have the right as the parent to decide what your kids eat and are exposed to. If they are too lazy to do their jobs or respect it, too bad. I would hope you have other school options or that they will be out soon. They are not the mom, they should be more than happy to accomodate you and be glad that you are an involved parent.

I might have a conversation with the head of the school. Tell her you feel that there are certain basics in school, such as not giving out candy without asking, allowing them to watch videos, and giving you an attitude when you are asking them to limit sugar based on doctor's recommendations. Tell her you are being made to feel uncomfortable and feel there is a lack of respect for your wishes. Frankly, all three of your requests are very reasonable, and as the mom it is within your rights to ask for those things. A pre school should be aware of establishing good habits too. So, I might ignore the pettiness of the teachers but I would nicely but firmly tell the person in charge that this is not cool at all.

 

[surfgirl]

Date: 10/25/2007 8:33:03 PM
Author: mrssalvo
surfgirl, you''d be surprised how difficult it is to find a preschool and changing after the school year has started in nearly impossible. normally, the best one''s have waiting lists of at least a year if not longer. and it''s soooo hard to find one''s that are just preschools and not daycare/preschools. Many are run by chruches so depending on your faith you may be limited to your denomination or run the risk of having your child learning about things you many or may not believe in or support. I honestly had no idea until my daughter was 3 and I started looking. At least that is how it is here in TN.


MC, look at it this way, although many parents may be upset there are other parents who i''m sure support and agree with you and may just not want to speak up. you are laying the ground work for the future and hopefully the school will look at some of their policy''s and change them and others will benefit.

Well, I dont know nuthin bout birthin no babies, but I know whack when I see it. Seriously though, MCs requests seem very normal to me.

 

[oobiecoo]

I know that teachers (in my area at least) are struggling with parents wanting to bring cupcakes and stuff for kids birthdays. I think that having a birthday party once a month in class is a good alternative to having birthday sweets brought in possibly once a week or even more. I would just got with the flow on that one and let your child have the candy or whatever that day that he brings it home. Maybe give him just a bit and throw out the rest. As far as video games go... I would be furious to know that I was paying $500/ month for my child to play or watch video games. The children should be going outside to get some exercise instead. And with your child only having computer contact 2 days a week.... I''m not sure why you limit it that much. I remember having a computer when I was 5 and I learned so much from the programs on it and the limited internet that we had. I had so much fun with the typing tutor program, math programs, "reader rabbit", and the map and zoo programs. I''m not sure why you restrict the computer usage, but getting something like "Reader Rabbit" might be very educational for him yet still fun. It could be a daily activity (maybe 30 mins a day)... kinda like his "studying" time. I agree that putting alot of restrictions on your child will definitely cause him to be singled out... but do whatever you feel is right. Choose your battles wisely though because kids can be cruel to each other if one kid looks, dresses, or acts differently from everyone else.

 

[swingirl]

Don''t expect daycare or school to be run like your own home. Find someplace that has your same values or better yet keep you son home with you where you can make the rules. You can ask the owner of the day care to consider your preferences to a point (food allergies or problem foods) but you cannot change the daily routine she has set up. TV and video games are pretty much the norm today.

If your child is already 5 wouldn''t he be in kindergarten. He''s old enough to accompany you on your errands and enjoy the scenery and he''s old enough to amuse himself while you do laundry. I think the fella must be board stiff with daycare at his age. By 5 a lot of kids are starting to read, add, play math games, write the alphebet AND use a computer with educational programs. Those games can be word recognition, counting games, logic games, keyboarding, drawing, etc.

One good trick for candy---tell them they can eat candy as long as they brush their teeth after every piece. They will either get annoyed at having to brush or will eat and then brush. Either way, no cavities!

 

[mrssalvo]

Date: 10/26/2007 2:59:45 AM
Author: surfgirl

Date: 10/25/2007 8:33:03 PM

Author: mrssalvo

surfgirl, you'd be surprised how difficult it is to find a preschool and changing after the school year has started in nearly impossible. normally, the best one's have waiting lists of at least a year if not longer. and it's soooo hard to find one's that are just preschools and not daycare/preschools. Many are run by chruches so depending on your faith you may be limited to your denomination or run the risk of having your child learning about things you many or may not believe in or support. I honestly had no idea until my daughter was 3 and I started looking. At least that is how it is here in TN.



MC, look at it this way, although many parents may be upset there are other parents who i'm sure support and agree with you and may just not want to speak up. you are laying the ground work for the future and hopefully the school will look at some of their policy's and change them and others will benefit.

Well, I dont know nuthin bout birthin no babies, but I know whack when I see it. Seriously though, MCs requests seem very normal to me.

ha, I agree it is whack, just not unusual unfortunately

at least the candy part. I've not seen any preschool in my area allow video games though, that does seem very out of line and I would be livid to pay almost $500/month to find the kids were doing that. seriously!!

 

[diamondfan]

Remember you are your kids advocate. It takes courage to speak up, and also, I am sure many parents would thank you. Just because they might not be able to speak up for whatever reason, assuming they have not, you are being brave to do so. You might also be surprised to know you are not the first parent to complain, but it does not matter if you are or not, you want something reasonable for you kid and it should be provided with professionalism.

 

[Kaleigh]

Vidoe games in preschool?? Not on my dime, so am right there with you on THAT!!! The birthday treats once a month, seems to be the norm. My kids had that, was way better than one every week. Stay strong, speak up, you are the only voice your child has at this age. You are the advocate.
Talk in private to the head of the school if need be. Best of luck.

 

[Girlrocks]

style="WIDTH: 99%; HEIGHT: 123px">Date: 10/26/2007 4:01:30 AM
Author: swingirl
Don''t expect daycare or school to be run like your own home. Find someplace that has your same values or better yet keep you son home with you where you can make the rules. You can ask the owner of the day care to consider your preferences to a point (food allergies or problem foods) but you cannot change the daily routine she has set up. TV and video games are pretty much the norm today.

If your child is already 5 wouldn''t he be in kindergarten. He''s old enough to accompany you on your errands and enjoy the scenery and he''s old enough to amuse himself while you do laundry. I think the fella must be board stiff with daycare at his age. By 5 a lot of kids are starting to read, add, play math games, write the alphebet AND use a computer with educational programs. Those games can be word recognition, counting games, logic games, keyboarding, drawing, etc.

One good trick for candy---tell them they can eat candy as long as they brush their teeth after every piece. They will either get annoyed at having to brush or will eat and then brush. Either way, no cavities!

I agree.

I definitely would have a problem with the video games though...there is plenty of other activities that can be done during the hectic pick up time at preschool.

I think the candy thing is the norm, and personally, I would prefer that they send it home and let me give it to my child rather than a candy fest at school. I have 3 children, the youngest is still in preschool (she''s 3), and this just goes with the territory. I have to put out fires all day long among my 3 children! You can take some of the candy out of the bag each day and through it away, so there is not so much and it only lasts a few days (this is what I do with Halloween candy...through handfuls away each day when the kids aren''t looking).

My 3 year old already uses the computer...Fischer-Price has a lot of games online for younger children, and since computers are such a big part of life today, it''s best to get them training with some skills early on. My older kids have had computer lab in school since kindergarten. My second grader has an online program that they use in school as well as at home to learn math.

I would also have a problem with rumors being spread around the school about you for ANY reason. If you brought up an issue with your sons teacher or the preschool director in confidence, no matter what that issue is, I think it speaks very poorly of the school that it was spread around, and even other teachers commented on it.

Since you said he''s been there for 3 1/2 years, I think it''s time to start looking for something else. i also do not like the chain "preschools" (= daycare in my opinion...Kiddy Academy, etc), but my children have all gone to private church run preschools that are accredited. Or, since he is 5, does your public school offer a pre-K program?

Good luck...this is tough!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Okay, first off I entirely agree that a monthly party is within reason. . .the problem I had mostly with the candy was #1) they handed out too much. one or two pieces is cool. 10 is not. #2) they hand out bags AFTER school, which forces me, as a parent, to dictate the handling of when my boys get the candy. I''m being put in the position of being the bad guy regarding a problem I normally wouldn''t put myself in since I limit sugar intake. PLUS, the teachers clearly know that kids high on sugar are impossible to control, so they decided it''s in their better interest to pass this burden onto the parents.

Regarding computer time. . .I shouldn''t have to defend the decision my husband and I have made, but I will state firstly, that in a world where kids spend hours a day playing video games while becoming overweight, I am trying hard to ''train'' my kids to learn other ways to entertain themselves so at a later point, they may not be so inclined to follow our new socially acceptable norms at becoming sendentary. Surely, they will learn to use the computer for educational purposes as they get older AND I will aid in this, but right now they are too young. Also, in addition, when they get on the computer, it is a nightmare to get them off. They throw fits and THIS is the second reason the aren''t allowed on the computer at any old time. They haven''t proven they''re mature enough to handle regular computer useage.

Contrary to my posts, I''m not a mean parent AT ALL. In fact, often times my kids have too much freedom & luxuriousness. They''re spoiled rotten by grandparents, getting $100 lego sets, etc., and I take them out to eat and have "dates" with them including movies and going to the park (and one chocolate for pleasure, not a whole candy bar for overindulgence). I''m not the perfect parent and sometimes don''t make dinner until 7:30 while I instead sit around goofing off, but I try and stick to my parenting game-play in certain regards enough to strike balance.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

oops, sorry if I sounded rude there. I wasn't meaning to be. . .It is really hard to be a good parent. I'm just trying my best!

 

[diamondfan]

I do not think you should apologize. I do not think you were in the wrong, and I think the school has not handled things in a professional manner. Obesity among kids is epidemic, and allergies to ingredients abound and can be very serious. Video games do NOT belong in school. Research shows that kids who play them to often are at a high risk academically and emotionally. It also ties in with obesity issues because kids become couch potatoes. I am referring NOT to an occasional Leapster et al game that is educational but the really violent or mindless ones. As a parent, the home should be the place where a lot of this is decided. Many schools, elementary through high school, have revamped menus and snack options due to weight and health issues, so while a monthly day that celebrates all kids with birthdays in that month with something sweet is fine, handing bags filled with candy is not a great idea. Bottom line, you should have every right to state how you feel, have them try to follow through and NOT be the butt of commentary. However, I think it is time to look into alternatives, places that are more in line with your views.

 

[mrssalvo]

MC i'm 100% sure you are a great mom and just want what's best for your boys. this whole candy thing is really bugging me. Is the school purchasing all the candy and filling the bags themselves? I can kind of understand if parents are filling the bags and opt to do candy. I never do, when I host a b-day party the goodie bags are filled with playdoh, stickers, tatoos, pensils and other little toy items though. But there are parents who have no problem with candy, sadly. If the school is footing the bill for all the candy though I don't see why they wouldn't go for not food items to send home. the are just as special to the kids and don't affect their health. The video games thing is crazy too and I'd at least ask that my child only be allowed a certain about of time a day. it would be hard to say no time b/c he/she would see all the other kids having a turn and think it's punishment. So, if he stays i'd see if they can really moniter it and keep him to a short time. anyway, stay strong, future parents in the program will thank you

 

[TravelingGal]

re: video/computer games for kids...

I worked for a very well known company that made educational software for kids. We even had software for "baby". The toddler version sold especially well.

Which is exactly the point...it SOLD well. We all sat there looking at the stuff they were making and thought, this is crazy...it is not a good idea to stick your kid in front of the computer at that age. Even the developers thought so. But these calls were often made by senior execs who were men and only cared about the bottom line.

There were a lot of borderline shenanigans that I saw at our company. Just know that just because it exists, it doesn''t mean it''s a good idea.