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Oh dear lord.

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julabean

julabean

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
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198
My boss just came in with a very beautiful wedding invitation she received. After my boss was done reading it, she let me look at it. The RSVP are these tiny little envelopes with great red and gold detailing...and then there is a second, check sized envelope with an address label on it. After I looked at the invitation, I was horrified. At the very bottom, there is a blurb that says: "Due to their moving out of the country, no wedding registry is set up. Please provide cash gifts." Not only is that extremely, extremely tacky (in my humble opinion!) to ASK for money on a wedding invitation, but to PROVIDE the cash/check sized envelope? I don''t even know what to say.

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Anyway. Am slightly horrified and felt the need to share.
 
Ohhh man is that bad. That has to be one of the tackiest things I have EVER heard of.
 
That is bad! I moved out of the country but wasn''t near classless enough to put registry details on the invitation with little envelopes. Saying that though, what country is the other party from? Giving the benefit of the doubt, is that more acceptable in their culture?
 
very tasteless... but I will be honest... I wish it wasn''t cause I would totally do the same! hahaha. cash is the best gift!
 
Wow. Just... wow.

I guess it could be worse, they could have sent a list of suggested donation amounts...
 
Ok... I dont know why I dont find it tacky... If that is what the person wants.. thats what i want to give them.. I dont want them to make a registry just because its "tacky" to put cash or giftcard or something..

I mean me and my FI honestly have NOTHING we need that we would need to register for. We will have lived together almost 4 years and bought eveything together that we have... What are we supposed to register for? Stupid crap we dont need?? I find that it is more insulting to find out that we returned a gift because we didnt want it or need it to begin with and made them waste their time going to get some stupid gift we didnt need...then just tell them we would like money to put towards getting a house together or something...

I mean honestly... what are we supposed to do? Id really like some input because we have talked about it alot and honestly couldnt think of a thing that we need like most couples do that dont live together before... We are the type if we want/need something... we just go buy it..
 
That is so bad that I would probably think it was a joke if I received one. I hope your boss puts some monopoly money in there.
 
Date: 12/4/2008 9:23:29 PM
Author: blondebunny
Ok... I dont know why I dont find it tacky... If that is what the person wants.. thats what i want to give them.. I dont want them to make a registry just because its 'tacky' to put cash or giftcard or something..


I mean me and my FI honestly have NOTHING we need that we would need to register for. We will have lived together almost 4 years and bought eveything together that we have... What are we supposed to register for? Stupid crap we dont need?? I find that it is more insulting to find out that we returned a gift because we didnt want it or need it to begin with and made them waste their time going to get some stupid gift we didnt need...then just tell them we would like money to put towards getting a house together or something...


I mean honestly... what are we supposed to do? Id really like some input because we have talked about it alot and honestly couldnt think of a thing that we need like most couples do that dont live together before... We are the type if we want/need something... we just go buy it..
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You are supposed to not register for the stuff you don't need and hope people get the hint or have the moms spread the word discreetly when people ask. But seriously, you don't think there is something wrong with putting cash sized donation envelopes in with the invites???

Gifts are supposed to be given if desired and with the right intent. A wedding is not thrown with the expectation of gifts, and this sounds like the bride and groom basically expect everyone to give them cash. Not ok in my book.
 
Hey BB,

If a couple wants cash, that's what I would give them too. But it is tacky to mention it in the invite. My FI and I are having the opposite problem where we don't want gifts of any kind - we're having a DW wedding and would prefer our guests to spend their money on their travel arrangements - but we know NOT to mention this in the invite. We're hoping our guests get the message through 'word of mouth'.

I found this online. Hopefully it answers your questions and offers some alternatives to the standard gift registry.


"Wedding gifts of any kind should never be mentioned on an invitation or even sent with the invitation; to do so implies that a guest is required to give you a present. A wedding invitation should simply convey that you would like someone to be there at a very special occasion.

Many guests will ask the members of the bridal party and your immediate family for your registry information. The easiest thing for these people to reply is "They're registered at WeddingGeeGaws, but I also know they are saving for a down payment on a house." Hopefully if you know someone well enough to have them in your wedding party, you can be honest with them about your hopes for wedding gifts.

There will always be guests who believe that giving money is tacky, or who simply feel uncomfortable with doing so. I suggest putting together a modest wedding registry for these guests. Even if you have your kitchen and entertaining needs covered, there are so many different kinds of places to register for wedding gifts, from camping stores to fine art and lots in between.

Companies have now created registries that are essentially veiled ways of asking for money. For example, at a honeymoon registry, a guest can give you the gift of "a nice dinner out," or "tickets to a play." You receive the cash, minus the site's fee, and can then use it for your honeymoon expenses. Suntrust Bank has even created a bridal registry for a down payment on a home. And TheKnot offers "Create-a-Gift", which allows you to ask for money for just about anything you can think of, in the form of American Express gift checks. So are these options okay, or tacky? At their worst, they can seem greedy, and almost as bad as just stating "please give us cold hard cash!" with the added bonus of service-and-handling fees. But if you've planned out a very specific honeymoon itinerary so that guests can really feel like they're giving a wedding gift, and not just writing a check, that can alleviate some of those vibes. After all, once upon a time (and even still, to the most etiquette-picky in the world) any kind of wedding registry was considered tacky. As these become more common to use, it's likely that any tackiness will become a thing of the past."
 
TACKY
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Date: 12/4/2008 9:23:29 PM
Author: blondebunny
Ok... I dont know why I dont find it tacky... If that is what the person wants.. thats what i want to give them.. I dont want them to make a registry just because its ''tacky'' to put cash or giftcard or something..

I mean me and my FI honestly have NOTHING we need that we would need to register for. We will have lived together almost 4 years and bought eveything together that we have... What are we supposed to register for? Stupid crap we dont need?? I find that it is more insulting to find out that we returned a gift because we didnt want it or need it to begin with and made them waste their time going to get some stupid gift we didnt need...then just tell them we would like money to put towards getting a house together or something...

I mean honestly... what are we supposed to do? Id really like some input because we have talked about it alot and honestly couldnt think of a thing that we need like most couples do that dont live together before... We are the type if we want/need something... we just go buy it..
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I also don''t find the idea of asking for money tacky. The last (and only during my adult years) two weddings I have been to have asked for money instead of gifts. They have put this request on a seperate card, worded very nicely- both times in a poem- so it implies that you do not have to give them a gift, but if you would like to, please give cash. When we (eventually) get married I also don''t want presents as we are in the same situation as you, and we have a mortgage, we have lots of stuff, but little money!

I do find the idea of a cheque sized envelope tacky though- it implies you should give them money even if you don''t go to the wedding.
 
I do find it extremely tacky to ask for money on a wedding invite, especially putting a cheque sized envelope in with it! D and I have pretty much everything that we want in our house but we''ll be thrilled with whatever people want to give us.
 
Holy crap!
 
That is beyond tacky...it''s downright rude!
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I''m in NJ, and have never known anyone who went to a wedding with anything other than a check or cash in the wedding card as a gift, but to outright ASK for money? The first thing that comes to mind is "don''t have a big wedding if you can''t afford to pay for it!"
 
Date: 12/4/2008 9:44:27 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 12/4/2008 9:23:29 PM
Author: blondebunny
Ok... I dont know why I dont find it tacky... If that is what the person wants.. thats what i want to give them.. I dont want them to make a registry just because its ''tacky'' to put cash or giftcard or something..


I mean me and my FI honestly have NOTHING we need that we would need to register for. We will have lived together almost 4 years and bought eveything together that we have... What are we supposed to register for? Stupid crap we dont need?? I find that it is more insulting to find out that we returned a gift because we didnt want it or need it to begin with and made them waste their time going to get some stupid gift we didnt need...then just tell them we would like money to put towards getting a house together or something...


I mean honestly... what are we supposed to do? Id really like some input because we have talked about it alot and honestly couldnt think of a thing that we need like most couples do that dont live together before... We are the type if we want/need something... we just go buy it..
Click to expand...

You are supposed to not register for the stuff you don''t need and hope people get the hint or have the moms spread the word discreetly when people ask. But seriously, you don''t think there is something wrong with putting cash sized donation envelopes in with the invites???

Gifts are supposed to be given if desired and with the right intent. A wedding is not thrown with the expectation of gifts, and this sounds like the bride and groom basically expect everyone to give them cash. Not ok in my book.
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Ditto, a bride should not have an expectation of gifts from her guests. She should be grateful for anything she receives, even if it''s completely not what she wants/needs- and she especially shouldn''t mention gifts in any correspondence to her guests let alone specifically asking for cash and providing a envelope for it. As someone else already said, that invitation is no different than the letters we receive asking for charitable contributions. IMO that is extremely tacky and as the recipient of the invite, it would leave a sour taste in my mouth.
 
I guess what I meant is I dont think its tacky to ask for cash, but I wouldnt include it on the invite...yes that is tacky... I wouldnt even include the registry on the invite.. and no i dont expect people to get me stuff.. just wanted to clear that up.. :-)
 
Date: 12/5/2008 7:25:47 AM
Author: Sabine
Holy crap!
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That''s exactly what I thought when I saw this. Especially with the check sized envelope. I am hoping we will get some cash as gifts (we are having an out of state wedding so hauling back gifts is going to be a pain) but I don''t think that I would have handled it the way they did. I am counting on my mom to spread the word to our guests.
 
Those "Honeymoon Registries" charge 7%!!! That's a lot of money wasted just for some silly formality. I'm going to do a really small registry for whatever I really want and hope the rest is cash.
I often think about registering at Saks for shoes, clothes and handbags for myself. muhahahahaha. But my BF would never let me get away with it.
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Reminds me of that song..."I want money. Just give me money..."
 
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Shame on the couple. And shame on the stationer who provided those check-sized envelopes, are there no industry standards?

Blondebunny--I understand your predicament, and I think nowadays many couples find themselves needing very little because they are marrying later and often living together before marriage. However, the problem still remains that dictating which type of gift you like (beyond choosing your own registry) is terribly rude.
If I were you, I would register for items that you really do want, and leave it at that. Now would be a good time to upgrade your cookware, dishes (serving dishes, especially), table linens, bath linens, or even bed linens. If you truly do not want anything more than what you have, do not register for anything at all. Your guests will ask you where you're registered, and you can tell them that you did not need anything and whatever they choose will be greatly appreciated. You may find that your guests end up finding really special items that you never could have chosen for yourselves, but that you love, anyway.

I have to say, though, that my husband and I just married in July, we're 38 and 28, and although we didn't live together before marriage, we had a lot of "things" before we were married. However, we did not have fine china, or fine table linens, or even nice bath towels. We found more than enough to put on our registry, and I really love having serving platters and other items from friends and family, because I think of our friends and family every time we use the items.

ETA: I do find it amusing that these couples who have "everything" want money at all. If you have everything you need, why expect your guests to give you anything at all? I don't understand it.
 
Wow.

I agree with BB on not finding it tacky wanting money, especially when the couple already has most of the things they would register for.

On the other hand, I think what most people are concerned/shocked/appalled? about is 1) the couple felt it ok to include this request on the wedding invitation; and 2) the couple included an envelope for the cash. I DO find this tacky.

Just wow.
 
Date: 12/5/2008 12:58:39 PM
Author: Haven
ETA: I do find it amusing that these couples who have ''everything'' want money at all. If you have everything you need, why expect your guests to give you anything at all? I don''t understand it.
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Me either, Haven
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It really is quite mind blowing, isn''t it?!
 
WOW.
 
Date: 12/5/2008 7:38:46 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl
Wow.


I agree with BB on not finding it tacky wanting money, especially when the couple already has most of the things they would register for.


On the other hand, I think what most people are concerned/shocked/appalled? about is 1) the couple felt it ok to include this request on the wedding invitation; and 2) the couple included an envelope for the cash. I DO find this tacky.


Just wow.
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It''s one thing to prefer money. It''s another thing to ask for it directly.
 
"Oh dear Lord" is correct!

But that is nothing. There is a TV show that I watch called "rich Bride Poor Bride" (Canadian only, I believe) where they had an ATM machine next to the card box at the invitation!!! The wedding planner put bows on it to try and make it look "nicer".
It was horrible!!!

And the best part was....the bride was somebody I used to work with!
 
Date: 12/5/2008 11:05:20 PM
Author: i_heart_cushions
''Oh dear Lord'' is correct!


But that is nothing. There is a TV show that I watch called ''rich Bride Poor Bride'' (Canadian only, I believe) where they had an ATM machine next to the card box at the invitation!!! The wedding planner put bows on it to try and make it look ''nicer''.

It was horrible!!!


And the best part was....the bride was somebody I used to work with!
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Haha, I really thought that was a joke that went horribly, horribly wrong when the planner didn''t realize it was a joke.

I can''t believe you used to work with her, though. I just saw that episode last weekend!
 
Date: 12/5/2008 12:58:39 PM
Author: Haven
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Shame on the couple. And shame on the stationer who provided those check-sized envelopes, are there no industry standards?

Blondebunny--I understand your predicament, and I think nowadays many couples find themselves needing very little because they are marrying later and often living together before marriage. However, the problem still remains that dictating which type of gift you like (beyond choosing your own registry) is terribly rude.
If I were you, I would register for items that you really do want, and leave it at that. Now would be a good time to upgrade your cookware, dishes (serving dishes, especially), table linens, bath linens, or even bed linens. If you truly do not want anything more than what you have, do not register for anything at all. Your guests will ask you where you''re registered, and you can tell them that you did not need anything and whatever they choose will be greatly appreciated. You may find that your guests end up finding really special items that you never could have chosen for yourselves, but that you love, anyway.

I have to say, though, that my husband and I just married in July, we''re 38 and 28, and although we didn''t live together before marriage, we had a lot of ''things'' before we were married. However, we did not have fine china, or fine table linens, or even nice bath towels. We found more than enough to put on our registry, and I really love having serving platters and other items from friends and family, because I think of our friends and family every time we use the items.

ETA: I do find it amusing that these couples who have ''everything'' want money at all. If you have everything you need, why expect your guests to give you anything at all? I don''t understand it.
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DH and I were in the same situation - I''m 36 and he''s 33, and we''d lived together in a house we owned for 4 years before we got married. Having left home a VERY long time ago, we had everything.

But, we had cheapy china not fine bone china, none of our flatware matched as different sets had been mixed and pieces lost over the years, half our glasses had chips etc.

We now have beautiful china, flatware and glasses (but all affordable and easily replaceable), lovely new bed linen and towels and new top of the range saucepans and cooking paraphenalia.

I had to top up our registry 3 times as we kept running out.

My favourite gifts were things we hadn''t registered for at all.

In the UK it''s usual to give gifts (we don''t have showers) not money - We were given about 6 cheques out of 120 guests. My favourite gifts of all were things that were very individual to the giver - a selection of incredible antique fabrics and embroidery from the Laotian Royal Family given by a friend of my parents was one that I truly treasure.

No gift information should EVER be included with invitations. Tacky, tacky, tacky. People will ask where the registry is if they want to know.

If the couple are moving abroad, it''s very simple to set up a registry in the new country - the internet is a marvel! My BIL married a girl from Chicago and they live here in London, so they registered at John Lewis in the UK - simple....
 
BlondeBunny,

No, there is nothing wrong with or tacky about asking for cash, especially if you have nothing to register for. My husband and I didn't, either. (I do not need eight more sets of formal china or new bedsheets.)

But you don't ASK for it. You don't put it on the invites, you don't call people and say "oh, hey, so instead of an item, can you just give us cash?"

If someone asks YOU, "what do you want for a wedding gift?" you say, "oh, we would really prefer cash." You let your parents know this as well, so that if they get asked, they can politely inform. But in fairness, MOST guests will know that you already have everything you need, and will get you a gift card or cash anyway. Usually it's only the ones that don't feel like they're getting you anything if they don't get you something physical that will still insist on it.

This was my experience. Everyone gave us checks or gift cards, but two of our guests didn't feel like they were giving us anything since they didn't have a box to bring into the wedding, so they got us something simple as a physical gift in addition to the monetary one. (We got these precious "Mr." and "Mrs." mugs from a groomsmen and his girlfriend who gave us a Target gift card, a bottle of wine from hub's grandparents who gave us a check.)

If I received such an invitation, I would politely decline attendance and, depending on how close I was to the couple, I would probably send the empty check envelope along with it.
 
Date: 12/5/2008 11:05:20 PM
Author: i_heart_cushions
But that is nothing. There is a TV show that I watch called ''rich Bride Poor Bride'' (Canadian only, I believe) where they had an ATM machine next to the card box at the invitation!!! The wedding planner put bows on it to try and make it look ''nicer''.
It was horrible!!!

And the best part was....the bride was somebody I used to work with!
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Haha - I saw that episode. I was beyond mortified just watching it. I can''t believe you used to work with the bride - that''s hilarious!
 
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