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next Q...should the parents pay for their kid''s wedding?

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Dancing Fire

Dancing Fire

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I certainly am not expecting my parents to pay for mine!
 
If they want a certain type of wedding for their son or daughter/want to invite their own guests, then yes :)
 
Date: 1/12/2009 7:34:49 PM
Author: Elmorton
If they want a certain type of wedding for their son or daughter/want to invite their own guests, then yes :)
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Good point Elmorton--if parents are throwing a party for themselves more than their kids, then they should pay for it. If I were wedding planning and my parents added a bunch of guests without contributing financially, I would be a little POed.

Granted, neither my nor SO's parents would not do that, so it's a bit of a moot point in our situation.
 
Only if they really want to.

And I agree with El, as well.
 
It would be nice of them to help out but I''m not expecting it!
 
Date: 1/12/2009 7:34:49 PM
Author: Elmorton
If they want a certain type of wedding for their son or daughter/want to invite their own guests, then yes :)
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Ditto - otherwise, not necessary at all.
 
My parents said that they know they don''t have to, but they want to pay for our wedding. I am their only daughter and they want me to have a beautiful wedding and I know that is only because they eloped. At their 25th anniversary about 8 years ago they renewed their vows and had the party they always wanted. I think they don''t want me to wait 25 years for the same, so they said go ahead and it costs whatever it costs. I am not taking advantage of them. We will have a beautiful wedding without breaking the bank.
 
Should they? No. Is it an extremely generous and kind thing for parents to do? Yes.
 
I don''t think they "should" as in its expected. Most parents I know help out with the wedding but not pay for it 100%.
But I think that also depends on one''s culture and how traditional the parents are.

A friend of mine who''s getting married, her parents said that today''s couples want extravagant weddings, filled with show stopping extravaganza and its because of this that they don''t want to contribute. I guess they see it as a big party instead of a real wedding and feel the meaning of it kind of diminishes. That is their opinion of it anyway.

I don''t expect for my parents to pay for my wedding, but if they offered to help I would be happy with that :)
 
I know my parents are expecting to contribute/pay for it. Which would be lovely, and far more than I expected. And if they don''t, no big deal. As for what people "should" do? I''m not using that word this year, but I will do what is best in my unique situation, and I expect that others will probably do the same.
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One of my brothers got married before I did. They paid for a specific item at his wedding. Might have been the bar bill. . . I don''t remember. But they said they would do the same for me and my other brother. So they will not be paying for the whole wedding. I''m their only daughter and I''ve heard so many people say the bride''s parents pay for the wedding. Is that really "expected" these days. My parents can''t afford it any more than I can.
 
Date: 1/12/2009 8:06:01 PM
Author: hoofbeats95
One of my brothers got married before I did. They paid for a specific item at his wedding. Might have been the bar bill. . . I don''t remember. But they said they would do the same for me and my other brother. So they will not be paying for the whole wedding. I''m their only daughter and I''ve heard so many people say the bride''s parents pay for the wedding. Is that really ''expected'' these days. My parents can''t afford it any more than I can.
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I do not think that it is. The mindset that the bride''s parents pays is the old-fashioned one in my opinion. I prefer the idea that your parents have; that they pay for a specific thing or give a specific dollar amount. My parents said they would pay for something or give some money, but personally, I am 25 and have been saving for a wedding and I would feel awkward making my parents pay for my wedding when I can full-well afford it.
 
I think the sense of entitlement these days is shocking, as is the expectation that a wedding has to be this grand affair. I get shocked and appalled watching people paying what some pay for a HOUSE for a party.. I think whoever wants this type of party, needs to una$$ the cash. So if mommy and daddy want to invite every coworker they know, then they need to pay for it, and if a bride want''s a 5K cake, it should come out of her own savings!
 
If they want to and it makes them happy to do so. I don''t believe parents should operate under any obligation to pay for such things.
 
Honestly it might sound terrible to some, but in my situation yes I do expect my parents to pay. They have already told me they will pay for my wedding, and have mentioned how much they are willing to spend. My parents can afford to pay it so I don''t feel bad about it. If I want anything they thought was excessive (like I would like more than one dress) I''ll happily pay for that. I should also mention they paid for my sister''s wedding so it would be unfair not to pay for mine. I also plan that if I have a daughter I will pay for her wedding as well.
 
Sizzle--A 5K CAKE!?!?

Anyway . . .
I''m not sure if I think it''s not ALL about a sense of entitlement. I think many people have a desire to show off (parents as well as couples) to friends and family. I''ve heard a lot of brides and parents say "I want my/my child''s wedding to be the one that everyone remembers" or something along those lines.
 
Should? No, I don''t think so. If they want to contribute and are able to, I think it''s a very generous and lovely thing to do. If they have certain requirements/demands, that they should pay for, though. My parents paid for half the wedding.
 
I agree that no they don't need to pay for the wedding unless they want to and that is extremely generous. My parents paid for the reception. We paid for the cake, flowers, music, and the other things. It was very generous of them. In fact when my dad turned 70 we hosted his birthday party at my house and invited all the friends and family so I think I like to give back in return and plan to do the same for his 80th. Hey, I got off topic, lol!
 
Should? No. But if they want to, it is very kind.
 
EVen if they are young . . . . not entirely. The bride and groom should always contribute; mom and dad should never pay outright for everything.
 
I guess it just depends on the family situation. I have three sisters, so with 4 daughters there is no way that any of us were expecting my parents to pay for everything! My dad paid for our reception and DH''s parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and booze at the reception. DH and I paid for everything else.
 
All of it? Not unless they want to.. but I think it would be nice to offer SOME money for the dress/ flowers/ location/ honeymoon. My parents had a wedding in ''83 for less than $4000. That included dress, rings, location, food, lack of pictures.... they paid for it themselves and don''t feel they should contribute much/ or anything to my wedding. *sigh* I wish they would. It would help. That''s the point. But whatever, it''s fine. I''d marry SO under a tree in dead winter with my pjs and snow boots on if I had to
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Date: 1/12/2009 8:39:18 PM
Author: Haven
Sizzle--A 5K CAKE!?!?

Anyway . . .
I''m not sure if I think it''s not ALL about a sense of entitlement. I think many people have a desire to show off (parents as well as couples) to friends and family. I''ve heard a lot of brides and parents say ''I want my/my child''s wedding to be the one that everyone remembers'' or something along those lines.
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YES! IT was on "my big fat fabulous wedding!"
 
Only if the parents offer.
 
If they can afford it and want to, I think so. If they can''t afford it, no big deal. If they don''t want to, that''s their choice, although I think most parents who can afford it seem to not mind contributing to a wedding.
 
No, I don''t think they should. I didn''t expect it, but I feel it is wonderful and generous that my parents are paying for a large portion of my wedding. FI and I are very grateful for their contribution, and we are making up the difference.

I agree that if the parents want a huge wedding where they invite all their friends, cousins, and coworkers, they should plan on footing a good portion of the bill, especially if the bride and groom can''t afford it and would have a much smaller wedding if it were up to them. I also think that the bride and groom shouldn''t expect their parents to shoulder the cost for a huge wedding that the bride and groom want, if the parents are unable to afford it or would prefer something smaller. Basically, I believe that no party involved should foist an unreasonable, unwanted or unaffordable cost on the other.
 
Date: 1/13/2009 12:19:06 AM
Author: Sizzle

Date: 1/12/2009 8:39:18 PM
Author: Haven
Sizzle--A 5K CAKE!?!?

Anyway . . .
I''m not sure if I think it''s not ALL about a sense of entitlement. I think many people have a desire to show off (parents as well as couples) to friends and family. I''ve heard a lot of brides and parents say ''I want my/my child''s wedding to be the one that everyone remembers'' or something along those lines.
Click to expand...
YES! IT was on ''my big fat fabulous wedding!''
Click to expand...
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a $5000 cake ? how much for the wedding ? $70K ?
 
We did because we wanted to. This was in 1995, when things were a lot cheaper.
 
We paid for our own wedding although our parents gave us some cash to offset the cost. I''d say that was less that 10% of what we paid ourselves. I would help my daughters out, but they already know that basically they''re on their own. One daughter has no plans to marry within the next 10-15 years, the other would marry in 3-4 years if she met the right person. We''ll probably be in retirement mode when this becomes an issue, and at that point they should be financially independent anyway IMO. If we had oodles of spare cash it would be different I suppose. But neither daughter is really into the whole marriage thing as being a big ceremony and party. Lucky us?
 
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