New here and want some opinions

[therighttime]

Hi
I''ve been lurking here for a while and reading your stories and finally decided to take the plunge and officially join you ladies. I would like some opinions from those of you in similar situations either now or previously.

My bf and I have been dating for over 2 years. It''s really hard to say exactly how long because we went from friends to really good friends to dating and the lines are kinda blurry as to when each step progressed. But it''s safe to say we have been seriously dating at least a little over 2 years. I love and respect him more than I could write in this post. I''m confident he is committed to me and loves me too. Marriage has been brought up, mostly by him, quite often. He says "when we get married.." like it''s a given that we will. But he also quite often tells me that it''s "not the right time." He says he can''t explain why it''s not the right time (although truthfully I have not pressed the issue much) but that he just knows it''s not time. He has also asked me how he will know when the right time is. It seems to me like he is waiting for some magical sign to drop from the sky with specific instructions.

I do want him to be ready 100% sure before proposing. I just worry that he is waiting for a sign that may not come. I don''t think there is one particular perfect time to get married or a specific incident to tell you that it''s the right time to propose. I have mentioned that to him, but he says he just doesn''t know how or when to go about making it happen. Does this sound familiar to anyone? Should I just be patient and let him figure things out? Are there any ways to help him with his struggle with timing? Should I buy him a watch with an inscription "it''s the right time~!"

I''m not going to issue an ultimatum and truly am not in a HUGE hurry... as I said, I just can''t help but think his preoccupation with the right time is not common and will have me waiting forever for his magical sign.

Nice to join you all.... may we all have our dreams come true soon....

 

[sunkist]

Are you in school or are there any other major time consuming things in your life that have an end date? Perhaps it will feel like the right time once you have finished school/other. Also, my BF sort of felt like this a couple years ago. So he asked me when I thought would be a good time to get married. I told him and we've kind of made a compromise. Of course I had wanted to get engaged/married right away!

and he thought we'd wait 5 more years!! But we settled on the decision of getting engaged once we had both walked for graduation, which will be this summer. So far it's worked out fine! He got a well-paying job and is finishing up school just to have that under the belt, I'm finishing grad-school cause I got myself into this mess and figure I should be the one to get myself out!, and we both feel that we are ready to get married! Everyday we WANT to be married to eachother, and that's what really matters.

Hope that helps!

Oh! & Welcome to pricescope!!

 

[monarch64]

Hello and welcome to PS, therighttime!

I have to tell you I''m no longer a LIW, but I was not so long ago in your shoes, so I feel that I am still able to give you advice. You may find that by giving a few more specifics that you will receive more in-depth advice, if you desire, such as your age, living arrangement status, etc.

Generally speaking, I can say that I heard a lot of marriage-talk after about two months of dating between my now-husband and I. It took another few months to get to the point of him looking at rings (without me, I was old-fashioned and didn''t want to have too much influence, I guess.) Without being long-winded, I finally had to tell him I would be looking at other options unless there was a "hard and fast" reason for me to stay with him (hard and fast meaning "metal and diamond" of course!) I don''t encourage ultimatums, but sometimes a guy needs a little nudge in the "right" direction! In my case, it worked. For some, it won''t, or hasn''t, but it sounds like in your situation, your BF might need the extra motivation.

Without knowing your story in detail, I would say that by him talking to you about not knowing when the right time would be to get engaged, he needs a little help and is discussing it with you in hopes that you can provide him with the afore-mentioned "help." If it were me, I might drop a few more, less subtle hints, about what engagement ring styles I liked, or casually tell him some stories about your friends'' proposals...

I don''t wish to come across as someone who knows it all, I just think that he sounds like he needs a little prodding, maybe, to get to the point of actually asking you, because he obviously wants to, but just doesn''t know how to go about it all.

 

[anchor31]

Hello and welcome!!

My boyfriend (soon-to-be fiancé) used to do the exact same thing. Talk about marriage and engagement a lot, but talk about it as though it''s something he would do "one day". It was driving me crazy, so one day I asked him what kind of timeframe he had in mind for the proposal, because I didn''t want to get unreasonable expectations and false hopes. He gave me his timeframe, which is a lot sooner than I thought, and now I''m much calmer about this!

Good luck!

 

[Cailet]

Welcome to the group!

My BF told me that he had been looking for a sign too!
I agree with the other posters - that your guy may be fishing around for some "help". Maybe just start casually talking about engagement/marriage with him. See what both of your perceptions / expectations are for both.
I''m not sure if I would start bringing up jewelry tastes right away (you said that you weren''t in a hurry and guys sometimes see the "hey I really like this Ering" talk as pressure) but once you have both discussed it a while maybe start dropping hints?

and if you have any big events coming up in the not too distant future - they might be the catalyst he needs? Hard to tell without more info....

 

[regalada]

After three years or dating, two living together and many conversations about marriage, my fiance was still waiting for "a sign". It came when his company was moving to another state and we did not want to move. So he was laid off and had to find another job quickly because of visa issues. So I undertook the job search like it was mine, helped him pick the right job among the offers he had, and held his hand through what he now calls "the most stressful months of his life."

A week after he accepted the offer, I once again mentioned I had looked at some rings online, and he said, ok, let''s do it, let''s go find a ring. Just like that. Later he confesses that he had been blown away by how I handled the job search, by how I kept cool and helped calm him down, by how it made it feel so much calmer to know that I was there for him. And how that was the sign he had been waiting for.

Hope the sign for yours comes very soon

.

Regalada

 

[squeaksluv]

Since I''m not engaged yet, I asked a married friend of mine how did he know was ready and he said he wasn''t sure. He said he loved his then gf and eventually started thinking about making it permanent. He said it wasnt'' any one time or sign from above but it happened gradually.

I believe my bf was waiting to be in the right place work wise; graduating from graduate school, finding a good job, etc. Now that he has a great job and is settled in that area, I think he is currently waiting for the right opportunity (at least that''s what I overheard him say to his best friend) so who knows what that may be. His ''nudge'' came when his job transfer came through recently. He knows I would never move without a promise and we''re supposed to move in April. May opportunity knock very soon!