New and would love your opinions!

[lucyandroger]

Hi ladies,

First of all, I would just like to say that I love this site! I''ve been lurking all day from work and have decided to ask for your opinions on what I should do.

My BF and I just celebrated our 3 year anniversary. We have lived together for 1 1/2 years and talk very seriously about marriage, children, and our future. My guess is the proposal is going to come in the next 2-3 months because now that we are financially stable and out of school, my BF would like to be married sooner rather than later (he''s not crazy about the "living in sin").

MY BF has mentioned many times that he thinks it is a dumb tradition that the man pick out the engagement ring b/c he has no idea how to pick out jewelry. Of course, I took each and every opportunity to drop my favorite diamond shape and other ring preferences.

But my BF really isn''t great about shopping or doing the leg work involved with finding the right diamond or price. I''m always the one who researches great hotel prices or picks out a new piece of furniture. But both my BF and I love the idea of the traditional surprise proposal with a gorgeous ring.

So my question is, what do you think about my working with a jeweler to find the right diamond and design a setting and then just giving the name and number of the jeweler to my BF to take care of the details and actually purchase the ring? That way I would never actually see the ring until the proposal and he could surprise me because I''d have no idea about when or how he would propose.

If I did this, how could I bring up the idea to my BF? I know he would be relieved not to have to worry about the ring design but I don''t want to take all the mystery and romance out of this special time in our lives. Did anyone else go this route? Any advice or suggestions? Thanks so much for your help!

 

[fieryred33143]

Welcome.

Bringing up the subject is going to be difficult especially since your guess of his timeline may be off or he may decided sooner/later, etc.

What I would do is casually mention marriage/children again. Maybe not in a "hey I want to get married" kind of way so that he doesn''t think you are bringing up the subject often but maybe say something about a wedding you''ve attended or something. Then mention that you like the idea of picking it out yourself and that you were considering working with a jeweler. See how he feels about it. The worst thing for him would be if you go off and start working with the jeweler, you give him the contact info, and then he feels obligated to make the purchase when he isn''t ready to...you know?

 

[Tuckins1]

I don''t see anything wrong with that!

 

[Pandora II]

Date: 12/12/2008 5:18:54 PM
Author:lucyandroger
Hi ladies,

First of all, I would just like to say that I love this site! I've been lurking all day from work and have decided to ask for your opinions on what I should do.

My BF and I just celebrated our 3 year anniversary. We have lived together for 1 1/2 years and talk very seriously about marriage, children, and our future. My guess is the proposal is going to come in the next 2-3 months because now that we are financially stable and out of school, my BF would like to be married sooner rather than later (he's not crazy about the 'living in sin').

MY BF has mentioned many times that he thinks it is a dumb tradition that the man pick out the engagement ring b/c he has no idea how to pick out jewelry. Of course, I took each and every opportunity to drop my favorite diamond shape and other ring preferences.

But my BF really isn't great about shopping or doing the leg work involved with finding the right diamond or price. I'm always the one who researches great hotel prices or picks out a new piece of furniture. But both my BF and I love the idea of the traditional surprise proposal with a gorgeous ring.

So my question is, what do you think about my working with a jeweler to find the right diamond and design a setting and then just giving the name and number of the jeweler to my BF to take care of the details and actually purchase the ring? That way I would never actually see the ring until the proposal and he could surprise me because I'd have no idea about when or how he would propose.

If I did this, how could I bring up the idea to my BF? I know he would be relieved not to have to worry about the ring design but I don't want to take all the mystery and romance out of this special time in our lives. Did anyone else go this route? Any advice or suggestions? Thanks so much for your help!

I did the whole thing (with some input from DH) and then sent DH the invoice and address for paying Wink.

Was a great experience and we ended up with a ring that we both love - and DH is super proud of. I wanted a coloured stone not a diamond and they are far harder for someone else to choose.

DH proposed without the ring - huge suprise as I had no hints like him trying to find my ring size etc so I did lose any of the romance side either.

In the UK it's much more common that a couple choose the ring together after the engagement. All the women in my family back to my great grandmothers have all chosen their own e-rings.

(As it took me a LONG time to do the ring - nearly 6 months, DH bought me an antique sapphire and diamond eternity band as a placeholder ring, which I wear for travelling etc when I don't want to wear my own.)

I say go for it - it's lots of fun!

How do you tell him? I went with the direct method: Darling, if you ever propose, please don't think of buying a ring yourself - I would have to kill you.

I think he got the message.

The same thing happened with my wedding present from him - I designed it and did all the legwork, he paid and got to give it to me. I have the boy trained....

 

[trillionaire]

Maybe you could go shopping for rings with either him, or a mutual friend. He can then choose from a selection of styles that you love, but he can choose his fav. That''s what I did with my SO, and I agree he probably was relieved. He probably would have just gone with a simple solitaire if it was up to him. And Def send your honey to PS if he is going to pick out the stone.

You can show him settings and shapes that you like, and the combination could be a surprise! If he doesn''t want to go, then take the mutual friend, and then have the friend go with your SO and you will have NO idea what they are up to

 

[gwendolyn]

Maybe you could compromise: you shop for the ring together, but he proposes when and how he likes afterwards? That way, you get input on the ring, your boyfriend gets help and less pressure on such a big purchase, and you''ll still be surprised with the actual proposal (just ask the many ladies here who were involved with the whole ring process and were still surprised by their proposals). Everyone''s happy?

 

[sunnyd]

I''m with Pandora on this one. I did all the work finding the diamond and designing the ring. He paid for it, picked it up and is planning on giving it to me within the week.

As far as suggesting it, maybe the next time you''re talking about the future, bring up the ring and where you think you should get it. That will lead to hows and other things.

 

[lucyandroger]

Thanks for the advice everyone!

My brother is getting married in two weeks and I''m a bridesmaid so the topic of weddings has come up a lot in ordinary conversation. Last night at dinner it led to us talking about what our wedding will be like and I decided it might be a good time to bring up the ring idea (that and I have a big mouth and a hard time not telling BF everything). So this is how the convo went:

Me: So I think when we get engaged I want to help pick out the ring.
BF: Really? (incredulous look)
Me: Yeah...why not?
BF: Won''t that take the fun out of it?
Me: You''re going to have fun picking out the ring?
BF: No, it''ll be a lot of pressure but I want it to be fun for you.
Me: I''ll have a lot of fun picking out my ring...plus I''ve been learning a lot about diamonds from that site I told you about.
BF: hmmm....

Then the waiter came and we changed the subject.

I figure now that I''ve told him...he''ll figure out how to let me know when he''s ready...and I can start thinking about what kind of ring I want!

 

[SparklyLibra]

Welcome!

Maybe you could direct him to PS for diamond education etc, and just let him know that you have certain favorite cuts and certain favorite settings and I''m sure if you stress how much you just ADORE the look of a ring with those details, he won''t stray too far from that.

At least that way he gets the thrill of the ring hunt and you''ve voiced your opinion on what you would absolutely melt over.

HTH.

~SL.

 

[LaraOnline]

I don''t think that handing over full control of diamond and setting design to the man is at all romantic. I think it''s terrifying!

Your man sounds very sensible, and I think your idea is a good one.

 

[swingirl]

My husband is not and never has been a shopper. He told me to shop around for what I wanted. I did exactly that. We actually went to pick out our matching wedding bands together.

Your plan to research, shop and then pass along the info to bf is a good one (if you still want to be surprised). The PS internet vendors we like here are happy to that too. If you pick out several settings that you like and some stone specs. a sales associate can put it all together for your bf.

 

[EricaR]

Date: 12/12/2008 7:02:39 PM
Author: gwendolyn
Maybe you could compromise: you shop for the ring together, but he proposes when and how he likes afterwards? That way, you get input on the ring, your boyfriend gets help and less pressure on such a big purchase, and you'll still be surprised with the actual proposal (just ask the many ladies here who were involved with the whole ring process and were still surprised by their proposals). Everyone's happy?

This is exactly what we did. K didn't really want to put the effort into researching diamonds and/or settings and both of us felt that my opinions were more important because I would be the one wearing it. I did all the footwork and worked with WhiteFlash to chose the diamond and the setting, then I handed the phone over to K for him to pay. After it arrived he squirreled it away for about six weeks until he could plan out the perfect proposal.

Oh, I never saw the finished ring until he proposed so it was still a surprise!

 

[sonnyjane]

Like you, my guy was not very good at shopping. Originally we were going to do things the traditional way, and I dropped hints, but then he confessed "I will just mess this up, you should just do it", so I picked out the stone and setting and he went in on his own time, paid for it, and proposed to me in his own time. A few of my girlfriends and a few of his guy friends give us flack for me taking all the surprise out of picking the ring, but I am SOOOO happy with the ring that I chose and I know far too many women that have rings that they wish they could change at least one aspect of, so I couldn''t be happier about how things worked out.

 

[elrohwen]

I did just that with my FI and it worked out great. Go for it!

I think the best time to bring it us is the next time you''re discussing marriage and rings. Just let him know that if he feels uncomfortable picking out such a huge purchase that you''d love to design it with him and leave the purchasing up to him.