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Need to Vent!!!

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
Hi ladies! I'm a bit ticked and need to vent. On Friday night while FH and I were entertaining some of his friends one of the ladies in the group asked to see my ring. She immediately said "Oh it's so sparkly and so much bigger than mine!". She then looked at her ring and told her hubby she needed an upgrade.

Immediately he became defensive and came over to my see my ring and said really loud "Yeah hers might be bigger but what's the clarity and color!!??".

Really? What a dumb sh*t.

Just because my ring is bigger automatically assume and try to embarrass me by stating my diamond was crap?

I replied by stating it was one color grade and clarity better than what it was. I kind of regret this though and should have just stated it was an F color or something crazy and clarity IF- I mean who the hell can tell honestly.

I hate rude people. Has this ever happened to anyone else or is my FH the only one with rude friends? :evil:
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
8,467
How rude!!!

No. Not the only one with rude friends!

I've had people comment on how cute and "petite" my ring is (center stone is 1.01). Others have made comments about how much sparklier mine is only to have another person comment about how it was just a dumb waste of money and we should have gotten something "useful" instead.
 

gem_anemone

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Messages
682
I had a girl look at my ering once and she said "my husband and I went for quality over quantity on my diamond". I'm not sure what she was implying.

My diamond is only 3/4 carat. Hers is probably (I'm guessing) 1/2 carat, so I mean, I guess mine was a little bigger, but not by much. To this day I'm not sure if she was jealous of my size or if she was trying to justify her purchase. It didn't make sense what she said anyway because my diamond is ideal cut, E colored, and an eye clean SI1....so it's not like we got a bigger stone by going lower in stats, ya know?

I just responded with "we did that too".

People are insecure idiots and don't understand how things must sound when it comes out of their mouths. Sorry your friend was pretty intrusive. I would have said that diamond selection is a personal choice based on what makes the individual happy and that my stats were none of his business. :knockout:
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
That's terrible maple! Don't fret -- you have a beautiful ring! Rings and their cost are something people tend to get overly competitive and defensive about. Her husband's comments may not even have been to hurt you but conveying his own hurt in his wife's newfound dislike of her own ring. Try not to take it personally! I know it's a bummer though.

I haven't had anyone comment negatively on the size or stats of my ring (.788ct J/K VS2 OEC). I have had some people make offhanded comments about the setting that weren't blatant, but definitely came across as dislike of our choice. Ah well. It's my ring, not theirs, and we love it and that's all that matters in the end.

Sorry they were so rude, though!!

P.S. -- join us in the 'getting lost in stupid stuff' thread sometime, maple! :))
 

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
Thank you ladies for listening and sharing your own stories! I was really annoyed all weekend because of this. :blackeye: Worse yet, SO wants to INVITE them to our wedding! And I refuse to have rude people at our wedding and don't want them to come! :angryfire: Ahh... that's going to be an argument waiting to happen b/c I intend to stand my ground on NOT inviting them.


'getting lost in stupid stuff'?? Is that where you are all hiding from me?!! :bigsmile: I will have to venture in now! It gets kind of quiet around here sometimes. =)
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Aww, if they're friends I'd let it slide and try to put it past you. I think he was just being defensive that all of a sudden his wife's ring wasn't good enough to her. I think I'd still invite them unless you really want to cut them out of your lives.

And yes! We (as in mostly TP and I, lol) hang out in the getting lost in stupid stuff thread! Check it out! It's been around for many years and since so many PSers are subscribed to it (former brides and others who just are interested), occasionally we get posts from them on our thoughts/opinions/etc which is nice!
https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/getting-lost-in-stupid-stuff.155439/page-43#post-3517716#p3517716
 

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
audball|1378825802|3517902 said:
Aww, if they're friends I'd let it slide and try to put it past you. I think he was just being defensive that all of a sudden his wife's ring wasn't good enough to her. I think I'd still invite them unless you really want to cut them out of your lives.
Time for the kicker! Three years ago when SO and I were dating... we were both invited to their wedding (again, they are his friends). At first, I was invited to their wedding ceremony... then de-invited due to "spacing" (was outdoors not in a venue so not sure about this)... while the SO was still invited. They expected him to go alone until without me. I WAS still invited to the reception however. While we were still GF/BF when this happened it kind of bothered me since we were already living together and I saw it as a slap in the face. I thought it was pretty rude that they expected him to go alone, and for me to wait in the hotel... despite that we were both traveling in on a 3 hour commute and taking a friday off from work.


What would you ladies do? Invite them or not?
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
I think you have to let the past be in the past. It was 3 years ago and as I've seen here, there are countless reasons why people make their guest lists the way they do. While it would have also bothered me, you'll never know why they did their list the way they did.

I think you have to focus on the now. Are you all friends? If you are, do you want to continue being friends? If you haven't settled on a budget and a venue for your wedding, you may not even needing to be deciding right now. I think it's a good idea when venue shopping to have your "A" invite list set (your must have invites), your "B" invite list set (your really want to invite if budget/space allow), and your "C" invite list set (all the have to, but don't want to unless everyone else is accommodated first). In doing this, you'll have your minimum to maximum occupancy set and go from there..

Figure out based on your relationship which list they're on. After the venue is selected and your budget is set, see if they make the cut.

Personally, again assuming you're close-ish friends and the wedding 3 years ago and the recent ring comments aside, I think they'd at least be on my B list.
 

TooPatient

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
8,467
audball|1378867134|3518400 said:
I think you have to let the past be in the past. It was 3 years ago and as I've seen here, there are countless reasons why people make their guest lists the way they do. While it would have also bothered me, you'll never know why they did their list the way they did.

I think you have to focus on the now. Are you all friends? If you are, do you want to continue being friends? If you haven't settled on a budget and a venue for your wedding, you may not even needing to be deciding right now. I think it's a good idea when venue shopping to have your "A" invite list set (your must have invites), your "B" invite list set (your really want to invite if budget/space allow), and your "C" invite list set (all the have to, but don't want to unless everyone else is accommodated first). In doing this, you'll have your minimum to maximum occupancy set and go from there..

Figure out based on your relationship which list they're on. After the venue is selected and your budget is set, see if they make the cut.

Personally, again assuming you're close-ish friends and the wedding 3 years ago and the recent ring comments aside, I think they'd at least be on my B list.

Yep!

It would have really bugged me too but if you're still friends, you need to move past that and just invite them -- if you have room & budget.

I wouldn't stress too much about it yet though. Like Audball said, you need to figure out a budget and a location and go from there. It may turn out that you've only got space in your venue for 10 people or that it costs more than you are comfortable with so you choose to keep the guest list small.

You'll also find a LOT more people get rude when it comes to weddings! Sad but true.
We've had people say they are coming then RSVP no, say they'd love to but don't have enough vacation time (excuse made after talking about the 10 day international vacation they just got back from and just before announcing the 10 day international vacation they just booked for the month after your wedding...) and so much more. Keep in mind that these are usually super polite people!
 

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
I have a venue booked! I posted it somewhere I think in "Ladies in Waiting". It's going to be in wine country, CA! At the moment inviting 120 guest with the hope that only 70-80 attend. None of the guest are local, the closest are a 2 hour drive away. For the FH and I, we are planning this from out of state.

I guess I just can't let things go. Hah! :shock:
 

audball

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Oct 2, 2008
Messages
4,946
Oh yeah! I remember that now. If you're hoping only 70-80 will attend out of 120 invites, that's a pretty good percentage you'll hope will RSVP no. Maybe put them on your B list and if you get enough no replies, you can send them an invite. If you don't get enough no replies, you can always tell them that the venue has size constrictions and that family (or whatever) had to come first and that you hope they'll understand. Good luck! It's a tough spot to be in. I'm a firm believer in not inviting people to your wedding that you don't foresee remaining an important part of your life, so if you don't see this friendship lasting, I'd probably find a way to get out of it too.
 

msop04

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
9,740
I'm so sorry that happened, maple!! People can be soooo rude sometimes! UGH! :angryfire: As someone else mentioned, he probably just got all defensive that his FI was already wanting something else -- HOWEVER... that doesn't make it okay. :rolleyes:

I have never had anyone be rude like that, but I did have some random person at a bar say, "Let me see your ring!" This stranger proceeded to grab my hand and move it around about 4 inches from her face before I even knew what was going on! (...well, and the wine didn't make my reflexes any faster, that's for sure! :loopy: ) I thought that crazy woman was about to pull out a loupe! After "examining" my ring, she said something along the lines of my diamond not being white. That made me so mad! Yeah, it's a J and all, so she's right, but do you really tell someone that?? I felt like she was looking for something to be "wrong" so she could insult my ring! Well, maybe that was just my interpretation... :oops: :|

As far as inviting them to your wedding... that's a very slippery slope. If you do, then you'll be mad they're there, and if you don't, they will likely harbor resentment toward you and DH (well, most likely more toward you). Tough situation. ::)
 

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
msop04|1379620024|3523696 said:
I'm so sorry that happened, maple!! People can be soooo rude sometimes! UGH! :angryfire: As someone else mentioned, he probably just got all defensive that his FI was already wanting something else -- HOWEVER... that doesn't make it okay. :rolleyes:

I have never had anyone be rude like that, but I did have some random person at a bar say, "Let me see your ring!" This stranger proceeded to grab my hand and move it around about 4 inches from her face before I even knew what was going on! (...well, and the wine didn't make my reflexes any faster, that's for sure! :loopy: ) I thought that crazy woman was about to pull out a loupe! After "examining" my ring, she said something along the lines of my diamond not being white. That made me so mad! Yeah, it's a J and all, so she's right, but do you really tell someone that?? I felt like she was looking for something to be "wrong" so she could insult my ring! Well, maybe that was just my interpretation... :oops: :|

As far as inviting them to your wedding... that's a very slippery slope. If you do, then you'll be mad they're there, and if you don't, they will likely harbor resentment toward you and DH (well, most likely more toward you). Tough situation. ::)
oh my gosh! your story sound similar to mine. He grabbed my hand 4 inches from his face when he said it and started looking for flaws. Some people are so rude. Grr!!!

I think we are going to end up inviting them.... the girl is SO's childhood friend. So even though she canned me from her ceremony list and de-invited me while expecting my SO to go alone... I will be the better person.
 

gem_anemone

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 21, 2011
Messages
682
maple2012|1379815978|3525066 said:
So even though she canned me from her ceremony list and de-invited me while expecting my SO to go alone... I will be the better person.
Wait a second.....whaaattt??? Is their wedding over? Did your FI go without you? Depending on your answers I may have to side with not inviting them. WTF! Not cool!
 

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
gem_anemone|1379961531|3525766 said:
maple2012|1379815978|3525066 said:
So even though she canned me from her ceremony list and de-invited me while expecting my SO to go alone... I will be the better person.
Wait a second.....whaaattt??? Is their wedding over? Did your FI go without you? Depending on your answers I may have to side with not inviting them. WTF! Not cool!

Their wedding was 3 years ago or so. FI and I were dating for a year and a half and living together when they got married. We were both invited to the ceremony and reception. Then, she called FI and said she didn't have enough space at the ceremony and I couldn't go. She still asked FI to go along with out me. When FI told me the news I told him that we were both taking time off work for this and I sure as heck did not plan on going to a "wedding" with him only to sit at a hotel without him for part of it. I was also a bit pissed I had taken a day off work to attend and was THEN de-invited.

He eventually declined his own invite to the ceremony but made up an excuse on why he couldnt go and told her he'd only attend the reception with me. She was a bit pissed at him to be honest.

I was later told that there was plenty of seating at the ceremony... so it doesn't sound like I was de-invited due to a lack of space.

Weird no?
 

msop04

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
9,740
maple2012|1380081175|3526816 said:
Their wedding was 3 years ago or so. FI and I were dating for a year and a half and living together when they got married. We were both invited to the ceremony and reception. Then, she called FI and said she didn't have enough space at the ceremony and I couldn't go. She still asked FI to go along with out me. When FI told me the news I told him that we were both taking time off work for this and I sure as heck did not plan on going to a "wedding" with him only to sit at a hotel without him for part of it. I was also a bit pissed I had taken a day off work to attend and was THEN de-invited.

He eventually declined his own invite to the ceremony but made up an excuse on why he couldnt go and told her he'd only attend the reception with me. She was a bit pissed at him to be honest.

I was later told that there was plenty of seating at the ceremony... so it doesn't sound like I was de-invited due to a lack of space.

Weird no?
maple, this woman sounds like a total bee-otch who shows no respect to her longtime "friend" or his relationships... After reading this, I would most certainly NOT want her to be in my presence on my big day. She doesn't deserve to be invited. Period. I wouldn't invite her at all... if she's wonders why, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her you really just don't like her that much. :| That way you don't have to pull her passive aggressive BS and talk about the "lack of space" or some other lame*** excuse as to why she wasn't invited. :roll: (...although this is probably not the most mature thing to do, it would make me feel better) :Up_to_something: ;-) -- yeah, I'm like that... in my big bad head, anyway!! :lol: :lol:

GAWD! The nerve of some people!! :angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire:

Much luck to you!! :))
 

maple2012

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 1, 2012
Messages
345
msop04|1380173788|3527519 said:
maple2012|1380081175|3526816 said:
Their wedding was 3 years ago or so. FI and I were dating for a year and a half and living together when they got married. We were both invited to the ceremony and reception. Then, she called FI and said she didn't have enough space at the ceremony and I couldn't go. She still asked FI to go along with out me. When FI told me the news I told him that we were both taking time off work for this and I sure as heck did not plan on going to a "wedding" with him only to sit at a hotel without him for part of it. I was also a bit pissed I had taken a day off work to attend and was THEN de-invited.

He eventually declined his own invite to the ceremony but made up an excuse on why he couldnt go and told her he'd only attend the reception with me. She was a bit pissed at him to be honest.

I was later told that there was plenty of seating at the ceremony... so it doesn't sound like I was de-invited due to a lack of space.

Weird no?
maple, this woman sounds like a total bee-otch who shows no respect to her longtime "friend" or his relationships... After reading this, I would most certainly NOT want her to be in my presence on my big day. She doesn't deserve to be invited. Period. I wouldn't invite her at all... if she's wonders why, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her you really just don't like her that much. :| That way you don't have to pull her passive aggressive BS and talk about the "lack of space" or some other lame*** excuse as to why she wasn't invited. :roll: (...although this is probably not the most mature thing to do, it would make me feel better) :Up_to_something: ;-) -- yeah, I'm like that... in my big bad head, anyway!! :lol: :lol:

GAWD! The nerve of some people!! :angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire:

Much luck to you!! :))
Haha! Thanks for the advice. :bigsmile:

I'm at the point in my life where I don't surround myself with rude people in my personal time (situations like work obviously sometimes you don't have an option). Whether they are family, parents, friends, cousins, etc. it doesn't really make a difference to me. I'm a pretty caring and a loving person and when someone is mean or has bad intentions I just cut them off. I did this to my brother for 10 years until he got his act together and finally apologized for being a jerk to me growing up. I guess I rather be alone than be surrounded by people who make me feel bad.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable with this lady or her husband at my wedding judging everything to be honest. FI told me they also asked how much our house cost when they saw it a few weeks ago (they are NOT looking to buy a house and already have one) so it sounds like they just like to compare themselves to others.

So much to consider!
 

msop04

Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Dec 3, 2011
Messages
9,740
maple2012|1380336381|3528696 said:
I'm at the point in my life where I don't surround myself with rude people in my personal time (situations like work obviously sometimes you don't have an option). Whether they are family, parents, friends, cousins, etc. it doesn't really make a difference to me. I'm a pretty caring and a loving person and when someone is mean or has bad intentions I just cut them off. I did this to my brother for 10 years until he got his act together and finally apologized for being a jerk to me growing up. I guess I rather be alone than be surrounded by people who make me feel bad.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable with this lady or her husband at my wedding judging everything to be honest. FI told me they also asked how much our house cost when they saw it a few weeks ago (they are NOT looking to buy a house and already have one) so it sounds like they just like to compare themselves to others.

So much to consider!
Yeah, it seems these people are total "one-uppers" and obsessed with keeping up with the Joneses... :rolleyes:

Sounds like you know what you'll do as far as inviting them or not (preferably the latter) -- HA! :Up_to_something: And I don't blame you one bit! :bigsmile:

Best of luck, maple!! :)) :)) :))
 
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