Need to vent......S pi***d me off last night

[Dreamgirl]

Just wanted to vent!

So......I''m telling S about work stuff when we were sitting on the couch last night. Suddenly he says: "Are you EVER going to wrap this up?"

WTF?!? So I say: "I''m DONE!" and of course I wasn''t done. He THEN wants me to finish my story and I told him if he doesn''t want to hear about it then I''m not going to tell him, I was finished and it doesn''t matter. (yes, I know...

)

That then led to him going on the computer and working on this workout log thing he is creating. So I felt really hurt by what he had said to me and proceded to tell him this is a red flag for me. "Why would I want to marry someone who doesn''t want to hear about my life or share his life with me?" He then tells me why would he want to marry someone who NEVER STOPS TALKING

He says: "If we had a kid and they were trying to sleep...they would say to me ''Daddy..why is Mommy still talking? I can''t sleep'' to which he would reply ''I can''t get her to shut up''

I then told him how it seems like we''ve been stuck in the same place for 10.5 years. We don''t move forward, we don''t move backward...He then tells me: "Well, how are we supposed to move forward when you like being at home?"

So I told him: "Well, maybe I like being at home because the people I live with actually want to hear what I have to say!!!!!!!"

So then he laughed at that and I went upstairs. He came up to leave and I said "SEE YA!"

(while thinking ''dumb a$$'')

Now I feel better..............

I think things have been stressful for the both of us lately.....I know it was a bit childish of the both of us. This wouldn''t have happened had he let me finish the story. BTW, I was talking for less than 2 minutes about this story and he said it was too much........

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Hi Dreamgirl,

Your bf is being a doofus. Are you 100% sure this is the man for you? He seems to put you down a lot. Of course, it''s hard to get the full picture over pricescope but a lot of your posts show how inconsiderate he can be. You seem like a sweet girl who deserves to be with someone who will cherish you, and listen to every word you say. Sometimes it''s hard to see the light when you have been with someone for so long (10 years!).

 

[Lauren8211]

Awwww. DG! (((HUGS)))

Rough few weeks for you!

Honestly, it sounds like one of those stupid arguments where both you are in a "mood" and just take out your anger on one another. You''ll probably laugh about it tomorrow (or maybe you are now), but yeah, I''d be P.O.''ed too.

How dare he interrupt your story to tell you that you talk too much!

Also, what''d he mean by the you''re always at home statement? Does he want to move in together, or are you just a home-body?

 

[Dreamgirl]

I didn''t realize my posts showed him as inconsiderate. Why, because I vent about him from time to time? He jokes and teases a lot.....maybe that is what you are thinking.......

 

[Lauren8211]

Date: 1/23/2009 11:59:54 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
I didn''t realize my posts showed him as inconsiderate. Why, because I vent about him from time to time? He jokes and teases a lot.....maybe that is what you are thinking.......

I don''t think so. i think you guys tease, and sometimes it can get mean-spirited. FF and I are the same way. People looking in from the outside probably think we hate each other. We are just like little kids on a playground. We tease each other because we have crushes.

And sometimes, teasing isn''t enough. So we wrestle!

 

[NakedFinger]

Date: 1/23/2009 11:59:54 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
I didn''t realize my posts showed him as inconsiderate. Why, because I vent about him from time to time? He jokes and teases a lot.....maybe that is what you are thinking.......

Dreamgirl- I''m glad you just said that. When I read your post, I actually chuckled. I was going to post and ask you if he was being sarcastic when he said it...because when I read it thats how it sounded to me.

My bf and I are always busting each others chops, or being sarcastic and the comments your bf said to me actually sounded like he was being funny/sarcastic.

If he was just teasing, then I wouldnt worry about it. I wouldnt consider that a "fight" lol, and I wouldnt worry that he isnt "the one". If you truly felt he was trying to be hurtful, then thats a different story. But I doubt that.

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 11:58:56 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Also, what''d he mean by the you''re always at home statement? Does he want to move in together, or are you just a home-body?

No no....not I''m always at home, I like being at home as in I like living where I live because I don''t like change much. (one of the reasons I personally don''t feel ready for marriage just yet.) We wont live together until we are married. That''s something we both agree on.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Hey Dreamgirl,

As I said - it''s very hard to tell through your posts - it very well could be innocent teasing, but sometimes I get the impression you don''t find it too funny at all in which case it''s not teasing anymore and him just being inconsiderate.

I just get the impression that you are very ready to be engaged and get married and he isn''t there yet, and this has been a huge bone of contention between you two for quite some time.

 

[misskitty]

I''m sorry, Dreamgirl! I do agree with elle, though...sounds like a bad-mood fight that doesn''t really hold a lot of weight. Hope things perk up soon!

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 12:02:31 PM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 1/23/2009 11:59:54 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
I didn''t realize my posts showed him as inconsiderate. Why, because I vent about him from time to time? He jokes and teases a lot.....maybe that is what you are thinking.......

I don''t think so. i think you guys tease, and sometimes it can get mean-spirited. FF and I are the same way. People looking in from the outside probably think we hate each other. We are just like little kids on a playground. We tease each other because we have crushes.

And sometimes, teasing isn''t enough. So we wrestle!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! We do tease. But we love each other very, very much too! We just like to play......(His first comment however wasn''t playing...)

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 12:05:19 PM
Author: NakedFinger

Date: 1/23/2009 11:59:54 AM
Author: Dreamgirl
I didn''t realize my posts showed him as inconsiderate. Why, because I vent about him from time to time? He jokes and teases a lot.....maybe that is what you are thinking.......

Dreamgirl- I''m glad you just said that. When I read your post, I actually chuckled. I was going to post and ask you if he was being sarcastic when he said it...because when I read it thats how it sounded to me.

My bf and I are always busting each others chops, or being sarcastic and the comments your bf said to me actually sounded like he was being funny/sarcastic.

If he was just teasing, then I wouldnt worry about it. I wouldnt consider that a ''fight'' lol, and I wouldnt worry that he isnt ''the one''. If you truly felt he was trying to be hurtful, then thats a different story. But I doubt that.

Yeah, that''s the thing with S. While I was hurt and telling him these things....when he said the thing about telling the kid...I started to laugh and I said "Don''t even try it. It''s not funny."

 

[Dreamgirl]

Everything will be fine tonight but I'll tell him how much I think he's dumb

(joking of course) and then I'll probably hit him with a "Are you EVER going to wrap this up?!?" comment when he tells me something.....

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Dreamgirl, I''m sorry you had to have that conversation...that must have been very hurtful, and especially when he went on to elaborate about what your child would say...I would have been furious too, believe me.

((big hugs))

Next time you "talk" to him, keep it down to one word replies until he cries uncle...and then try to find a happy medium.

((big hugs, again))

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 12:21:03 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Next time you ''talk'' to him, keep it down to one word replies until he cries uncle...and then try to find a happy medium.

((big hugs, again))

ha! Funny you say that because I told him from now on I''m going to do something similar to that. I''ll try it tonight on him

Thanks for the hugs!!!

 

[Winks_Elf]

ALL couples have their way of teasing and busting each other''s chops. I call my bf Keith when I''m being a PITA, and he calls me Anna! (yes, those are our most recent ex''s names.)

We joke around that we''re going to get Tshirts made with those names on them, and wear them at the reception.

 

[princesss]

I hate those bad mood snits! I think everybody has them once in a while. BF and I rarely have them, and normally we can joke each other out of a funk, but occassionally one of us will say, "Not now. I''m too close to the edge right now." No fun, but better than blowing up at each other, you know?

It sounds like you and your BF are a lot like my BF and me. Lots of teasing and joking, but sometimes if one of you is in a weird mood, it can blow up.

(BTW, I would TOTALLY say, "Are you EVER going to wrap this up?" to my BF in your situation.)

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 12:08:26 PM
Author: ilovethiswebsite
Hey Dreamgirl,

As I said - it''s very hard to tell through your posts - it very well could be innocent teasing, but sometimes I get the impression you don''t find it too funny at all in which case it''s not teasing anymore and him just being inconsiderate.

I just get the impression that you are very ready to be engaged and get married and he isn''t there yet, and this has been a huge bone of contention between you two for quite some time.

Well, you are wrong. I''ll forgive you though. His first comment is what made me mad, the other comment was just teasing. That''s just how guys are sometimes..........

I feel HORRIBLE that someone would think he is bad to me.

He is very very good to me, kind and sweet (most of the time

) We are still so much in love with each other its almost un-imaginable. Maybe you have mistaken my relationship from a few vent threads I have created but I just feel its a good outlet to vent from time to time when little things happen. I''m certainly sure you and your FI get into little spats every now and then. If not, then perhaps you are not in a healthy relationship. Just because the guy upset me doesn''t mean I shouldn''t be with him in the end. You can''t just call it quits and break up with a guy just because he doesn''t want to hear a story.............Yes, he was wrong and it upset me. But it wasn''t a HUGE deal. It just upset me........He doesn''t put me down either. I need to get that clear here....

I don''t think either of us are really ready for the big step of engagement just yet. We discuss it though and it comes up quite often. It is something we will do when the timing is right.

 

[Circe]

My husband and I are both long-winded people. If one or the other of us has been monologuing too long, we just say "Honey ... point?" and it tends to drag the tangent back on topic. But I''m talking 15 or 20 minutes. After a 2 minute story? Yeaaaaaaah, no. That seems very disrespectful. And the additional comments seem ... uncalled for, to say the least. It sounds like you''re coming to terms with this and putting it into perspective in the context of your relationship, but personally speaking, I''d be miffed.

Sometimes telling people about things that tick you off - IRL or on the net - can turn the tables and make you go on the defensive about whatever it is you were originally irked by when other people pile on. You wind up playing devil''s advocate against yourself, almost. But it sounds like you had good reason to be upset. You don''t have to defend your relationship to us, gods know, but if you were honestly upset by this, you shouldn''t have to talk yourself out of it to keep the peace, KWIM?

 

[Dreamgirl]

Date: 1/23/2009 1:11:09 PM
Author: princesss
I hate those bad mood snits! I think everybody has them once in a while. BF and I rarely have them, and normally we can joke each other out of a funk, but occassionally one of us will say, ''Not now. I''m too close to the edge right now.'' No fun, but better than blowing up at each other, you know?

It sounds like you and your BF are a lot like my BF and me. Lots of teasing and joking, but sometimes if one of you is in a weird mood, it can blow up.

(BTW, I would TOTALLY say, ''Are you EVER going to wrap this up?'' to my BF in your situation.)

There were times years and years ago where when we felt really stressed, we got into it over the stupidest things. Now as we are more mature and have grown more in the relationship- we get into it less (even when stressed.) We always have the little sarcastic playful comments but that isn''t anything and it isn''t hurtful. I am SO going to say "Are you EVER going to wrap this up?" To him multiple times this weekend. It will be fun

 

[audball]

I''m quite a talker myself and my SO isn''t. That''s why we''re so compatible, I talk, he listens

I do, however, get the occasional "I wasn''t really listening..." comment from him. To me, it sounds like he was just in a crabby mood and didn''t feel like talking, I''m sure it''s no big deal. I definitely think he could have executed his desire to not talk more eloquently than he did, but I actually found it a bit comical. I''d definitely throw back a "Are you going to wrap this up anytime soon?" at him next time he goes on a tangent you''d rather not hear about

That''ll teach him.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/23/2009 1:32:36 PM
Author: Dreamgirl

Date: 1/23/2009 1:11:09 PM
Author: princesss
I hate those bad mood snits! I think everybody has them once in a while. BF and I rarely have them, and normally we can joke each other out of a funk, but occassionally one of us will say, ''Not now. I''m too close to the edge right now.'' No fun, but better than blowing up at each other, you know?

It sounds like you and your BF are a lot like my BF and me. Lots of teasing and joking, but sometimes if one of you is in a weird mood, it can blow up.

(BTW, I would TOTALLY say, ''Are you EVER going to wrap this up?'' to my BF in your situation.)

There were times years and years ago where when we felt really stressed, we got into it over the stupidest things. Now as we are more mature and have grown more in the relationship- we get into it less (even when stressed.) We always have the little sarcastic playful comments but that isn''t anything and it isn''t hurtful. I am SO going to say ''Are you EVER going to wrap this up?'' To him multiple times this weekend. It will be fun

Haha, yeah, we''re sarcastic and playful, too, and it''s amazing how many people don''t get it when they listen to us. Like the time BF was sick and I told him I was going to visit him at lunch...I called later to say I wouldn''t, and said, "Well, you''ve been such a pain in the *** that I figured I earned a break," after he said, "I told you so!" Totally within the normal range of interaction for us, and it was a very loving and playful thing. But people listening might kind of think I''m a terrible girlfriend. (My boss thought I dumped him for not having a puppy a month ago. Seriously. He said he believed it "because said it with a straight face!") So I''m right there with you about the sarcastic comments that are complete jokes, lol.

 

[fieryred33143]

Dreamgirl, you know I love you but I have to be honest. Sometimes I feel so sad for you.

A lot of times, well mostly all the time, you post about how you aren't going to get engaged for another 2 to 3 years and how you know its not going to happen because you aren't ready. I don't believe that. I "hear" a different story. I hear a girl who really does want to get married and not 2 to 3 years from now. And I also hear a girl that makes a lot of excuses for his behavior and for justifying a 10 year wait. I'm not saying that a 10 year wait is bad (I believe honey waited even longer) but I read a lot of sadness in between the lines coming from you.

I'm mad at S for making you wait. And I'm going to grab Purrfect and do a PS Posse (I think that's what she calls it).

 

[Dreamgirl]

This COMPLETELY just reminded me of something.

Ever seen the Chappelle Show? Remember the 'Wrap it up' box skit? It's hilarious. I remember when S and I first saw that we were cracking up and he said he would have to get one of those to use on me sometime (he was JOKING) and we laughed about it. Well, I wonder if he was actually just trying to be funny and I took it wrong...........You can (watch the clip here)http://watch/

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 1/23/2009 1:43:03 PM
Author: fieryred33143
Dreamgirl, you know I love you but I have to be honest. Sometimes I feel so sad for you.

A lot of times, well mostly all the time, you post about how you aren''t going to get engaged for another 2 to 3 years and how you know its not going to happen because you aren''t ready. I don''t believe that. I ''hear'' a different story. I hear a girl who really does want to get married and not 2 to 3 years from now. And I also hear a girl that makes a lot of excuses for his behavior and for justifying a 10 year wait. I''m not saying that a 10 year wait is bad (I believe honey waited even longer) but I read a lot of sadness in between the lines coming from you.

I''m mad at S for making you wait. And I''m going to grab Purrfect and do a PS Posse (I think that''s what she calls it).

I agree with fiery 100%.

 

[Dreamgirl]

hmm....well..........THAT''S a little harsh. This almost hurts me more than my little spat with S.

Actually, this does hurt more.

I realize that I would have some PS''ers ''go off'' about this instead of just let me vent and go on with life but I didn''t think I''d get something like this from 1 let alone 2 people. Geeze guys, perhaps I shouldn''t even post at all because apparently you want me to ''wrap it up'' too........

If you think I''m so ready to get married, then why wouldn''t I say that? Why would I feel as if I''m not ready because change is hard for me? Why would I say we aren''t ready because he needs a better job than what he has now? Why would 2-3 years from now ''feel'' right to me if I was ready now???? Because those are the reasons I certainly feel I am NOT there yet but I''m on my way.

I''ve had a hard week.........I CAN''T do this right now.

 

[fieryred33143]

I’m sorry hun. You have had a hard week and well I’m just sorry. I lurked here starting in March but didn’t join until May. I followed your story and when I became an active member, you were a “familiar” face to me. And I always look for your posts. Every time you post something, anything, I always read it even if I don’t comment on it. I consider you one of my “oldest PS friends.” So I don’t want to make you feel bad and I’m sorry.

 

[AprilBaby]

Hahahaha! (sorry) but you sound like old married people! Relax and chalk it up to a bad day!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Awe, dreamgirl, I am sorry to hear you got bummed out by a couple of posts...but, I can see where they are coming from, and I honestly believe they only had the best intentions in posting what they did...no one on this site is even "out to hurt" anyone else.

 

[trillionaire]

Date: 1/23/2009 2:04:03 PM
Author: thing2of2

Date: 1/23/2009 1:43:03 PM

Author: fieryred33143

Dreamgirl, you know I love you but I have to be honest. Sometimes I feel so sad for you.


A lot of times, well mostly all the time, you post about how you aren''t going to get engaged for another 2 to 3 years and how you know its not going to happen because you aren''t ready. I don''t believe that. I ''hear'' a different story. I hear a girl who really does want to get married and not 2 to 3 years from now. And I also hear a girl that makes a lot of excuses for his behavior and for justifying a 10 year wait. I''m not saying that a 10 year wait is bad (I believe honey waited even longer) but I read a lot of sadness in between the lines coming from you.


I''m mad at S for making you wait. And I''m going to grab Purrfect and do a PS Posse (I think that''s what she calls it).

I agree with fiery 100%.

I do think that it is easy to get swept away with ring and engagement fantasies, especially when you are on PS. I COULD get married right now, or engaged, but when I assess both of our lives, I doesn''t seem like the time is right. And I am totally at peace with that. PS is the only place where I can vent my thoughts re: marriage and engagement, because I am too private to do so with my friends and family. I do think that Dreamgirl can feel excited about being engaged, and so can her SO, but they both can still take some time to get there, and be comfortable with the decision.

That being said, only you know, Dreamgirl, the intimacies of your relationship. If you all are not ready, and you know that, then fine. If he was playing, and you weren''t hurt, then fine. My SO would NEVER speak to me in that manner, nor I him. For us, it is not okay to attack or insult each other. If you didn''t view this episode as an attack or insult, so be it. Some people have tougher skin than others. If you are happy, fantastic. If you are not, call up Fiery, since she has the PS Posse on speed dial.

 

[Lauren8211]

Hey DG!

Just wanted to throw some (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) your way because I know you''ve been having a not-so-good week.

Sometimes us PSers care a bit too much, and may read in too much, but rest assured Fiery and Thing2 are both wonderful PSers, and never meant to hurt you or make you feel bad. They''re just concerned!

Keep smiling girl! Visit a Tiff''s if you need to get your spirits up!