need to rant about my older daughter''s spending habit...

[Dancing Fire]

she's 22 yrs old just started a new job out of town working for the state of Ca. anyhow, yesterday she went to the Coach Outlet and purchased 4 Coach handbags,yes FOUR !!

she calls home...

me...did you pay cash? where did you get the money? how can you afford these handbags?
she...daddy you got money,i use your CC.

me...you got a job now i can't support you forever.you need to manage your own money !!
she...i know,i know,i'll pay you back.
me...why do you need four? you already own two of them.
she...b/c they had a big sale.
me...so, just because they were on sale doesn't mean you needed to buy four bags.
she...no, i didn't buy em all for myself. two for me,one for mommy and one for my sister.

btw; her younger sister didn't ask her to buy one.

 

[JulieN]

DF, it''s your fault.

 

[LilyKat]

Stop giving her your credit card.

If she has the details, take out a new one and don''t give them to her.

Problem solved. Spolied brat averted.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 3:36:27 AM
Author: LilyKat
Stop giving her your credit card.

If she has the details, take out a new one and don''t give them to her.

Problem solved. Spolied brat averted.

Ditto!

 

[ksinger]

Oh, the delicious irony....

 

[atroop711]

it''s time for you to pull your CC from her...take it back NOW...seems like she needs a nice dose of reality. If you want to be able to give her money for emergencies you can always (when she needs it) put money into her checking acct.

WOW 4 bags...GL DF

 

[Amethyste]

wow... I loooooove handbags, but i''d never buy 4 coach handbags ever!

It''s time to call the CC, have then shut off the card - i think its also possible to reduce the limit on a certain card as well - you can reduce the amount to which ever one you feel is an "emergency" limit.

 

[bee*]

Take the card off her. She has a job so she needs to learn to support herself.

 

[Loves Vintage]

I would go back to the store with her and instruct her to return 3 of the 4 bags, assuming your wife wants the one that was purchased for her. Since you keep allowing her to make these purchases, even though you tell her that you don''t approve after the fact, she knows she can get away with it and will continue to do so until you show her otherwise.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/20/2009 7:50:23 AM
Author: Loves Vintage
I would go back to the store with her and instruct her to return 3 of the 4 bags, assuming your wife wants the one that was purchased for her.


yup hard love...if not she''ll continue to take advantage

 

[whitby_2773]

Date: 7/20/2009 7:50:23 AM
Author: Loves Vintage
I would go back to the store with her and instruct her to return 3 of the 4 bags, assuming your wife wants the one that was purchased for her. Since you keep allowing her to make these purchases, even though you tell her that you don''t approve after the fact, she knows she can get away with it and will continue to do so until you show her otherwise.

yup - ditto this.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 8:59:20 AM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 7/20/2009 7:50:23 AM
Author: Loves Vintage
I would go back to the store with her and instruct her to return 3 of the 4 bags, assuming your wife wants the one that was purchased for her. Since you keep allowing her to make these purchases, even though you tell her that you don't approve after the fact, she knows she can get away with it and will continue to do so until you show her otherwise.

yup - ditto this.

And thritto. She has to learn DF, it will be best if she learns asap. FOUR

Coach handbags is not something she needs, it is something she wanted and she isn't the one paying for them - hence she cannot afford to be making such purchase decisions, make her return the three bags if your wife requested she buy her one.

 

[Amethyste]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:08:12 AM
Author: Lorelei

Date: 7/20/2009 8:59:20 AM
Author: whitby_2773

Date: 7/20/2009 7:50:23 AM
Author: Loves Vintage
I would go back to the store with her and instruct her to return 3 of the 4 bags, assuming your wife wants the one that was purchased for her. Since you keep allowing her to make these purchases, even though you tell her that you don''t approve after the fact, she knows she can get away with it and will continue to do so until you show her otherwise.

yup - ditto this.

And thritto. She has to learn DF, it will be best if she learns asap.

Fourtho! to go with her and return the bags - she''ll understand that you mean business!

 

[MonkeyPie]

DF, you complain about this all the time and yet you don''t take away her card...so I have to conclude that it doesn''t really bother you!

 

[steph72276]

Sorry, DF but it is really your fault. Is this the same daughter who ran up a huge cc bill a few months ago for Christmas presents for her friends and you bailed her out? And at that time you asked for advice and most of us said take the cc away or reduce the limit to a few hundred $ for emergencies? She is never going to learn if you bail her out every time. She has a job, she should be learning to budget her money and spend only what she has after she has paid her bills and saved. I agree with the others, make her take them back and if she still wants them, she needs to use her own money. If she doesn''t have the money to spend on them, then she shouldn''t be buying them! You need to sit down with her, and teach her to budget her money wisely or you will be getting calls every few months for her personal bailouts.....is that what you want? If not, some tough love is in order....one day she will thank you for it!!

 

[geckodani]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:12:57 AM
Author: MonkeyPie
DF, you complain about this all the time and yet you don''t take away her card...so I have to conclude that it doesn''t really bother you!

Yup.

Make her take the bags back.

Take away the credit card.

Problem solved.

 

[neatfreak]

It''s simple. CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY!

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

take away the card(s) and I would consider not giving her emergency funds/access to cc and make her come to you to ask when she has an emergency. You can determine if it''s an emergency that you need to be involved in resolving or if she can handle it on her own with her own funds.

 

[Lilac]

I''m 21 years old (meaning your daughter is older than me) and I would never do something like that, mainly because it''s irresponsible and ungrateful. I had a credit card from my mom which I gave back to her when I got married and a credit card from my dad which I still have but never ever use (he just likes me to have it for emergencies even though I tell him I have my own credit card so I don''t need his anymore

)

I would cancel that card that you gave your daughter and make her apply for one under her own name. This way she has one for emergencies, but SHE is responsible for paying for it. Each month you can look at the bill and decide to pay for the expenses that you see as "necessary" - if she buys groceries for you or if she gets stuck somewhere and needs it for an emergency, you can tell her you will pay for those specific expenses, but SHE is entirely responsible for anything and everything else. Including Coach bags.

By giving her your credit card and access to your account, she knows you''ll pay for it because if you don''t it will mess up your own credit. If it''s her own account, you have no obligation to pay it, so she''ll be forced to become more responsible and learn to limit her expenses.

 

[steph72276]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:10:06 AM
Author: Lilac
I''m 21 years old (meaning your daughter is older than me) and I would never do something like that, mainly because it''s irresponsible and ungrateful. I had a credit card from my mom which I gave back to her when I got married and a credit card from my dad which I still have but never ever use (he just likes me to have it for emergencies even though I tell him I have my own credit card so I don''t need his anymore

)


I would cancel that card that you gave your daughter and make her apply for one under her own name. This way she has one for emergencies, but SHE is responsible for paying for it. Each month you can look at the bill and decide to pay for the expenses that you see as ''necessary'' - if she buys groceries for you or if she gets stuck somewhere and needs it for an emergency, you can tell her you will pay for those specific expenses, but SHE is entirely responsible for anything and everything else. Including Coach bags.


By giving her your credit card and access to your account, she knows you''ll pay for it because if you don''t it will mess up your own credit. If it''s her own account, you have no obligation to pay it, so she''ll be forced to become more responsible and learn to limit her expenses.

Sorry, but I don''t think that is good advice considering her spending habits. She will rack up thousands in cc debt in no time. She needs to learn how to budget and use actual money not plastic money! A debit card should be all she needs until she grows up a bit!

 

[Dancing Fire]

JulieN...i know,at least part of it.

LilyKat...now that she has a job i told her to apply for her own CC.

Amethyste...the CC started with a $500 limit.

bee*....that''s what i told her over the phone last night.

loves vintage...what i don''t understand was why she bought for her sister.

Lorelei...she already has two Coach and a Dooney Brouke??

MP....she had it under control in the past few months. she was only using the CC for gas.

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 9:38:51 AM
Author: neatfreak
It's simple.

CANCEL HER FREAKING CARD ALREADY! <-----------------

Give the CC company a call, they will freeze the card and if you do want to still help her a bit, give her a prepaid card so that she can't go over that amount.

If she already has 2 Coach and a D&B bag then she doesn't need more, thank goodness she hasn't discovered Hermes or you would be REALLY mad....

 

[Erin]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:13:36 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
loves vintage...what i don''t understand was why she bought for her sister.

She didn''t. She just said that to you so she didn''t sound so ungrateful. See Daddy, I did it for a nice reason. She wanted them all for herself!!!

 

[Lilac]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:12:26 AM
Author: steph72276

Date: 7/20/2009 10:10:06 AM

Author: Lilac

I''m 21 years old (meaning your daughter is older than me) and I would never do something like that, mainly because it''s irresponsible and ungrateful. I had a credit card from my mom which I gave back to her when I got married and a credit card from my dad which I still have but never ever use (he just likes me to have it for emergencies even though I tell him I have my own credit card so I don''t need his anymore

)

I would cancel that card that you gave your daughter and make her apply for one under her own name. This way she has one for emergencies, but SHE is responsible for paying for it. Each month you can look at the bill and decide to pay for the expenses that you see as ''necessary'' - if she buys groceries for you or if she gets stuck somewhere and needs it for an emergency, you can tell her you will pay for those specific expenses, but SHE is entirely responsible for anything and everything else. Including Coach bags.

By giving her your credit card and access to your account, she knows you''ll pay for it because if you don''t it will mess up your own credit. If it''s her own account, you have no obligation to pay it, so she''ll be forced to become more responsible and learn to limit her expenses.

Sorry, but I don''t think that is good advice considering her spending habits. She will rack up thousands in cc debt in no time. She needs to learn how to budget and use actual money not plastic money! A debit card should be all she needs until she grows up a bit!

Then she shouldn''t have a debit card either. A card is a card - when you don''t have to hand over the cash, it feels like play money even if it''s a debit card. And DF doesn''t seem to have much self-control when it comes to giving his daughter money

Sound like he would just keep adding money to the account!

If you want to keep cards out of her hand then go back to old school allowance. Give her spending money each week in cash. Take away all credit cards and just give her some cash each week. Everything else is her responsibility to pay beyond that allowance money.

 

[atroop711]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:17:30 AM
Author: Starset Princess

Date: 7/20/2009 10:13:36 AM

Author: Dancing Fire

loves vintage...what i don''t understand was why she bought for her sister.

She didn''t. She just said that to you so she didn''t sound so ungrateful. See Daddy, I did it for a nice reason. She wanted them all for herself!!!

ditto this...no way in hell she bought that bag for her sis...

. She''s lying like a rug

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Maybe she is shopping due to boredom or stress. Suggst she do some volunteer work at the local Y or Foodbank. Won''t have time to shop and also won''t need Coach bags for that....

Oh and ixnay or the creditcard a

cheers--Sharon

 

[DiamondFlame]

Ah...daughters and fathers. They share a special bond. I have a daughter myself and yes, it is not easy to dish out the tough love. I don''t think its wise for her to have a credit card even since she''s such an impulsive consumer. What will happen is this: get one card. max it out. get another to roll over the first card debts. Pretty soon the second will max out. So in comes the 3rd... A slippery slope to financial disaster.

 

[purselover]

Wow that was pretty nervy! I agree the purses should go back, next time there''s an amazing sale she should use her money or call and ask permission to charge it to you.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:13:36 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
loves vintage...what i don't understand was why she bought for her sister.

This is an easy one. She bought one for her sister because she didn't have to pay for it.

If she had to take the money out of her own pocket, then I guarantee you that her generosity toward her sister would decrease rather quickly. Suddenly, she will go from

to

, and then hopefully some

. . . . .

and then she will tell sis bye-bye

, you are on your own!

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 7/20/2009 10:30:30 AM
Author: Loves Vintage

Date: 7/20/2009 10:13:36 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
loves vintage...what i don't understand was why she bought for her sister.

This is an easy one. She bought one for her sister because she didn't have to pay for it.

If she had to take the money out of her own pocket, then I guarantee you that her generosity toward her sister would decrease rather quickly. Suddenly, she will go from

to

, and then hopefully some

. . . . .

and then she will tell sis bye-bye

, you are on your own!

* snort*

Or maybe it would go something like this.....Sister says " can you buy me a Coach bag?"

Shopping sister, if being asked to pay for said bag out of own pocket goes....

.....

.....

......

.......

.......

DF, YOU just bought your wife and daughters lovely Coach bags!