Need to lose weight...Again.

[choro72]

I'm 4'7", and I need some advice.
Earlier this year I joined HL and I lost a ton of weight. In June 2007 I weighed more than 120lbs, and by the end of May 2008 I was down to about 84lbs. This is the weight I've always been growing up, and I was very happy. My parents commented that I've never looked this good since I've left my home country (I gained a bunch when I moved here).

But I was starving the whole time, my hair was falling out, and I had such a strict eating schedule that I freaked out if I didn't follow it. I refused to eat with my friends because it wasn't my lunch time yet. I freaked out if I missed a jogging schedule, and I freaked out if my friends suggested "early dinner".

During the summer, I started swimming instead of jogging because of the heat. I put on so much muscle (who knew!!??

) that I hated the way I looked. Then, FI broke his foot so I stayed with him to take care of him. That threw off my whole eating schedule because he doesn't have proper kitchenware for me to cook my stuff, we ate at weird hours. The main thing is that I cooked very healthily for the both of us but in larger portions. I had two pieces of chicken instead of one, and tons of more veggies. I didn't eat junk food, I only ate until I was satisfied, but I gained 15lbs again just from eating more veggies!!! I'm at my wits end!! Can somebody help? I was so much HAPPIER eating more with FI, and I don't want to go back to being hungry again, but I'm afraid I have to!

I'm starving as I type this and I'm only having chicken soup for lunch

I ordered my wedding dress to my size when I was thinner (stupid, I know) so I need to lose at least 10lbs by next June. I just don't want to be hungry anymore. I hate having a strict schedule, and I want to enjoy my life without worrying about what I eat. I waste so much time, concentration, energy, and stress just because of this, and I want to go out with my friends without being upset that they are having chips and I have to hold myself back.
I walk to school everyday, I walk for grocery shopping, I still jog twice a week, so why do I still need to be so strict on my eating habits in order to wear the same clothes? I don't eat junk food but I still gain weight just by eating until I'm satisfied! I think had an eating disorder when I was dieting, and I don't want to go back to that again...

ETA...I didn't realize that my post was so whiny and long...I'm sorry about that.

 

[*Danielle*]

In your position I would just eat. Your body obviously needs it and really, 100 lbs doesn''t sound like that much. I have 32 on you! Also, muscle weighs more so maybe that is contributing?

 

[marcy]

I looked at the weight chart for WW and it only goes down to 4''8" but based on how much it drops per inch your weight range is probably be about 86 to 108. I think if you are around 100 pounds you are probably doing very well and are at a healthy weight. If you were starving at 84 pounds and your hair was falling out I doubt you were eating enough. Try sparkpeople.com to see what they suggest for your height and it will give you a calorie range to eat each day based on your activity level. I think as long as you are eating healthy food and working out you should be able to find something you can live with and not be hungry. I eat several small meals a day and it really helps keep me from getting hungry. On days I eat 2 meals I am starving and tend to overeat. Good luck.

 

[onedrop]

Obviously, you''ve given only a small window to your story, but I''m kind of concerned about the fact that your hair had begun to fall out when you dieted in the past and that you are starving yourself to lose weight. Depriving yourself of food to lose weight is never a good thing, and probably will have a counter-active effect in that your metabolism will decrease and losing weight will be harder.

One recommendation I''d give is to see a nutritionist. Perhaps you can get some healthy alternatives to staying at a normal weight for your frame. Getting started on a healthy routine now will help you get to your goal of fitting into your wedding dress in June.

 

[choro72]

Thanks for your input ladies!

Danielle, 100lbs on my height is huge! My family and friends back home always comment on how I must "eat well" in the US

Marcy, your story is always an inspiration to me. I''ve heard about the several small meals, but how do you handle it? To me, I feel like I will go insane because for each small meal I can''t eat until I''m satisfied, and I''m always wanting more but I have to count the clock for another 3 hours before I can eat...

onedrop, I did see a nutritionist for a different reason before. I didn''t tell him how hungry I was, but he told me that my fat and cholesterol intake is much less than that he would recommend to people with heart problems. My blood pressure is excellent, and he couldn''t believe how fit I was.

I say I''m hungry all the time, but I don''t faint or anything, I can run and do all housework so maybe I''m just a pig and the hunger is all in my head. I mean, a really hungry child in Africa (bless them) wouldn''t have the strength to lift his head.
But when I''m angry all the time because I can''t wait for the next meal, when I snap at people for showing up late and delaying the meal plan, and when my hair stops falling out when I ate more again, it means that I didn''t eat enough before, right?

Argh, at this point I feel like taking Danielle''s advice and just eat as I do now. Or I need to find a real nutritionist. I only have access to a guy on campus, and I don''t think he has all the resources to give me a full evaluation.

 

[girlie-girl]

The problem with starving yourself is that when you do finally eat, your body will store it all as fat because it doesn''t know when it''s going to be fed again. It''s really counter productive and the worst thing you can do. Six small meals a day is what I''ve been told to do. The other thing is that the stomach doesn''t register having eaten for a bit after you''re done. If you eat until you ''feel satisfied'' chances are you''ve eaten too much. Do you often feel too full after sitting for a few after dinner? When your FI broke his foot, you didn''t gain 15lbs by eating more veggies. You said in your post you were eating much larger portions, at weird hours, that you had two pieces of chicken instead of one.... yet you blame it on the poor veggies?

Also, as we get older our bodies weigh more. So you may not physically be able to handle the 84 pounds from your youth. For example, I''m about the same weight I was in high school, but I wear two sizes smaller.

The roller coaster weight loss isn''t doing you any favors. You cannot let dieting run your life as it''s just not healthy. If you were losing your hair it''s likely because you were under nourished. Our subsystems are quite amazing and they''ll start to shut down one by one if the other major systems in our bodies need the nutrients instead. Have you ever had your body fat measured? Starving yourself and letting that get too low will also cause you grief. I used to run all the time and my body fat was melting off me. I got down to 10% at which time my doctor became concerned. He said my female functions would start to shut down because they need body fat to do their thing. Being healthy is about a lot more than what you weigh.

Do you drink much water? Most people will tell you we often mistake hunger pains for thirst. So if you do the smaller meal thing and are feeling hungry in between, grab a glass of water and drink it. Most likely your hunger will subside.

I say try to eat several small meals throughout the day. Exercise three to four times a week, drink plenty of water and get lots of rest. Treat your body right and things will regulate themselves. Your body will settle into it''s natural healthy weight and you''ll be a whole lot less stressed out.

Good luck!

 

[choro72]

girlie-girl, hehe, yeah, my excuses suck. Deep down I know why I gained weight again. I''m just mad that it takes almost a year to lose 40lbs, and only 2 months to gain back 15lbs.

I''ve been yo-yoing in that amount of weight since 2004. Let''s see, up to 2003, perfectly healthy and fit without any effort. Late 2003, got this crazy idea of dieting. 2004, rebounded, not to mention break up, comps, stress...Early 2005, got thin, mid 2005 was the fattest I''ve been, Late 2005 was thin again, mid 2006 got big again, early 2007 got thin again, mid 2007 got big again, early 2008 was the thinnest I''ve been since I''ve left my home country, sep 2008 got big again, and here I am.
Geez, I need a psychiatrist...

Well, one day maybe I''ll be able to afford one.

Thanks for your support ladies. I always read about this 6 meals a day thing, so maybe I''ll give it a try.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I do think there comes a point in your life where you have to accept your body for what it is. Yes, it sucks that we will never be as thin as when we were 20. It sucks that the older we get the easier it seems to be to gain weight and get out of shape. It sucks that our bodies seem to change shape. It sucks that we (as society) are so obsessed with outer beauty. I think once you come to terms and have *realistic* goals (80 some lbs is NOT realistic if you spend your days STARVING and have your hair falling out) you will be sucessful. Only you know what weight you feel best at. FEELING best is NOT always about LOOKING best. Ignore your family and their unrealistic views. Ignore what weight you once were years ago. Yo-yoing is very unhealthy. Are you happy?

 

[emeraldlover1]

Ok...I''m going to try and make this as brief as possible. First off...you seem to realize that the hair falling out and the miserable strict schedule is not a way of life. While the physical result is what you percieve to be as nice...it is not worth it!!!

Here is how I can relate. I am nearing 30 this year and since I was 16 I have been on a diet. In an effort to try and be brief...I''ll give you limited details and you can let me know if you want me to go in more detail. I''m also a workout freak. I run 6plus miles 5 days a week on average. I also do spinning and lift weights. I have gone through periods of my life where I have followed a very similar schedule to what you described above. About 4 years ago now I was the smallest I have ever been. I was averaging about 1000 calories a day. Not nearly enough for what your brain needs to function. Did you know that something like 80% of the calories you consume go to fuel the brain?? At this time I hadn''t gotten AF for almost a year when the docs decided that I needed to go on hormone replacement therapy (a whole other story). However I am 5''3" and at that time I was at 120lbs. I had about 18% body fat. Not that low... So...I obviously had some issues. I was worried that I was going to affect my body so much that I might never have kids.

I decided that I needed help. I found a registered dietician and a phyciatrist and a phycologist that would agree to work together because I did not want this eating disorder any longer. In the midst of this they found I have hypo thyroid. Maybe the reason that I couldn''t normally be 120lbs. Who knows. This was about 4 years ago and recovery has not been all that easy. However, just this past year I have worked through so many of these issues that when the anxiety and the fear of gaining weight re-surfaces I have the tools to talk myself out of going back the saftey of starving. One thing when you are starving is that you always know that it will work...however trust and faith that there are other ways is something that I have been struggling with since I began to try and get healthy. Let me tell you...being smaller is great but not when you have no wiggle room.

Honestly the saving grace in this whole process was and is the amazing dietician that I work with. She works a lot with the emotional componets of eating dissorders and behavior. I fought her for the first couple of year but finally I got to a point where the tangled mess is my head slowing started to work itself out and I realized that my body is ok and if I focus on other things and keep myself busy with activites...the process of maintaining a healthy weight actually works. However, I did spend almost 2 years fighting the process at 140libs. Now I''m happy to say that I''ve slowly lost 10 of that over the past three months by making other things rather than loosing weight a priority. That isnt to say that I don''t constantly think about it but it isnt as important as it used to be.

There are so many things that even the best doctors don''t know about weight loss. Some things work for some people and don''t work for others. That is why it is so important to find something that you believe will work for you (not starving) and learn to trust the process. I promise you I am the biggest skeptic but you will eventually work through this.

I made a commitment to myself that I would not get married until I had recovered from the eating dissorder. I''m happy to say that the decision to ask for help was the best decision I ever made.

BTW...I was a raw vegan for a almost 2 years. I subjected my fiance to a way of life that was so far from what he believed it that it was really hard on us. I am telling you this because during that time I ate mostly salad nuts and fruit and I was the heaviest weight I have ever been in my life this was about 6 years ago. So...i know you can gain weight by eating the good stuff. Just because it is good for you doesn''t mean you can eat as much of it as you want. Still have to watch the portion. The reccomended portion of most veggies is 1 cup I believe. Also, 2 chicken breasts is too much for even my fiance to eat and he''s 6''2''''. I find 4oz of protien 1 cup of veggies and a 1/4 cup of healthy whole grain carb is a great balanced meal and enough to help me loose a few over time. 5 and 6 meals a day does not work for me. Primarily because there is more room for error and it keep my focus on the food because I am trying to do it "right". I find that if I eat when I''m starting to get hungry then that works the best for me. It is important to me to keep my focus off of the food and for people like us this takes a conscious effort on our part. Thinking about food every 3 hours has the opposite effect on me and seriously makes my life a heck of a lot worse.

Ok...I''m actually on the way to the gym...I''ll write more when I get back if you want.

Take care and remember that your brain does not function properly if you don''t eat enough. That thought always helps me.

 

[honey22]

Date: 12/19/2008 3:04:34 PM
Author: choro72
girlie-girl, hehe, yeah, my excuses suck. Deep down I know why I gained weight again. I''m just mad that it takes almost a year to lose 40lbs, and only 2 months to gain back 15lbs.

I''ve been yo-yoing in that amount of weight since 2004. Let''s see, up to 2003, perfectly healthy and fit without any effort. Late 2003, got this crazy idea of dieting. 2004, rebounded, not to mention break up, comps, stress...Early 2005, got thin, mid 2005 was the fattest I''ve been, Late 2005 was thin again, mid 2006 got big again, early 2007 got thin again, mid 2007 got big again, early 2008 was the thinnest I''ve been since I''ve left my home country, sep 2008 got big again, and here I am.

Geez, I need a psychiatrist...

Well, one day maybe I''ll be able to afford one.


Thanks for your support ladies. I always read about this 6 meals a day thing, so maybe I''ll give it a try.

If you are hungry all the time, then it''s your bodies way of telling you you are not eating enough. Any kind of crazy extreme dieting will work in the short-term, then when you stop will rebound and you will likely gain more weight.

I don''t mean to sound preachy, as I have a whole heap of body/weight issues myself, but it sounds like you need to just adopt a healthy eating plan (with the help of a dietician) and exercise normally. It''s not healthy to be that obsessive about food and exercise. You joked about seeing a psychiatrist, but maybe it''s a good idea to talk to someone and get to the issues behind your weight loss/gains. You mentioned you were healthy up to 2003 without any dieting, hopefully you can just get back to that point.

Good luck, I really hope you can work it out. Weight problems can be so frustrating and depressing, but at some point you have to learn to love your bodies, curves, faults and all. Just enjoy being you.

 

[EricaR]

Come hiking with me! I''ve lost 18lbs since March just by hiking!

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 12/19/2008 5:22:58 PM
Author: EricaR
Come hiking with me! I''ve lost 18lbs since March just by hiking!

 

[choro72]

emeraldlover, thank you for writing about your experience. Yes, I would love to hear more. It makes me relieved to hear that I''m not the only one obsessed about my weight and my eating habits...How did you find your dietitian? I only have access to people on campus, and I don''t think they are qualified enough to help me.
You gained weight on salads? boo...I was thinking about going semi vegetarian. I need something to keep me from focusing on food...I do research everyday, and it''s so boring that the only thing I have to look forward to is my next meal

EricaR, great idea! I would love to!

Tacori, no, I''m not happy

But I''m also not happy when I''m big, and I have to buy a different size

I just can''t have everything, huh?

Thanks again, everyone, for your comments. It''s nice to hear people telling me my goals aren''t realistic, instead of "you gained weight again"...At least FI is supportive of my wellbeing.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Date: 12/21/2008 2:00:57 PM
Author: choro72
emeraldlover, thank you for writing about your experience. Yes, I would love to hear more. It makes me relieved to hear that I''m not the only one obsessed about my weight and my eating habits...How did you find your dietitian? I only have access to people on campus, and I don''t think they are qualified enough to help me.
You gained weight on salads? boo...I was thinking about going semi vegetarian. I need something to keep me from focusing on food...I do research everyday, and it''s so boring that the only thing I have to look forward to is my next meal

EricaR, great idea! I would love to!

Tacori, no, I''m not happy

But I''m also not happy when I''m big, and I have to buy a different size

I just can''t have everything, huh?

Thanks again, everyone, for your comments. It''s nice to hear people telling me my goals aren''t realistic, instead of ''you gained weight again''...At least FI is supportive of my wellbeing.

Choro72...I know how this feels and seriously...there is so much more to life then this and I believe that this is the biggest issue. Its not the food. I think if you find a hobby or make an effort to change your focus to something else this can work for you. It is so much easier said then done though. Its still a stuggle for me and it probably always will be. I have my moments but you will find ways to change the behavior. In the beginning my dietician would say things like this to me I really wasn''t hearing her.

As far as finding someone...it really is trial and error. I found that I needed someone that would work with me on my thoughts about weight loss not about healthy eating. I know how to do that. But for people with dissordered eating patterns there are other things involved. Especially the all or nothing guilt if I didn''t eat or work out perfectly. The thing is this whole process takes a lot of trust in other people. Something that is extreamly hard to do when the result is your external apperance.

Most of all...you need to be positive and trust yourself and the process. There is probably a healthy way to get what you want but you will need to learn what that is without punishing yourself for minor mistakes. This is something that a professional should really work with you on. I personally realize that my setbacks are usually a result of me not living in the moment day to day. When I consume myself with the diet and exercize mentality I leave myself little or no wiggle room to enjoy my life. Therfore most of the time I''m stuck in the past analyzing what I could have done better. Trust me, that is no way to live your life.

To answer your question about myself...yes... I was at my heaviest when I was eating a raw vegan diet. However, the volume and the amount of calories I was consuming between the salads, fruits, and nuts was more than I could stand to eat now. I certainly did not enjoy eating like that and it wasn''t the right choice for me. It doesn''t matter what you are eating if you take in more calories than your body can burn you are going to gain weight. And seriously the way I was eating then I was severly bloated from all the raw food.

Since I''m not qualified to give you nutritional advice the only thing I can say is what works for me. I mentioned that I can''t eat 6 small meals a day. It keeps my focus on the food and while it may help my metabolism it doesn''t help my mind and I believe that your mind can override anything if you don''t believe that it will work for you. It doesn''t work for me because the more times I eat the more time I spend questioning whether i made the right decision. That in turn can lead to overeating if I''m not confident in my decision. It can lead to guilt and a variety of other feelings that I do want to have to subject myself to any longer. So, what works for me is a small breakfast, lunch and dinner with a snack if I need it that is well balanced. I grew up eating meat protiens and while I don''t mind a veggitarian diet I find that I am more satisfied if I have a well rounded meal like I described above. Certian days I use beans as my protien and I like that too. Now when I plan my meals I focus more on balance and portion and that seems to help things balance out. It took a long time to trust this process.

I hope this helps. Seriously the more that this is the only focus in my life, the worse it gets. Who knows whether it is cause or effect however...the mind is an incredible thing and I think if you have negative thoughts about the process it really becomes a reality.

I think there are some RD''s on this site so you might want to ask if any of them have any recomendationsn as to how to find someone. Where are you located again?

 

[princesss]

Hey choro, I just saw this and wanted to do kind of a drive-by. I get really obsessive about what I eat, and when I''m trying to lose weight, all I used to do was think about food. I obsessed over how much I ate and what kind of food and what everybody else was eating. I was completely down in the dumps.

What''s worked for me this time, and kept me healthy, happy, and sane (three things I never thought I could be at the same time when it came to my weight) is Weight Watchers. I have a certain number of points per day, and channel my food-watching energy into making sure I eat *enough*. I focus on how I''m using my points, and make better choices, am more satisfied, and after 11 weeks, I just bought a pair of jeans a size smaller than I wore before! I''ve lost about a pound a week, which can be maddeningly slow, but it''s staying off.

Definitely find somebody to talk to about your issues with food. That''s something I didn''t do, and really really should have. I''ve been battling this obsession for almost 10 years, and only in the last 11 weeks am I feeling positive about myself and my relationship with food.

I will admit, it is a little pricey. $40 a month, I think. But I think of it as a down payment on sanity.

 

[choro72]

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. I''ve read them before the holidays, and now I have time to reply.

princess, I hear about WW all the time, but I can''t afford that now

. The support group system intrigues me. I would like to try it some time...

Emerald, I''m so glad to hear that the 6 meals didn''t work for you. I told FI about this plan, and he gleefully jumped on the idea ("Oooo, it''s a Hobbit''s diet!" I had to remind him that hobbits are plump.

). We tried it once, and I couldn''t stand it. I ate half a sandwich at noon; I was mad because I had to force myself to put away the other half. I spent the next few hours waiting for the time to eat the other half. Then dinner was a tiny meal again. I was so mad at being unsatisfied that I went downstairs and ate half a bun at 11PM. Then I was mad because I ruined the diet.
FI can do it, but it''s just not for me.

I''m eating sensibly now at a sensible time, but I''m just not losing any. I even managed to eat sensibly for Christmas and in Vegas! I think that alone deserved a pat in my back, but I still haven''t lost anything, even with all the walking and running I''ve been doing during the holidays.

*sigh*, like girly said, maybe I just weigh more even if I''m in the same frame as when I was in high school. One thing that''s true is that I went on a shopping spree last week, and the entire time I was walking in the mall I didn''t think about food once. I wasn''t even hungry afterward, so I managed to eat a sensible portioned dinner. I think a lot of my problems have to do with the fact that my work requires me to sit at the desk the whole day.

Thanks everyone, I''ll come back to this section of PS again at least until I''ve reached my goal size for the wedding. My parents spent more money than I ever would have for the dress, and I''m going to wear it! I just hope that I don''t have another emotional meltdown. We bought a new scale, and I burst into tears for 30 minutes when I read how much I weigh.
FI already made me promise that after the wedding I''m going to quit dieting. He said that if I die from malnutrition, I''m not holding my end of the bargain in this whole marriage business.

 

[steph72276]

I agree with Tacori, at some point we just have to realize that our bodies are just not the same as they were when we were 17. Then I could eat whatever I wanted and never had any kind of weight issue. I think that 100 lbs on 4''7 person sounds very reasonable and healthy...what does your doctor say?

 

[choro72]

steph, The on campus nutritionist (the only one I have access to) said that my current weight is healthy for my height, but losing weight to what I''ve always been accustomed to is not dangerous. Basically, he would be more concerned if I had always weighed 100lbs and I''m trying to cut down to 84lbs.

 

[emeraldlover1]

Choro...I totally understand your frustration and your goals. This is not a simple process for those of us that have made this not only a physical but a mental issue. Re-read your post again and I think you will see what I mean. I know you realize its an issue because you agree that eating 6 meals a day puts your mental focus on the food. It''s really not about the food. If you are proud of yourself for not thinking about the food when you are involved in an activity; that is fantastic! Also, a reminder that we have to help ourselves to not think about this.

As some have mentioned, you may have to change your thoughts about what your ideal is and what you can achieve but right now you are trying to put all the blame and control on yourself. If you continue to do this it doesn''t give you any wiggle room to enjoy your life. The point is that you are punishing yourself for something you think you have complete control of. I know what its like to feel like your body isn''t responding the way that you want it to. This happens to me a lot when all my focus is on loosing weight an food. Why? Who knows what comes first...is it the way I think about how my body is responding that leads me to overanalyze and eat more then punish myself by giving myself anxiety (all mental thoughts here..) or...is it that I think these things which leads to the actions that are detrimental to what I want to achieve with my body?

Lastly...you can loose weight and not have a perfect diet and work out regimine however you will never get there if you don''t give it some time and believe that you can do it. I know you can!

 

[steph72276]

I would just be worried about the hair loss and feeling like you are starving when you are eating vegetables. If I were you, I would go see you regular doctor and discuss things with him/her. You can''t starve yourself for the rest of your life....if you do that, when you go back to eating normally, you will gain the weight again. I would just focus on eating healthy and exercising a normal amount and not worry about the number on the scale...it would be hard to imagine someone is overweight at only 100 pounds.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Were you HONEST with your doctor? Did you tell him you spend your whole day hungry and your hair is falling out? Sometimes we omit things that we know people would disapprove of. I am seriously worried b/c a weight obsession is very dangerous. This isn''t about exercising more or going on a diet. It is about changing your relationship with food and your body. I think you need a professional to help you figure out why you are obsessed. I would do whatever I could to fix the problem not just treat the symptom. You need to figure out WHY you are unhappy. It is MORE than your body image.

 

[cammy85]

Choro, I hope things are going well for you!

I just wanted to chime in and mention that I know what you mean about sitting at a desk all day. I have my breakfast, lunch and a snack packed away and I am alway so excited to see that it''s lunchtime and that I can dig in. I''m not really hungry all the time, but I am a boredom eater (which is why i pack my lunch in the first place, so I am forced to eat healty food in the correct portions). But I know exactly what you mean about looking forward to your meals, especially if your day job is somewhat sedentary or non-stimulating.

 

[choro72]

I''ve been reading your comments but I''ve been a bit depressed about it that I didn''t write in. My dilemma is still ongoing, but that''s for a BWW topic. I will try to focus on something to stop obsessing about food. Thank you so much for your comments. It makes me relieved that food obsession is common. It also motivates me. I have all the tools and knowledge to lead a healthy life, and I''m not going to use this as an excuse not to.
As for the doctor, on campus doctors are not helpful in these kind of issues. FI needs to add me into his plan first.