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Need help on Engagement

Discussion in 'Proposal Ideas' started by AugustSentinel, Oct 28, 2005.

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  1. AugustSentinel
    Rough_Rock

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    by AugustSentinel » Oct 28, 2005
    I just joined this site. And first I must say before I joined I spent a good half hour just reading the various topics on here. This site is packed with info and I am sure I will find some excellent advice here.

    Ok... tomorrow I am going to buy the engagement ring for my girlfriend of 4 years this next March. We went looking about two months back so I could get an idea of what kind of rings she likes. (we just "happened" to wander into the jewelry store and after a while "wandered" over to the engagement section)

    Ok my first question revolves around asking the father for permission. I know it is traditional. I am a very traditional guy and was raised that this was the way to do it. BUT. Her father does not care for me. Actually he despises me. He hates the fact we live together before we are married and thinks my choice of career will go nowhere. He works in downgrading remarks about me to her when he can get the chance and has even tried to talk her into going to college away from here. Being around him is uncomfortable at best. What should I do?

    Second. I have a proposal idea planned out. Or at least the beginning of one. I want to do a Christmas proposal. But with the 12 Days/Gifts of Xmas theme. Like 12 roses, 11 of something, 10 of something all the way down to 1 Engagement Ring. I''d like to propose in front of family while we are all unwrapping gifts. (again another problem because it will be near impossible to get my mother and father at the same place along with hers) I am just having a hard time figuring out all the gifts. I would greatly appreciate ideas here.

    Ok finally.... I know wedding planning comes on down the road. But there is only one aspect that gives me problems when I think about it. How to choose a best man? I don''t have one close friend but have been blessed with a group of them. I hold each individual in this group in the same regard. I thought about just choosing the one I have known the longest but he and I are just now renewing a friendship after several downfalls. I am suppose to be the best man at one of their weddings so am I suppose to choose him? I considered easing any playground political trouble by just choosing my dad (not at all just an easy way out.... I would be honored to have my dad as my best man) Any thoughts or advice?

    I look forward to reading any suggestions or advice and appreciate the time taken.
     
  2. Lorelei
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Lorelei » Oct 28, 2005
    Hi and welcome[​IMG] I will give my opinions and hope they may help you. You say your relationship with your GF's Father is bad. I am sorry for this, but you really need to get him on your side if you can. I have had personal experience with this with a close family member some time ago. Firstly I think many Dad's are naturally wary of any guy who has a relationship with a view to marriage with their little girl, mine was the same way. It is part of being a Dad, that maybe in their conscious or unconscious mind, no man is good enough for their daughter. This is normal enough that he might see you as a threat and a possible rival to her affections. I think you have to find a way to talk to her Father about your intentions, otherwise this could lead to ill feeling now and later, especially if you want to do a family proposal at Christmas. This could go horribly wrong otherwise and lead to a lot of upset. Find the right time to approach him, then settle between you on a time to have " the talk" and try to see things from his point of view just a little if you can. This is his daughter, his pride and joy - you don't want to take that way from him, or your GF for that matter, as more than anything she will want to see peace between you. Talk to him in a confident and reasonable manner, you might have to bite your tongue at times and keep your temper. Find out what the issues are that he has and try to allay any fears he may have of you taking care of his little girl. Assure him that you know he has his daughters best interests at heart, but that you both truly love each other and you will take care of her, and always put her needs before your own, and it would mean the world to you both to have his blessing and permission. Once you have formed a way to communicate, then ask him his thoughts on your proposal idea and for his permission to do this and his input. Don't go behind his back and return engaged, this could really add fuel to the fire. Did you go against his wishes to live together before marriage? That might be a big part of the problem that he feels his views were ignored. Maybe this is the case, I know it isn't necessarily right but maybe he thinks his opinion was disregarded and will be in the future. Therefore it is important to try to reassure him that you may not agree with his views all the time, but you will at least listen and respect them.

    Remember there is a chance that you can turn his feelings around if you do this the right way. They say you don't marry the family - but that isn't really the case IMO. This guy will always be important to your GF and the Grandfather to any children you might have, so it wil pay dividends even if not immediately to invest some time in trying to win him over.

    Your proposal idea is lovely, but I would hold fire a little until you have at least tried to get her Father's blessing and let him know of your plans. There is no easy way I'm afraid, it will be best to face him and he will respect you for dealing with this in a responsible manner and not trying to thwart him, it might even earn you his respect which would be a good beginning, from that a working relationship might come later. Also be completely honest with your GF, she knows her Dad better than you do and might be able to give you some good tips on how to approach him.

    If all else fails, you might have to decide together if you want to go ahead with your engagement and future marriage anyway, but at least you will have tried. It would be far better to have her Father for you than against you and you need to do whatever you can to get him on side, even if it means swallowing some humble pie if you have to, for your GF's sake too. Family support means a lot, so do what you can to get his blessing. I am sorry if some of this sounds unfair but it is worth a try and could be the best investment you will ever make in the start of your new life. Bear in mind, if he won't bend at all that you might have to carry on with him being alienated, ask your GF how she would feel about that - hopefully this won't be the case. Prove to her Father in your thoughts and actions that you are a good guy and worthy of asking his precious girl to place her hand in yours for the rest of her life.

    This is a long post but I hope it may be of some use to you. Good luck.
     
  3. jcrow
    Ideal_Rock

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    by jcrow » Oct 28, 2005
    congratulations!!

    first off who says you have to have a best man?? (except you of course) i know i won''t be having a maid of honor, just two bridesmaids...(hopefully)
    you don''t have to stick to the rules if you don''t want too.

    second:

    12- dozen roses
    11
    10
    9
    8- godiva chocolate platinum collection (to match ring??) http://www.godiva.com/catalog/product.aspx?id=1186&SE_Section=Shop&SE_Category=83
    7- a 7-course meal
    6-
    5
    4
    3
    2- movie tickets, or a pair of earrings
    1- e-ring
     
  4. bling*diva*
    Ideal_Rock

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    by bling*diva* » Oct 28, 2005
    ~~Lorelei has a great point. I think you should talk to her father and explain your intentions. You two don''t have to be the best of friends, but if you can put your differences aside and get along, that would really mean a lot to your GF.
    About the Christmas proposal, I think that''s a great idea (the 12 Days of Christmas). Maybe you could incorporate things that she likes (like a type of candy, favorite food, or something like that), and you could also incorporate things that the two of you do as a couple. That would be fun!! [​IMG]
    The best man situation... if you can''t choose any one or two of your friends, you don''t have to have a best man. You could just let them all know that they are equally special to you, and therefore, they will all be your best men!! Good luck!!! [​IMG]
     
  5. Erin
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Erin » Oct 28, 2005
    Actually, he does kind of have to choose a best man because someone hands him the rings at the ceremony. Someone walks with the MOH down the aisle. Someone gives the speech at the reception. Perhaps each person could take the role best suited for him depending on which job the ''best man'' performs.

    IMO - don''t ask the dad for permission and propose with your 12 days idea but propose in private.
     
  6. Lorelei
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Lorelei » Oct 28, 2005
    I see your point but I am just concerned it might not be the best way to forge a good relationship with his GF's Father by excluding him, and the Father might be even more annoyed if he felt they were going behind his back, as their relationship isn't good to begin with. I think most Fathers appreciate being asked for permission IMO and should be where possible. By asking him for his blessing might just improve his standing in the Father's eyes However if the Father continues to be unbending they might just have to go ahead regardless. The original poster will have this guy in his life for a long time by marrying his daughter and it would be in his best interests to try to get along with him.
     
  7. bling*diva*
    Ideal_Rock

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    by bling*diva* » Oct 28, 2005
    ~~I think this would be better for you to do, that way all of your friends can have an equal role in the wedding duties.
     
  8. caligal
    Shiny_Rock

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    by caligal » Oct 28, 2005
    Congratulations! Here are my thoughts:

    Regarding her dad:
    Talk to Mom first. Get her on your side- then both of you talk to Dad. That''s one thought. Or- maybe Dad is really upset about the living together thing and will be glad you are asking for her hand and actually marrying her- so just tell him yourself. Let him know you will support his daughter- seems to be a big thing to the dad.

    Regarding the 12 days:
    Great idea! Think about all the things she likes: to eat. to listen to, to experience, to touch- etc... I''m a Mary Kay consultant and I know beauty products are always a great way to go (perfume, scented lotions and scrubs, pampering hand care- althought I''d stay away from actual make-up since most women have pretty strong preferences in what they like)

    Regarding the proposal:
    Where do you two usually spend Christmas? I''d love to open up the ring in front of my family or both our families- but if it were me I''d be a little uncomfortable in front of his family only. You can always do it that morning right when you wake up- then it''s private and you still get to share it with family the whole day.

    Regarding the best man:
    I think if I were you I''d have a couple or my Dad. Who knows- maybe she will only want one attendant- then your choice is simple!
     
  9. Tali
    Rough_Rock

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    by Tali » Oct 28, 2005
    **stepping on soapbox**

    No offense, but sheesh! Not every wedding or every reception has to be from the same cookie cutter!!! We did have BM/MOH, but our rings were on a ring pillow made of kermit mums on the little table/altar we had. The speeches can be made by ANYONE, and I''ve been at weddings where there were about a dozen short speeches/toasts. At my own wedding, the wedding party entered simultaneously from the sides, and there was no aisle. No one *has* to have anything at a wedding, unless they *want* it.

    **off soapbox**
     
  10. bling*diva*
    Ideal_Rock

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    by bling*diva* » Oct 28, 2005
    ~~Well said!!! [​IMG]
     
  11. Tacori E-ring
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Tacori E-ring » Oct 28, 2005
    I agree Tali. Have the ring in your pocket. You don''t NEED to do anything you don''t want to. We are not going to have a garter or flower toss b/c We hate them. We are having uneven attendents (who cares???) not us and its our wedding. Do whatever you want however you want. About her dad, I am going to go against the grain and if he "hates you" (which I am sure he doesn''t) no need to talk to him about proposing. It is really between you and your GF. If you love each other that is all that matters. She can deal with her dad later. good luck!!!
     
  12. pebbles
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by pebbles » Oct 28, 2005
    I have to agree with everything Lorelei said.

    We had a similar situation in our family. My cousin was dating this guy that her father (my uncle) really didn''t like. He didn''t think he was very mature, did not have a good career (so how was he supposed to take care of his daughter?) and had made some hurtful comments about the family in the past. When my cousin and her boyfriend started talking about marriage, my aunt told my uncle about it. My uncle was pretty upset and wanted to talk to this "young man" himself. My uncle can be a pretty intimidating guy, but he has a heart of gold. When the guy came over to ask for my aunt''s and uncle''s permission, my uncle took him out to the yard to talk. At first my aunt thought he was taking him outside to put a few lumps in him. [​IMG] After spending about an hour outside they came back in and the guy had a smile on his face from ear to ear. He thanked my aunt and left. My aunt asked my uncle what they had talked about and he didn''t give specifics, but his opinion about him was vastly different from what it was before. He obviously gave his blessing and my cousin is so relieved that her dad thinks more highly of her now-fiance.

    Obviously all situations are different, but in our family''s case, it was so great that my cousin''s fiance had that talk with my uncle. I would strongly encourage you to talk to him. If you need to talk to your girlfriend''s mom first, that is a good idea too. If her father dislikes you that much you can use her mom as a buffer if you don''t think talking to him alone would work well. You and him may never totally see eye to eye, but trust me, thinks will be so much better for you in the long run to know where you stand with him now.

    This is jumping the gun, but as far as having to choose one best man, you don''t have to choose just one guy. Delegate the duties and the bridesmaids can walk down the aisle by themselves with all the guys standing up front. There are no fast rules nowadays.
     
  13. Lorelei
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Lorelei » Oct 28, 2005
    I think we think alike Pebbles and I am glad your cousin''s situation ended happily. I really think it would be best to ask the Father for permission, if not I really feel it could make things much worse and this might be the one window of opportunity to bring him round a little. I think JMO that regardless of a Father''s behaviour and traditions, it is only right and respectful to ask a man for his daughter''s hand in marriage, not doing so could pave the way for a terrible relationship between the two guys through the whole marriage, when you could have had his support, even grudging. It is best for his GF''s sake also to try to do everything possible to get along with her Father, she will always want her Daddy in her life, no matter how long she has been married. Actions speak louder than words, it might be possible that in asking her Father, it may go very well indeed, far better than expected, but I really feel regardless if her Father is being a jerk, he deserves and is entitled to the respect of being asked for his permission. As said, if he continues to be difficult, the couple may have to think about going ahead without his blessing but try first.
     
  14. door knob solitaire
    Ideal_Rock

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    by door knob solitaire » Oct 29, 2005
    Hey AS...welcome! [​IMG]

    Looks like you fellas have no problem getting our responses on this engagement board...give a girl the microphone and we''re gonna let give you an ear full!

    I really love that you are honoring the tradition of going to her father. You may have already read my previous post on the subject, so I won''t duplicate. Go in with sincere intentions, give it all you''ve got...if it is not received as you hope it would be...just know you were the bigger man. It is obvious his daughter has made her decision...hang your hat on that! My mother in law continually reminds me that the "she" before me was the right choice. 22 years later..."she" is still the right one. I treat my mother in law with the respect and honor I would if she were my biggest fan. I know my husband sees me as honorable in my actions...that is what is important. My point to this thing is you don''t always win everyone. That''s OK.

    The 12 days of Christmas...I love it!! I am also excited that I may be able to return in time, with suggestions to help. It sounds like a lot of fun. So much so, I think I will do it for my husband. In your plight for ideas...I have racked my brain and Love the Godiva 8 piece platinum suggested previously. They also come in 4 count if you need to switch.

    As a guy you may not be familiar with the variety that is available in jewelry. These ideas can be found fairly inexpensively...in sterling silver for example.. Necklaces and bracelets are available that have multiple strands of chains in the specific count you need. Or a piece that has say 7 drop pearls on it. A Charm bracelet with a certain count of charms that represent special things you share....i.e.; telephone, football, pizza, the state you live...pets...everything you can think of is made in sterling silver charms. Bracelets run about $20. you can find the charms from $6 to about $25 each.

    It would be fun...but probably hard to do...but a charm bracelet could be the 12th day gift...and each of the 12 days it is added to.. Or you can use the charm bracelet idea as sort of a record keeping item. The charms are given each day that represent each item that you give her...So years from now...she will have eaten the actual 8th day Godiva gift...but the bracelet will have a sterling candy kiss to remember the chocolate by. If one of your gifts is ice skating (rental of 4 ice skates) ...your charm will be ice skates. Etc. Etc. There is a charm my husband got me...it is a little tiny wrapped box that opens to reveal a solitaire diamond ring...Viola...last day for you. (you can''t have mine, but I can tell you where to get yours!) Another bracelet idea I have seen is letters that spell out WILL YOU MARRY ME. Can''t quite figure how that could fit into this...Dont know if her name and marry me count to 12...but you could give her letters in random order...like a puzzle. Oh la la... Maybe spell it in french...and then hand her a translation book. Or BE MY WIFE SUZY...Ok I am getting off tract here.

    My main suggestion was to remind you to refer to other types of jewelry for the specific number you get stumped on. Besides...when in doubt...buy jewelry. (Young man...if you don''t listen to anything else I said...make sure you read that last sentence and remember that...the key to a happy marriage.)

    Oh another journal/record keeping idea is to give her a photo album...and each day a photo with the two of you and the gift is added to the book.

    Can''t help you on the BMan thing...I have no clue.

    Gotta wrap this thing up!

    DKS

    oh the past, present and future 3 stone jewelry pieces can be for 3
     
  15. door knob solitaire
    Ideal_Rock

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    by door knob solitaire » Oct 29, 2005
    Yeah, I can't belive I am back again so soon too....

    I need a life! Ok another idea...each gift you give her is wrapped or boxed and for decoration there is a themed actual 12 days of christmas ornament displaying the individual icon of the song...

    So along with the dozen roses you tie a ribbon around the bouquet or the vase and hanging from the bow is an ornament with the Twelve....oh poo...what is 12? Twelve....TWELVE DRUMMERS DRUMMING!!! The fabulous box of 8 godiva will have the ornament...*EIGHT MAIDS A MILKING...(get it milk chocolate...) Ok you MUST use Godiva on the 8th!! JCROW great call on that one!!

    These ornament sets can be found at most stores that offer Christmas decorations. They are available in many themes...they can be cartoonish...like mickey mouse...or more elegant and regal in sort of a Renaissance appearance. Again, years from now the box of Godiva will be long gone...but each year you get out the Christmas ornaments...you can relive the magic of your 12 days leading to your engagement. Who knows...maybe you continue each year with the madness and repeat the gift giving and on Christmas night/day/the time you proposed you reinact the placing of the coveted last in the series...PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE...stand back and see all 12...and all of the memories.

    EDITED: I got the order of the 12 days backwards, didn't I?
    Oh I love this job!! I am weeping...in deed....[​IMG]

    To help you understand the magnitude of the richness of the song...I have included this link for your enjoyment/enlightenment/enrichment...

    http://www.cresourcei.org/cy12days.html

    I am so excited....even if you don't like my ideas...I sure had fun!! Yippeee Christmas is near!!

    DKS

    maybe you have a seperate special desk top tree that displays ONLY the coveted ornaments...Or the ribbon you use on the 12 gifts is also 12 days of Christmas theme...Oh someone please.....Stop me!!
     
  16. AugustSentinel
    Rough_Rock

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    by AugustSentinel » Oct 29, 2005
    hey guys... ok whoa. I am excited that so many have responded. I am on break from work right now so I do not have time to read each in detail and make a proper response. When I get home tonite and Elizabeth goes to sleep I will get on and reply.

    I talked to my dad about the issues I brought up here and got advice on that and more. I will get back to you all later tonite. Thanks again for all the responses and keep them coming!
     
  17. MissAva
    Ideal_Rock

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    by MissAva » Oct 29, 2005
    12- roses, or her favorite flower
    11- A mix CD of ya’lls favorite songs, or ones that mean something to the relationship
    10- A pedicure or manicure (or both!) gift certificate
    9- Godiva bakes boxes of choclates which are three rows by three and you could fill it with her favorites.
    8- of your favorite photos of the two of you together Target and Wal-Mart both carry picture frames which hold multiple photos
    7- seven reason you feel lucky to have her
    6- This necklace is 16 inches long and has six drop pearls which could be very sweet 65$ Pearl Necklace with 6 drops
    5- Charm braclet with five charms representing ya''ll and your intreasts. I love James Avery
    4- Something that represents each of the four years ya’ll have been together
    3- keys to happiness: laughter, trust, and love (you can get ones that have super cute painted designs on them at places like Wal-Mart or sometimes gas stations, the keys could be for actual things to your house a spare for her car and the like.)
    2- Earrings, perhaps some cute little ready to go studs from WF? Or perhaps a pair birthstone earrings. Or these are very cute and could possibly be worn on her wedding day. Pearl/Diamond Drops
    1- The exact moment you knew she would be your wife….and then the ring.

    Of course with my idea/plan it may be next Christmas
     
  18. MissAva
    Ideal_Rock

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    by MissAva » Oct 29, 2005
    I do not know if you two are religous or what your intreasts inside jokes are but here is a start for the charm bracelt, the heart could have her new monogram on it. And the stocking could have the proposal date.

    charmingproposal.JPG
     
  19. MINE!!
    Ideal_Rock

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    by MINE!! » Oct 29, 2005
    Here are my .02 cents.. I am going to go against the grain here. First of all... how does your girlfreind feel about this... I do not mean the proposal.. I mean the relationship that you have with her father?

    I realize that many people think that they need a father''s permission... But honey, no you don''t. You can try to be nice, but you don;t have to ask permission. Are you going to ask his permission when you decide to take a job in a new town? On whether or not to have a baby? On whether you should pay the matercard or visa on the 1st or 15th? On whether or not you sand you future wife are going to buy a house and what that house is going to cost?

    Many people think that this is important. I say it is not as important as you think. Sure, in an ideal world that is JUST peachy. but this is not an ideal world. I would reassure her father that you plan to marry his daughter and take care of his daughter. most father''s are worried that their daughter''s are going to end up with a deadbeat loser. At least this will be showing him your intentions instead of asking him and giving him the opportunity to stop the forward progression of your lives together.

    I love my father and I want my father to accpet my choice for who I am with. But my father loves me enough to know that I am going to have to fall a few times before I walk. In other words.. my father wants me to make my own decision. I think that asking permission was an important thing in the past.. after all many young marrried couples relied on family money to live. Personally, I think you should talk to your girlfriend about this... I do not think it will remove the element of surprise from this at all.. it will just help you to understand her feelings on it more.

    After all.... This is about you and your girlfriend. I think many people make the mistake of marryong the family instead of the one they love. Once you get over that... you have actaullt succeeded with something most people never figure out (that is why there is so many... in law stories)[​IMG]
     
  20. Munchkin
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by Munchkin » Oct 29, 2005
    First of all, I love the 12 days of Christmas idea. I also love the suggested charm bracelet. (I always suggest charm bracelets as a wedding gift from the groom to the bride because they can truly be "built" together over the coarse of a lifetime.) Rembrandt is a company that makes charms in virtually every catagory. Perhaps you could find a "piper piping," etc on days that you are stumped for an idea.

    As for her Dad, I wholeheartedly agree that you would risk making your relationship even worse if you do not speak with him. However, I think that you should ask for his blessing rather than permission. It is a subtle difference, but an important one. Would you truly not propose if he said "no?" By asking his blessing, you are infering that you will ask her regardless, but you would appreciate his support. It also prevents the extremely sticky situation of what you would do if if he ever told you that you were not allowed to propose to her. I would meet with him on his turf, on his terms. Be respectful, be clear, be strong. Do not get angry if he makes snide remarks. Keep your composure even if he does not keep his.

    Regarding best man, I would wait. Wait a little bit and see if you are becoming especially close to one of the guys. If not, I concur with the "best men" concept. Have the best speech-maker speak at the wedding, the most dependable hold the rings, the oldest friend witness any paperwork, etc. The best thing about weddings today is that we can all make them our own - without being locked into a template.

    Good luck!
    Munchkin
     
  21. MissAva
    Ideal_Rock

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    by MissAva » Oct 30, 2005
    Where is AS?
     
  22. door knob solitaire
    Ideal_Rock

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    by door knob solitaire » Oct 30, 2005
    Matatora,

    He is hiding...I scared him silly. A few suggestions he asked...

    DKS
     
  23. MissAva
    Ideal_Rock

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    by MissAva » Oct 30, 2005
    Well one of us did! [​IMG] AS we were just trying to help I swear.[​IMG] I may have gone slightly overboard with my 12 but with your lady a heart. [​IMG] If you give us a budget I promise we will find a way to do the 12 days of Christmas and stay in it.
     
  24. door knob solitaire
    Ideal_Rock

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    by door knob solitaire » Oct 30, 2005
    Matatora,

    I think he''ll be back. I understood his computer time is limited at least the time she is not peering over his shoulder. I do hope he comes back...I like you know we can shop in the budget he will set. I think it will be fun...if we get to advise. I thought your 12 were great ideas and you really put alot into your choices including your links. I do hope he''ll throw in a past, present and future piece in there for #3.

    I trust he is erasing his history/footprints...if they are sharing the same computer. If not, she may be peering over our posts right now...SHAME ON YOU ELIZABETH!!! This is supposed to be a suprise!! Scadaddle! [​IMG]
     
  25. AugustSentinel
    Rough_Rock

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    by AugustSentinel » Oct 31, 2005
    hey guys.


    haha yea I am still here. And solitaire hit it on the mark. We share the same computer so I have to constantly erase my history and wait for her to go to bed. Ive also been working some overtime so that I can pay for the ring. I didn''t get a chance to go Friday cause I couldn''t find a good enough reason to go to the mall without her. But tomorrow I am suppose to go out with my mom for lunch and she has something she has to do. So definately tomorrow I will get the ring!

    First.. again I love the suggestions and the amount of responses. I talked to my dad about alot of stuff and he gave me alot of advice. First I know I am going to do it at his house cause that is where my dad''s side is spose to get together. And my mom''s side always doesn christmas the week before so I can''t do it there. And Liz''s family is always spread out at christmas. So my dad''s will have the most family present.

    But just so niether family feels "left out" I am going to have the whole thing videotaped. And to include my mom she is going to help me pick out the ring. (i''ve never shopped for expensive diamond stuff before so I need her help lol)

    The 12 Gifts. I really liked the charm bracelet and the godiva chocolates idea. here is what I have come up with so far:

    12 - 12 Long Stem Roses
    11 - Charm Bracelet with 11 Charms representing each of the other gifts.
    10 - 10 Love songs on a cd
    9 - 9 pictures of us together throughout the years (from Junior year in high school to present)
    8 - The Chocolates
    7 -
    6 -
    5 - 5 Angel Figurines (every xmas I get her an angel figurine)
    4 -
    3 - 2 Gift Certificates to her favorite clothing stores
    2 - A 2 hour spa treatment
    1 - The ring

    That is all I have really decided on so far. I was thinking 7 or 6 could be like a basket of bath and body stuff with 6 or 7 items? My budget for the ring is about 1200 and the rest of the stuff around 250.

    About her dad. I talked to my dad and he said I shouldnt worry about it cause it''s not as traditional as it used to be. Especially if being around each other is as uncomfortable as it is. So I''ve decided.... if the oppurtunity arises I will talk to him and ask for his blessing and tell him my intentions. But not ask for his permission like it has been mentioned. I know I will talk to her mom and ask for her blessing as well. She and I get along really well and she is always asking me when I will "pop the question"

    Now on the best man thing. Nothing will be final on that until it really comes time to do the planning. But after talking to my dad the other night.... and him explaining what a best man should be in his eyes. I think I will ask my dad. In his words or close to them... "A best man is someone you can count on and to be responsible for his duties as a bestman. It should be the friend that has never done you wrong (happens alot to me it seems with "good friends" sometimes) it should be someone that has always been there." My dad is the one who ALWAYS listens when I have a problem and has bailed me out of so many situations I have forever in debt to him. I never have to worry because I know he''s right there when I need him. Ok everyone wipe the tears away now haha.

    I will post pictures of the ring as soon as I get it to get everyone''s opinion. And if anyone has any suggestions on buying a ring please tell me. I have never bought expensive jewelry so I need all the suggestions on how to buy, what to buy and anything you can think of. I will check this before I go around 12-1 Central Time.

    Thanks again for all the advice and I am continuing to look through it all when I get the chance. I have to be careful cause she suspects something is up and she knows im putting alot of planning into Christmas... so I am covering my tracks very well. (I hope)

    Keep in touch guys. Ill be back tomorrow most likely.

    -Justin
     
  26. AugustSentinel
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    10
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2005
    by AugustSentinel » Oct 31, 2005
    Oh yea. I figured I should post why her dad doesnt like me huh?

    First... we just never seemed to connect or get along from the start. He liked her previous boyfriend and was very dissappointed that she broke up with him. And he made that very clear when he met me.

    Second... he is very christian. and very hypocritical. And we had a long talk about.. oh... 2 years ago about my plans for the future. Back then I was going to be a police officer and to be one here doesnt require any college. The city has it''s own academy. He hated that. The being a cop and not going to college.

    He didn''t like the fact that when I started dating his daughter I wasn''t a christian (long story, email me or something and I''d be glad to share it tho) And he doesnt like the fact that I am not a practising christian now. ( I am but not in his way. I pray, I read the bible, I talk to god and trust him. But I don''t believe someone HAS to go to church every sunday morning, sunday night, wednesday night and whatever other night studies there are) But I won''t get into beliefs here..

    When she moved in with me he flipped. He cut off all financial aid to her whatsoever. Which is understandable... that is why kids move out... to become independent. But he cut off her tutition in the middle of the school year. He bought her this crappy car and when it broke a week later he expected me to cover the costs. (which I couldn''t at the time)

    When I didn''t make it into the police department (another long story and a crappy outcome) I decided to stick with my current job. ( I work for one of the fastest growing fried chicken fast good chains in texas) When he discovered this he offered to pay her tuitition IF she would go to school in another town away from me. When she said no he said (exact words) "So you are going to spend the rest of your life with a loser who works in fast food as a career"

    So there is a little history. I have tried to be nice to the man and now just ignore him as best as I can. The job thing shouldnt bother him because I am slated to own my own store by summer of next year making ALOT. six figures. We have managed to stay in a nice two story townhouse for a year and a half now. I just recently bought a brand new car and then surprised her with a brand new car. So I know some have said be nice and just hold my tongue. But I have for the past 3 1/2 years. haha.

    Anyways thought this might help a few understand my situation.

    -Justin
     
  27. Lorelei
    Super_Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    40,758
    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2005
    by Lorelei » Oct 31, 2005
    Justin I am sorry you have had such a hard time with your GF''s Father, it isn''t a new story to me unfortunately. I think continue to do your best to get along with him somewhat, ask him for his blessing on your engagement, IMO every Father deserves the respect of being asked, then you have done all you reasonably can. Then continue to do all you can to prove to him that you are not the" loser" he thinks you are, which you obviously aren''t and to take great care of his daughter. Things will get better, in the end if he won''t budge it will be his loss sad to say. I am glad we haven''t scared you off and I hope we have helped in some way.
     
  28. MissAva
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    8,230
    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2005
    by MissAva » Oct 31, 2005
    I am so sorry! It does not sound like her father is acting in a ay of a Christain. Shame on him. Have you thought about asking an elder, deacon or whatever in his parish for help on how to handle things?
    PM me if you want to talk I went throught this very thing because of how I veiw faith, it stings I know.
    What about 6 diffrent scents of lotions each one with a inside joke to it, or a cute little note.
    Have you read the tutorials here? I hope you do before you buy. I have learned so much from Pricescope and continue to learn...I think you would be surprised how nice of a ring you can get. *hugs* congrats on finding the woman for you.
     
  29. AugustSentinel
    Rough_Rock

    Messages:
    10
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2005
    by AugustSentinel » Oct 31, 2005
    hey guys.

    ok I havent had a chance to take pictures and upload them of the actual ring. And I can''t give you the details on them because I am typing this in the middle of Liz walking back and forth through the house. But I just had to get pictures up!

    Wedding Band

    Engagement Ring

    I went way over budget but I am VERY happy with my choice. My mom helped me pick them out. Let me know what you guys think. I will post actual pictures when I get the chance later tonite with all the info. I do know that the diamonds I got are I1 or something like that.

    -Justin
     
  30. bling*diva*
    Ideal_Rock

    Messages:
    4,026
    Joined:
    Jun 17, 2005
    by bling*diva* » Oct 31, 2005
    ~~The wedding band is beautiful (love the princess cuts), but the link for the engagement ring didn''t work.[​IMG] So far, I like the wedding band!! [​IMG]
     
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