Nanny Questions

[Loves Vintage]

Hi,

For those of you that have nannies, have you ever had a nanny who brought her own kid to your house on a regular basis while caring for your child? We've recently started interviewing nannies, and I've received this request multiple times. My initial instinct is that this should not be a problem, so long as it's only one other baby. But, when I give it more thought, I worry that attention will be taken away from my baby.

Has anyone else had an arrangement like this? Did it work out? Would you say no from the get-go?

Overall, I'm not too confident we'll find a nanny. I tried CL, which turned up very few applicants, and only two that I considered meeting. The first canceled her appointment, and I didn't like the second after interviewing her. I am on Care.com now, and again there are only a few people I want to talk to, which is why I think I'm flexible re: having nanny bring her own kid.

Thoughts?

 

[megumic]

Generally, I think that arrangement seems fine, so long as you've met the other baby/child and are comfortable with him or her being around your child. However, I'd think the hourly rate or salary would be less if a nanny brought their own child, as the nanny is caring for his/her own child in addition to yours. Might be a great bargaining tool...

 

[Pandora II]

For me it would depend on the age of the child.

For example, Daisy is nearly 2 and if the nanny had a child around the same age that would be great as they could play together - and my monster is much better behaved when she's with other kids. If the kid was a baby or aged 4 or so then I wouldn't be too happy.

 

[Loves Vintage]

megumic, Thanks for your response. You used to be a nanny, right? (I recently read some old nanny threads. I think I am remembering correctly.) How old were you when you were a nanny? I'm curious, as I've been surprised to see that many of the caregivers in our area are quite young -- 18 to 23. Oh, and I agree it'd be a great way to bargain down her hourly rate, but this is actually one area where we are willing to spend. We are usually quite thrifty. Even though we'd be willing to pay a higher than average rate, it doesn't seem there are many suitable applicants.

Pandora, That makes sense. They both have babies. One is 7 months, the other is 10 months. Oh, and I just received another similar request -- 18 months.

Well, I think we'll meet with the young woman (22) who has a 7 month old and see how we feel about her. It does seem like a lot to handle, doesn't it? Oh, and this will be for three full days per week. I will be home on one of those days each week, but will be working in a separate room. We are just so torn re: nanny vs. daycare. If a super-nanny were simple to find, it'd make the decision so much easier.

ETA: DH has insurance concerns for the extra little one, so that's another factor to consider.

 

[megumic]

Yes, I used to nanny. I always babysat from the age of 10 and up, regularly for 5 years for one family through college, and became a full-time nanny to five kiddos in NYC when I was 23. (I've since moved on...) I actually think it's a pretty common nanny age as the money is good and the work is reliable. Compared to older nannies, I think I had more energy, willingness to play on the ground, happy to help clean up, etc. b/c I was young. I didn't really have my own agenda with it except to make money and hang out with kids and have a good time. I found my nanny job for NYC through CL, which is surprising since the family ended up being super high-profile and not the type I thought would turn to CL.

My suggestion would be to choose the nanny you are most comfortable with and do a trial period of like 2 to 3 weeks and reassess at that point. I think there are so many factors -- do you like the nanny, is the nanny awesome with your baby, does her baby get along with your baby, is this working out for her baby too? I mean, she's a mother as well and certainly should be concerned that it is an ideal, if not optimal, situation for her own child as well. I think you also have to be comfortable with how your nanny will deal with competing needs/interests of the two babies -- you have to be okay with her caring for her own child, and perhaps occasionally at your child's expense (this would happen in daycare as well...but you may have different expectations of a nanny...)

I think trials are the way to go. You're right -- if/when you find supernanny you need to hang on to her, treat her well, pay her, give her paid vacation and sick days like the rest of the working world, etc. They do exist!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Ditto Megumic!

I nannied what felt like forevah--babysat regularly starting at age 12 (yep, I grew up in the country ) worked all through college as a live-out nanny and then was a full-time live-in nanny in Boston for a year after that for infant twins and their 4 year old sister.

I think that early 20s is a great age for a nanny provided she's responsible, you like her, and you trust her. I think it's all about running background and reference checks, noticing her behaviors (e.g. is she obsessed with texting/facebook/twitter/gum chewing/hair twirling, etc.), is she articulate/does she have a plan for her life (even if the plan is nannying...basically is this what she wants to be doing now and why), and then going with your gut. I think that you can only trust someone with your child if you trust them as a person, like them, and respect them...

I loved nannying, even though I was not crazy about the last set of parents I worked for. it was a great job for me while I was in school and I got VERY comfortable with kids For those last few years I was totally the soccer, car pool, paci in the pocket, and baby sock stuck to my jeans nanny

I'd be fine with a nanny who had another child as long as said child got along with my child to a certain degree/wasn't a sociopath, and as long as the mom seemed able to provide my child with excellent attention even when her child was there.

the insurance thing is a great question, I'd love to hear what your DH finds out!

I think finding a good nanny is really hard, but when you find the right one they can make your life so much easier!

 

[Mara]

I don't know if I would be super keen on it. At J's age now, 13mo, maybe I'd be more ok with it than a baby. But, I would totally feel like they would give their baby preference over mine, say the two babies are crying from hunger, who gets fed first and who has to wait? I'm not saying that this person WOULD do that but it's what I would worry about, being a first time mom. Now at J's age and moving fwd, he's definitely more of a little person who understands more than a total baby and he's more social and interactive to where I might not mind it as much and I am way more flexible on things now that he's older. I want him to learn things like social skills and sharing and the like that having a 2nd kid around that is the same age is really great for.

Though the funny thing is that we do a nanny share a few times a week with another kid that is 6mo older than J. I never really worried that the share nanny gives preferential treatment to one or the other and I know that she worked it out so that the kids were almost on contrasting schedules. aka she fed the other baby before J got there and then she'd feed J. The other baby would nap while J was awake then he would nap. So most of the time she was only dealing with one. So I say the above (that I wouldn't be totally keen on it), but I guess in a way that is kind of what we did except neither boy belongs to the share nanny. So I would say go with your gut...and def do a trial and maybe before you go back to work so that you can observe the situation and see how you feel before you have to leave the baby there and trust entirely.

Definitely put out feelers within your circle of friends and acquaintances. Both of our nanny situations (we do a share 2x a week and we have another nanny the rest of the time) were found through friends. I loved that I didn't really need to do a TON of work in finding them because I was intimidated looking from scratch. Also if you have any SAHM friends, you can ask them to put feelers out in their networks, one of our friends is a SAHM to twins and she is huge into Mommy groups and she was always fwd'ing me other families nannies who needed PT work or someone who had to let their nanny go for XYZ (personal reason) but they were great and they were hoping they could find her a new spot etc etc.

 

[janinegirly]

LV: do you have one or 2? I'm looking into (part time) nannies for next fall - kind of dreading the process!

I think for me I'd rather not have the nanny bring children along. This is because I see it as a job and it becomes double duty if they are also watching their own kids at your home. I remember looking at in home daycares for a bit and the owner (of the service not the daycare) said they do not allow women who have younger children to host an in home daycare as this a job that you need 100% focus on just like any other job.

However, I also agree that you have to go with the best person - the best fit and sometimes not everything is perfect a la Supernanny/Mary Poppins! So if everything else is great and this is the one caveat, I suppose I would consider it. I'd be very curious to hear how it works out, I hope you keep us posted!

Megumic & Bella: wow you ladies watched a lot of kids at once at such a young age! I have a question - did you also take any of the children you watched to pre-school? This is the piece I can't figure out - how to incorporate preschool since my DD is at the age where she needs some social interaaction. At first glance it seems like a lot to ask a nany to drive children to and fro especially if there is more than one, but maybe this considered very standard?

 

[Bella_mezzo]

Hi Janine,

Yep, I did the preschool pick-up thing for 2 years in the suburbs of Chicago driving the little girl I nannied, E, her friend who was a year older W, and E's little sister D who was an infant (D was only there for the last year b/c she was born when E was almost 3). I drove carpool pick-up the 3 full days a week I nannied. I didn't mind at all. I was a good driver, but I was always super careful b/c well, I had three little kids in the car. that felt like a lot of responsibility!

In Boston, I walked the 4 year old to school (she rode her bike). When I did it I had all three (the twins and her) but often the mom would do the school drop off and take the 4 year old (she HATED watching the twins, let alone leaving the house with them, b/c it was overwhelming for her so she liked to just be able to focus on her 4 year old). I put the twins to bed everynight except Sundays (my day off) for 6 straight months

 

[megumic]

One thing I forgot to mention -- find a nanny who can anticipate! If she can anticipate your needs, your child's needs, how you'd respond to your child, etc. -- I think this is more important than whether she brings her baby along or not. As a nanny, I found that this was the one skill that got me extra bonus points (and cash!) -- parents loved when I already knew what they were thinking so they didn't have to ask or think about it.

When I nannied for 5 in NYC, the family had a driver, so if any of the kids had to go somewhere we just hopped in the car. Three of the kids were school-aged, so it was just two during the day. Typically when it was time to pick up the one from pre-school the other would nap and the housekeeper would listen in. But at times it was certainly a juggling game to figure out who was where, etc. Another smart thing the parents did was arrange for a playgroup type thing at their home -- so about a dozen little ones and a "teacher" would come once a week to do some social activities with music, games, snacks and arts and crafts. Sometimes mom or dad would be there, but usually it was the nanny with the youngest, hanging out with other parents or nannies and kiddos.

 

[NovemberBride]

I do not have a nanny, we looked into both and decided on a daycare center for my peace of mind. I know there are many great nannies out there (my SIL is one), but unfortunately around the time we were looking the infant son of a friend of a friend was shaken by his nanny and permanently brain-damaged. They had loved their nanny up until then and had no indication that she would do anything like that. After learning of that experience, I felt more comfortable with the daycare center where there are several people in the room with my child at all times and parents in and out all day.

But when we were looking at nannies, I would not have selected a nanny that wanted to bring her own child along for the same reasons Mara stated. I wouldn't have had a problem with a nanny share, but if it were the nanny's own child I would feel like she couldn't help but show preferential treatment to her own child - it's human nature. To me, the only real reason to consider it would be cost - I would expect to pay a nanny that brought her own child significantly less than a nanny that is only caring for my child since it would no longer be a 1 on 1 situation and she doesn't have to pay for child care. In my area a good nanny with experience, good references, a driver's license and that is a citizen (all requirements for me) would cost upwards of $2500/month (as it should, it is a tough job with long hours).That's cost-prohibitive for most, so for someone who really wants a nanny but can't pay the price, hiring someone who brought along her own child might be a good solution.

 

[janinegirly]

Megumic/Bella: thanks for chiming in - you were both such great nannies!! Finding one who anticipates needs sounds fantastic, but is hard to idenitify beforehand. Well we are in the NYC area (NJ suburb) so you if you have any friends in the "biz" that are as great a you guys were, let me know .

NB: how awful about your friend. That scares me and I have in the past been anti-nanny because of those fears plus I have a hard time trusting strangers. But a nanny offers so much conveninence (less drop offs / pick ups) especially if both parents are commuting and if there's more than 1 child.

 

[megumic]

Janine -- check out Lucky L'il Darlings. They do both nannies and babysitters in the NYC/Hoboken/Jersey City/North Jersey area.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

In Boston I was placed through an agency In Search of Nanny but I'm not sure how much value they added to the process for the family, and I know that they were pretty pricey. The family I worked for in college found me by posting a job on the college job board. I loved that family very much and even went back to see them a year or so after I graduated and was living in boston. The family I worked for in Boston was more like the Nanny Diaries. I loved the kids and worked very hard, but the 4 year old had some issues (the other nanny and I think she may have been bipolar b/c among other things the violence of her tantrums was pretty sudden and scary-yes, I worked early mornings, afternoons, and evenings, as well as Saturdays and they also had a daytime nanny and a Sunday babysitter, adn they used infant nurses and an ilegal nanny from when the twins were born until they hired me, so they had 24-7 coverage until I started, and then coverage during all times the kids were awake except for pre-7 am...oh and the mom was a SAHM I don't really miss them...when I decided to leave after my 1 year contract was up the dad literally sat in the living room and watched me move my things down from my 4th floor room and he just didn't even think to offer to help me at all, he was reading Golf Digest or something...

I second megumic on the anticipation skill. That helped me a ton (and has helped me in my professional life too!) I think that the way you tell if someone has that during the interview process is asking them how they would handle certian scenarios and seeing if they are forward thinking and motivated in their answers and by checking their references. I took care of children as though they were my own, anticipated my employers needs, and tried to care for the children and my employer before they could think to ask me something. I was very firm but very loving towards the children I cared for and even if parents allowed tv I was very intentional about limiting tv time and getting the kids active and outside and engaged in imaginative play, reading, and fun projects. I started doing all those things in my many younger years baby sitting...I would always do the dishes, fold/put away clothes and toys in the kids areas, take phone messages for the parents, and gave them a little report every day re eating sleeping, behavior, and some special story or anecdote that happened. I think if references mention those kinds of things it would be a good indicator that the caregiver has that anticipation quality...if I found a mom who wanted to bring her child with her who had those qualities I would be fine with hiring them.

Hopefully our 2 year old son B will be coming from Ethiopia this summer to join our family. As of right now I have to work b/c DH is out of work, and our son might need some extra TLC as he bonds with our family so it's not a good option for right now I think, but when we were trying to get pregnant, I was seriously considering putting my career on hold and nannying for someone elses child while I was able to be with mine for the first year or so...you might find a really good nanny with a child who would be a great situation for your family!

 

[Loves Vintage]

Thank you for the replies everyone.

Janine - I have only one little bundle of joy, who will be 3 months when I go back to work part-time. The convenience factor you mentioned is a huge plus. I'm sure I'll be frantic in the mornings if we do decide to go with daycare. I'll keep this thread updated as we move along in our search, though we may be jumping back into daycare mode. We may hop back and forth several times, actually, which is what we've been doing. Neither situation is ideal, but we are going to have to decide sooner or later. Five weeks left . . .

Bella - Thanks for sharing your experiences. The family that you were a live-in nanny for sounds insane! You have to wonder why they even had kids, right? Strange! You give me hope that there are good nannies out there!!! Oh, when you said to give a scenario to a nanny during an interview to assess whether she can anticipate our needs, can you give me an example of something I should ask? Re: the insurance question, I still don't know whether the nanny's child would be covered b/c DH only got so far as to ask whether the nanny would be covered. I heard that coverage in addition to a typical home owner's policy was required, but apparently not for our policy, though I am sure this is policy-specific.

Megumic - Thanks for going into more detail about your nannying experience. I've found that a lot of the younger women looking for nanny jobs don't have a lot of infant experience, unless they have an infant of their own, in which case, they want to bring them!!

Mara - I share the concerns you articulated completely! I also decided to reach out to some moms like you suggested, and we'll see if anything turns up. Everyone I know either has their kids in daycare, or they SAH. Most are in daycare. There just aren't a lot of people here who nanny as their professions.

**********

So, I haven't made much progress in our search. We decided not to interview the early 20's candidate who wanted to bring her 7 mo old because my husband was adamantly against a nanny bringing her own child. I asked my husband to go through care.com and select some candidates to interview because he seemed to be under the impression that there were a lot of great candidates out there. So, he did, very quickly, pick 6 or 7 people, but he didn't look through their information very thoroughly. Yeah, no. I wouldn't agree to interview any of them. So, we are going to interview the nanny w/15 yrs of experience, who has a 1 year old, and then we will re-assess whether we will feel more comfortable with her than a daycare. I spoke with her on the phone, and I did ask how she would handle a situation where both babies were crying at the same time. She said she'd have to assess the situation, and if her daughter did not need her urgently, then she would go to my baby first, because that's the reason she'd be here. That sounds like exactly what I want to hear, but as Novemberbride mentioned above, humane nature dictates she goes to her own child first. And, I know I am not ok with that. She does bring her baby when she goes to nanny for a one year old now. I think she may well be an excellent nanny, just not sure if this is a workable situation.

 

[basil]

LV - I don't have any advice, but I will be following this thread with interest. We are also considering a nanny for our baby once I go back to work, for convenience and cause I have trouble with the germs inevitably passed around in daycare for such a little one. But we don't really have any idea how to go about searching for one!

Thanks again, former nannies, for sharing your experiences!

 

[qtiekiki]

No advices since MIL is taking care of my kids. I was just curious about the nanny's answer. She said if her daughter's need was not urgent, but what if both babies had urgent needs?

 

[icekid]

LV- we decided to go with daycare for the time being for the reasom that NovermberBride memtioned. I just felt it was too difficult to trust a stranger alone with my infant, while daycare provides more checks (and the one we chose has video that can be accessed over the internet!). Jumper will start next week, as we have had family for my first three weeks back to work.

However, if daycare does not work out for some reason we are still open to trying a nanny for the convenience factor and personal care. My work schedule is awful and hubby has a long drive, so a nanny would be beneficial there. We'll see how it goes-- i admit it still makes me nervous though i think it is the right decision for us right now.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

haha LV Yeah, they had IVF for all the kids too! They really wanted them, but I think had no idea how much they would change their life...

 

[Mara]

Ditto what was asked about what if both kids needs were urgent. That said... having a 1 year old, if there was a baby here that was 3-4mo old I think I would gravitate towards getting the baby situated first then go to J. Because I know his cries and I know when he's in a dire need of something or just fussing or dramatic. And 99.9% of the time he's not in a situation where he absolutely needs me IMMEDIATELY anymore. I think a baby would have more of those needs/crisises where they can't deal with them because they don't know how. I might give this gal some scenarios and see what she might say.

The other thing for you to consider is baby proofing. Your kid is 3mo old, you have plenty of time before you have to deal with this. But a 1 year old, your entire house has to be baby proofed before this lady starts. The chances of HER kid getting hurt in your house are probably higher to me than your own kid having an issue or getting hurt while this lady watches him. This would include making sure your furniture is attached to the walls, drawers/cabinets all have safety locks on them etc. That actually might be enough to put me off the whole thing lol. Baby proofing was like an ongoing thing for me from month 7 when he could crawl and it literally HAS taken us like 5mo to get the house 99% of the way there. But there's still some areas where I wouldn't feel safe just leaving him...so you'd have to really make sure to designate an area for the kid if he does come and also lay some ground rules... or maybe just have an open discussion on all this and see what she says. I'd have a hard time turning away a great nanny but if the situation just is too difficult, it won't be a 'convenience' for you anymore yanno.

 

[TravelingGal]

I didn't read all the responses, but wanted to chime in to say it's a deal breaker for me. Sorry if that makes me a terrible person, but I wanted to find a nanny who took care of my kid, period. I do not want other children in my house because I work here. Hell, some days I don't even want my own kid here!

 

[swingirl]

Don't think of your nanny's child as a "playmate". He'll be getting at least 50% of the nanny's time. Would you pay her the same fee as someone who gives your child 100% of their time or does she come at a discounted fee?

In you house it's your rules, but if she is parenting her own child you don't have control over her behavior with her own. I would want my nanny to be working for me with 100% of her time where there is no chance of a conflict of interest. But that's just me.

 

[iugurl]

Don't think of your nanny's child as a "playmate". He'll be getting at least 50% of the nanny's time. Would you pay her the same fee as someone who gives your child 100% of their time or does she come at a discounted fee?

In you house it's your rules, but if she is parenting her own child you don't have control over her behavior with her own. I would want my nanny to be working for me with 100% of her time where there is no chance of a conflict of interest. But that's just me.

I agree! I don't have any kids, so I probably shouldn't comment... But I will anyway However, it just seems wrong to me. I wouldn't bring my child to work, as I couldn't focus 100% on my work. I think that applies to this situation too. I think the nanny should be giving your kid(s) her/his FULL attention. That is her/his job. How is she supposed to do that if she has to take care of her child too? I would be willing to bet your child gets less than 50% as the nanny will likely give more attention to her child. Again, take my advice with a grain of salt as I am childfree

 

[Jennifer W]

I wouldn't consider it. I would want someone who was entirely focused on looking after my child, and would never be in a (hopefully hypothetical) which kid do I rescue from the burning room quandry...

Ok, that's overstating it a little, but I'd be paying for a substitute care giver to take my place while I was unavailable, and I would expect the person I paid to be doing it as a job. I'm not allowed to be a carer to my own child while I'm working, and I wouldn't expect my employee to be doing that either.

it would be a deal breaker for me too. No question.

 

[LadyBlue]

I would consider it if I wanted a nanny but I could not afford it.

If I'm looking for a service of someone taking care of my kid, but with the comfort ability of coming and doing it at my house so the kid can stay at home, more flexible hours and more control of the situation. I will take a nanny with a kid. But, I would not pay a full salary. I would pay her 8-10 an hour. I think it is a good compromise. She gets extra money, in the only job she can do bringing a kid and get a service that is not a 100% personalize.

About the who would she care more for, and what she will do in a case of fire. Well, day care is not a personalize care either, they have more than one kid to take care at one time. And if there was a fire, I'm sure the teachers will put their self’s in safe first, and not risk their life trying to save kids are not their own.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Thank you for the feedback everyone. My husband appreciates your support. You all agree with him and not me! Uggh, I just e-mailed to tell her it won't work out, so we aren't going forward with an interview. Fifteen years experience and she's British!!!

I think a lot of the reason why I initially thought it would be a workable situation is because I don't know anything about kids!! Two kids sounded totally reasonable to me. People do that all the time. At daycares in my area, the ratio is 3 infants per 1 caregiver, so 2 sounded reasonable. I didn't really give consideration to how things would go on a day-to-day basis, so I appreciate everyone helping me think it through.

So, I started responding to some of the other care.com applicants. Another great candidate with a toddler. So, I asked her if she had care arranged for the toddler . . . AND she wants to bring her two out of the three days as well. Uggh. I think that's four requests to bring their own kids! At least now I know what the answer is -- no! no! no! (See, I'm getting better at it.)

I'm looking at another applicant now. She's 36, no kids. Sometimes, people will say in their ads that they love kids, but were not able to have their own children, so that's why they are nannying. That FREAKS me out. This woman did not say that, but others have. There are actually countless things that freak me out! But anyway, I'll be talking to her next. Sigh.

ETA:

Ladyblue - I see what you're saying, and I totally agree with you. I get the impression that the younger women I am talking to would probably be willing to negotiate, but we really would prefer to pay top $$ for top care, which is what is so frustrating about this search!!!

Basil - You can look at care.com and sittercity.com, plug in your zip code, and find caregivers in your area. Hopefully you have a better candidate pool than me!

Mara - Yeah, totally not baby or toddler-proofed over here. And, then there are the dogs . . . who are fine with the baby, btw, but who would add just another level of worry.

Swingirl - You are right! And, I know I need to think more like you, well, more like an employer, less like a push-over, I guess!

Icekid - I hope everything goes well with daycare. We have an excellent daycare as a backup plan.

T-Gal - Thanks for your input. Definitely helps to see the opinions stacking up against me!

iugurl - Of course your opinion is welcome. Thank you.

 

[Bella_mezzo]

LV-it sounds like an agency might be helpful to you in this situation. If I remember right you are outside a major metropolitan area, so your candidate pool might be a little smaller and might skew more towards moms trying to figure out how to work after they have a child...if you have space for live-in care that is another option. You would have a much broader candidate pool and could be more specific about what you wanted.

For me the criteria would probably be:

-fluent in english-I may be a little flexible on this
-preferably college graduate-though I am flexible on this depending on the person/situation
-loves kids
-demonstrated childcare experience with children similar age as mine
-impeccable references
-a positive trial care session where you pay her for the day or week and work in other areas of the house/close by while popping in to observe her care of your child
-clean background check
-strong credit history
-some education in childcare/child development preferred
-some medical training preferred
-infant/child CPR and first aid certified (ideally already experienced, but at a minimum willing to get certified before beginning work)
-the difficult to quantify but oh so important "good chemistry"

in an interview I would cover the above and then probably ask questions like the following:

-what would you do with my child on a rainy day?
-how would you interact with my child (activities, etc.)
-if my child INSERT INJURY/SITUATION (had a fever of 102+, fell and hit her head, vomited, stopped breathing, cried for 45 straight minutes...) what would you do?
-how will you convey information to me about what happened in my child's life each day?
-what is the best/worst/most difficult situation you've been in with a child and how did you handle it?
-how do you envision our relationship and your relationship with my child?
-what do you like about children?
-why would you like to take care of my child?
-what do you need from me to help enable you to take the best care of my child?
-clarify responsibilities re cooking, laundry, pets, cleaning, etc. especially in regards to the child and their areas
-clarify overtime, start and end time, additional responsibilies...

As far as the scenario, I think I would get a lot of the "anticipation" factor from the above...I am drawing a blank right now on other scenarios that would highlight that characteristic, but I'll keep thinking about it!

I think 2 kids is totally reasonable regardless of infant-infant or infant-toddler, yet again, I am the nanny who got left with 9 children under the age of 1 in a not totally childproofed basement while the moms had a 3 hour tea party birthday party with big sisters on another floor... so I may have lost all reason at that time

I agree the "can't have children so I nanny" thing is creepy. The daytime nanny at the aforementioned crazy family was like that, plus the twins looked like her with blond hair and blue eyes. She was OBSESSED and not in a totally good way, and would sometimes pretend they were hers when we were out

I would actually be way more uncomfortable with that than with a capable nanny who had a child taking care of my child.

this was my agency: http://www.insearchofnanny.com/default.asp they used to have a nanny hire pack that potential parents could purchase rather than the whole nanny search service that helped detail suggested interview and hiring criteria...something like that might be helpful.

 

[Jennifer W]

I would consider it if I wanted a nanny but I could not afford it.

If I'm looking for a service of someone taking care of my kid, but with the comfort ability of coming and doing it at my house so the kid can stay at home, more flexible hours and more control of the situation. I will take a nanny with a kid. But, I would not pay a full salary. I would pay her 8-10 an hour. I think it is a good compromise. She gets extra money, in the only job she can do bringing a kid and get a service that is not a 100% personalize.

About the who would she care more for, and what she will do in a case of fire. Well, day care is not a personalize care either, they have more than one kid to take care at one time. And if there was a fire, I'm sure the teachers will put their self’s in safe first, and not risk their life trying to save kids are not their own.

I know this is a sensitive issue right now, after the recent day care fire tragedy in Texas. All I'll say is that a good daycare facility will have a fire evacuation plan which is tested and rehearsed at least once a week. This is a legal requirement attached to the facility's registration in the UK, I'd be surprised if it wasn't elsewhere. Daycare facilities should be ground floor only, with a fire escape in every room that kids would have access to (so a door or fire-safe window). Evac-crib (for getting multiple small kids out at once) fire blanket and extinguisher in every room. I would much prefer a properly regulated day care to a nanny with more than one kid, in that context. Please God, it will never be something I have to find out about first hand.

 

[Loves Vintage]

Bella!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for these questions. I hadn't asked anything like these questions during our first interview. I think the reason why I couldn't think of any questions re: nanny anticipating our future needs is because I don't even know what those needs will be at this point. Still just figuring things out day-by-day. I haven't gone the agency route. There is one agency, about an hour from me, and it caters to families in that area. On Care.com, I had a lot of people contacting me from 40+ minutes away, and it just seems too far to drive. I would expect problems with traffic delays, snow storms, etc.

I have one interview set up with the nanny I mentioned above. She was very nice on the phone, has significant nanny experience (stays with her families for years), but has no significant newborn experience. Not sure how big of a deal that should be. For her last two families, she started with them when the babies were 7 months.

I will likely set up another interview this weekend with a woman who is a birth and PP doula and also has nanny experience.

 

[Mara]

Both of our nannies didn't have baby experience when they started with us. J was 7mo when he started with them, but they mostly had dealt with kids over 2+. I just left detailed instructions and eventually they got into a routine and learned about him and how to work best with him on their own. So I wouldn't think it's a deal breaker if a fab person with experience came along that had mostly dealt with older kids. Hope you find someone great LV!