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Mixed feelings/I'm an idiot

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little_birdie

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 8, 2013
Messages
98
So my SO yesterday asked for my parents blessing and then randomly popped the question last night while I was telling him about my day.
I ruined it with my lousy reaction.

Me: 'oh no no!!! That's not how you ask! I didn't wait 8 years for that!!' :wall:
Then he said 'yay, you said yes! Time for bed', changed into his pjs and went to sleep. :eh: Admittedly, I was underwhelmed.
Later on he changed his mind and said 'you do deserve a better proposal than that. ok i'm gonna do it again' and took the ring back to 'repropose at a later surprise date'

On a side note, and maybe the reason why I'm sad and not that excited about being engaged-I told my parents and they just said 'well, it's your life, your decision'. 'Aren't you happy for me?' 'As parents we're happy that someone wants to take care of you for life. Just remember this isn't permanent yet'
There was no excitement, no 'I'm so happy for you!' or 'oh we'll have to start planning the wedding!' or any indication that they're happy for us.
 
Aw, little birdie, so sorry you were disappointed. I'm not certain . . . did you say yes? Hopefully someday you'll laugh about your SO's initial proposal. I would have liked a bended-knee proposal but DH had a knee injury which prevented it. Even now (5 years later) whenever we see a bended knee proposal in a movie, video, picture or real life, I tell him I want a do-over and we laugh. It never gets old. :)

Hopefully your guy will come up with a better idea when he proposes again.

Your parents' reaction is rather unusual. Do they like your SO or has there been any indication in the past that they don't like him? Is there some kind of age factor going on here? Are they usually emotional/ expressive and for this occasion they weren't? Maybe someone they know had a bad experience so they are being reserved.
 
I did say yes through my laughter but I hadnt taken him seriously at the time! So we are engaged, my SO has just decided to do it again. Also we havent told his sister because she broke up with her partner over the weekend and is still very upset. We might give it a few weeks before we announce anything to them.

My parents have only just started to accept him after a number of years. Age is not a factor, they just are judgemental and never thought he was good enough (cultural thing). They're are hard to please parents I guess, but im just disappointed they couldnt be happy for me. Oh well, my SO and I are very happy.
 
little_birdie , I am so sorry you didn't get the proposal or the reaction from your parents you wanted. :((

Good thing there are do-overs in life (if you give the do-overs a shot).


Did your parents know you were disappointed by the proposal? They might just worry you aren't getting what you want.

I'm willing to bet your fiancé's second proposal will be wonderful. Just remember the best parts of this experience: you have a wonderful life partner, a BEAUTIFUL stone, and a wedding to plan!!!! :))
 
Hi mini_dancer, to be honest I kind of laugh about the proposal now, it is funny and I get to tease the fiance about it! The two of us are happy which is the important thing. Things haven't changed for us, maybe it's because we have been together so long that an engagement didn't really feel like a step at all? I'm not sure.

My parents dont know anything about how he proposed, they don't really care about that.

Yesteday I spoke to my mum on the phone and she not once mentiones my engagement, it was as though it hadn't happened.
 
That would definitely bother me too. I'm so sorry. You can certainly feel free to brag & be thrilled about your engagement here though :))

In the meantime, please feel free to post some more photos of your engagement ring. :bigsmile: I love heart settings but rarely see them!
 
Aw! It is sweet that he wants to redo it so you would be surprised! It's really great he wants to make you happy.

As for your parents, even if they aren;t super happy because they may not be as fond of him as you hope. I would believe they are happy for you to have found someone who makes you happy. I wouldn't worry about them so much. If you know you are marrying the right man, and he knows he is marrying the right woman then that is all that matters.

My proposal was kinda along the same lines. He got on one knee, did a sweet little speech and said "this is as good as your going to get" I don't even think he really asked me. It was silly, sweet and if you knew us as a couple totally us!
 
Awe. Well...my guess is he got the ring and was so excited he wanted it on your finger. Guys being task oriented darlings, he may have become so excited when he picked up the ring he simply could not wait to check it off of his list. While it is not the most romantic move, it may have been a completely sweet, genuine one. He wanted that ring on YOUR finger and could not wait to get it there :). Oh well, he'll try again.

I followed the ring saga in the other thread and think is came out beautifully, by the way!

As far as parents go, if there is a cultural difference, a begrudging shrug may be all the blessing you will get. Unless you have red flag issues (abusive, controlling, won't work, rude, etc) Meh...carry on and be happy with your choice. They did not raise objections or actual reasons they feel he is a poor match. In the end, they are right. They cannot make your choice or bear the responsibility for your happiness. Only you can do that.

Good luck! I hope the next one is great fun too.
 
Hey little birdie, don't fret! I had a similar experience after my FI proposed, although we have a large age difference-- my parents are still waiting for it to be called off. It sucks and I cried for months because there was no spectacular movie-like moment when the parents are happy and everyone goes into bliss-filled wedding planning mode. Life isn't perfect, but if you're happy with your FI, that's all that matters.

Looking forward to reading about the second proposal & ring pics!!
 
Hello.. I don't know your age or total situation.. But as much over 16 yrs my parent really attempted a warm resolution ship wi my husband.. They knew from start he wasn't right for me. They thought swell guy.. Just not the man.. I was 22 thinking I could do exactly as my parents have done.. He was 25 at wedding..

Don't let ring, wedding plans and pro use of could be prevent you from really looking at does he have what it takes..
 
You are not an idiot and it was all actually very cute. The most important thing is that you're happy, both of you. You know he's a right guy for you. Your parents will come around - don't worry. Your showing them your happiness will eventually turn the tide. Don't let them bring you down. And...CONGRATULATIONS! :clap:
 
Update:
Thank you everyone for your support!
We are now 8 months down the track...he has not reproposed in a 'nicer' way but I've given up on holding out for that.
He lets me know he loves me every day in other ways, and I reciprocate by cleaning up after him when he leaves his clothes all over the floor, or repeatedly wears the same dirty socks over and over so when I pick them up I gag from the smell :doh:
My parents are being warmer to him, they invite him to family dinners although most of the time the poor guy just sits there and watches the conversation rather than participating.

His mother is lovely, whereas my sister-in-law to be is becoming quite the bride-zilla and demanding we do the wedding certain ways and telling me how rude she thought I was by not having a massive wedding with the 200 people in our joint families even though most of his side he has not been in touch with and does not know them at all, etc! At this stage my fiance has had enough of her shenanigans and has stopped answering any calls from her because he knows she is causing drama behind the scenes with the rest of his family.
I was definitely not expecting this behaviour from her!
 
aaawa thanks for the update little_birdie. I think it is awesome how you he lets you know how he loves you every day in little ways . . . .
:)
 
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