Who miraclesrule, come on down!

[ladypirate]

You seem like you''ve led the most fascinating life--can we hear more about it, please?

 

[miraclesrule]

Oh vey, I don''t know that I would call it fascinating, but it was unusual...

Where to begin. Well, my Mom and Dad met during Catholic High School where they were both interested in Drama and Music. They lived in the "coldest spot in the nation" International Fall, MN. It''s about 9 miles away form the Canadian border. They married right out of High School and my Mom became preggo with my older sister and they moved to Chicago where I was conceived. They then moved west to San Diego where I was born and have remained. Shortly after I was born, my Dad left a book on the bed for my Mom to read. It was a book about Homosexuality. My Mom apparently refused to confront the situation and my Dad began his affairs with other men. One night two years later he came home drunk and they did the deed. As luck would have it, my Mom got pregnant with my little sister. That pretty much put my Dad over the edge. Because it was the early 60''s and nobody really "came out of the closet" back then amd my Dad became suicidal. He attempted suicide three times and was recovering from the last attempt in a "mental hospital" here in San Diego. The doctor came out and told my Mom "Your husband is a homosexual, he loves you as much as he can love any woman, but he needs to be able to live his life authentically or he doesn''t have the will to live at all". My Mom didn''t care. She hadn''t know anyone who divorced and it was not an option for her being a devout Catholic who attends mass every day. She said she didn''t care if he was a homosexual, she loved him and he was the father of her children, she would live her life as a virgin, but she wouldn''t divorce him. So, my Dad divorced her and proceeded to move to Los Angeles to pursue his lifestyle of theatre and art and it being the mid 60''s, he was a partier. He also never paid my Mom any support. That never stopped her from putting us on plane to visit him all the time.

I wouldn''t learn any of this until I was just going to begin 6th grade. Me and my sisters would just visit him and his "roommate". His roommate daughters were there and every visit was an adventure. My Dad had friends with kooky names and they were all colorful (african/american) and free in that hippie kind of way.. I think my older sister was the first one to notice that something was amiss. So my Mom told us that my Dad was a homosexual. I looked somthing like this

OMG Dad''s queer? That''s what the term was in the late 60''s.

Meanwhile my Mom got pregnant again by a sailor she was dating when I was about 7 years old. I remember that the guy was very violent when he found out my Mom was pregnant and smashed the windshield of her crappy car. He bailed. As luck would have it, the jerks best friend had been falling for my Mom all along and started consoling her and then asked her to marry him....while she was pregnant with his former friends child. My Stepdad had been burned as well. He had been married, had two kids and when he came back from a 6 month tour of duty, he found his wife four months pregnant so he filed for divorce. He also adopted my Mom''s new son shortly after he was born in order to be his legal father.

My parents bought a house in 1970 and they still live there today. It was a 3 bdr/1 bath. At one time all 7 of us kids lived there so they had to convert the garage into their bedroom to accomodate us. Mornings at the bathroom were a never ending fight. I still remember my Mom using the same bath water, and we had to take bath together. Me and my older sister, then my little sister and brother....until my Mom walked by and my brother was lying on his back with his lil'' package up in the air and my little sister laughing as she would try to make it lay down and it would pop up again and they would giggle.

After that my brother got to take his own bath.

To be continued...because I have to go to work....I guess my life has been fascinating...especially some of the stories with my Dad.

 

[MoonWater]

*sits and waits*

 

[akmiss]

more!

 

[FrekeChild]

Ooooooo.....You know I''m excited you got your own thread!!!!

Yay I can''t wait for more!!!!!

 

[HeadOverHeels4James]

I''m waiting patiently for more......

*grabs popcorn*

 

[ladypirate]

*Joins the crowd and steals some of HOH4J''s popcorn*

 

[iwannaprettyone]

*crunch crunch* popcorn here too.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 6/20/2008 7:42:18 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
Ok girlfriend, spill the rest of your story! lol

Are you as hot as I am today? Its freaking HOT in the east county today!!!!!!!!!!! Aol SAYS its 101 outside but I think it may be warmer. Thank goodness for our AC!!

Dayum Women!! You are always in my head!! I just walked in the door I was thinking that whoever doesn''t believe in global warming isn''t sitting in La Mesa. I came in and had to turn on the A/C. I was just out to dinner with Mom, StepDad and darling Bride to Be and her groom. We were talking about old times. My Mom passed out a list of grandchilden and greatchildren birthdays...and I said "It isn''t wierd that we have so many family members but none of care if we ever see each other again!?!?"

My daughter hates that I am so direct and honest. I consider it Radical Honesty...a trait I must have inherited from my Dad. She considers it Brutal Honesty. Whatever. I just believe that you can hate someone at 8:00 p.m. and if you stick it out long enough and are committed to the conversation, you are sort of okay by 8:20 p.m. and by 8:45 you are wondering what to eat for dessert!

In fact I just left my new book about that at Chili''s...

Anyway, where did I leave off...

First let me show you a picture of my two sisters and me, with my Dad, as we were probably getting aboard a PSA flight. I still can''t fly without anti-motion sickness medication. I am always afraid I will have to use one of those "doggie bags" on the plane...that they don''t even have anymore.

I am the one that had to always be different. My Mom was always making us buy matching outfits, but I wouldn''t have anything to do with it. Which is wierd, because I used to love matching clothes with my daughter. It must have been a sister thang....

 

[miraclesrule]

Oh dang...Where did my Dad go. Oops...Anyway, here is picture of us again in the 70''s with the daughters of my Dad''s partner. I knew that life with my Dad in L.A. was so much different than life with Mom in S.D., and honestly, I preferred the relative safety of normalcy in SD but craved the wild excitement that my Dad showed us in L.A. My Dad took us to musicals, concerts, let us get up on stages and free our inner "Hamminess" and what I ham I was. I was a quick study and loved the dramatic. We could all sing and would put on stage shows. The racism was palpable when my Dad would drop us off in L.A. to shop. Me and my sisters would make up a pretend language with his boyfriends daughters and we used to drive the salesladies crazy. We would always go into the stores and pretend we didn''t know the other girls. The salesladies were always suspicious of the other two because they were "black and different", but they would be real nice to us. Then we would watch as the other two would pretend they didn''t know English and start talking to each other in our fake language and then when the salesladies were getting mean to the girls we would start going over and yelling in our fact language with the other two and you would see five of us acting so Europeon...or at least we thought we were exotic. I wish they would have had ditigal cameras back then.

 

[miraclesrule]

Boo, that was so small.... I wonder if this picture of my Dad in the 70''s will show how 70''s he was....

 

[diamondfan]

I love your photos!

I am glad your dad was able to finally break free from his demons and live his life. I am sure it was not a lot easier then, but at least he was being true to himself. I hope it gave him some happiness and it sounds like your mom married a wonderful man too.

 

[Skippy123]

Date: 6/21/2008 12:14:54 AM
Author: diamondfan
I love your photos!

I am glad your dad was able to finally break free from his demons and live his life. I am sure it was not a lot easier then, but at least he was being true to himself. I hope it gave him some happiness and it sounds like your mom married a wonderful man too.

Ditto! Which one is you in the pic with your dad? I love photos like that, adorable!!!

 

[diamondfan]

I guess she is the one on the left!!!!

 

[miraclesrule]

Okay seriously...you gotta love those hot rust pants he was wearing. So anyway, my Dad had some craaaazy friends with craaaazy names, like Savada, who wore traditional hippe garb with a headscarf and had a big ring that sad LOVE on one side and F**K on the other.

I was fascinated by his friends. When I say that I am a study in contrasts, one must understand the reason. To go back and forth between a mixed race homosexual crazy character filled weekend to a devout Catholic and with a military husband from Texas...well, let''s just say, it gives one a broad perspective on life and lifestyles.

I was the student PTA representative in grade school as well as being the first girl in 4th grade to bring a Kotex to school in a brown paper lunchbag

I was a size C by 5th grade (but my daughter sucked the life right out of those bad boys). In sixth grade, we were the first "pilot" school in San Diego to go to 6th grade camp with an all black school. Can you believe that??? In my lifetime? And I am not really that damn old. It worked well with the boys, but not with the girls. I didn''t let on to anyone about my double life. I followed my Mom''s lead at the time and it was something that just wasn''t talked about. Not even between us girls and my Dad. We just pretended like we didn''t know anything. I remember sitting around the table and playing cards while I just ogled my pink star sapphire necklace my Dad bought for each of us. The Village People came on T.V. and my sister accidently said, "Oh those guys are a bunch of fags"

We all froze. It is not natural for youth to lie. They are taught to lie. But we made it through without having to discuss it.

Sidebar....I got my first job when I was 15 and got a work permit. I just had to have some money to buy all the things that my Dad would sometimes buy us. I have to have those cute new "drivein" pants or the coolest hip outfit at Charlotte Russe, when they first opened up. (I still love them by the way) It was there that I got a brief glimpse of the man who would father my child.

Long thick blonde hair, big dimples, blue eyes, tall, big hickey on the side of his neck....

Anyway, it would be a few years before I actually had sex and got knocked up, right after my 18th birthday. I actually couldn''t wait to be a Mother. Up to that point, I really hadn''t had any great role models for marriage and I loved, loved, loved to babysit and entertain children and they really loved me. It was the flair for the dramatic I think. I know that I had to baby in order to survive life. I really never saw another option. So the next thing you know......

 

[miraclesrule]

Isn''t that some sad 70''s furniture??? Too funny...

Anyway, to make a really long story much shorter, in the early 80''s my Dad contracted AIDS. I sensed that something was wrong we he and long time partner broke up and he wasn''t communicating with me much. My two sisters and my Dad never really got along after they each married and got busy with their lives and moved east. Nobody would ever say anything to my Dad. Finally one day I just couldn''t take it anymore. I sat down to write him. I didn''t know how to start or what to say. I think I crinkled up about 15 pages before I just said...
"I know why you and Mom got divorced. It never made me love you any less. You are my Dad and I love you. I would have never wanted any other Father...ever. I am who I am because you are my Dad, and I love who I am. I am scared. I am afraid that you may be sick and that you may have AIDS. I just want you to know that I understand if you don''t want to talk to me about it and I will respect that. But I also want you to know that I am here for you. If you need me, I will do anything you need for me to do for you. Anything."

Okay, so now I''m crying.... Anyway, that broke the ice. He wrote back and told me everything about how hard it was for him in his life...what it was like to grow up in that small town and suppress his "evil sinful" attractions the relationships and the depression because of the illness and the fear. It was an eye opener for me. There are obviously some things that are inappropriate for this board, but at the time we thought my Dad was handed a death sentence. I honestly don''t know if I would have done that if I would have known that I was going to have to take care of him for 15 years.

Sometimes I wanted to kill him myself...and I often threatened to do just that.

But he really did add spice to my life.

Okay, that wore me out....The last picture of me and my Dad taken a few months before he died on Earth Day April 22, 2007. In front of his favorite place in San Diego...the Old Globe Theatre.

 

[FrekeChild]

He died on my 25th birthday.

He sounds like a truly wonderful man. I''m glad he had you as a daughter.

 

[miraclesrule]

Wow Freke. That''s Freaky...

But cheers to a fellow Taurus and our stubborn and devoted souls.

Diamond Fan is correct. That was me on the left...in all the pictures actually. I guess I always was destined to be a left leaning kind of gal.

But through the years, I was actually able to raise my daughter, put her through college, take care of all my Daddy Drama and now she is getting married next month.

Wow, how time flies. I was just looking at a picture I need to scan. I should embarass her with it tomorrow at her Bridal Shower. It''s her and I looking just like the Judds in a "Glamour Shots" photo.

You have to be a certain age to fully appreciate a "Glamour Shot".

 

[FrekeChild]

I wanna see it!!!! And I think I am in the know of the Glamour Shot...

 

[miraclesrule]

Boo, I don''t have a scanner at home. I am going to bring it to the party and they will probably want to scan it right there. I have a bunch of pictures of her growing up and her milestones, like First Communion, where she was all mad at me because she was one of the only girls in a short white dress with all these other girls in long dresses. I told her...you will get to wear the long dress when you get married!! I cringe when I see some of my 80''s photos. I swear I must have been channeling Peg Bundy with the hair. I think I propelled Aqua Net into double digit profits.

Although I didn''t go to college, I got lucky and got a part-time job as a receptionist that lead to a job as a medical secretary for a group of psychiatrists. One of the doctors I was assigned to performed a lot of forensic or defense exams for workers compensation claims with the City of San Diego. One day I asked a girl about her job and she told me that I could do it easily. She told me that is was great pay and I didn''t need a college education. So after a year of being a self employed medical bookkeeper for independent physicians, I found a job as a claims assistant and used their tuition assistance program to get my certification and then quickly promoted and landed a job at the City and then the County. I eventually set my sights on on being a Risk Manager, but prior to that, I was a Senior Special Investigations Unit examiner assigned to detect and prosecute workers'' compensation fraud. I was primarily investigating large medical and legal mills in the L.A. basin. Once I found out that there was more inside fraud in the company I was working for, I silently built a case that would lead to the exposure of several individuals in the company and it was shortly thereafter seized by the Department of Insurance and I spent time educating the Fraud Unit in the DA''s office. I am dubbed the "Fraud Broad". I decided I hated the incompetence of the insurance companies and hated the politics of the municipalities even more, so my only other option was to go work for the corporations who I felt were being hosed in their mismanagement of claims and their ignorance of the highly technical administrative process. After I begin working for a large hotel chain I was quickly promoted to the Director of Safety, Security and Risk Management. It was an interesting time. I got to be the security for JFK Jr. when he was in town. The former President Bush, who was so gracious and invited me to join the motorcade and visit a ship that was being decommissioned. I had no idea just how hard is was going to be to navigate the walk up the stairs on a carrier in my suit and heels. All the young boys...and I mean boys...had dollar bills out for the older Bush to sign and wanted to take pictures of me, but I told them I was a nobody. But nothing compares to being able to escort the King and Queen of Malysia in the elevator. I had to go home and ask my daughter where the hell Malysia was on the map. And being the first female Security Director over a bunch of men was like painting a huge target on my back. But after going through what I was juggling with my daughter and my Dad, these boys didn''t even know what kind of gal they were dealing with. That was were I began my love affair with travel and food....and a certain engineer and then a chef. After 9/11 I left the hospitality industry because I didn''t want to move to Phoenix and began the job I still have today.

I have also been a passionate volunteer of anything having to do with Kids, from Voices for Children where I was a court appointed special advocate for kids in the foster care system, to a supervising outreach counselor for kids living on the street with Stand Up For Kids. Now, I am proud to have been recently appointed to the Board of Directors for an International Non-Profit agency called Kids for Peace. I am also a congressional team leader for a national campaign to establish a US Department of Peace and Non-Violence. I have a love/hate relationship with the legislative process and it is even more complicating moving from State politics to Federal politics. It''s been a fun ride, but I am ready to start dating. Right after my daughter gets married, I need to finish the home renovation, so I can have my bathtub back and then I contemplate my future.

One thing I do know is... I want a pair of studs like SDL''s new ones. I have a funny, well, not so funny story now that I think about it...where I gave away a lost and found ring which turned out to be worth 42K

I could have gone my whole life without having finding out what I just gave away.

 

[Selkie]

Man, Miracles! You HAVE had an interesting life. Maybe you can use what you''re writing here to finally start that book. I''d love to hear more about your relationship with your daughter. I''m sort of getting a "Gilmore Girls" vibe since you seem to get along so well, and you had her relatively young. Did you always get along while she was growing up?

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 6/21/2008 3:02:38 AM
Author: SanDiegoLady

Date: 6/21/2008 2:09:37 AM
Author: miraclesrule
One thing I do know is... I want a pair of studs like SDL''s new ones. I have a funny, well, not so funny story now that I think about it...where I gave away a lost and found ring which turned out to be worth 42K

I could have gone my whole life without having finding out what I just gave away.

You are an amazing lady!! And...... I can introduce you to my jeweler! lol Since that''s where hubby got them..

Man I just love these martinis!!

I may take you up on that offer!! I am undecided as to what I am going to do with my tax return. I am waiting to see if the Tax Man challenges my Head of Household status because my Dad was alive for 6 months out of last year. If there is ever an exception to a rule, or no previous law to serve as a guideline, you can bet that you will find me in that position.

Speaking of taxes and my daughter. I already won that challenge back in 1981 when my husband lived me all of one month in the tax year. Jan 1- Jan 30. The law said I couldn''t claim head of household because he didn''t live with me the entire tax year. WTH? You can have a baby on 12/31 and claim that kid for the whole year...you could be renting on March 15 and claim a renters credit for the whole year, even if you didn''t rent in June...but they are not going to let me claim Head of Household because my lame unemployed loser husband lived with me for 30 days. If that was the thanks that the state gave a single Mom who was not on public assistance and was working hard to support herself and her child...well then...::::insert not so pretty lady language here::::: Ummmmmmmm, yeah, I was pretty sure I was going to win that appeal. And I did. This one,

I don''t know. So, if I get the filing status granted, then I want those sparkly round rock on my ears!! I deserve them. It''s time I do something for me.

 

[ladypirate]

Uh oh--your daughter''s father sounds like he looks like my dad did in the 70s--tall, long blond hair, blue eyes, dimples...

Luckily, he''s 15-20 years older than you are and was with my mom at the time, so I think we''re safe.

Also, he doesn''t sound anything like him personality wise. Your dad did pass away on his birthday, though (same as Freke''s). Weird.

I have to ditto SDL--you are an amazing lady! Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong mom as a role model. Do you still live in Los Angeles?

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 6/21/2008 11:59:03 AM
Author: ladypirate
Uh oh--your daughter''s father sounds like he looks like my dad did in the 70s--tall, long blond hair, blue eyes, dimples...

Luckily, he''s 15-20 years older than you are and was with my mom at the time, so I think we''re safe.

Also, he doesn''t sound anything like him personality wise. Your dad did pass away on his birthday, though (same as Freke''s). Weird.


I have to ditto SDL--you are an amazing lady! Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong mom as a role model. Do you still live in Los Angeles?

And since I can''t edit this post--by the bold section, I mean that my dad doesn''t sound anything like your ex husband personality wise, and that my dad and Freke share a birthday. Silly pronouns.

 

[ladypirate]

GAH! Sorry, no bold section. I need to get better at proofreading posts before I hit submit!

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 6/21/2008 4:07:46 AM
Author: Selkie
Man, Miracles! You HAVE had an interesting life. Maybe you can use what you''re writing here to finally start that book. I''d love to hear more about your relationship with your daughter. I''m sort of getting a ''Gilmore Girls'' vibe since you seem to get along so well, and you had her relatively young. Did you always get along while she was growing up?

Selkie-I am so glad you asked that, because I need to remember how much I love my daughter right now. It''s been a rough ride through this 6-month weding process and we have been fighting horribly. It''s just not like us to be so toxic with each other. It''s not like me to not be soooooo proud of her and how she is handling herself. So, I need to do some remembering so I can get into a really good place for today. The Bridal Shower today is in Alpine so it''s going to be like 120 degrees I think. Ugh...

Anyway, you''re right, we were very Gilmore Girls at times. We could also be very Edina and Saffy, from AbFab. I wanted my daughter to have all things that I didn''t. It''s funny though, because at times I wished I was an only child because my parents never had the resources for anything but the basics. I was fortunate and earned good money so I could give my daughter almost anything, but all she wanted was a sister or brother. That was one thing I didn''t want to give her.

I used to bring my daughter to the Charger games in her car seat for free, so she started out with a love of football at 2 1/2 with her Dan Fouts shirt on and her lil pompoms. So it isn''t surprising that as she grew up she became a Pop Warner cheerleader for the El Cajon Braves. They were so cute. Except for when they would start cheering..."Defense, Defense...Take that Ball Away...hey, hey, hey, hey" And then you see me frantically motioning to her and running up and saying...Um, girls, your team has the ball right now.

Thus, the lesson in "paying attention to the field and understanding the game"!! She still says to this day..."I didn''t call the cheer Mom, I was just following our captain". Yeah, well, I am just reminding you that following is okay I suppose, but it''s even better if the one you''re following is doing the right things and/or doing things right.

She also fell in love with water. She joined the Heartland swim team and became the best backstroker evah!! Man, those days of watching them swim up and down the lanes was hypnotic and a sort of meditation for me. But it was HOT out in El Cajon! I used to threaten to strip and jump in...she was always mortified because she would never know when I would actually do some random thing like that.

then she decided she wanted to join the dive team in high school. Ugh, I was so afraid because I had just watched Greg Louganis crack his noggin'' open on a high dive board. I would avoid watching her by being a time keeper for the boys team in the lane competitions, but side viewing my daughter at the same time. I always could multi-task.

I went through a period of addiction in my life so I know that I could have been a much better Mom at times. My daughter is very gentle and I could be very fierce, so there were times we would clash. It takes a village and I didn''t do it by myself. My Mom and my StepDad were always there. My StepDad is her father figure and she was the first grandchild, so they worshiped the ground she walked on. I was also very physically active and played on softball teams. I went to her games and she came to mine. She won almost every costume contest because I would make them myself and could replicate a costume to a T. Strawberry Shortcake, Jem, She-Ra, you name it...and she was transformed.

She will tell you that it is hard raising a parent... One day we were in the car and she was in the back seat and she would say...Okay Mom, I''m thinking of a Care Bear...it is a compound word

(Oh crap, what''s a compound word?) So I had to admit that I didn''t know what a compound word was...but once she told me. Ha, I know...BedTime Bear. Gooooood Mommy!!!

When she was a little girl on the beach with me...

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 6/21/2008 11:59:03 AM
Author: ladypirate
Uh oh--your daughter''s father sounds like he looks like my dad did in the 70s--tall, long blond hair, blue eyes, dimples...

Luckily, he''s 15-20 years older than you are and was with my mom at the time, so I think we''re safe.

Also, he doesn''t sound anything like him personality wise. Your dad did pass away on his birthday, though (same as Freke''s). Weird.

I have to ditto SDL--you are an amazing lady! Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong mom as a role model. Do you still live in Los Angeles?

My Dad moved to San Diego in the late 80''s and lived in North Park. He lived in the same rented place up until the day he died. I have never lived anywhere except San Diego. The only thing I like about L.A. is the shopping.

Did you get your Dad''s dimples? My daughter didn''t. She didn''t get his blue eyes or his thick blonde hair either. I guess I had the dominant gene. She did inherit his megawatt smile and long legs.

Thanks, I try to be a good role model, but I have to learn to let her be her own person too. We are both so different, but hopefully, once the stress of this wedding is over, we can both relax into just being again. I guess I''m getting scared because I have gained about 5 pounds in the last month and I am still freaking out over the dress she is having me wear. I am stressed about her dress being too short because it came in too big and when they took it in it lifted up...a lot!! The MOH broke her foot at last weeks "Friend bridal shower" and is in a boot. The Vegas party is in two weeks and I want to stop eating....but how can I when they keep having these parties and there is so much great food.

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 6/21/2008 6:39:06 PM
Author: SanDiegoLady
You haven''t aged girlfriend.. that picture on the beach looks like it was just taken recently. You make me ill.

(kidding!!!)

Ahahaha, that''s so sweet...
Trust me..as I told you when we met, I am the master of camoflauge. My legs are as cheesy as Wisconsin.

 

[gwendolyn]

I LOVE reading about you, miraclesrule! You have had an incredible life--not many people can handle the sorts of challenges you have with such grace and maturity. That photo of you and your daughter is just beautiful! How old is she now?

 

[miraclesrule]

Date: 6/22/2008 5:14:35 AM
Author: gwendolyn
I LOVE reading about you, miraclesrule! You have had an incredible life--not many people can handle the sorts of challenges you have with such grace and maturity. That photo of you and your daughter is just beautiful! How old is she now?

Oh trust me, I didn''t always handle it with grace and maturity. I swore like a sailor and had my "Terms of Endearment" moments with medical personnel, case managers, insurance companies, governmental agencies and even my Dad. It wasn''t an easy ride. But I learned that the squeaky wheel got the grease when it came to keeping my Dad alive. There were times I was extremely resentful but then had to remember that my Dad was both mentally and physically ill and that he just wasn''t going to be easy to care for. I avoid the "Taking Care of the Elderly" thread because it would open the flood gates that I built a dam around.

My darling daughter will be 29 in October...I can''t believe it. It goes so fast. So he is our matching shirts that I made us for this past Charger Season. We took this around Christmas or right after. All I know is...that I wanted a big change, so I am no longer a blonde. I am a brunette and still trying to get used to it.