Millenials to Boomers etc.

[monarch64]

Of course, it is my own standard, that it is in poor taste to copy someone’s comments out of a thread, which is their context, tear them apart line by line, and to hold them up for others to also criticize. Especially when both posters had made all their points inside that thread.

Honestly I am surprised this is a minority opinion.

One poster didn’t feel like things had been ironed out in the original thread and started another to continue a conversation whereby they could potentially learn from each other, and publicly so, for the possible benefit of all who are members, lurkers of, and even the casual stumble-upon person.

Having heated, uncomfortable discussions is the way we humans go about making change.

You practice law, correct? I’m really unsure why it bothers you than one poster parsed out and response to another’s post(s.). Isn’t that a fundamental rule of defense (maybe also offense, dunno not being a tasteful lolyer.)? Ok I’m sorry for the snark but dam lady. You gotta unclench!

 

[redwood66]

I love that they do the cooking once a week. You are raising productive and self-sufficient men/citizens/members of society and that is good parenting no matter what age the offspring, in my opinion. And whether it’s 4 course gourmet or Hamburger Helper...it shows responsibility and care for others’ well-being, and understanding that our actions make an impact on everyone else.

An aside @redwood66 : I’ll post in the random thoughts thread instead of threadjacking—I have colonoscopy q’s (now for a friend but sooner than later for myself) that I hope you don’t mind answering. ‍ <—-that is a hug if you can see it. I don’t always know if phone emojis show up here or not. (It is a generic lady with her arms circled above her head and I interpret it as a hug since it’s 2D.)

Well they have sure learned to use the crockpot so I know they won't starve. I will have to buy them each one when they get their own place.

Yes any q's you have I will try to answer.

 

[AGBF]

Also I have no problem supporting them somewhat while they work and save for a home of their own. Responsibility can be learned and demonstrated in various ways. Being cut loose and leaving the home is one way. Treating family as your responsibility for a lifetime is another.

Thank you. You described my family. I couldn't have done it. I read it at 5 AM half asleep. And by the way, I am not saying the latter way is better than the former way. People vary.

Deb

 

[Tekate]

I was giving my opinion. If you knew me, you would never say this.

I CAN and HAVE ripped people, it's in poor taste to judge others. I continued a conversation where one, I thought I could learn about the millenial experience. 2) I thought the thread should be on its own rather than continuing Kenny's.

I don't know what, where you are from but this is life, people do question others, I disagreed with asscher that it's harder today for millenials, I still in one way feel that is true, BUT I learned from others it's not as easy as maybe I thought it was.. I am the kind of person that will always forge on. Tomorrow will always be better. I always move on.. Obviously some can't. My sister was broken by our upbringing. I pushed on her to be a mom to me when we were young, heavy burden. The only people my sister ever loved were her two kids. Life makes you what you are, you either change it as best you can or you wallow.

Tearing up asscher's story? Nope I just showed her that people can and do have similar stories,and they make it..

What "glass house"??? I think it's incredibly rude to remove someone's comment from another thread, to start a new thread, to put every sentence under a microscope. I've been off PS for a number of years, so I have no idea if that's become a common practice, but as I said. In poor taste.

 

[smitcompton]

Hi,

I think this is an excellent thread. My hope is that Asscher understands that we recognize how hard she worked to overcome the sad events in her life, and perhaps can see thru Tekates life that she has a good future in front of her. Some people do have it hard, its not ," Oh everybody has challenges".
Some have lots more than others. And its very important in my eyes that we recognize that.

I think Tekate can look in the mirror and say with confidence, "I did well". My hope again is that Asscher will do the same. You are doing very well Asscher.

Annette

 

[lyra]

When I wrote "Every life has challenges.", I hope that did not come off as trite. I don't like sharing my personal stuff, so I was trying to be more inclusive. I'm reaching retirement in a life filled with loss and the most ridiculous amount of "bad luck", and things never ever going right. And I brought 2 kids through all this and feel guilty about that too, because what was part of "my" life became part of their lives as well. I really do live day to day, because that's the best I CAN do. I can't look at the future at all with so much that has gone wrong, past and present. So that's where I was coming from. You don't know what another person has had to deal with. I applaud those making headway.

 

[redwood66]

(((@lyra)))

 

[PintoBean]

When I wrote "Every life has challenges.", I hope that did not come off as trite. I don't like sharing my personal stuff, so I was trying to be more inclusive. I'm reaching retirement in a life filled with loss and the most ridiculous amount of "bad luck", and things never ever going right. And I brought 2 kids through all this and feel guilty about that too, because what was part of "my" life became part of their lives as well. I really do live day to day, because that's the best I CAN do. I can't look at the future at all with so much that has gone wrong, past and present. So that's where I was coming from. You don't know what another person has had to deal with. I applaud those making headway.

You're amazing - you're always so kind and such a class act despite everything you noted above.

 

[Tekate]

@smitcompton

Thank you very much Annette, your kind words filled me with a smile! Overcoming an abusive, alcoholic, schizoid, drug infested home life is something I am proud of.. Honestly though, I don't know if I overcame it, or it was just my DNA.

I like what Red said, she would never do counseling, because it really only helps to my mind if one hears something that they can identify with.. the times I went to counseling were times when I was close to either wanting to die, divorce, divorce with #2 (didn't happen) and trouble being a mom. One has to hear something that strikes them and then perhaps they can apply it. I had one shrink tell me when I was 32 that I needed to have sex with a lot of men to get over my first marriage... I tee hee heed and then I skedaddled outta there and never went back.. I can see why people can find counseling less than useless at times. I was just lucky I heard some things that made me think.

I have said this about my big sis; I don't think she was ever able to fight to health and mental stability, compounded by her being attacked on her way home from 34th Street by a guy with a knife.. that was the beginning of a looong spiral down.. she was extremely depressed her whole adult life. It would be interesting to read if AscherH# had problems with her twin brothers, because I did with both my brothers, my counselor listened and we talked and a week later he said to me that it seemed as though I spoke about my brothers as a mother, not a sister, boy that caused skyrockets to go off in my head, I realized that he was right.. it was like the first of many boulders in my brain that were let go.. my relationship with my brothers was always up and down especially down with one of them, till he got sick and man I rushed in - I'm so glad I did.. I was able to get some happiness as a sister and I think I gave him some peace at the end of his 58 years... this is long.. so sorry

I hope Ascher can find some peace, I know I doubted my skills as a mother, a favorite theme for children of alcoholics/drug addicts is; "I am doing this the way normal people do?" It's very difficult to find equilibrium (it was for me, perhaps not for anyone else actually, but I spent so much wondering, what is normal, should I say this? do normal people get really mad? Do normal people drink 3 drinks? ad infiboredom!)

Thanks Again Annette, I'm SO glad to see you around.. your insight is awesome and I think you are a genius.

peace. Kate

 

[nala]

I really do understand the importance and value of independence and being able to take care of yourself emotionally, physically and financially. There are undoubtedly very many benefits from moving out and being responsible for oneself. I’m glad you grew and benefited from your experience @nala. And I am sure your experiences are shared by many people who do become independent. Living with multiple generations is not without its challenges. Yes there potentially is higher possibility of conflict, gossip etc. And I can also see how you see it as kids benefiting from parents labor. Bills they don’t have to pay, etc. Defihitely not minor stuff.
Although I have lived in the U.S. since I was a year old, I think I have learned and embraced multigenerational cohabitation values in other societies, if it is possible. I am sure that in many situations it is not possible for financial reasons or social/emotional reasons. My own thinking and the thinking with which I was raised is that the family is a larger unit than just me and my husband and my children. My parents to me are part of my immediate family. And as they have supported me for many years I will support them for the years to come. It’s not a big deal or a particular sacrifice. That is just what I value. When I moved in with my parents I took over all the bills. All they have to do is live. They love being there for the grandkids so it is two sets of grown ups raising my kids. I am fine with that. We have our conflicts but we figure out how to make things work. If the kids were to live with me when they join the workforce after they are done with schooling they will contribute to the family as well and we will work something out. Also I have no problem supporting them somewhat while they work and save for a home of their own. Responsibility can be learned and demonstrated in various ways. Being cut loose and leaving the home is one way. Treating family as your responsibility for a lifetime is another. I will always be supportive of my children in the way I see fit and that has worked for other families and myself. As long as they are kind, compassionate and responsible human beings I’m good. I feel confident that they are on their way.

@redwood66 I agree with you. I will do what I have to do. As to multiple generations living under the same roof being a relatively new phenomenon in this country, I confess I never really understood all the value placed on moving out of your parents’ home the second you can. I come from a culture where that is the exception rather than the rule. Right now, three generations live under my roof. There can be benefits to living with parents. If you have children they can come to know their grandparents and build a relationship that is wonderful and fulfilling and different than the one with heir parents. And as grandparents age, they can be cared for more easily, until of course it is not practical. Not all change although potentially necessitated by circumstances not of your choosing is bad. Some can be a blessing in disguise.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. You have a big heart. My older brother and his family moved in with my mother to take care of her as well. At the time, I had offered my mom to move in with me Bc I too felt a desire to give back to her. She chose to stay in her house and they moved in. My brother and his kids grew up with grandma and were very happy. But I’ve always felt bad for my sis in law. I think she get the short end of the deal. My mom can be very difficult. I am grateful that she loves my brother to have made that sacrifice. You are blessed to have a loving husband who shares your views.
That said, I would like to think that I do my part for my mother in other ways and am setting a good example for my daughter. This summer, I’m taking her to Rome. She is 79 and it will require a lot of patience. I take her to Vegas at least twice a year and that is exhausting and it’s only a weekend. But I do want my daughter to see that I value family. I also come from a culture that embraces family and multigenerational living, and precisely Bc of that, I know that I don’t want that for my daughter. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t value family or compassion. It just means that at the end of the day, I hope that she achieves independence first—the rest will follow. Have to add that I am grateful that mom taught me to pay bills at an early age and stressed the value of home ownership. I guess that’s what I’m trying to do for my millennial. Pass on my family values. We all do it in different ways.

 

[LLJsmom]

I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. You have a big heart. My older brother and his family moved in with my mother to take care of her as well. At the time, I had offered my mom to move in with me Bc I too felt a desire to give back to her. She chose to stay in her house and they moved in. My brother and his kids grew up with grandma and were very happy. But I’ve always felt bad for my sis in law. I think she get the short end of the deal. My mom can be very difficult. I am grateful that she loves my brother to have made that sacrifice. You are blessed to have a loving husband who shares your views.
That said, I would like to think that I do my part for my mother in other ways and am setting a good example for my daughter. This summer, I’m taking her to Rome. She is 79 and it will require a lot of patience. I take her to Vegas at least twice a year and that is exhausting and it’s only a weekend. But I do want my daughter to see that I value family. I also come from a culture that embraces family and multigenerational living, and precisely Bc of that, I know that I don’t want that for my daughter. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t value family or compassion. It just means that at the end of the day, I hope that she achieves independence first—the rest will follow. Have to add that I am grateful that mom taught me to pay bills at an early age and stressed the value of home ownership. I guess that’s what I’m trying to do for my millennial. Pass on my family values. We all do it in different ways.

@nala I think all of us do what is right for us. You did and still do what works for you. You seem to be a wonderful daughter and it's clear you love your Mom. You turned out well, and I am sure your daughter has as well. Multigenerational cohabitation is not and often cannot be for everyone. Everyone has a different history, background, character and personality. If I had to go through what @Tekate or Asscher went through, I don't know how I would have turned out. The best each of us can do is his/her best, given who and where we are.
I am also trying to learn to be grateful everyday. Which reminds me. A friend of mine suggested that I start a gratitude journal. I'm too lazy to actually journal, so I have committed to writing just one sentence on my little planner each day. Ok, gotta go write today before I go to sleep.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

I "found peace" a long time ago, if I hadn't, I don't think I would have kept working so hard. I would have taken the easy route, stayed working as a paraprofessional and living at home. Much less stress.

When I was 14/15 and my Mother was under investigation, things were very bad. I was angry, using drugs, not going to school, self destructive, and self harming. When she was sentenced I grieved and then went numb. I had just started dating my husband right before it happened. I had been going to counseling through school with a social worker since my father died when I was 12. It was good in junior high, then in high school they kept cancelling my appointments so I got frustrated and stopped going. Eventually my Mother found another one outside of school that we went to together, we just fought when we went.

When she was sentenced to serve time in federal prison (which we were NOT expecting) she arranged for me to move into my grandmother's house (grandma, aunt, uncle, 3 cousins, cousin's kids, 1 bathroom!). I lived in a makeshift room in the basement under the kitchen. Grandma drove me to school most mornings, my boyfriend (DH) would drive me home, but mostly I just stayed with friends. I went from couch to couch after I would get out of school and work. I got pregnant. I had no one to go to, my cousin helped me after I broke down to her one night. This is hard to write. I'll be back.

 

[missy]

@Asscherhalo_lover Just want to say I admire your courage and strength and (((hugs))).

 

[Rhea]

I love my daughter so much but for her sake, I pray that she does not move back home with me after college. I want her to know what struggling is —at her expense, not mine. I’m gifting her a college education, and that is the greatest gift. I don’t want her to end up like all her cousins who live at home with mom and dad and new spouse Bc parents enable them to be financially irresponsible. Living on your own symbolizes financial independence Bc privacy is priceless. Believe me. I learned In college that I value my own space Bc i struggled sharing a home with others. So at 24, that is what my ex and I did. We didn’t spend money going to bars and getting drunk every weekend or on cabs (Uber for millennials), didn’t pay for cell phones til they were affordable (millennials are hooked on the latest smartphones) nor did I pay a week’s salary to get my hair done, nails, etc. Instead, we bought a house. I see all my millennial nephews and nieces wasting money on this crap as they complain that they can’t afford to move out. You are right. They are smart to let their parents pick up their bills. But they are not smart enough to learn how to invest the money they could be saving Bc they don’t save it! My millennial pays for her college books, personal expenses and her groceries. She is grateful that i pay the rest and is good with her money. She also has the opportunity to see how miserable her cousins are living with mom and dad and grandma. She hears grandma gossip. Lol. So that is the value of moving out. Glad I did it at 18 and praying she does too.

This happens with every generation. Both of my parents have friends who were spoiled rotten while my parents struggled. It's not a new battle. The technicalities of each generation's struggle is just different. I don't believe a lot of millennials are frivolous with money. Statistically we do spend a larger percentage of our incomes on rents or mortgages while wages have grown stagnant. The struggle is very real in this way.

DH and I went to good schools, got the educations, the degrees, the first jobs. Even then we made too little and his parents were the guarantors for our first apartment, a cosy 1 bed they really should have left as a studio, during our mid 20's for 2 years until our salaries increased and DH had more established credit.

I'm not saying that some millennials don't waste money. The tides just shifted right under our feet. I was brought up that a good education was my key to the world. That much purported idea that good grades = good college = good job = self-sustaining is simply not the case for a large percentage of us.

 

[Tekate]

It is very hard to write, it's very hard think back. I know. Since I started spilling my guts here, I've had headaches and sleep has been hard. It's very hard.. because then I remember something else and off I go.. miss my sister, miss my brother, my other bro just put back in the institution for detox at 59. again. It seems sometimes it NEVER ends. That is because it all becomes a part of me. One thing I swore when I was a kid and still carry to this day, IF I EVER see a child being neglected, abused, in any way, I'm intervening. Some kids never show it. It's not like when I was a kid I didn't tell people, I told the nuns at school and all they did was nod and say you will be outta high school in a few..(meanwhile I had my brothers to worry about, which made me mental, another story). When I was 14 and my sister was 16 she came to me and said: "There is this thing I read about Kate, Al-a-teen, do you think we should call them? we talked and we thought that perhaps my mother WOULD kill us if someone came to the house, we might lose our brothers, mom might go to jail! Dad might kill us.. (grandmother dead by this time)... I wish my sister had made that call, I wish I had been more supportive of her then, I wish a lot of things... Can't change them. Can't run, can't hide, hope you don't dump this craziness on your own sons.. it's very very emotional. I think going over this has given me the master blaster headache. Sometimes - as I said b4 - we are just a humpty dumpty put back together and doing the best we can.

I "found peace" a long time ago, if I hadn't, I don't think I would have kept working so hard. I would have taken the easy route, stayed working as a paraprofessional and living at home. Much less stress.

When I was 14/15 and my Mother was under investigation, things were very bad. I was angry, using drugs, not going to school, self destructive, and self harming. When she was sentenced I grieved and then went numb. I had just started dating my husband right before it happened. I had been going to counseling through school with a social worker since my father died when I was 12. It was good in junior high, then in high school they kept cancelling my appointments so I got frustrated and stopped going. Eventually my Mother found another one outside of school that we went to together, we just fought when we went.

When she was sentenced to serve time in federal prison (which we were NOT expecting) she arranged for me to move into my grandmother's house (grandma, aunt, uncle, 3 cousins, cousin's kids, 1 bathroom!). I lived in a makeshift room in the basement under the kitchen. Grandma drove me to school most mornings, my boyfriend (DH) would drive me home, but mostly I just stayed with friends. I went from couch to couch after I would get out of school and work. I got pregnant. I had no one to go to, my cousin helped me after I broke down to her one night. This is hard to write. I'll be back.

 

[missy]

@Tekate (((HUGS))) to you too. You are a strong and brave woman and not only survived but came through it all so well.

 

[LLJsmom]

Dear @Tekate and @Asscherhalo_lover,
Both of you had traumatic childhoods/young adult lives. Regardless of timing of history and generation, your lives would have been painful, difficult, almost impossible. You're both still living, surviving and making each day better than the one before, or I am sure at this point better than the very dark periods of your lives. All your children are lucky to have you both. Thank you for sharing your stories of survival. And I am certain they are not as uncommon as they seem. When I see children at school, they don't wear a t-shirt that spells out all the details of their home lives. We don't know which ones are fine and which ones are suffering through untold horrors. I think about the child abuse percentages and the rape/sexual abuse percentages and all you have to do is do the math. Walking victims of abuse are among us everyday, and no one notices. What you have both shared teaches me to think more carefully and be more alert and sensitive to what is going on among my children's friends, so we can be available to be there for them if needed. They do hide their pain and grief well, and the only way you notice anything is amiss is if you pay attention.

 

[redwood66]

(((@Tekate @nala @Asscherhalo_lover))) You are all wonderful women.

 

[Tekate]

Hey Mrs @redwood66 you are awesome yourself. A real kind lady, strong values, great mom.. good human. I thank you for your kind words Red, I really do!

(((@Tekate @nala @Asscherhalo_lover))) You are all wonderful women.

ETA: Notice, I have to EDIT EVERY post of mine? when I do this I think of you... like minds

 

[Tekate]

@LLJsmom that was so nice thank you.. It's not uncommon for abuse to occur and we don't know about it. you are very kind.. thank you.

Dear @Tekate and @Asscherhalo_lover,
Both of you had traumatic childhoods/young adult lives. Regardless of timing of history and generation, your lives would have been painful, difficult, almost impossible. You're both still living, surviving and making each day better than the one before, or I am sure at this point better than the very dark periods of your lives. All your children are lucky to have you both. Thank you for sharing your stories of survival. And I am certain they are not as uncommon as they seem. When I see children at school, they don't wear a t-shirt that spells out all the details of their home lives. We don't know which ones are fine and which ones are suffering through untold horrors. I think about the child abuse percentages and the rape/sexual abuse percentages and all you have to do is do the math. Walking victims of abuse are among us everyday, and no one notices. What you have both shared teaches me to think more carefully and be more alert and sensitive to what is going on among my children's friends, so we can be available to be there for them if needed. They do hide their pain and grief well, and the only way you notice anything is amiss is if you pay attention.

 

[House Cat]

It is very hard to write, it's very hard think back. I know. Since I started spilling my guts here, I've had headaches and sleep has been hard. It's very hard.. because then I remember something else and off I go.. miss my sister, miss my brother, my other bro just put back in the institution for detox at 59. again. It seems sometimes it NEVER ends. That is because it all becomes a part of me. One thing I swore when I was a kid and still carry to this day, IF I EVER see a child being neglected, abused, in any way, I'm intervening. Some kids never show it. It's not like when I was a kid I didn't tell people, I told the nuns at school and all they did was nod and say you will be outta high school in a few..(meanwhile I had my brothers to worry about, which made me mental, another story). When I was 14 and my sister was 16 she came to me and said: "There is this thing I read about Kate, Al-a-teen, do you think we should call them? we talked and we thought that perhaps my mother WOULD kill us if someone came to the house, we might lose our brothers, mom might go to jail! Dad might kill us.. (grandmother dead by this time)... I wish my sister had made that call, I wish I had been more supportive of her then, I wish a lot of things... Can't change them. Can't run, can't hide, hope you don't dump this craziness on your own sons.. it's very very emotional. I think going over this has given me the master blaster headache. Sometimes - as I said b4 - we are just a humpty dumpty put back together and doing the best we can.

Dear Kate,

I’ve related to so much that you’ve said. I hope the physical symptoms of telling us your story will subside soon. Please be gentle with yourself. If your inner critic pops up, flip it the bird for me, ok? I say that because my inner critic always pops up right about the time when I begin to feel run down.

Humpty Dumpty put back together..ok, just remember...your inner light shines through the cracks.

With love,
HC

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

It was all of that that helped me learn that in the end, you have to stand on your own feet. Nothing is guaranteed, even your parents can't be relied on. I started to understand more why my Mother did the things she did after my father died, see the side of what she went through, and not just myself. I got that internal message that I was NOT inherently special, and that if you wanted something in life, and wanted it to be truly yours, you had to work for it. I turned things around in school, went from nearly dropping out to graduating in the top 25%, I always had great test scores. From my experience with my family I knew I wanted a steady paycheck, I could not cope with fluctuating and unsure income, the business world was not for me. I knew I wanted to teach for a long time, often teachers were my respite with all that I had gone through, it's easy enough to say that the right teacher at the right time saved my life. Initially I wanted to teach art, but I knew enough to know that those jobs were few and far between, so I went for elementary education.

My Mother found out she was pregnant a month into my senior year in high school. She had just gotten back from prison that summer, and had to stay in a half way house during the week, allowed to come home on the weekends. I grew up without siblings (I have them from my Dad but they are much older) so I was excited. She was not sure if she was going to keep the baby but I told her I was all in, ready to help. I guessed she was pregnant with twins. Two weeks later we found out I was right.

They (my brothers) motivated me even more to finish school, I got into the only school I applied for, a school well known for it's education program. I had a mostly free ride since my Mother had minimal income that year. My Mother married the father of my brothers, a man she had dated on and off for years. We did not get along, we never did, but this was beyond my control.

They were born a month before I graduated school, my Mother's job had laid her off when she was six months pregnant, so things were tense. Adjusting to living with my stepfather was not going well. Even my experience with my father, I cannot handle a man telling me what to do, I cannot not panic and lash out when I get yelled at. I helped as much as I could with the babies, as long as he wasn't there. After one incident where he punched a hole through my door, I moved in with my boyfriend (DH) for a few months. My Mother asked me to come back, and I did. I loved my brothers, when I could I took classes at night and would watch them during the day, my Mom eventually went back to work. I juggled school, my brothers, and working at Macy's. It was INSANE and for a long time I did nothing but work, school, work, school, babies, work, school, babies.

I was with my boyfriend (DH) through all of this. He had more than his fair share of family shittyness, worse than my own in many ways. We bonded over it and became stronger together for it. We always worked on our relationship and made it a priority in our lives. We both knew we wanted a different life than what we were raised in, so we took steps to make it happen. We forced ourselves to both continue work/school/work/school and set a date. We had our smallish budget friendly wedding on our 7th anniversary, when he had finished his B.S. in accounting and I was halfway through grad school for special education. All the while still living with my family, helping with the boys, contributing to the household, still butting heads with my stepfather daily.

We were DESPERATE to move out. When I got my teaching job we started looking. They didn't think we would leave, but we did. It has been a struggle ever since, and still is. I let go of my anger and residual resentment, because it doesn't do me any good. I have a great relationship with my brothers, I was always "sister mommy" when they were little, and it's similar now. They're nearly 15 and are just starting to learn about a lot of family history. I even get along fine with my stepfather now, he's Pop Pop to my son, we just can't live together. While my own family life has balanced out, the state of the country does frustrate and sadden me. Immensely. I have to pull myself away often so it doesn't overtake my thoughts. Maybe the stars will align, we'll pay off our debt, and have money saved when the housing market crashes again, and can give our little family a place to plant down. Maybe not. In the meantime we'll just keep plugging along.

 

[Calliecake]

@Asscherhalo_lover and @Tekate , I’m sorry for what you both have been through. Thank you for sharing your stories. Your stories and comments have helped me more than you could possibly know. Hugs and thank you, Callie

 

[AGBF]

I am in Virginia (I had to see my nephrologist) struggling to read Pricescope on an ancient computer. I am unsure I will be able to post even once. I want to send love to all the women in this thread. If I can, I will read and post more.

Love,
Deb

 

[Tekate]

@House Cat @Calliecake @AGBF @redwood66 @missy @EVERYONE here.

ETA: @PintoBean your words have been so uplifting to me!!

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

You know my brother then sister dying in 15 month timespan threw me for a complete and utter meltdown.. a total freakout. Yes we are old but as old people we didn't feel old.. My sister had one grandchild who turned 3 two days before my sister died.. my brother left a mess with 3 kids with 3 different women, anger, hate, alcoholism, racism, you name, he left it.. my youngest brother tried to kill his daughter and her mom (poisoned them), then left, he tried to kill my mom too.. that is sort of a sick funny story, but when I tried to talk him down from the crazy assed mountain of mental illness and cocaine addiction he said to me "Sissy I want to go to a school and shoot kids" my sister flipped and went into a nuthouse for several months, leaving her 8 and 6 year olds with her husband and they told everyone she was at a sleep clinic because she hadn't slept in weeks - maybe it was true about that I never asked her.

I can never stress enough that kids need yesterday, today and tomorrow to be somewhat the same, kids can handle death, doom, destruction, but not on a daily basis.

We have had another school massacre, by a crazy kid.. we need to spend money on crazy people and get them help and ensure they cannot get a gun.

I consider you guys my friends.. not PS but real friends, real people, real compassion and real hearts.

Peace to you all and love you all. Kate is Great.. (that is my usual signoff in an email)


I thank you all for listening, reading and showing compassion.. we of the humpty dumpty club need friends, and compassion and sometimes a bye on our actions, thoughts and emotions.

Dear Kate,

I’ve related to so much that you’ve said. I hope the physical symptoms of telling us your story will subside soon. Please be gentle with yourself. If your inner critic pops up, flip it the bird for me, ok? I say that because my inner critic always pops up right about the time when I begin to feel run down.

Humpty Dumpty put back together..ok, just remember...your inner light shines through the cracks.

With love,
HC

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I have read through this thread over the last 24 hours even though I rarely come to Hangout these days (can't take all the political stuff). There's nothing that I can add to what's been said. But I am sincerely sorry to hear of the intense suffering some of you have endured. I also related to what some of you said about being there for our kids and being interconnected through generations when the relationships are healthy, too. I am headed out of town to a family wedding in the morning so I am just stopping in to send you all a big {{{hug}}}. And I pray for better days for all.

 

[anne_h]

I know the only way I'll have more than 2 is if I have twins.

This is what happened to me. Be forewarned!! lol

 

[anne_h]

I’d just like to put this here. Generation X was once the most hated generation by the elders. This is just history repeating itself.

I remember this!! I am a late Gen Xer, and I remember feeling offended by all the negative press about 'lazy' Gen Xers, and the lamenting about grunge, etc. This would have been the late nineties I guess. I was a hard working responsible young person, so could never understand the stereotype. lol

 

[Calliecake]

@Tekate losing one sibling would be enough to put anyone in a tail spin. When you factor in your childhood with your brother and sister, I can only imagine how hard their deaths hit you. Feelings that were buried for decades had to come flooding back to the surface. I came very close to losing my brother last year. Luckily he is still here but it deeply affected me.

@Asscherhalo_lover I can only speak for myself but growing up with an alcoholic in a home where there was physical and mental abuse as a child it was very hard to feel safe and secure. Children need to feel safe, secure, loved and taken care of. They need structure. You and your husband provide that for your children. You broke the cycle and are giving them what you didn’t have. Pat yourself on the back. That is a huge accomplishment. I sincerely hope things get easier for you and your family.

Sometimes our biggest accomplishments are the things we overcame.

 

[AGBF]

I am still in Virginia and still using an ancient computer that slows me down greatly. I welcome all the technological assistance I can get! If anyone out there can do some quick research, I would love it!

I woke up today and I suddenly thought about this thread in a different light. (Getting onto the computer was harder than having the thought!)

I realized that I felt that millennials and boomers were being pitted against each other and warring over tiny scraps while the wealthy taking the all the huge amounts of money. I thought that if I were ksinger or Matata I would be able to find an article from "The Atlantic" or somewhere that had discussed the matter of generations being pitted against one another in an attempt to manipulate them. The rich always manipulate the poor. Karl Marx wrote that the ideas of any society will be the ideas of the ruling class.

With my dreadful computer, this is the only article that readily sprang up. It isn't bad, but I wish I had a search engine that generated more than one website each 15-20 minutes!

Article...https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2010/12/how-oligarchs-took-america/