Men who hate diamonds? :/

[annette510]

I need help!
I am madly in love with a man who I plan to marry, and he hates the whole business surrounding the wedding industry such as diamond rings, big weddings etc., however I have always dreamed of these things.
I will show him pictures of rings I like and he seems interested and I know he wants to marry me, how do I get it into his head the things I want without seeming like a b*tch???

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/1/2009 7:27:45 PM
Author:annette510
I need help!
I am madly in love with a man who I plan to marry, and he hates the whole business surrounding the wedding industry such as diamond rings, big weddings etc., however I have always dreamed of these things.
I will show him pictures of rings I like and he seems interested and I know he wants to marry me, how do I get it into his head the things I want without seeming like a b*tch???

let me talk to him.

 

[annette510]

Hehe Well heres the thing...he is very sensitive about the whole "blood diamond" issue...and rightfully so...but I went out of my way to find jewelers who sell conflict free diamonds, but he is still convinced that it all feeds the same pocket.

I have to respect how he feels, but he also doesn''t have to make a big deal about the ring that I want...I dunno what to do

 

[ckrickett]

tell him it important to you.
I''m sure there are gonna be somethings that come up that he will be for (expensive golf trips, gadgets and dodads) that he might want to spend a crazy amount of money on that you think is frivilous and unnecessary. Marriage is about compromise and hey this is a compromise that he might have to swallow.

 

[brooklyngirl]

Well, first and foremost, if he''s getting his information about the diamond industry from the movies, perhaps he should do a bit of research by himself, so that he is educated about the way things really are, and can make an informed decision. If all else fails, he can purchase a Canadian diamond.

Second, this is going to be good practice for compromise, and even better practice for marriage. Hopefully the two of you can sit down and calmly discuss options for the e-ring. It would help if you both have an open mind about it.

 

[Indylady]

Have you looked into Canadian diamonds?

 

[Indylady]

Or possible a colored stone? Maybe a Montana sapphire with a recycled gold setting?

 

[Keepingthefaith21]

There are plenty of ways to obtain conflict free stones. In addition here are soooo many beautiful alternatives to a diamond as your stone.

However, if you really have your heart set on a diamond (and I can''t blame ya if you do) then when the time seems right, you should have a little chat with your man. Introduce him to the ways of obtaining conflict free stones and let him know that it is possible to preserve his interests while giving you your dream ring. As one poster mentioned, it is all about compromise.

You can definately meet in the middle of the road on this one!

 

[beach]

In support of what your husband said, not all diamonds that are said to be conflict free are actually conflict free. There are so many loop holes in the distribution process/laws that make it somewhat easy to pass off stones as conflict free. The laws have made it more difficult for conflict free stones to be sold but many make it to the market today. Of course this is not the case for every diamond, but the risk is always there no matter what a business says. It is even hard for "conflict free" retailers to 100% confirm where a diamond was before them. Just like many other things in life, there is a grey area and all you can do is try to minimize the risk as much as possible.

Hopefully others will be able to provide additional information. I hope that you get the ring and diamond that you want!!!!

 

[suchende]

First, I agree with him about conflict diamond purchases still supporting the "bad guys" in the diamond exportation world, because of the economics of commodities. That said, how would you feel about a diamond from the secondary market, as in, one that has been set before? No new money goes to exporters, and because most people don''t want a "used" diamond, it doesn''t exactly have the economic substitutability problem.

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/1/2009 11:23:00 PM
Author: brooklyngirl
Well, first and foremost, if he's getting his information about the diamond industry from the movies, perhaps he should do a bit of research by himself, so that he is educated about the way things really are, and can make an informed decision. If all else fails, he can purchase a Canadian diamond.

Second, this is going to be good practice for compromise, and even better practice for marriage. Hopefully the two of you can sit down and calmly discuss options for the e-ring. It would help if you both have an open mind about it.

Ditto. the subject of conflict diamonds is an emotive issue. I get the feeling that you bf won't be changing his mind any time soon no matter what you say about 'ethically sourced' diamonds.

I suppose it will all come down to compromise at the end of the day and whether you're both willing to 'give in' a little. Perhaps you can agree that you can get a diamond ring if you agree not to go 'over the top' on the wedding

Good luck

 

[KatM]

Is it more important to you to have a Diamond or to have the look? Have you looked at White Sapphire or gemstone rings?

 

[mrscushion]

Get a Canadian diamond in a recycled gold setting.

 

[suchende]

Is he in a circle of friends who share similar views?

 

[DLSecret]

Perhaps you can give in on the diamond and in return, have your dream wedding? This way, no worries about conflict diamond and you get your dream wedding?

 

[Liane]

Brooklyngirl''s suggestion about getting a Canadian diamond is very sensible -- that''s the first thing that popped into my mind too. There are jewelers who make a point of tracing Canadian stones all the way back to the mines. You''ll pay a small premium for those stones, but in your situation it might well be worth the peace of mind. The Kimberley Process is far from perfect, but if you buy Canadian you should be able to avoid the loopholes.

Another alternative would be to buy an antique stone that predates the "blood diamond" concerns. A stone that came out of the earth and was shipped to New York 150 years ago isn''t putting money in the pockets of a warlord today.

A white sapphire or other colorless gemstone isn''t going to have the same look as a diamond. If you love that look for what it is, that''s fine. If you want a diamond, that''s probably not going to cut it.

I think it''s better to compromise on getting the ring and having a small wedding, because the ring lasts longer, but of course it is totally your call about what, if anything, you want to give up.

 

[HollyS]

Your guy is an idealist. And that means you have to be a realist.

If you want all the frills and fluff, and a traditional ring, but he is dead set against it and resistant to the whole experience . . . compromises will have to be made. If he is adamant about his position, guess who will be doing the compromising ?? Yup. You.

 

[MakingTheGrade]

AJ just got an old cut diamond from GOG and it's just gorgeous, it's like a "recycled" diamond. Or maybe lurk around classified adds and buy one used? You're at least not adding to the problem or driving demand that way, just helping out another citizen who happens to not need their diamond anymore. You can make the argument that buying a used diamond is actually a good thing because promoting the private seller market would take away business and profit from diamond cartels.

I can understand where he's coming from though, I have a lot of friends who are against diamonds or are vegans because of eco-views or other ethical concerns. It kind of makes it hard to convince them to buy a diamond because compared to their moral objections, the reasons that girls want diamonds do seem kind of frivolous by comparison. It's a toughie..

Is there a reason you're really set on getting a diamond other than it's what's socially expected (and shiny of course)?

 

[annette510]

Wow everybody that is such great advise thank you! I have looked into Canadian diamonds and have shown him some of those options as well.

I got suckered into buying a "man made diamond" from Diamond Nexus Labs...soon to read everywhere that they are just CZ.

So I guess I have to keep doing my research and just hang in there!!

Thanks everyone!

 

[ckrickett]

JamesAllen.com is a reputable diamond vendor that sells conflict free diamonds. They also offer photos of actual diamonds to which is another plus.

 

[whitby_2773]

hi annette

have you thought about a yellow or champagne diamond? you can buy one mined in australia, and i think you can be fairly sure there''s no blood diamond market there. it''s from australia that the kimberley agreement originated as the famous argyle diamond mine is in the kimberley region of western australia. the argyle mine, as i understand it, was a major player in taking on the de beers monopoly of the international diamond business.

anyway, just a thought for a way to get a gorgeous diamond, totally conflict free.

 

[BlueSki231]

direct him to http://www.brilliantearth.com/

do you really think that he has an issue with this or is he just using the "blood diamond" excuse to try to get out of spending money on a piece of jewelry?

 

[Londongirl1]

Date: 7/2/2009 11:43:25 PM
Author: Namaste
direct him to http://www.brilliantearth.com/

do you really think that he has an issue with this or is he just using the ''blood diamond'' excuse to try to get out of spending money on a piece of jewelry?

To be fair, lots of guys (and gals) don''t understand the fuss some women make about wanting a big ring, big dress, big reception etc. so maybe he''s just not into the commercialization of weddings and he''s more focused on the actual marriage

 

[b.anna]

hi annette, my fiance has the same exact view as your boyfriend and it took us lots and lots and lots of conversation to understand each other''s POVs on diamonds. he had and still has no interest in diamonds whatsoever, hates consumerism, and doesn''t believe in spending a lot of money on something that''s as small as a ring.

we both watched the movie blood diamond together which made me understand the nightmare and horror around conflict diamonds, and made him feel more uncomfortable about buying a diamond. he really encouraged us to buy a lab made diamond, but we found that they could only make up to 0.5ct or something and we both wanted something bigger than that.

i did a ton of research around conflict free diamonds and the kimberly process, and showed him some websites that supported conflict free diamonds (i would highly highly recommend brilliantearth.com as another poster did, they really describe their process of mining diamonds and using recycled metals). after that, he felt a lot more comfortable buying a diamond ring. we talked for 3-4 months just about the diamond, not even wedding, finances, etc.

i don''t think you have to worry about the being b*tchy part if you''re patient with him and have a lot of verbal discussion about it. in the end, i hope he understands that it''s very very possible to buy a diamond without the guilt and without contributing to the conflict diamond industry, and that it''s what makes you very happy. in the end, my fiance knew that having a beautiful ring that represented our relationship and our love for each other is important to me, and he proposed with a beautiful ring. he looks at it now as much as i do and thinks the ring is absolutely gorgeous, so it''s very possible just keep the communication open and know that it''s going to take time.

best of luck to you!!! and congrats on an almost engagement