men versus women

[shinythings]

I just read DMB''s hilarious post on what men talk about when they get engaged. I have my 10 year high school reunion coming up and people are responding on evite. I noticed a lot of the women wrote things like "my husband and I are flying in..." or " can I bring my husband". The word wife wasn''t mentioned once-the guys just put down a +1 guest.


It made me think-are we still in the dark ages where getting married/engaged is an accomplishment for women, and something to be smug about, and for men it''s just giving up freedom?

 

[Julian]

Some guys may not because they are just guys & sometimes leave out details. I'll bet if they were RSVP'ing to a sports event, they'd be spouting stats and what kind of chips, buffalo wings & beer they were bringing! LOL.

But I think most guys are very excited to have a SO once they hit the 15-year highschool reunion time. I think guys actually start to freak out around age 30 or so. That's when many of their friends are getting engaged & married. The dating pool shrinks and they start to panic a little, too.

My DH and I were at a formal event recently and all the guys were proudly introducing their new wives and fiancee's (too lazy to find the accented e, sorry!) left and right. You could tell they were very proud as they puffed out their chests and emphasized the words. Maybe it's because of the age group? If your reunion is soon, you're about 28, right? Lots of guys are still boys, at that age! I know, because mine is about 30 and just now turning into a man!

 

[diamondglee]

I agree that it has a LOT to do with age.

I''m in my 30''s...my BF is 7 yrs older than me....and putting the pressure on me to get married.

I love my life the way it is. I''ve worked hard to have a great job that pays well, and a home I love. I like where I am, and not in any rush to change it right now.

A few years ago I probably would have jumped at his proposals, but now i''m content to keep things how they are.

Having said that, if he gave me an ultimatum or I felt it was commit or lose him, I would commit. He''s never been married, but been in many LTR''s. I assume that the desire to marry now has something to do with his age.

 

[shinythings]

so nice to hear a fresh perspective of someone who isn''t pining for an engagement. Wish I was that way though!

Yes-I am 28, and my boyfriend is 3 years younger so I''m lucky he''s even considering an engagement soon I suppose.

 

[poptart]

I''m not sure it''s age so much as mindset/ maturity level as well as your current environment.

Marisa

 

[reader]

FH is seven years younger than me, and remarked that most of his classmates in grad school were already married, we both wanted to be married because it felt good...
His older (over 40) year old friends complain that he is too young to marry, his near age (25-35) think its a good idea.

 

[KristyDarling]

I think it's mostly about the stage in life that people are in. Guys (whether in their 20's, 30's, or 40's) who are newly married are just starting to get used to the "loss" of freedom and are the ones who like to gripe and joke about it. And their friends are eager to torture and tease.

However, men who have been married for awhile are used to it and tend not to groan quite as publicly about their ball-and-chain. If they do, it's likely to be interpreted as a genuine complaint about the state of their marriage.

At the end of the day though, I think that most men who have just gotten married are secretly pleased to have found someone...they just don't want to SAY it for fear of being called whipped or whatever. Just my perception!

 

[diamondfan]

It is funny, because I think, a wee bit, there is that view for a woman to have found a guy who is breathing and presentable is an accomplishment. With comments like there are 10 single girls for every single guy (except in Alaska maybe?) and that you are likelier to be struck by lightning or win the lottery than find a man if you are still single at whatever age is they are discussing...is it any wonder that it is viewed as a badge of honor?

Whereas it seemed when my guy friends were getting hitched, this is about 15 or so years ago...it was like, okay, she is here and I am happy and I do not have to work so hard at things like dating, I can just chill and get my life started...not really resignation per se but not looking at like a goal had been reached...happy someone wanted them, and willing to get married because the woman they loved wanted it and it seemed to be a good idea...but likely content to coast along at that point, til they got older and made some realizations...

 

[anchor31]

My FI used to make jokes about that and he still does, but I don''t mind. I know it''s his own slightly twisted way of teasing me and, in a way, telling me that he''s very lucky to have found me earlier in life (we met at 17/21). And I know that he''d like to start a family fairly early (early 30s, sooner if possible), so he has no issue with getting married at 26. I don''t think he really believes he''ll lose his freedom.

 

[MINE!!]

Date: 11/7/2006 1:09:16 PM
Author:shinythings


It made me think-are we still in the dark ages where getting married/engaged is an accomplishment for women, and something to be smug about, and for men it''s just giving up freedom?

Ummm... NO... that is not what it means, it just means that women have different ways of expressing themselves and it is unfortunate that woman have not figured that out yet.