Married over TEN YEARS? TWENTY?

[decodelighted]

For those lucky Pscopers who''ve been happily married for TEN years or more ... how would you describe your husband''s reaction to ENGAGEMENT ...

A) He was AS eager as I was

B) He was MORE eager than I was

C) He was LESS eager than I was

D) I made an ultimatum AND/OR set a deadline

 

[Sundial]

I''ve been married for 29 years. We got engaged when I was about to graduate from college. My husband was in graduate school at the time. I think he was afraid that I was going to accept a job and move away for good! I was just as ready as he was though.

 

[Miranda]

He he...Ours is a very scandalous story. I was 5 mos. pregnant with our son when he proposed

. He was very excited to get engaged, but, didn''t want to make plans to be married for a while. HUH? He had the maturity of the, well, the 21 year old that he was. I wasn''t the queen of good choices at 18, either. We continued with our "no plans to be married" engagement for a year and endured the "you can''t live on love alone" speeches from both of our families for all of that time. Then came the ultimatum...I said, "Buddy, I''m planning a wedding for April 22. If you don''t want to come I''ll find someone else to fill your shoes" Very mature. Looking back we both agree it was the best decision we''ve ever made. He REALLY needs to be pushed into change...Good thing I''m VERY pushy!

We''ve been married for 11 1/2 years now and have 3 beautiful children. Now I''m babbling.... Cute thread idea Deco!!!

 

[SuzyQZ]

We''ve been married 10+ years (second marriage for both of us). We never really got engaged per se, we had been going out for about a year (we knew pretty early on that we were going to get married, we clicked from the very begining). We found out his parents were coming out to the west coast for a medical convention and we both thought "we should get married while they are out here so they don''t have to make a second trip later on". And that was it! I planned the wedding in about a month''s time and we had about 25 guests. We got married on a Friday night and were both back to work on Monday. It just seemed like it was a given from the get go, it was never a matter of "if" we were going to get married but a question of "when" a good date would be. His parents coming out just gave us the excuse we needed and that was it! We''ve lived happily ever after since then!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I wouldn''t marry anyone under duress... no ultimatums here!!! We got married because we wanted to be together - both of us equally.... if he lived closer we likely would have just shacked up, but that''s not the way it went... married 15 years.

 

[chrono]

Married for 14 years. Met in college and he was in Graduate studies. We got married right before we both graduated. We were both ready to take on the challenges of worklife, marriage and agreed ahead of time about the timing for children (which is basically none until closer to our 30s). Being students, we also knew that the engagement and engagement will be simple since we were both POOR.

 

[Christa]

Married 16 years. We got engaged when we were 18 and 22 (yeah, how ridiculous is that!). It''s not what I''d recommend to my daughters, but we were good church kids and believed in "waiting", so that''s how it went (believe me, he didn''t dawdle on engagement!). We also didn''t believe in divorce, so in spite of how foolishly young we were we went into it commited to make it last . . . and eventually I figured out that whether I enjoyed that life-long relationship was mostly up to me, but that''s another story.

 

[diamondfan]

Married 16 last August, will be 17 years in 2007...met in high school, did not date the entire time, re met at 23 and got engaged, married within the year...

 

[glitterkitty]

We celebrated our 10th anniversary in June this year, but we were engaged for 31/2 years before we got married. we were 22 and 21 when we got engaged (seems so young now), and had been together for exactly two years when we announced our engagement. The following year we bought our house (can''t believe we were homeowners at 23 and 22), and we waited until we had enough money to pay for our wedding. We booked our wedding exactly three years after we got engaged, and planned it all in 6 months.

We had known each other for years as we were at school together. We were actually in the same classes for most of our school time, but we never dated.

We knew pretty soon in our relationship that we wanted to be together forever. Something just clicked with us and it seemed the most natural thing in the world that we were together. He was as excited as I was because we saw our engagement as the beginning of our future as a family.

ten years later we still adore each other. we''ve had our ups and downs, but we''ve become stronger by getting through things together. Marriage is hard work sometimes, but I think its worth it

 

[isaku5]

We met when I was 16 and he was 20. He asked me to marry him about a year later and I told him I''d "think about it". After about a year, he asked whether I''d like to look at rings and I said "Sure, I''ll look, but that doesn''t mean I''m saying yes". We looked on and off and finally saw one that we both loved; long story short, we were engaged on my 19th birthday (much to the horror of my parents and married one year later. It''s now been 43+ years and we are more in love than ever!

We went through some rough times in the early years with 2 young children and hubby off work for 6 months with severe back problems, but we were so young and naive, we didn''t really let it get to us. We have never consciously *worked* at our marriage, but compromise has been essential.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

Thanks for asking.
Married 21 years in Sept. Dated in University--he was finishing his second degree and I was in third year of my first. He was too serious and I dumped him. He left for another city to work after grad; whereas I finished school, got a job, travelled and dated a lot, and actually was engaged for a short time to another.

Met up again 5 years later. Two months after reconnecting we went to Cuba and he proposed with a band made of threads from the blanket in our hotel room (he called them purple "spores"). I was as unsure as my parents were skepitcal, but my DH had always believed I was for him. He wanted to get married immediately (thinking I would waiver and he was right), but it took 6 months to get things together since my Mom & he wanted a big wedding. I moved, from my family home, to the city where he lived after we were married. For the first year of marriage, he had to hide my car keys so I wouldn''t run back home. So glad he was much smarter and more mature than I was!!!!! He really is a sweetie for putting up with me....

cheers--Sharon

 

[Kaleigh]

We have been married for 20 years. We met in college. Dated for 4 years, then got engaged. I think I was more into getting engaged than he was. Had to nudge him a bit, but by the time he proposed he was into it as much as I was. It wasn''t that he wasn''t eager to get engaged, just that we were young. I was 23 and he was 24. But I was a very mature 23 and knew it would work out. We even bought our first house just before we got married. Guess it all worked out, hehe!!!

 

[justjulia]

Married 21 yrs. We were both ready but I had to mention it to my best friend who put the bug in his ear to get things rolling. That was a looooooooooong time ago. I think most of the time these Hollywood people divorce is that they have the means to do so. If I had a million bucks, I''d have probably left my hubby a million times ago. Compromise is definitly key and someone is always giving 80 and the other 20%, and then it flip flops.

 

[njc]

I just wanted to jump in here and congratulate all you ladies and say how much I am enjoying hearing your stories!!!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 11/9/2006 2:17:14 PM
Author: Christa
Married 16 years. We got engaged when we were 18 and 22 (yeah, how ridiculous is that!). It''s not what I''d recommend to my daughters, but we were good church kids and believed in ''waiting'', so that''s how it went (believe me, he didn''t dawdle on engagement!). We also didn''t believe in divorce, so in spite of how foolishly young we were we went into it commited to make it last . . . and eventually I figured out that whether I enjoyed that life-long relationship was mostly up to me, but that''s another story.

sounds a lot like us except we had a ton of premarital sex and aren''t religious LOL!! even still... there comes a time in marriage where you have ti WILL it to continue because, well... that''s another story

 

[sanfranciscoellen]

I am 34 and I have been together with my husband for HALF of my life. 17 years. We started dating in high school and never stopped

I proposed to him! So I suppose that fits into answer D. I didn't ask for an ultimatum--I just decided that if we were moving from LA go NC so he could go to grad school that marriage was going to happen.

We have always decided to only honor traditions that make sense to us personally, and a big showy guy proposal just wasn't our style. I decided he deserved some romance

, and I deserved some control over the timeline.....

We were engaged at 22 and 23, and married a year later. We've been married 11 years!

 

[Eva17]

Married 20 years this past August. Together 27. We are H.S. Sweethearts.

He surprised me with the engagement. I had no idea it was time or that he had a ring. After all those years we knew we would be married, we just never made a definate timeline. He was finishing his masters, so I guess he felt it was time...

After all these years, I love him more.

And like Christa, I realized through the years that I can be as happy as I will allow myself to be. Definately another story

 

[fire&ice]

He was as eager as I was. We met in the early spring of ''82 - engaged fall of "82. The process to coming to the conclusion to become engaged wasn''t as eager of a proposition.

He knew I wasn''t going to wait around.

..married in ''84 - so I''m going on 23 years. And, I don''t have my "starter" diamond on my left hand anymore! I was "re-proposed" to on our 20 year of engagement anniversary w/ my 3c!

Funny, despite the fact that we picked out the ring together (read I was saying "yes"), he was still nervous.

 

[pearcrazy]

We'll be celebrating our 15th anniversary on Nov. 23. We were 27 when we married.

I would say that he was as eager as I was. He was the one who brought it up first. He almost didn't ask, it was like he just assumed-- I guess we both did. The first official mention of engagement was one Saturday morning when he and I were bored, driving around, and looking for something to do. We were at a red light across from a shopping mall and he turned to me and said, "hey, do you want to go over and look at some rings?". I was stunned and said, "what kind of rings?" He looked a little surprised at my ignorance and said, "uh, well, diamond rings". We went in and spent an hour or so going from maul store to maul store (I know, I know this was wayyyy before PS) and we both got an idea of what I wanted and what he wanted to spend. We looked a little more together and I got my ring at a luncheon with my parents who were in town for the day. My DH wanted to make it somewhat old fashioned and ask my parent's blessing first. Just for officiality though. My mom knew I'd already picked out the ring and he'd already purchased it and was waiting for the right time to present it. We upgraded to the diamond in my avatar for our 12th anniversary of our engagement. My DH re-set my old diamond into a pendant surrounded by sapphires 2 years ago.

It was all very practical. I envy those ladies who get an elaborate, romantic, surprise proposal but since our practical proposal has resulted in 3 lovely children and a 15 year (and counting!) marriage, I'll take it and have no regrets.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Date: 11/9/2006 11:28:36 AM
Author: Sundial
I''ve been married for 29 years. We got engaged when I was about to graduate from college. My husband was in graduate school at the time. I think he was afraid that I was going to accept a job and move away for good! I was just as ready as he was though.

Sundial and I are almost twins. Same thing, met in college and married when we were 21. I guess we just both thought you fell in love and got married. Living together wouldn''t have been accepted at that point in time (in our circumstances in the south). So it was just natural that we were about to be out on our own and getting married was the logical next step. I don''t remember there being any push on my part, really, so I guess the timing was mutual.

 

[Christa]

Date: 11/9/2006 9:44:15 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 11/9/2006 2:17:14 PM
Author: Christa
Married 16 years. We got engaged when we were 18 and 22 (yeah, how ridiculous is that!). It''s not what I''d recommend to my daughters, but we were good church kids and believed in ''waiting'', so that''s how it went (believe me, he didn''t dawdle on engagement!). We also didn''t believe in divorce, so in spite of how foolishly young we were we went into it commited to make it last . . . and eventually I figured out that whether I enjoyed that life-long relationship was mostly up to me, but that''s another story.

sounds a lot like us except we had a ton of premarital sex and aren''t religious LOL!! even still... there comes a time in marriage where you have ti WILL it to continue because, well... that''s another story

Cehra, I''m shocked!

I think we''re twins in a parallel universe . . . or something.