mamas with nannies...

[gingerB]

what do you expect duties wise from your nanny? just wondering as i've been a bit unhappy lately with what ours has been doing. she's great with our LO, but when he naps...SHE NAPS. i've actually caught her snoring away in his room when i've come home for lunch out of the blue.

i kind of expected her to be doing light chores while he's napping -- washing his bottles, keeping the nursery tidy, keeping his clothes organized, neatening up the house, etc... def a break for lunch, but he takes 3 naps a day so...where's all this time going to?

am i expecting too much here?

 

[oobiecoo]

I honestly don't think its a big deal for her to nap a little. Taking care of a child can be exhausting and I'm guessing most moms take at least a short nap while looking after their own child so its not fair to expect her to go full force all day. However, if she is napping 3 separate occasions each day then thats a little much.

 

[gingerB]

ummm...does your boss let you nap on the clock? we're not talking an unpaid break here. i pay her for fully for the time she is at my home.

i'm not saying she can't take a break for lunch etc.. but 3-4 fully paid hours of break?? and i am for d@mn sure my boss would be unhappy with me if i was caught napping on the job.

i guess i go full force all day at work and expect others to do the same?? is that wrong?

 

[zoebartlett]

Ginger, I'm not a mom, but my suggestion would be to leave a list of things your nanny could do while the baby naps. Maybe she's the type who needs to be specifically asked to do certain things. So if you'd like her to fold the baby's clothes, straighten the nursery, do a load of dishes, etc., you may need to explicitly mention that.

 

[iheartscience]

My previous boss had a couple of nannies and the house cleaning/doing dishes/laundry/etc. thing was always a sticking point. However, they always worked it out before the nanny started. Did you talk to your nanny about what to do in her down time when you hired her? And did she agree to tidy up, do dishes, etc.?

From what I heard from my boss, most nannies don't want to do housekeeping duties because they see themselves as child care providers, not housekeepers. He did have one nanny who was a also housekeeper, but that was agreed upon before she started.

As for the napping, I can see why you wouldn't be happy about it since she's essentially a full time employee sleeping on the job. When I used to babysit late at night I would fall asleep on the couch watching TV pretty often, and the parents of the kids we babysat for never minded. But obviously that's a different situation than a full time nanny napping in the middle of the day.

 

[cara]

I think you need to work out with her what other duties are expected of her during the day/nap times, etc. I have definitely heard that nannies don't necessarily like to be thought of as housekeepers, or conversely one parent whose nanny is great about tidying up and doing dishes and the like so the parent is uber-generous to this employee and desperate to keep her b/c prior nannies were not so good on that front.

Without having done any of my own negotiation on this front from either end, I would think that things related directly to baby are reasonable - ie, bottle washing, tidying up of toys and kid stuff, but extra household chores need to be negotiated as part of the employment agreement. JMO.

 

[gingerB]

we did talk about it and we told her we would ease into it. we wanted her to get to know our LO etc..and get comfortable around him. i'm not expecting her to do MY laundry or vacuum or clean the kitchen etc... but i do expect her to be responsible for all things related to A. i.e emptying the diaper pail . putting his dirty bibs in the hamper. throwing a load of HIS clothes in the wash when its time. keeping the nursery tidy. making sure his bottles and toys are clean and safe to chew on. which she is NOT doing, likely because she is napping during the time she should be doing this.

let me clarify. we're not talking about a SAHM here, she's an employee and this is her job. i pay her very well for her time. her priority is taking care of him 100%. but while he's napping and she is not actively watching him, i expect some sort of productivity for the buck i guess. of course take time for lunch, but say she has a luxurious 1 hour lunch while he takes one nap, what about the other 2-3 hours? if she's tired, to me she should nap when she gets home the way other people with jobs do, not on the job. is that harsh?

and if she's napping -- what if she sleeps deep enough to miss something that's going on? she's paid to take care of my baby! if i nap while taking care of him, that's a risk i take with MY CHILD. you know what i mean?

 

[fieryred33143]

Um yeah, I'm going to go with a big no for napping while your A is napping. No way.

The problem with giving a nanny TOO many responsibilities is that you don't want them to lose sight of their #1 priority or get burned out. But I think it's completely acceptable to expect her to clean up bottles, tidy nursery, etc. If she wants to watch TV or jump on the internet that's one thing because at least she'll be alert enough to hear him. But sleeping?

 

[fieryred33143]

and if she's napping -- what if she sleeps deep enough to miss something that's going on? she's paid to take care of my baby! if i nap while taking care of him, that's a risk i take with MY CHILD. you know what i mean?

FWIW ginger-this was my first thing that went through my mind.

Is he eating homemade food? MIL takes the time during her naps to cook up her food. Of course it's different because Sophia goes to her house so she has her stuff to do.

 

[gingerB]

i guess my beef is...IF all of A's things were taken care of -- nursery is tidy, bottles and toys clean, clothes washed and put away NEATLY, i would have NO PROBLEM with her occ watching TV (quietly) or checking her email, etc... but if these things aren't done, then...hello??

fiery -- we've started solids and i've made a small stash that should feed him for a while. preparing his food is the 20 seconds it takes to thaw out a couple of cubes. and right now i haven't given the green light for her to feed him yet so she doesn't have that to do.

 

[Nashville]

Gosh, Ginger. I completely understand the whole no napping policy, and yes she's at work. But you are coming off a little harsh, IMHO.

That said, there's nothing wrong with saying "I've outlined some things I'd like to get done while I'm away." There's nothing wrong with asking her to refrain from napping. I think most people would agree that they would want their child's caretaker fully alert at all times.

Ultimately if she doesn't get her job done to your standards, maybe you need to find someone else.

 

[gingerB]

of course i wouldn't talk to her that way. i wouldn't talk to ANYONE that way. i'm just trying to clarify my point here. we actually get along very well and i like her as a person and as a nanny. i DON'T like her napping on the job and i DON'T like that what we had agreed upon initially (i.e. she would take care of his things in her down time) are not being done, likely due to the napping.

i haven't broached this with her yet because well, i'm a wimp sometimes when it comes to things like that, which is why i wanted to check with others on whether or not my expectations are unreasonable. i know that i work hard and have high expectations of people to work as hard as i do, and that just doesn't apply to everyone. which is why i want to to see if what i'm expecting is reasonable to the general population or not. my question is: am i asking for too much to expect her to 1) not nap on the job 2) instead of napping, take care of my baby's clothes, bottles, toys etc.. while my baby is napping?

eta: what i mean by working hard and not applying to everyone is -- i work in the medical field and am on my feet giving 150% all day with no protected time for a break. this is what is expected for what i do, i chose to do it, and therefore i do it. however, i know this skews my view of what a "normal" working attitude/expectations are, so that's why i wanted to talk to a broader audience to get a feel for what i SHOULD be expecting, and what i should not count on.

 

[fieryred33143]

Where is ginger being harsh. I think I just scanned the posts.

In any case, G has a demanding job. She works a lot of hours. She doesn't need to stress over whether her nanny is sleeping. And I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to stay alert and to do things for the baby. Most nannies I know don't need to be told to wash bottles or tidy up the nursery.

 

[steph72276]

I've had a nanny and I've been a nanny and no way to the naps! I would have never done that as an employee for someone. The kids I nannied for took 2 hour naps in the afternoon and I would clean up their toys, wash their clothes, load the dishwasher, and then if all those things were done and they were still napping, I might read a magazine or something while I waited on them. The people I worked for were great and never asked me to do those things, but I felt like I should be doing something in those 2 hours since I was being paid. I'm with you that I would be upset if I came home and found my nanny asleep!

 

[Nashville]

I don't know, it just sounded harsh to me. I also said I agree, nannies shouldn't be sleeping on the job.

I think when you have someone coming to your home, expectations should be gone over before employment begins. Nannies especially, it's not a cookie cutter profession like say, working at McDonald's. You know that when you start at McDonald's you need to work the register and flip the burgers. When you're a nanny, you kind of adapt yourself to each house. Who knows, maybe this nanny's last family didn't give 2 hoots if she took a nap or cleaned a thing, as long as the baby was happy. You said you would ease her into the housework, but housework can be written in list form to be done by whatever time you get back starting day one. Some mothers actually prefer to take care of baby's clothes/bottles etc. themselves or have a certain way they want it done. Did you go over that with her?

Just have a sit down and explain what you require of her as an employee. I understand that you're venting your frustration here and I didn't mean to offend. I'm just saying go easy on her... I have a really soft spot for nannies because mine was so awesome growing up

 

[gingerB]

Where is ginger being harsh. I think I just scanned the posts.

In any case, G has a demanding job. She works a lot of hours. She doesn't need to stress over whether her nanny is sleeping. And I don't think it's unreasonable to expect her to stay alert and to do things for the baby. Most nannies I know don't need to be told to wash bottles or tidy up the nursery.

thanks fiery. that actually made me feel better to have that acknowledged. i hope i'm not coming across as a crazed overdemanding employer. i like her and want to keep her as she is great with A. but i do want to discuss the not-actively-watching-A-time while he naps so that both of us are happy with the working environ.

 

[gingerB]

I've had a nanny and I've been a nanny and no way to the naps! I would have never done that as an employee for someone. The kids I nannied for took 2 hour naps in the afternoon and I would clean up their toys, wash their clothes, load the dishwasher, and then if all those things were done and they were still napping, I might read a magazine or something while I waited on them. The people I worked for were great and never asked me to do those things, but I felt like I should be doing something in those 2 hours since I was being paid. I'm with you that I would be upset if I came home and found my nanny asleep!

THIS is what i kind of pictured happening. thanks steph. i was beginning to think i was totally off here. or else you were a super nanny and no others exist

 

[gingerB]

I don't know, it just sounded harsh to me. I also said I agree, nannies shouldn't be sleeping on the job.

I think when you have someone coming to your home, expectations should be gone over before employment begins. Nannies especially, it's not a cookie cutter profession like say, working at McDonald's. You know that when you start at McDonald's you need to work the register and flip the burgers. When you're a nanny, you kind of adapt yourself to each house. Who knows, maybe this nanny's last family didn't give 2 hoots if she took a nap or cleaned a thing, as long as the baby was happy. You said you would ease her into the housework, but housework can be written in list form to be done by whatever time you get back starting day one. Some mothers actually prefer to take care of baby's clothes/bottles etc. themselves or have a certain way they want it done. Did you go over that with her?

Just have a sit down and explain what you require of her as an employee. I understand that you're venting your frustration here and I didn't mean to offend. I'm just saying go easy on her... I have a really soft spot for nannies because mine was so awesome growing up

glad you had an awesome nanny, i hope she's awesome for my LO also. i AM planning for a sit down, which i what i'm trying to prepare for. we did outline all of this initially, but after almost 3 months, i figured the easing in time was over and really expected her to pick it up a bit re:taking care of his stuff.

 

[Nashville]

WHOOPS! I must have missed the 3 month thing! I understand much better now, I'm sorry. I thought the poor gal just started! Yes, it's time to get in gear for sure.

 

[iheartscience]

Okay, well your subsequent posts are much clearer than your original post. If she agreed to do all baby-related cleaning and she isn't doing it, then she isn't performing her job duties.

It's been 3 months-that's the perfect time for a performance review. Let her know that she is not to nap while caring for you child, and that you expect X, Y and Z to be done. And then, if/when X, Y and Z aren't done or you catch her napping again, write her up or fire her.

ETA as a manager, that's what I would do with any employee not performing their duties correctly. Just because she's a nanny doesn't mean she shouldn't be held to the same standards any other employee is. Did you create a job description for her when you hired her? If not, maybe the 3 month performance review would be a good time to do that, too. That way your expectations are clear and she knows exactly what she should be doing.

 

[Kaleigh]

I had nannies back in the day. They never napped, they did what was expected per their job description. Light cleaning, baby's laundry, all things related to the baby..

I think a sit down with her is in order.

I wouldn't be comfortable thinking that she is sleeping on the job....

 

[gingerB]

sorry. i have trouble with verbalizing my thoughts sometimes these days...must be overworked mommy brain

so yes..it's been 3 months. this post is in prepararation for a sit down. i am trying to figure out what is fair for me to expect and what is not.

and i really appreciate everyone's input. thanks!

 

[Nashville]

sorry. i have trouble with verbalizing my thoughts sometimes these days...must be overworked mommy brain

so yes..it's been 3 months. this post is in prepararation for a sit down. i am trying to figure out what is fair for me to expect and what is not.

and i really appreciate everyone's input. thanks!

It's fair to expect her not to nap on the job. Nothing wrong with a little light reading/television, but she should be able to immediately hear a crying baby.

It's fair to ask her to keep with with the baby's laundry and bottles. I probably wouldn't ask to her to dust or vacuum the nursery or anything like that, but that's your call.

 

[megumic]

You should expect what you initially agreed to before she started. If you just by chance thought she'd do more, or you want her to do more, then you need to re-negotiate.

I was a super nanny to five kids in NYC back in my nanny days and I think the most important thing is to make sure communication lines are open. The nanny profession doesn't have some kind of degree or license, so there is no set standard of what the job description entails. I don't agree with comparing a nanny job to a full-time professional job -- it's not possible to do so. Most nannies don't get benefits, paid vacation, vacation days, pension accounts, holidays off, health insurance, etc.

I think it's reasonable to ask her to wash his bottles, do some laundry and keep his nursery tidy. However, I would not be interested in trash duty or neatening up the rest of the house. Strictly baby-related chores.

As for the naps, if she's napping in his room, I really don't see the big deal. She'll hear him if he wakes, and if she doesn't hear him immediately, he's safe in a crib -- no harm no foul. Further, baby nurses sleep when the baby sleeps all the time -- part of their gig. I don't see the difference if she's a daily nanny. So a brief nap with your child IN his room is not be a deal-breaker in my mind.

Finally, I suggest that instead of a sit-down, approach her more casually about chores. Mention at the start of a day that as discussed, you need a few things done related to your child, if she wouldn't mind doing a few during his naps. I think the formal sit-down is intimidating and too confrontational. Give her a chance to catch on to waht you want first, especially if you have not communicated these chores since before she began. Some people need more guidance than others, and nannies are awesome, but we are not mind readers!

 

[gailrmv]

I don't have a nanny, but I just wanted to say I think what you expect is perfectly reasonable. I have trouble with confrontation so it would be hard for me to have the talk, but ultimately I would, because I think it needs to be said.

I'd start out positive - "I really like the way that you ....", then give the constructive criticism "but I am concerned that some things are not happening the way I had expected. I would like for you to start doing xxx duties that we discussed when you were hired, and I am concerned about you napping on the job" and then end on a positive note i.e. "we are so glad to have you working with us because you are wonderful with LO" or "aside from these few things you are doing a great job". As others have said, it's tough because there is probably a huge variety from household to household about what is expected, OK, or frowned upon. It's probably a case of her not knowing the expectations.

I always had a hard time giving constructive feedback when I supervised people at work. More often than not, I came off too nice and they didn't catch the CRITICISM part of the talk. If I was harsher, I felt like a b*tch.

As a SAHM I use my son's naptime to do housework, or maybe relax or have a nap if there is time. However, it's different because it is my own kid and not my paid job. It's different when you are being paid.

Hope the talk goes well and you see some changes!

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

Big 'ole NEGATIVE on the napping.

Perhaps you should sit her down and say, "I can see that you've become quite comfortable caring for my LO, and was hoping we could expand some of your care duties. There are some extra things that need to be taken care of around the house, that can be done while LO naps."

If you're still concerned that she'll find time to rest on the job, I would suggest telling her you're not comfortable with it. "I know you work hard, but when all chores are completed and LO is napping, I would prefer that you watch TV or chat on the phone instead of napping/resting along with him."

It's up to you what 'chores' your nanny should be doing, but during my time as a nanny I did the family's laundry, family's dishes, changed bed and crib linens, sanitized toys, swept floors, and made meals, on top of interacting with the children. The home-related work was done during naps, and not on a daily basis. I guess my duties were that of light housekeeping and childcare. This is not unreasonable. As I became integrated with my families, I took on family duties & was compensated for my efforts.

Good luck chatting with your nanny!

 

[gingerB]

You should expect what you initially agreed to before she started. If you just by chance thought she'd do more, or you want her to do more, then you need to re-negotiate.

I was a super nanny to five kids in NYC back in my nanny days and I think the most important thing is to make sure communication lines are open. The nanny profession doesn't have some kind of degree or license, so there is no set standard of what the job description entails. I don't agree with comparing a nanny job to a full-time professional job -- it's not possible to do so. Most nannies don't get benefits, paid vacation, vacation days, pension accounts, holidays off, health insurance, etc.

I think it's reasonable to ask her to wash his bottles, do some laundry and keep his nursery tidy. However, I would not be interested in trash duty or neatening up the rest of the house. Strictly baby-related chores.

As for the naps, if she's napping in his room, I really don't see the big deal. She'll hear him if he wakes, and if she doesn't hear him immediately, he's safe in a crib -- no harm no foul. Further, baby nurses sleep when the baby sleeps all the time -- part of their gig. I don't see the difference if she's a daily nanny. So a brief nap with your child IN his room is not be a deal-breaker in my mind.

Finally, I suggest that instead of a sit-down, approach her more casually about chores. Mention at the start of a day that as discussed, you need a few things done related to your child, if she wouldn't mind doing a few during his naps. I think the formal sit-down is intimidating and too confrontational. Give her a chance to catch on to waht you want first, especially if you have not communicated these chores since before she began. Some people need more guidance than others, and nannies are awesome, but we are not mind readers!

i am giving my nanny vacation days, paid vacation days, and some holidays off. are you saying that since she is not a "professional" that it's ok for a nanny to slack off? she is getting paid for her time. to do a job. what's the diff?

contractors and consultants don't have benefits - should they be allowed to sleep on the clock? and specifically if their job entails making syre something (i.e. a child) is safe at all times??

the big deal is -- i want the person paid to take care of my child awake and alert, so that in the off chance something bad happens (i.e. a fire starts) that perosn can be fully alert (not groggy, not asleep so she is less likely to smell smoke etc...) to handle it and keep my child safe. so honestly, the napping thing is a big no go in my book, and may be the deal breaker.

 

[zoebartlett]

You said you and your nanny have talked about what you expect and that you would ease into it. Maybe she's just not thinking it's "time" yet to do all the chores you want her to do. I hesitated typing that because I don't understand why she would think that, but I'm trying to see it from her side too. I'd simply say something like, "When A. is sleeping, I really would like [or need] you to do x, y, and z." Maybe come up with a written instruction sheet so she has something to refer to, and maybe even set up a schedule so that she can focus on certain tasks/chores on specific days. Some people just don't instinctively pick up on those types of things, so unless your directions are very specific, you might not get what you want. She doesn't sound like the most motivated person which would be a problem for me too, but I do think more explicit direction from you is something to think about giving.

 

[cdt1101]

This thread is timely..yesterday I came home early and my son was napping. I found the nanny asleep on the couch! It REALLY bothered me! All her other responsibilites were taken care of though (light cleaning around house), but it still bothered me. I didn't say anything though. Like you, I think it's too much of a risk to be asleep at any point while my child is in your care. And I don't think you're being harsh at all!

We have our nanny straighten up the house everyday. Things like doing any dishes, cleaning up all toys at the end of the day, and during his naptime she sweeps the floors and occasionally will vacuum the area rugs. We do no expect her to do laundry. Yesterday was the 1st time I "caught" her napping.

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

I think there are a few main issues here that can be addresses rationally without getting emotions involved.

1. Prior to or early on in her employment you discussed expectations relating to extraneous baby-related chores. -- Chores are not being done.

2. You discovered she takes naps while on the job. -- This is a hazard

3. You feel uncomfortable communicating your dissatisfaction to her. -- Personal issue you need to work out on your own.

You say you get along great with her so I don't think this is a lost cause. You said you're treating her like a professional, so I think you need to be a professional and manage her. That's not being mean, unkind or abusive, that's running a business.

As T2O2 said, have a sit down and do a performance review. Write down the things you discussed prior to her starting, the expectations, etc and then give her a grade on how she's done with them. Be objective and specific. Then discuss this with her and develop a plan for moving forward (future goals, consequences for not meeting goals, future reviews, etc). Let her know that you value her skills and potential to be a long term care provider for your family but that these are things that come with the job. If she doesn't like the job description then she doesn't have to work for you. Unfortunate? Yes. Unreasonable? No.