LiW Long distance woes

[rialaine]

Hi ladies,

I''m currently in a long distance relationship. In April I moved to Florida for a summer internship position. FF is back home in Tennessee. We''ve had very few disagreements in the past yr and a 1/2 we''ve been together. But this past week its seems like we''ve been out of sync. I''ll txt/say something & he''ll take it in a way that I didn''t mean, and then he''ll txt/say something & I''ll do the same thing. It''s been a rough few days & its completely new to us to be this out of whack. I think its just the distance getting to us. We''re currently trying to get things back on track but its so hard to re-connect with someone & get back in sync when you''re a few hundred miles away from each other. I sent him a cute ecard & he loved it. I''m also planning on snail-mailing him a card too. I thought about flying home this weekend but didn''t have the money. (But I will be going home for a few days on June 3). Any other Long distance LIWs out there? Any ideas on how to re-connect after a tiff when you''re so far away from each other?

 

[misskitty]

I''ve never really done the long-distance thing, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I''d suggest forgetting all about your minor tiffs when you see each other, and just focusing on enjoying your time together. In other words, don''t sweat the small stuff.

I think the cards are a sweet idea, and little gestures like that probably make the distance more bearable.


Also, I''ve been meaning to tell you for a few days now that I am in love with that cute dino avatar!

 

[Squirrly]

i''m looking forward to the end of my LD relationship hopefully in the near future

as far as the tiffs go, talk on the phone fairly often if possible. FF and i do before we go to bed just about every night. and no hanging up when fighting, cause one of you will turn off the phone and not answer til the next day (not that that''s ever happened before lol)

e-cards are good, and who doesn''t love getting something in the mail. i especially love sending the loud and obnoxious musical cards.
webcams are wonderful, and i''ve found msn to be more reliable than aim lately when using mine. most messengers also have games you two can play together while iming. (msn has a puzzle one and you can steal the piece from the other person and run all around the board with it)

hoocymail.com has some interesting sexy mad-lib stories you can email to him. off-the wall is a great setting cause it''s full of funny euphemisms. there''s an x-rated setting too which makes some of my raunchier friends blush.

moocards has these little cards called mini moos and you can make a set with each one having a different pic of you on the front and the back can be personalized. FF kept some in the band of his hat when he was in iraq.

sending little trinkets can also be fun, and the postoffice has wonderful flat-rate boxes that fit most anything. you can''t ship liquor though, well not if they know what''s in there

texting randomly throught the day is another fun thing to do.

good luck and have fun seeing him in a couple weeks!

 

[4ever]

Me and FF were in a (very) long distance relationship for over 2 years and it was usually atleast 6 months untill we would see each other again.

My advice is to kept the txts and things to a min in favour of the phone. Txt are short and easy to misinterpriate the emotion behind them, I think about 90% of the info you get during a conversation has nothing to do with the words but with the expression and body language.

Because of this we always spent several hours every day on the webcam on skype to each other (it''s free if your both on skype). It was just about keeping the conversations as real as possibly and leaving little room for misinterpritation.

It will be a huge test to your relationship but I belive that if you can survive the stress of long distance and stil want to be together then theres not much else that could tear you apart. Good luck.

 

[rialaine]

Thanks so much for all the advice!!!

We''ve been using yahoo messenger to webcam but lately its been really unreliable! So skype and msn are better? I will have to look into those.

Txt msgs are sooooo easy to misinterpret!! We usually talk on the phone before we go to bed but these past few days our conversations have been a little less warm & fuzzy- more "how was your day? what are you watching on tv? etc etc"

Good news is that we''ve been emailing today (bc he was at work) & its been much sweeter. He called me on his lunch break & we''re planning on getting online tonight & playing some games together. I def have to check out the puzzle one on msn! I''m thinking about putting some other cute things in the mail with his card. A few wks ago he came to visit, and we hired a photographer to take pictures of us on a beach on a deserted island. We had a blast (one of those days we''ll never forget, head over heels for each other) & as we were leaving the island we picked up a few seashells. I still have them here & I''m thinking of writing the date of the shoot and "I love you" with one of those paint pens on it & mailing it with the card. Cute?

squirrly-thank you soooo much for all your suggestions!! i will def be checking out all of your recommendations!

misskitty- thank you! it makes me smile when i see it, so i thought i''d make it my avatar! you''re right about focusing on each other. I cant wait to have an appropriate "make up session" with him!

lol.

4ever- "It will be a huge test to your relationship but I belive that if you can survive the stress of long distance and stil want to be together then theres not much else that could tear you apart"--- i couldnt agree with you more!!

 

[Squirrly]

hehe i realize i should clarify the text throughout the day bit, by that i mean things like "love you" and "miss you" in their various forms and "hope you''re having a good day"

since FF is a timezone ahead of me he generally wakes up before me so i usually have a "good morning beautiful, have fun at work" text waiting for me. with aim you can text phones for free, and most phone companies allow you to text from their websites in the event that you don''t have the same provider/are running low on texts

this is a site devoted to LDR helping ideas

when my friend from alaska was in school here, she and her boy played WoW together in addition to phonecalls/ims.

and i believe that site has a book of questions to ask each other as a recommended thing to do, but you can google marriage counseling questions and find a ton for free

 

[rialaine]

Love it! Thanks again!

Yeah I am a timezone ahead of FF, but I still get great "Good morning love, only XX days left til we''re together again" I love those sweet txt msgs!

 

[Squirrly]

lol not that anyone''s counting or anything

 

[rialaine]

Yeah its only 12 days, 310 hours, 18632 minutes, 1117944 seconds til I see him again .... knowing that doesn''t make me crazy, does it?!

 

[Porridge]

We''ve been California - Ireland since September!! What a PITA...I can''t wait til it''s over. Despite the missing-each-other-like-crazy, and the text-misunderstandings at the beginning, I''m proud of how well we''re doing. It''s a great exercise in communication. We appreciate each other so much, and we''re stronger because of it. It''s also great to know we can be just fine on our own.

 

[rialaine]

"It''s also great to know we can be just fine on our own."

Yeah that is def something that is so important for me to be getting out of this whole experience. I always wondered what it would be like to be completely on my own & now I know. I don''t ever want to wonder "what if". I''m glad I got the chance to find out... now I just wanna be back home! lol.

Yeah we''ve been doing pretty well, except for these past few days, and we''re chatting online right now, going over a few conversation starter questions I found on the website squirrly posted!

I feel our mojo coming back already!

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 5/21/2009 9:29:40 PM
Author: rialaine
Yeah its only 12 days, 310 hours, 18632 minutes, 1117944 seconds til I see him again .... knowing that doesn''t make me crazy, does it?!

lol not if 23.5 hours, 1210 minutes, 72600 seconds sounds crazy to you

glad the conversation starters are working

FF and i used to say "hey i have a really important question to ask you" and follow it with something like what type of milk do you like, what about m&m''s, favorite jelly bean?

and it''s hard not to smile when asking questions like that

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

As someone who did the long distance thing last summer (he was in NYC, I was in TOKYO), I think it helps if can see each other? BF and I used Skype to talk most of the time, and since we were both using it from our computers, we could do the video chat and see each other''s faces. I think that helped us a bit as far as making the distance seem a little bit smaller. Give that a try?

ETA: sorry if this repeats anyone else''s advice - I didn''t read all the responses!

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 5/21/2009 6:45:45 PM
Author: misskitty
I''ve never really done the long-distance thing, so feel free to take this with a grain of salt, but I''d suggest forgetting all about your minor tiffs when you see each other, and just focusing on enjoying your time together. In other words, don''t sweat the small stuff.


I think the cards are a sweet idea, and little gestures like that probably make the distance more bearable.



Also, I''ve been meaning to tell you for a few days now that I am in love with that cute dino avatar!

actually misskitty, i think you are spot on, and that advice can be used for a lot of people''s relationship!

 

[Squirrly]

oooooooo for some reason reading the word cards over and over made me remember something; after one of our tiffs over a year ago the next package i sent him included a sympathy card for the loss of his sanity due to dating me.

he laughed about it and i finally felt better

 

[rialaine]

hahaha!! that is sooooo funny! I will have to send FF one of those!

 

[Squirrly]

did you get a chance to send your FF something? if so what''d ya end up sending? hope all is going well and have a great, safe trip on wednesday!

you''ll have tons of fun!

 

[rialaine]

I sent him a care package & he LOVED it!!!

Inside was:
- 2 seashells we picked up from a deserted island we took pictures on (we''re already talking about using the pictures for engagement announcements!!)- i wrote "I love you" & the date on it
- 2 packages of his favorite candy
- a CD with a list of songs that remind me of him & I included a piece of paper where I typed up each song & the reason why I picked it. The cd said "Play me" on the cover & the piece of paper said "Read me when you listen to the CD"
- a DVD that made with my webcam/video editing software of me saying hello & that I missed him & that I was sending him the care package to let him know I was thinking about him. The DVD says "Watch me" on it
- a crossword puzzle that I made online that was all about our life together, with an answer key (I found it from the list of links you posted, so thanks!)
- a card that I sprayed with my perfume and kissed the inside with lipstick (he said he could smell my perfume right when he opened the box)

I was so proud of it! lol. I love being creative & planning surprises! And he was soooo happy to have it. He was bragging about how great of a gf I am! It def helped make the miles seem much smaller.
Thanks for the well wishes! I''m sooooo excited to be going home in less than 48 hrs!!! Yaaay!

 

[Squirrly]

Date: 6/2/2009 10:55:30 AM
Author: rialaine
I was so proud of it! lol. I love being creative & planning surprises! And he was soooo happy to have it. He was bragging about how great of a gf I am! It def helped make the miles seem much smaller.

Thanks for the well wishes! I''m sooooo excited to be going home in less than 48 hrs!!! Yaaay!

the bolded part is definitely my favorite part of sending care packages

your package sounds like it was a ton of fun to put together, and talking about engagement announcements huh

major dust headed your way!

you''re going to have to tell stories about your trip when you get back! and i hope you get a good night''s sleep so you''re rested for tomorrow, i can never sleep the night before M and i get to see each other again (much to his chagrin cause then i end up asleep 5 minutes into cuddling, oh well he says i look cute when i sleep)

 

[rialaine]

LOL I am the same way about not being able to sleep the night before I see him! Thats so sweet that he says you look cute when you sleep, AWWWWW!!! =]

Yeah I LOVE that we talk about the wedding/future so much. But at the same time its a little frustrating because I just realized that stuff is further than I thought.

The night he picked me up from the airport we were talking about all the errands we had to run the next day & he was like "I would really like to go look at rings tomorrow" (I was sooooo giddy when he said that!) So we went to 2 stores in the area. I found one I fell in love with. (We are planning at looking at a few more stores this weekend) He kept saying he wants to get me something amazing, that I will love. Its something you only buy once & he wants to do it right- Which just made my heart melt =] What a sweetheart! But he definitely had sticker price shock. I kept trying to tell him he needed to be educated in order to go shopping for diamonds & get a good deal/good quality, now he completely understands! (I compared it to buying a car & that pricescope could be his blue book. That really made him excited about the challenge of it.)

Anyway, so trying on that ring & having him there put me on cloud nine & made everything seem so real. But once we got in the car, reality hit me. He started talking about we need to get everything else settled financially before he can actually purchase the ring. (We're trying to move closer to his work. He commutes an hr each way) So the new house/apartment & all the furniture will come first. And although I agree that that is the smart way to do things, a little part of me couldn't help being disappointed. We won't be moving until a year from now, which means the engagement will be at least a year or so away! I was kind of expecting it to come at the end of this year or the beginning of next!

It's kinda sucky that money is getting in the way of our engagement. He keeps saying he wishes he could do it tomorrow. ::Sigh:: Such is life, huh? I'll just have to wait.

 

[Squirrly]

awww, that''s so exciting that you two got to go ring shopping together! and great comparison with car shopping, that was absolutely brilliant.
a new house/apartment with new furniture is really exciting too! i bet you two will have a lot of fun shopping for that

Date: 6/5/2009 4:36:45 PM
Author: rialaine
He keeps saying he wishes he could do it tomorrow. ::Sigh:: Such is life, huh? I''ll just have to wait.

ooo, sounds like he''s really excited about proposing, and all that about getting you a gorgeous ring and doing it right is adorable

maybe if he keeps getting more and more excited about the idea you just might not have to wait that long, though getting proposed to in your brand new house/apartment would be really special. i can''t wait to see your thread and find out what he comes up with!

i''m so glad you had such an amazing trip, so what''s the new countdown til next time?

 

[Sunshinegirl77]

I so know the feelling. FF and I are in the same situation. He is in Nashville and I am in West Palm Beach. the text thing is really hard because you don''t hear the tone of voice. The distance between us makes me crabby and I usually end up taking it out on him. We have had a rough go ealier this year and needed to do the reconnec thing as well, but ended up in surgery and then he moved to Nashville. The only thing I have going for me is that I am moving in less than 40 hours. I wish you the best and you will get through it. We have been do this since April. If you need someone to talk/vent to let me know as "been there, done that".

 

[jcarlylew]

Rialaine - How are you two doing? any more news on the ring front?

 

[rialaine]

I''m back in Florida. I really miss being home in TN. I''m actually considering going back early. FF will be back in FL in 9 days!! Not a long wait at all, Thank God!
.... Thanks so much for all your support!! I don''t feel like anyone else could understand my feelings about this except another LIW.

Squirrly & jcarlylew --- Yeah it is pretty adorable. I''m really lucky to have a guy that really understands the sentiment behind the proposal & ring. Lately I have been thinking "Maybe I can just get something less expensive & I won''t have to wait until next year" But FF would never let that happen. He knows what kinds of rings I have been looking at & he knows that they are beyond what he could afford to purchase at this exact moment so he says we just need to be paitent. And when I think about it, I know he''s right-- You only do this once, so we should do it right. It''ll pay off in the end to just wait. But its sooooooo fustrating!!! We have referred to each as fiance now & then & I''m just I''m ready for it to be official!!

We looked at houses and apartments by his job & they were quite pricey (which is expected for the area). So we''re aiming at getting an apartment like 20 min away (chances are it''ll be less expensive to go outside of the immeadiate area surrounding his job) for a few months & then save up for a house. Getting our new place & all the furniture will be fun, you''re right. I''m hoping it''ll easy my anxiousness for the proposal.... Or maybe I should say OUR anxiousness. He is just as excited as me to get engaged!

Another interesting note- His best friend is engaged & asked him to be the best man. FF is excited about their wedding (which is happening next june) I''m kind of hoping some money will fall out of the sky & he will get inspired by his friend''s engagement/wedding & propose sometime sooner!! ::fingers crossed::

Sunshine Girl 77- That is so crazy! FF and I live in Pleasant View, a small town about 35 min north of Nashville. FF works in Franklin and we are looking to move to the Franklin/Brentwood area... It''s been difficult finding something in our price range so we are looking to expand our search to Spring Hill/Nippers Corner/Goodlettsville. This whole long distance thing has been incredibly difficult. I''m currently looking at moving back to TN during the first wk of July. Congrats on the move!! Have you lived in Nashville before?

 

[Squirrly]

wow, just nine days to get ready to see him again? cooking up any special surprise plans for him?

hopefully after july, the next time you''re in FL will be on a nice relaxing vacation with him. and he get''s to be the best man huh, well with the past 4 weeks of weekends, as well as getting to attend our first one as a couple, i''d have to say that if the boy''s already madly in love with you and excited about marriage, this just might push him over the edge.

lol reason i say that is while i''m prettttttty sure i''ll be getting my shiny when i see him in august, now he''s seriously contemplating eloping then (for very practical "they''ll have to ship you out with me" military purposes)
but still i was enjoying this nice relaxing year to get myself in as good of shape as possible. 2 months. not to mention figuring out what the heck to wear and if i can get one of my friends to come with

ah well, he still has to talk to people to see what the best route is. all i have to say is thank heavens he didn''t catch the garter at either wedding he went to or who knows what trouble i''d be in!

 

[rialaine]

Well his 5 yr old son is coming to FL with him during this trip. So theres gonna be a lot of family time. Not as much sexy time. lol. We''re going to take FF''s son, we''ll call him B, to Disneyworld & Sea World/Universal Studios & the beach & to see his first MLB game! It''s gonna be a blast. We get B atleast every other weekend, but usually more than that, so I am really close to him & I can''t wait for our first family vacation!

I have a strong hunch that you''re right about it pushing him over the edge! It seems like its worked for you & your hunny!! August is gonna be here before you know it! I''m an army brat & I still live near a military base so I have a lot of classmates/friends who have decided to elope so they can go with their sweetie''s when they PCS somewhere else. How romantic tho!! Whenever I think of eloping, I always think simple, white dress, something form fitting, elegant and flirty. Oh my goodness I''m so excited for you!

Does he know where his next duty station is?

 

[Squirrly]

thanks

i''m afraid my poor mind is trying to compute logistics more than be excited at the moment, he just got to TX for intel school, so no clue yet about where he''ll be sent. he''s hoping west coast or hawaii, he''s mostly worried he''ll get sent to japan and then we''ll have hefty moving charges for me.
we were going to be the only ones out of all his friends not to elope with either ceremony or large reception to follow. apparently there''s a chain of command he has to follow to go talk to the chaplin

all so the chaplin can get in touch with a priest here so they can attempt to figure out how we''re going to do counseling. (all this has all just come up in the past 4ish days) ah well, one of these days i will be planned and ready for every possible outcome

i''ve already decided that our nice little base house will be child (ahem Marine) proofed. do they make kevlar couch covers yet?

oo a family vacation! and there''s nothing like the first MLB game, crappy stadium food and all. it''s great that you''re so close to B, no wonder your FF is so excited to marry you, he''d be crazy to lose someone that amazing!

you post some pics of that adorable vacation! especially with mouse ears

i''ve only been to disneyworld once, but at that time i greatly appreciated that they serve chicken fingers EVERYWHERE. though when i get to go back i''ll probably eat something different at every restaurant. and seaworld/universal will be equally amazing, how are you ever going to have time to sleep with all that going on?!

i''ll start dress hunting, i''ll definitely post pics/links if/when i find something.

 

[rialaine]

Oh yeah I can def understand how all the logistics of it can get overwhelming. There are a lot of steps he has to go thru to make sure everything happens. On an army post they have a place called ACS (Army Community Service) & they help soldiers & their families/fiances thru all the legalities of moving/getting married. But I''m not sure what that would be called on a Marine base.

Hawaii/Japan would be amazing! I had a friend who''s FI was stationed in Hawaii (Navy) & they were doing the long distance thing. She went to visit during spring break & they just decided to get married then!! She wore a white summer dress & he wore his uniform. They were married on a cliff over looking the ocean. Just them, the officiant & a photographer. So romantic! She moved to Hawaii a few weeks later....Oh & I think you can buy kevlar home decor and furniture at the PX- tax free!!

I''m def gonna have to post pic of B in his mouse ears!! I''m so happy they serve chicken fingers! I''m like addicted to those, seriously. I need to post pic of our pre-engagement photos (lol) the ones FF and I would like to use for engagement announcements/save the dates. Maybe when I get home... I''m still at work. Passing the time on pricescope, yay!!

 

[rialaine]

Oh & DEF post pix of possible dresses!!!!!

 

[Squirrly]

he''s at an airforce base, but it''s the home of one of those loverly all-branch schools. poor boy has to wear his chucks daily now, and i''m sure he loves the sock stays even more than he did when only having to wear them a couple times a month

unfortunately i will never be allowed to see the inside of this new schnazzy barracks room (airforce one are apparently all they''re cracked up to be

) seeing as how i am of the opposite sex and also would be a visitor, so a double no-no there.

actually i need to invent kevlar coating, like the spray on fireproofing stuff they have now. if they figure out they can shoot the couch who knows what else they''ll want to test

and i''ve decided against telling any of them is any piece of furniture has been fireproofed, i''d rather not see it end up in the middle of a bonfire (hey look, flaming chair! dude it''s not burning!! i know, dare you to sit in it!) oh how i love those boys

the chicken strips passed a 10 yr old''s scrutiny years ago, i bet they''re still amazing, and if you like cookies and cream they make a delicious cookies and cream shake that might be known as some sort of 101 dalmatian shake. i hope they still have the lazer light show at epicott!

yes pictures soon, a couple friends went with me to zap things at target for fun and i did see a couple cute ones there, though i''ll have to check the mall. i''m hoping to find a nice sundress on a really good sale.

crap. farmer''s tan.

i''m going to start a list i swear