Let's Say... an Internet Etiquette Question

[VRBeauty]

Let's say you take part in a weekly on-line gathering of folks who share a common interest. Let's say that one of the participants, who usually participated no matter what, and whom you know to be of an older age, fails to show for three or four weeks in a row, and gave no prior indication that she would be "absent" for a few weeks. Let's say you happen to know this participant's real name, and you've googled her name and found a 4-year old announcement for her daughter's wedding, and found that said daughter is on facebook.

Would it be weird or out-of-line to send said daughter a message via facebook to see if everything is alright with her mother?

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I think it is fine. Worst case...she won't answer. I would think it was very caring to do so, personally.

 

[TooPatient]

I think it would be fine to do so. If everything is okay, your online friend will be touched that you cared. If something has happened, her family may be touched to know that there are people out there that never met their mom but cared enough to see if she was okay.

And, like VRBeauty said, she can choose to ignore you if she is uncomfortable.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Let's say you take part in a weekly on-line gathering of folks who share a common interest. Let's say that one of the participants, who usually participated no matter what, and whom you know to be of an older age, fails to show for three or four weeks in a row, and gave no prior indication that she would be "absent" for a few weeks. Let's say you happen to know this participant's real name, and you've googled her name and found a 4-year old announcement for her daughter's wedding, and found that said daughter is on facebook.

Would it be weird or out-of-line to send said daughter a message via facebook to see if everything is alright with her mother?

sure,i don't see why not.

 

[Gypsy]

I'd do it.

 

[VRBeauty]

Thanks, everyone! I'm off to try to compose a message that says "concerned," with no hint of "weird stalker/internet scammer"!

 

[Gypsy]

Just say you are a friend. No need to mention the net. Just say that you are a friend and that you haven't seen her mom online, and was everything okay.

 

[VRBeauty]

Gypsy - "Mom" is not on facebook and I don't know how much she's online other than this group. I was concerned about "outing" Mom's participation in this group (not that there's anything illegal, untoward, or unsavory about it ) but I think I recall that DD helped Mom set the avatar she used to chat... so I guess I don't have to worry about blowing her anonymity - LOL!

Thanks again for the input!

 

[Hera]

I wouldn't unless you were good enough friends to be FB friends or have their email address. People go away for a little while for their own reasons.

 

[VRBeauty]

I wouldn't unless you were good enough friends to be FB friends or have their email address. People go away for a little while for their own reasons.

What is it about contacting DD that concerns you?

I will say that "Mom" was part of our group every week, regular as clockwork. A few months or two ago she let us know in advance that she might not be able to make it for the next few weeks because she was going to be house and grandkid sitting for her DD, which (to my mind) makes it strange when, just a few weeks later, she disappears without notice . Also we sent her an email (I have her email address) a few days ago - just to ask if she's alright - and she hasn't responded.

But... I guess one of my concerns is what DD might think about her mother giving out information like her name and email address to people she's only met through the net.

 

[VRBeauty]

oops - double post

 

[FrekeChild]

I wouldn't mind. I would hope that if something happened to me and I stopped posting, that my internet friends would reach out to my husband/daughter if they were concerned!

 

[VRBeauty]

Okay - I sent the message. Thanks, everyone!

 

[Andelain]

Hope she's OK!

 

[Hera]

I wouldn't unless you were good enough friends to be FB friends or have their email address. People go away for a little while for their own reasons.

What is it about contacting DD that concerns you?

I will say that "Mom" was part of our group every week, regular as clockwork. A few months or two ago she let us know in advance that she might not be able to make it for the next few weeks because she was going to be house and grandkid sitting for her DD, which (to my mind) makes it strange when, just a few weeks later, she disappears without notice . Also we sent her an email (I have her email address) a few days ago - just to ask if she's alright - and she hasn't responded.

But... I guess one of my concerns is what DD might think about her mother giving out information like her name and email address to people she's only met through the net.

I guess I'm in the minority on this one but if I went missing for a couple of weeks, I would hope people would not contact my family members. (The exception being friends, including FB friends and family members., they are welcome to send a search party ) Otherwise, It just sends off a creepy vibe to me.

Anyways, don't mind me, I hope your friend is okay.

 

[JewelFreak]

I hope she's all right too & think your contacting her daughter is very thoughtful. If she's, say, in the hospital, it might cheer her a lot to know her online group misses her. If I were the DD & it were my mother, I'd be really pleased she meant enough to you for you to inquire.

--- Laurie

 

[mrs jam]

You have sweet intentions, but I do agree with Hera that it might give the daughter a strange vibe. Also, what if something did happen to the mother? The last thing the daughter would need at such a time would be having to discuss this with a stranger at a difficult time. When my mom passed, it was very overwhelming just dealing with the condolences of "real" friends and family. The last thing I would have welcomed would have been inquiries over the Internet. Just another perspective, that's all.

 

[VRBeauty]

One thing about fb messages - you can post them and then go back and delete them and as long as the recipient hasn't read it, no one's the wiser. That's what I did last night - I posted the message and then, a few minutes later, deleted it to think about it some more. Wishy-washy? Me??? Ever so slightly.

heranderson and Mrs. Jam - I understand what you're saying; those are some of the reasons I asked the question in the first place. But - "Mom" seems to be old school. In the past she's let us know when she would not be around for a week or so. I suppose it's possible she's been otherwise occupied or even that she's decided to move on, but I do think she'd understand our concern and not consider it creepy. I am concerned she might consider a note to her daughter intrusive though.

*sigh* Maybe I'll just try to find "mom's" phone number and call her!

 

[VRBeauty]

I'm going to send her a snail-mail note today. I'll include email contact information so that if she's in DD's care, DD would be able to contact me if she wants to do so.