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Law enforcement vents, and how messed up our system is!?

D&T

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You go through your whole life trying to do the right thing always abiding by the law and have high moral standards but fate takes you into the wrong relationship, ends badly now you have a kid!

My sister was hit repeatedly by her ex-husband right after she handed her son over to her ex for his visitation time and almost knocks her down the stairs, as she defended herself, she tried to retaliate and hit him back while he was holding their son. Her ex-husband is a an EX-Pro athlete baseball player with very strong build an probably three times her weight! She called the police to report the incident but the police slapped her with Charges!!!!!

I'm outraged at this :angryfire: and I'm really losing hope in the system :nono: , I can't be there to help my sister physically as she is a state away. How is this right? So to me this says, that her ex- can almost kill her but she gets charged in trying to defend herself, is she just suppose to sit there and take the beating? just because he is holding a child? I know he has manipulated the system and took advantage of the situation to make her look bad since they are going through custody battle. He has never taken law enforcement seriously, always walked out on people and his financial obligations, never paid into their marriage a dime, yet he always gets handed everything? He's now laughing at her about this whole situation.

I'm really shaken up by this situation. She has to go to court tomorrow and she can't have her son back becuase of this @ss! until the judge hears the case and decides on what to do?

I'm really scared she might lose her son over this situation - can this be possible?
 

missy

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That really sucks D&T! I am so sorry your sister and your family is dealing with this. I hope her ex husband gets what he deserves and that the truth comes out. Big ((hugs)) to you and your sister!
Hopefully when the judge hears the details all charges against her will be dropped.
Can your sister get a restraining order against him? It's just not right that gets away with this. :angryfire:
 

luv2sparkle

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D&T, I am so sorry, what an awful situation! Your right, it isn't fair and is just wrong on so many levels. Can she move to your state and be near you? We have experienced something similar when one of our boys was in high school and was jumped a beat up by three other guys. He had to stand there and take it because if he didn't, he would have been expelled.

Our system has gone haywire and doesn't protect the innocent but the guilty too.

My heart goes out to your sister and I hope it goes well tomorrow.
 

D&T

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missy|1317157710|3027213 said:
That really sucks D&T! I am so sorry your sister and your family is dealing with this. I hope her ex husband gets what he deserves and that the truth comes out. Big ((hugs)) to you and your sister!
Can your sister get a restraining order against him? It's just not right that gets away with this. :angryfire:

thanks missy, unfortunately she tried, but they said there is not enough evidence :(sad He's very manipulative, I wouldn't be surprise if he does something again to turn the tables around again. I'm more worried that something worse than this incident will happen.

ETA: when he left the house the first time, he was very violent, she called the police to escort him out, but they don't have record of the incident :(sad at the time I don't know if she thought to press charges? maybe not enough evidence again? :sick:
 

D&T

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luv2sparkle|1317157779|3027215 said:
D&T, I am so sorry, what an awful situation! Your right, it isn't fair and is just wrong on so many levels. Can she move to your state and be near you? We have experienced something similar when one of our boys was in high school and was jumped a beat up by three other guys. He had to stand there and take it because if he didn't, he would have been expelled.

Our system has gone haywire and doesn't protect the innocent but the guilty too.

My heart goes out to your sister and I hope it goes well tomorrow.

Thanks Luv- unfortunately i don't think she can move although she would like to, she has two other children joint custody from a previous marriage that is very amicable.

oh how awful for your son, really you cant' defend yourself? are you kidding me! :angryfire:
 

missy

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D&T|1317157852|3027218 said:
missy|1317157710|3027213 said:
That really sucks D&T! I am so sorry your sister and your family is dealing with this. I hope her ex husband gets what he deserves and that the truth comes out. Big ((hugs)) to you and your sister!
Can your sister get a restraining order against him? It's just not right that gets away with this. :angryfire:

thanks missy, unfortunately she tried, but they said there is not enough evidence :(sad He's very manipulative, I wouldn't be surprise if he does something again to turn the tables around again. I'm more worried that something worse than this incident will happen.

Has he ever verbally threatened her? If she can get that on tape she can most likely get a restraining order against him. I know our system is certainly messed up and how hard it is to get a restraining order. We tried to get one for a crazy and dangerous neighbor of my parents but the police said we needed proof as in on tape of the threats. It's maddening. I hope tomorrow goes well for your sister. You both will be in my thoughts.
 

D&T

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Missy- good idea, she has saved all his emails and texts. I'll ask her if there are any threatening ones.
 

davi_el_mejor

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Sorry to hear about the situation :(

I would also recommend to her that all meetings with the ex be in public spaces. Exchange custody at the mall or grocery store or what have you.

I hope things are resolved for your family
 

D&T

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Thanks Davi-

i feel like he's still in grade school, his personality is one that he will try to egg her on to do something first, i just know it. I'm just trying to help her prepare for his games/tricks and try to be as zen as possible about this whole situation, I'm more worried about the violence action that may happen again.
 

Lady_Disdain

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D&T - did your sister document the aggression in any way? For example, photos of bruises, etc. Based on your description of his manipulative ways, having consistent records is going to be very important, including dates, actions, threats and witnesses.
 

D&T

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Lady_Disdain|1317159710|3027254 said:
D&T - did your sister document the aggression in any way? For example, photos of bruises, etc. Based on your description of his manipulative ways, having consistent records is going to be very important, including dates, actions, threats and witnesses.

She has all the documentations of everything basically financially and other items, I'm trying to help her prepare to take documents to the court, Thank you for your help everyone! and support


ETA: I asked my sister to also make the judge aware that he is a PRO athlete that hit her, she just told me that she was able to get a temp restraining order today just moments ago.

Her attorney also thinks that he has an in with someone who knows law enforcement or loopholes. Anyways, tomorrow's hearing is for domestic violence against her for defending herself :nono: .
 

luv2sparkle

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D&T|1317158044|3027221 said:
luv2sparkle|1317157779|3027215 said:
D&T, I am so sorry, what an awful situation! Your right, it isn't fair and is just wrong on so many levels. Can she move to your state and be near you? We have experienced something similar when one of our boys was in high school and was jumped a beat up by three other guys. He had to stand there and take it because if he didn't, he would have been expelled.

Our system has gone haywire and doesn't protect the innocent but the guilty too.

My heart goes out to your sister and I hope it goes well tomorrow.

Thanks Luv- unfortunately i don't think she can move although she would like to, she has two other children joint custody from a previous marriage that is very amicable.

oh how awful for your son, really you cant' defend yourself? are you kidding me! :angryfire:

That is the rule here in CA. The schools have a 'no tolerance policy' which basically allow them to save themselves some work by just
suspending everyone involved. No more messy job of finding who was the instigator or at fault. (I said he would have been expelled, but I should have said suspended). That was #2 son in high school (he is now 24), but when #1 son was in 4th grade a kid jumped on his
back and he bent over forward to get the kid off and he was suspended for a day. Absolutely ridiculous, but nothing compared you what
your sister is going through. Simply evidence of a system seriously flawed.

I will say a prayer for your sister tomorrow that she gets a judge who can see through the crap and does the right thing!

It is just so awful for her and it makes my blood boil!
 

D&T

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:angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire: :angryfire: arrrggggggg I'm so flippin mad at this!

So apparently there is a police officer (the same city that is charging her!) that lives in the same complex as the EX! and whoever the officer was stated that my sister instigated the whole thing in the report! when she is the one that called for protection yet is now accused? are you kidding me!?, she never talks to him when she drops my nephew off, plus she had a client meeting right afterwards. I don't want to sound a little fishy, but the report is making her sound like she's the one that did the abusing!!!!!! WRONG! sorry I'm using this thread to vent! Unbelievable

Can there be a counter suit or whatever against the department for something that shouldn't even come to this (her emotional distress, could possibly lose her job missing her meeting and what not as well as her attorney fees in all of this sh&t? As much as I respect law enforcement, I'm really tainted by this incident!.... Just because he was once a celebrity really?
 

Gypsy

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Well, if there are no witnesses then it is he said she said, unless the child can testify.

Your sister needs a VERY VERY VERY good lawyer. Some do pro-bono work. Especially for abused spouses.
 

movie zombie

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i'm going to get flamed for this but i've seen it happen that male cops will take the word of the very charming athletic male over the word of the abused woman. unfortuantely, they've written the report up in such a way that she appears to be the one that instigated the "fight". this will be hard to overcome given there are no witnesses.

1-she needs good representation by someone familiar with abuse cases.
2-she needs to never be alone with him again even for exchanges of the child for visitation.....witnesses present can be in the form of being in a public place or having a neighbor/friend/family member present.
3-she should have already gone to a dr to be evaluated for bruises, etc. and given her story of the events [can be used to counter the police report by a good attorney].
4-she should go to the police station and speak to someone about filing her report of what happened.

she's going to need a lot of luck with this one.........and support from friends and family. please make sure she at least follows #2 above!
 

D&T

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it didn't go well ;( she is now charged with a criminal case :angryfire: another hearing is scheduled. I CANT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!! ;( ;( ;(
THe custody hearing is scheduled later, and now this criminal case is on file against her, He's not this smart to think of this elaborate plan, so I'm sure someone is coaching a compulsive liar!!!! what a great system we have :(sad
 

TooPatient

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D&T|1317233369|3028002 said:
it didn't go well ;( she is now charged with a criminal case :angryfire: another hearing is scheduled. I CANT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!!!! ;( ;( ;(
THe custody hearing is scheduled later, and now this criminal case is on file against her, He's not this smart to think of this elaborate plan, so I'm sure someone is coaching a compulsive liar!!!! what a great system we have :(sad

D&T -- I'm so sorry she is going through this. It is a scary, miserable thing to have to go through. She needs to get a criminal attorney who deals with this regularly. It can be expensive, but it is worth it if the prosecutor is threatening jail time.

I don't care to share the details, but I've BTDT. It really stinks. The system is not perfect and she needs to follow the lead of her attorney when it comes to how to plead and wether to negotiate a deal with the prosecutor (community service + small monthly fee with her record being cleared off some months after completion of the service for example).
 

D&T

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Oh no TooPatient, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Do you think she needs a separately attorney? She has one right now that is working on her custody case and child support issues. I'll check around though and ask for her, She's a bit of a mess right now :(sad

ETA:

Thank you Gypsy, I'll look for some pro bono attorneys as well for this matter,

MV- thank you for your thoughts, oh my gosh I don't know how he does it but he's good at being a con artist, and feeding crap to people.
 

TooPatient

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D&T|1317234915|3028019 said:
Oh no TooPatient, I'm sorry that this happened to you. Do you think she needs a separately attorney? She has one right now that is working on her custody case and child support issues. I'll check around though and ask for her, She's a bit of a mess right now :(sad

ETA:

Thank you Gypsy, I'll look for some pro bono attorneys as well for this matter,

MV- thank you for your thoughts, oh my gosh I don't know how he does it but he's good at being a con artist, and feeding crap to people.

It probably depends on what the attorney does, but the criminal attorney was SUPER helpful. He does this all day, every day. He knows the people and the system so knowing where to go and when and what to worry about and what to not stress over (yeah... well stress as much over). I'm not sure what would have happened without him, but it was certainly money well spent.

Has she talked to her attorney who's doing the custody thing? What does he specialize in? If he says he does this sort of thing, is it something that he does once every few years or something that he does often?
 

makemepretty

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I don't know anything about the charges but maybe they can agree on some kind of mediator for exchanging the child rather than dealing with each other? In these type of abusive situations it is best that they don't have ANY contact with each other. There are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in between, which is why the court systems don't work so well because they can never fully believe one person. If they cut out dealing with each other then this situation can't occur.
 

D&T

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makemepretty|1317237178|3028051 said:
I don't know anything about the charges but maybe they can agree on some kind of mediator for exchanging the child rather than dealing with each other? In these type of abusive situations it is best that they don't have ANY contact with each other. There are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in between, which is why the court systems don't work so well because they can never fully believe one person. If they cut out dealing with each other then this situation can't occur.

unfortunately its escalated and we're missing a child that is suppose to be in daycare right now, and apparently my nephew was picked up from daycare and now with his grandmother (ex - mother) anyways, The ex doesn't have rights to my nephew yet, and my sister can't have people call on her behalf which then is a violation of her protective order. So how can she get her son back? :(sad
 

TooPatient

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D&T|1317237912|3028061 said:
makemepretty|1317237178|3028051 said:
I don't know anything about the charges but maybe they can agree on some kind of mediator for exchanging the child rather than dealing with each other? In these type of abusive situations it is best that they don't have ANY contact with each other. There are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in between, which is why the court systems don't work so well because they can never fully believe one person. If they cut out dealing with each other then this situation can't occur.

unfortunately its escalated and we're missing a child that is suppose to be in daycare right now, and apparently my nephew was picked up from daycare and now with his grandmother (ex - mother) anyways, The ex doesn't have rights to my nephew yet, and my sister can't have people call on her behalf which then is a violation of her protective order. So how can she get her son back? :(sad


Call her attorney NOW. Don't do anything but make that call.
 

chemgirl

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D&T|1317237912|3028061 said:
makemepretty|1317237178|3028051 said:
I don't know anything about the charges but maybe they can agree on some kind of mediator for exchanging the child rather than dealing with each other? In these type of abusive situations it is best that they don't have ANY contact with each other. There are always two sides to every story and the truth is somewhere in between, which is why the court systems don't work so well because they can never fully believe one person. If they cut out dealing with each other then this situation can't occur.

unfortunately its escalated and we're missing a child that is suppose to be in daycare right now, and apparently my nephew was picked up from daycare and now with his grandmother (ex - mother) anyways, The ex doesn't have rights to my nephew yet, and my sister can't have people call on her behalf which then is a violation of her protective order. So how can she get her son back? :(sad

She can call the police because that sounds an awful lot like kidnapping to me!

ETA: Or at least she can call them, explain that the child was removed from daycare without her consent, that her ex doesn't have rights to the child, that there is a no contact order in place and she needs a recommendation. That way she's not breaking the law by contacting ex's family, but she's also not charging her ex with kidnapping and escalating the situation. I would hope the police could mediate and have the child returned.
 

Lady_Disdain

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She should call her lawyer right away and not, in any circumstance, try to do anything herself. If handled right, this could end up to her advantage in the long run. If she missteps, she could end up with another black mark against herself.

Second, she should call the day care and make sure that she is the only person authorized to remove her child and explain to them that she is in a difficult divorce situation. Get them on her side, since they can be good witnesses for her character as a mother (I know that slamming them for letting her child is very tempting, but she must be a strategist right now).

I would also try to remember that the child's grandmother is probably not going to hurt the child. I am sure it is very distressing (to say the least!) to your sister, but the child is probably looking at it as a sleep over right now, which is for the best.
 

QueenB29

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I have no advice, but wanted to say I'm so sorry. What a horrible situation and what an SOB!!!!! :angryfire:
 

D&T

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Her ex lied in front of the judge that she attacked him first at the hearing. I don't know much on whether or not you can request a lie detector test or not? maybe? however, he's such a compulsive liar that he could actually believe everything that comes out of his mouth to the point where if there was lie detector, he could probably schmooze the machine itself to read inaccurately...


Anyways thanks for listening.
Thank you all for your concerns, thoughts and prayers. Unfortunately, it is out of her hands for the time being, she has to take the advice of her counsel and need to sit tight for the moment, any wrong move on her part will only be in her detriment. We are praying for the custody hearing to be moved up before this domestic hearing. Her attorney is actively working hard to get the custody hearing scheduled hoping next week.

Its been a very emotional couple of days, and on a side note, my other niece (my SIL's daughter) of 5 years old may become completely blind ;(

When it rain it pours.
 

vintagelover229

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D&T: I am so sorry to hear your sister is going though this. There is no advice that I can offer to help her except to stay strong no matter how hard it gets. It sickens to me to hear stories like this but our justice system is very messed up. I just watched this video and it only confirms just how messed up and how we allow our police/justice system get away with things. Here is the video that is done by Lawrence O'Donnell. You can see peaceful protesters dragged over the police line by officers and arrested. You can also see peaceful protesters being pepper-sprayed by officers who come up-spray them-and walk away. It's sad really. I realize they have a tough job and some protesters get out of hand-but most do not. Most aren't riots like we've seen because they realize that doesn't get them any closer to their end goal and makes them and their cause look bad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5zmzV5IxpQ&feature=player_embedded


Your entire family is in my prayers. I hope that this issue gets resolved quickly and that your other niece that her eyes get better as well. HUGS.
 

D&T

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Thanks Vintagelover, its terrible, well we did have some good news! I'm no so much tainted anymore byt the law enforcement..


******UPDATE********

My sister just got her son back!!!! WHOOOHOOO!!! she finally called another attorney who is mother herself and having gone through this kind of case all the time, advised her to pick up her son from the Aunt's place (while her EX was working) therefore not vialating her own protective order and she was escorted by the right police force in a different city than the one that charged her!... The aunt/grandmother had no rights to keep my nephew and the EX was not there, so she was able to retrieve him back. ALSO I highly suggested she FIRE her current Attorney, since she had counsel from another attorney who helped her get her son back, and not just sit IDLE!

Thank you much for your prayers and thoughts, it resulted in my sister getting her son back! now onto 1 of 2 rounds so far the hearing for custody and the other criminal domestic violence charges.
Sure could use some more dust/prayers/good vibes/positive thoughts that this SOB will get exactly what he deserves in life.
 

zoebartlett

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I don't have any advice for you, D&T, but I jut wanted to let you know that I hope things work out for your sister. I'm sorry she and her son are going through such a rough time.
 

natascha

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Dust, dust, dust...

I am so sorry for your sister and the whole family. It is extremely important that she has a lawyer experienced in this type of cases and that she logs everything that happens, try's to get proof( tapes, emails, witnesses, etc).

There are certain people who are experts in twisting facts and portraying themselves as something that they are not. My father was one of them. No matter how right you are they will twist everything so you need proof. Also a log with dates, times, descriptions of conversations and abuse, etc that help credibly show what has happened and the background can help.

In my case things my mother realized that our chances were not good if she just went to the police in the country that we lived in. Since things were like they were and my father knows how to sell ice to an Eskimo we were not going to take the chance. We escaped with just the clothes on our back and went to the police in my mothers home country where we lived under protected identities for years. So I understand how horrifying the situation must be for your sister. The feeling that those who are supposed to protect you now may side with the person hurting you is unspeakable.

Never doubt the good you are doing by being there and listening. I hope this nightmare will be resolved soon.
 
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