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ladies,if you saw your best friend''s husband with another woman...

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Dancing Fire

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would you tell her or just keep your mouth shut?
 

LaraOnline

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Next time I saw her, I would say in light conversation, "Oh, did DH have fun at ....?
''I saw him there on xday, last week/ month/year.... There was a girl there I didn''t recognise. Did you have rellies or a friend over? I would have said hello at the time, but couldn''t make it through the crush!
 

LaraOnline

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I wouldn''t bring it up again after.
I would want her to know, if she did have concerns, but it would be quite easy to confuse a ''scenario'' wouldn''t it.
If she''s already suspecting something, it could be a clue she needs.
If she''s not suspicious, it''ll probably slide by to the keeper, with no harm done.

DF, you probably have jumped to ''point x'' when it''s just nothing at all, I mean we all know people of the opposite gender, it is feasible to bump into them from time to time.
 

jcarlylew

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yep, but i would do it the same way Lara explained.
could be a cousin i do not know about.

or i would just walk up to him myself.
 

Rhea

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Lara, that''s a brilliant way to do it! Casual enough that if she didn''t want to know or if the situation was misunderstood it could be ignored, but opens up the conversation in case she has concerns.
 

Sabine

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I would confront the husband when I saw him (and by confront, I mean go up to him and talk and see what he says). If he sounds fishy, then yes, I would tell my friend right away.
 

whitby_2773

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i think you either have to speak up or shut up. tip-toeing around the issue seems kinda deceitful to me. and just ''putting the seed out there'' so she can follow up on it if she wants is the same as telling her - but without the honesty of admitting what you''re wondering; easy for you, horrible for her. besides, you can always ask the question without accusing the man of adultery! gees - like - there''s middle ground on this one as far as approach goes. you can be direct and just ask a straight question without necessarily implying a boatload of misbehavior.

being specific now: my best girlfriend and i have been best friends for over 32 years. she''s more my sister than my real sister is. we talk about EVERYTHING. if i saw her husband with another woman and didn''t mention it, i''d have to have had a complete personality shift or the world would have to be rotating in a different direction.

although, in HER particular situation, if he actually was *with* another woman, neither she nor i would want to miss that opportunity to celebrate! (the man was NOT nice and they''re divorced now...)
 

LaraOnline

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Do you think it would be better to just say, when the pair of them are together, to DH: ''Who were you with on xday, at the blah blah..." ?
 

steph72276

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I would tell her. I would also be direct and say something like "Hey, we were out to dinner the other night and I saw John Doe there. He was with a woman, not sure who she was, but just thought you would want to know." My hubby actually works with his cousin and they go out to eat lunch quite a bit, so it could actually just be innocent, but I still think the friend should know because I couldn''t live with just not saying anything to her.
 

Girlrocks

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I have had this happen THREE TIMES (!!!) , all different couples, and I have told each time. Furthermore, if it were my DH out with another woman, I would expect nothing less if someone considers themselves my friend.
 

LaraOnline

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Date: 4/15/2009 8:35:28 AM
Author: Girlrocks
I have had this happen THREE TIMES (!!!) , all different couples, and I have told each time. Furthermore, if it were my DH out with another woman, I would expect nothing less if someone considers themselves my friend.
Far out! You''re an old hand!

I have to say, I would want to know as well... although my man does have business lunches with his female staff members one-on-one from time to time. I wonder what the staff at our local cafe think?!
 

Rhea

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I like the hinting approach because it could be anyone. I have a couple of male friends that I go out with. I''d feel a bit spied on and think DH''s friends didn''t trust me if they flat out asked me about my friend or said something to DH is a very blunt way. Unless the couple is making out it would be very easy to get the wrong end of the stick.
 

PaulaW

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I''d definitely tell her, but in a lighthearted way like Lara. If it were possible, I''d probably say hi to him at the time too, he''s my buddy too.
 

geckodani

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Honestly, since I hang out with my guy friends without DH all the time, I wouldn''t worry about it. I''m not a suspicious person by nature.

If it was someone I didn''t recognize at all, and they seemed to be sneaking, then I''d probably go over and say hi, see what was going on, and take it from there.

If they were making out in the corner or something, well, I''d be liable to walk up, pop him one, and then call the friend.
 

Margot

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I would tell her, also. If something is going on, I''m sure she''d prefer to know now rather than finding out later. If I found out my husband was having an EA (which may not be the case here) I would be upset if a friend told me after the fact that they saw suspicious behavior long before I found out and kept it from me.
 

lliang_chi

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I would probably go up to the husband and say hi. See how he responds. If it''s cause for concern then I''d tell my friend
 

kama_s

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There is nothing wrong with meeting someone of the opposite sex by yourself for a meal/coffee! So if I saw the husband just eating and talking, then no, I wouldn''t say anything. If they were holding hands or making out, I''d be the first to tell (even though from what I hear and read, the general consensus is to ignore because it shouldn''t be any of my business).
 

Lauren8211

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If it seemed innocent, no. Her husband does not need 24/7 monitoring, and I''d be peeved if I was being monitored and had my whereabouts reported back to my SO.

If he saw me and seemed nervous and uncomfortable, or they were being too physical, or something otherwise felt off, I would say something.

Just because opposite sex people are together doesn''t mean they''re doing something wrong, and I''d hate to be so paranoid that I jumped to that conclusion.
 

gwendolyn

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Date: 4/15/2009 2:55:34 AM
Author:Dancing Fire
would you tell her or just keep your mouth shut?
1. My best friend's a man, just so you know.
2. What do you mean, 'saw'? Like, having dinner? Buying lingerie?
3. Regardless of your answer to number 2, I don't think I'd say anything unless I walked in on them making out or having sex. There's a possible legit explanation for almost any other situation.
 

purrfectpear

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Not unless they were making out. I don''t assume that just because someone is married they somehow lost their right to have a meal with someone from the opposite sex
 

Burk

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I agree that I'd need to see them making out or something that led me to believe something was going on aside from a dinner. If it was a good friend, I'd tell.

These things are so hard! I was in a situation where a friend of mine's husband hit on me. I chose not to tell her because I knew her well enough to know she'd confront her DH, he'd lie and probably say I hit on him or something equally ridiculous so I just figured it wasn't worth the drama. Needless to say, DH and I no longer hang out with this couple.
 

atroop711

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if it were my best friends dh? I would go up to him and tell him he has 2 options..either I tell her or he will..but she will be hearing it no matter what
 

steph72276

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I guess everyone is different, but I would be really hurt if I found out about something going on and then I find out my friend saw something and didn't tell me. But that's just me, I would want to know. Of course it could be innocent, but my husband doesn't make a regular habit out of going out to eat solo with other women....
 

atroop711

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Date: 4/15/2009 10:36:47 AM
Author: steph72276
I guess everyone is different, but I would be really hurt if I found out about something going on and then I find out my friend saw something and didn''t tell me. But that''s just me, I would want to know. Of course it could be innocent, but my husband doesn''t make a regular habit out of going out to eat solo with other women....

I agree if my best friend or someone close to me saw my husband in a compromising position with someone else, I want them to tell me
 

Tuckins1

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I would definitely make a point to go speak to him, so he knows that I know. I would then casually mention something to my friend... The woman could be a relative or something, but I would let her know what I saw.
 

Dancing Fire

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i was out having dinner with my daughter last week and the waitress thought she was my mistress.
 

Lauren8211

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Date: 4/15/2009 11:20:43 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i was out having dinner with my daughter last week and the waitress thought she was my mistress.
That must''ve been an awkward conversation.

Did that increase or decrease the tip that you left?
 

Dancing Fire

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Date: 4/15/2009 11:27:17 AM
Author: elledizzy5

Date: 4/15/2009 11:20:43 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
i was out having dinner with my daughter last week and the waitress thought she was my mistress.
That must''ve been an awkward conversation.

Did that increase or decrease the tip that you left?
nahh...i knew the waitress,but she didn''t know the young lady was my daughter. she thought somehow i got lucky.
i tipped her the same % as usual.
 
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