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Knowing the date

Discussion in 'Ladies in Waiting' started by amc80, Jul 15, 2010.

  1. amc80
    Ideal_Rock

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    by amc80 » Jul 15, 2010
    I've noticed that a lot of you gals know the exact month/week/date of your impending proposal...or at least try to know :)

    Aren't you concerned about the element of surprise? My bf has told me now that the ring is picked out, I won't know when he buys it (or starts the process of getting it made, for that matter). And I'm okay with that. I mean I'd like to know if it's going to be in one year versus 3 years, but other than that, I'd like to be surprised. Which is odd for me, because I'm a total planner. I think just know that it is going to happen is enough, I don't need to know when. Am I in the minority here?
     
  2. nicoleben
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    by nicoleben » Jul 15, 2010
    I dont want to know the week, however, the month would be nice, but then again i would be on my toes that entire month and if it didnt happen that month id be having to put my game face off, or pout alone like a child lol

    I was told by the end of the summer and that was good enough for me!.. I think i could still be surprised but i would have a bit of an idea of when. My boyfriend is not great with surprises, so even if it was just him and i, i would love it either way.. I honestly and actually would love a home proposal, just me and him and no one else around. Anyway, thats off subject... Knowing mine will be in a few months was enough for me, even though i jokingly ask him what the day is.. Of course i want to be surprised!
     
  3. damons
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    by damons » Jul 15, 2010
    I am curious about that too. I was the other side of things. I am the one that proposed to my partner. I spent months on PS educating myself on diamonds, bought the ring, hid it in our apartment for a month and then proposed while we were at the beach for the weekend and she had no idea it was coming.

    We had talked about getting married for a year or so and she knew that I wanted to propose to her, but she had no idea when. She never asked me when it was going to happen. I asked her some very basic questions in the last year about what kind of rings she likes, so I knew what she wanted without her getting suspicious. I will say that the look on her face when I pulled the ring box out of my pocket was absolutely priceless. After I proposed, I told her about PS and this forum. I had used this forum to get advice from the LIW. My partner said she was so happy that she was completely in the dark about the whole thing because it would have made her crazy and stressed out.

    Maybe I am "old-school" or I really just don't know anything about women (even thought I am one), but I always thought that women wanted their proposals to be a surprise.
     
  4. Autumnovember
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Autumnovember » Jul 15, 2010
    I'm almost 100% sure you know my whole story regarding how SO and I were NOT on the same page regarding time lines and when he would propose after buying the ring. I thought that he was going to buy the ring and hold on to it at *most* for 4 months. I didn't really bother him about it until the end of the 4th month was coming around, and that is when I realized we were on different pages regarding how long he was going to be holding onto the ring. So, if I had known that he wanted to hold on to a ring for close to a year, I would have kindly asked him not to tell me anything about when the ring was complete. Too bad that is not how it happened so waiting 8 months has made me crazy antsy and slightly (ok maybe REALLY) annoyed. The whole element of surprise was something I was really looking forward to but it clearly has not happened that way for us. I'm ok with that and it is what it is. If you have the capability of not knowing anything about when it is, good for you and I give you props!

    P.S. my SO likes to pretend he is really good at keeping surprises from me but ultimately he is awful at it and even *if* I had no idea about the ring or ANYTHING, I know for a FACT that he would slip and tell me something.
     
  5. sillyberry
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    by sillyberry » Jul 15, 2010
    I hate being in the dark. This is my life too, you know? Since I view marriage as a mutual decision, for me some information is key.

    While I don't feel the need to know it is happening on X day at Y time, I would like to have a general timeframe so I know that things are moving forward and we are on the same page. I would rather know he is not quite ready than be constantly wondering for forever if today is the day (and being disappointed if it isn't).

    In specific, I'm moving at the end of August and we are going to be long-distance for the next year. We have also talked about getting married next May. Since the wedding will be where I am currently, I want to plan as much as possible before moving so I'm not trying to do it from 1000 miles away (and I would rather our visits not be dominated by needing to do wedding crap). He has suggested I go ahead and start planning, but I would prefer to do so with ring on finger (or at least knowing it is coming VERY soon!).

    I think for a lot of us, we're already stressed out - so being completely in the dark is no longer an option!
     
  6. RhubarbPie
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    by RhubarbPie » Jul 15, 2010
    As far as the ring designing and purchasing went, we did that together. He wanted to know what kind of ring I wanted, and I was more than happy to tell him (afterall, I've been thinking about *this* ring since I was like 5 years old...and I may get other rings later in my life, but I will never "upgrade" as in trade in this ring for something different...Im WAY too sentimental)! We also are that couple that checks each others emails and such and so we just kind of started looking at things together, and then when we started emailing with JA about different center stones I was involved in the exchanges. Perhaps if we didn't check one another's emails I wouldn't have been as involved. The ring is coming around July 21 (and he actually won't even be home from his trip until July 23 so I'll get the box and just put in the apartment somewhere). We are very open with one another about logistically when we need to get married. His family lives abroad so there are a lot of logistics and people to think about (especially since we will have a wedding in his home country and my own). Both his parents and my parents are professionals (ie physcian, lawyer, businessperson, etc), so in addition to arranging things around our schedule, we have to make sure everyone can leave work for the wedding, etc. We were never that couple who got engaged and the girl totally had no idea it was coming. We're very practical.

    Anyways, I know he will propose sometime between July 29 and August 3 but I don't know how or when. I'm really glad that I know the dates between which he may propose (we are going on vacation during those dates and in the middle of the vacation is my birthday), as I am SUPER neurotic, but I don't know anything about how he is going to propose (and I want it that way)! The other day he actually said, "Okay don't check our bank statement - you'll ruin the surprise I'm planning" (we do all of our banking online) and I just said, "well change the password then...because I dont trust myself" :P I'm really glad he is doing all this planning and is so excited about it. So even though the fact that we are getting engaged isn't really a surprise to me, the whole plan will be, and I think it is great that way! Also I think its so cute and wonderful that he's putting in so much thought to the engagement plan - I know I will be thrilled and surprised no matter what happens!
     
  7. monarch64
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by monarch64 » Jul 15, 2010
    Eh, some people like to be surprised, some don't.

    I enjoyed the anticipation of not knowing. I didn't have specific input in the design of my ring, either, which to me made it much more special knowing he had gone to so much trouble (like, 8-9 months of trouble) choosing the perfect one. There are so few happy surprises in life--I really wanted to let him take over and I also wanted to fulfill his dream of having his moment, proposing the way he wanted to, when he wanted to, with absolutely no pressure from me. He gave me a few small hints along the way, but I never really had much of a timeline. We'd talked about getting married in October, 2010 for a while and I knew he wanted a short engagement (so do I), so I figured it was either coming this summer or early fall and that was enough for me.
     
  8. blacksand
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    by blacksand » Jul 15, 2010
    It's an interesting question, because I want it both ways. Yes, I would like my boyfriend to do the impossible. Please?

    I want to know approximately when it's going to happen, because I am a planner. I like to know what to expect. I want input on my ring, too (and by "input," I mean I have it narrowed down to two rings, ideally, I'd like him to pick one of them!). Most importantly, I definitely want it to be something we decide together. Essentially, we already have. BUT I would love for it to be a surprise, too! I'd love to be unexpectedly swept off my feet! I'm sure I sound pushy, but the bottom line is, if he proposes to me tomorrow, with a ring I've never seen before, I will be thrilled. If he proposes to me on our planned vacation with the ring I picked out, I will be thrilled. It doesn't matter if it's nothing like I expected or exactly what I expected. I'm pretty sure I'm going to bawl like a baby. And then I'm going to marry the love of my life.
     
  9. peach_tea_for_me
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    by peach_tea_for_me » Jul 15, 2010
    I also felt very much in the minority because I felt like so many girls were very informed of all this.
    For the most part I'm in the dark about the when and the ring process. We talked awhile ago about a general timeline, with the tailend of it being in mid September. I'm not sure if it will happen by then. He hasn't mentioned anything about when it will happen since we talked about that timeline. I did give him pictures I like of rings and lately he's been asking some questions and showing off what he knows about rings and diamonds, so I'm pretty sure he's looking, but I don't really know if anything has been purchased or being made. I don't want him to tell me it will happen on _____ weekend or month. I love love love surprises and this will be the best one! I ask him questions about it and he's on lockdown and won't spill. I guess that's why I ask, because I know he won't tell me anything. I'm antsy enough just thinking about it, that if I knew exactly when I'd really go nuts.
    I read a lot on here about people having a very concrete idea of when their proposals will happen. My friends were all actually totally surprised by their proposals. Some of them might have stopped into a jewelry store with their fiances or husbands to point out their tastes, but none were involved at all in the ring making/buying process and none knew the day/week/month they would get engaged.
    So I guess for every girl who shares their knowledge of all things engagement, there are a few girls who are in the dark too!
     
  10. RhubarbPie
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    by RhubarbPie » Jul 15, 2010
    Oh my goodness you summed up my feelings so succinctly! I feel just like you - no matter what happens, it will be perfect and the outcome will be the same - I will marry the person that I have been in love with for my whole life - as I loved him even before I met him.
     
  11. shihtzulover
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    by shihtzulover » Jul 15, 2010
    Honestly, I really have trouble sitting back and letting him plan everything.

    We are very open with one another, and we talked together about when we wanted to get engaged. I showed him a picture of what I thought was my perfect ring (a three-stone Tacori princess cut, with side diamonds). It was so gorgeous online, so he went to a few jewelry stores to ask about it.

    Luckily, he decided to bring me in to have me look at the ring model in person, and also to have my finger sized. It is still a pretty ring in person, but to me, it's not nearly as beautiful as in the pictures (just my opinion). After looking at them in person, I actually decided that I want a princess cut solitaire.

    After that, we just continued to research diamonds and look together - and we picked the perfect one together.

    He went and picked it up, so I have not seen the diamond and the band together yet (since I only saw the loose stone and then picked a classic Tiffany-style platinum band) - so that way there is a bit of surprise about what my diamond looks like on my band. I also don't know which day he will propose.

    The idea of a complete surprise proposal is great, but there are problems with it as well. I know some women really don't love the ring style that their SO/FF picks, but they don't want to hurt his feelings - so then they are faced with the tough choice of either keeping one that they don't totally love, or risking making him feel really bad.

    I'm really happy with the way that my SO and I are doing things, especially since we don't plan to ever upgrade (the stone has sentimental value to us, and we believe that the stone he gives me is the one that I should keep forever). :)
     
  12. amc80
    Ideal_Rock

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    by amc80 » Jul 15, 2010
    Ha, I post a topic, go to a doctor's appt, and come back to all of these responses. You guys are great!

    I totally understand that it's a personal preference thing. I guess my feeling is that there are so few surprises in life these days, this is one time I can be genuinely surprised (this, and finding out the gender of our future children...I said I didn't want to know, but got vetoed, ha). I think it's because I plan everything I feel this way. I mean we are going on a cruise in November and I have a spreadsheet for it. And even though we found my perfect ring, he could propose to me with a plain band and I would still be ecstatic, because it's from him. I totally understand that people need to know for various reasons (like the logistical ones people brought up) and that makes sense. But for me? I think I just have an ultimate date/time frame I would want to be engaged by, and as long as it happens by then I'm okay.

    Oh, and I think if I knew he had the ring it would totally drive me insane...better for me to not know at that point ;)
     
  13. Jessie702
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Jessie702 » Jul 15, 2010
    Ive been wondering the same thing too since ive joined.

    my SO and i have been ring shopping quite a few times. Ive also emailed him pictures, okay swapped his email account. With rings that i really liked. Ive event ried on a few. I told him what shape diamonds i like, and how i like white gold. I guess you could say, hes told me he wants a two toned, since i wear different jewerly. A few weeks ago, while we were out, i offically got measured, so know he knows. For awhile there, i was sending him so much, i guess he felt too swapped and told me to back off a bit. I guess that was his way of saying, he had found something he liked.For awhile there, he kept saying he wanted to do his reasearch and find out about gold and dimaond prices. We havent been ring shopping for awhile now, over a month. So im hoping he has found something. We almost bought a ring while on Vacation. it was so pretty, a HUGE center stone, with pee-a-boo sapphires and side stones.

    Other than ring shopping the few, :oops: okay more than a few times, i am completely in the dark. I know and will know nothing about the ring, or proposal, or proposal date at all. Espically if he goes with the more traditional, he already has the ring, and asks me. In one way i love not knowing when its gonna happen, but in a way, i dont. I feel like im going to jump out of my skin, espically since i too am a planner. (Im starting to think all the LIW are planners) I get slightly anxious everytime we talk about going on vacation, because in the back of my head i think" Hmm, maybe this trip, he'll proposal". He is the type for surpises, for example, for christmas, i had NO idea of what he bought for me. We usually only exchange maybe a gift together, since we do so much adn buy each other so much during the year, but Christmas 09 he totally caught me off gurard with the purse he bought. :roll: I guess he thought i need a new one, and than a white and black Diamond braclett.

    So do i hope he asks soon,of course. Do i want to know...no. I want to be so surpised im friggin cry like a newborn baby :lol:
     
  14. misskitty
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by misskitty » Jul 15, 2010
    I'm just not a fan of surprises. To me, it would not be any less special if i knew exactly the day, time, and method -- I think I'd actually be relieved. :cheeky:

    What can I say, though? I'm the kind of girl that reads the last chapter of a book first, because knowing the ending makes me feel like i can appreciate the rest of the story more.
     
  15. blacksand
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    by blacksand » Jul 15, 2010
    I could have written this. I am a crazy planner. Now, I often lack motivation and don't get things done...but I plan everything. Always. Every detail. I have spreadsheets for EVERYTHING. I mean serious spreadsheets, with built-in formulas for easy updates, conditional formatting (so the cell turns red, for example, if I don't accomplish a target I set), etc. I am absolutely insane with my spreadsheets. Seriously. I don't show them to my boyfriend. Because they are crazy. BUT I am also ADAMANT about not knowing the sex of future children before they are born. I do not want to know. I have no idea why this is important to me. I can't think of any practical, ethical or other reason why I should not know (and I can think of many reasons why a person would want to know), but I definitely do not want to. At all. I am lucky, because my boyfriend agrees.

    Re. engagement, I guess I figure it's hard to make the proposal a complete surprise if the engagement isn't. And I definitely feel that engagement is something that shouldn't be a [total] surprise. So while I'd like a surprise proposal, it doesn't seem terribly likely that will happen. And I'm okay with that!
     
  16. PrincessNatalie
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    by PrincessNatalie » Jul 15, 2010
    I know it will likely happen within the next year.

    I don’t know a specific date, I do think it will be nicer that way.
     
  17. dawnabee
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    by dawnabee » Jul 15, 2010

    Ditto here!!! OMGGG everyone is like how could you do that lol they never understand but you took the words right from my mouth.

    I know its supposed to be before October... I wish I knew more bc Id rather just enjoy our moment together and not have him be a nervous wreck. I really hope he doesnt get down on his knee either! I find that so wierd and uncomfortable for some reason
     
  18. MotherSoDear
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    by MotherSoDear » Jul 16, 2010
    All I've asked is to be told that its coming. Not when or how. For all I know it could be a year - but I doubt it.

    We did go through the ring process together. We both knew we wanted Tacori. We went to our jeweler a year ago, but things weren't in order for us to proceed with the engagement process at that time. Once he got things in order, he went to a jeweler (not the one we went with; we live in 2 different states at the moment) and picked out a ring. Then we he came home the other month we went ring shopping. Our jeweler didn't have the ring he had picked but we weren't quite happy with those that we saw. He went back and got the style number of the one he liked and then I picked out 2 more rings that I liked. Our jeweler brought all 3 in and I tried them on. I hated the ones that I liked online but loved the one he likes. Supposedly that ring is not the exact ring but similar because he doesn't want me to know exactly what I'm getting and I'm good with that. I called him after looking at the rings, gave him my ring size, and turned control over to him (I rarely give up control). The diamond aspect is completely up to him.

    I'm content with knowing that at some point in the near future it will come, but I don't want to know exactly when. There are days that I want to know is it coming soon, but I'm just happy and content that it's coming.
     
  19. diamondbuggy
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    by diamondbuggy » Jul 16, 2010

    OMG. I totally agree with both of you. I personally hate surprises! I also read the end of a book first, it just makes me less anxious throughout the rest of the book so I can enjoy it more. People think I'm crazy. I'm so glad I'm not alone! :D

    I wanted to be involved with the ring designing process so we did all that together. I know it should happen before September and the ring will only be ready last week in August so it's narrowed down to a week which is driving me mad! I almost wish I could plan my proposal and just give my SO a script! :lol: I'm crazy like that! And I also told him I don't want him going down on his knee. I just looks cheesy to me.
     
  20. PrincessNatalie
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    by PrincessNatalie » Jul 16, 2010
    I think him going down on one knee is cheesy too! It actually feels to me like it is implying I don’t see him as an equal. If he goes down on one knee I think I will sit down on the knee that is up!! (He is 1 foot taller than me and twice the weight, so it wont hurt him or feel awkward lol) so we are both at the same height and close together.
     
  21. elrohwen
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    by elrohwen » Jul 16, 2010
    DH and I picked out the ring together, and then he asked if I wanted to go to Martha's Vineyard to get engaged. So obviously I knew it would be some time during that long weekend, but it's kind of hard to go on a surprise trip when both people need to take vacation days. I didn't know exactly what time it would be during that weekend and he actually managed to surprise me, as much as I could be surprised at that point.

    I'm not into surprises in general though, so it was perfect for me.
     
  22. Callisto
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    by Callisto » Jul 16, 2010
    I have a general idea of the proposal date because we both see it as a big decision and wanted to be on the same page. I'm involved in the ring process so I'll know when a ring has been purchased, but after that I'll probably have a general idea of timeline. Likely, I'll know approximately what season he'll propose in. At the moment it looks like it will be sometime this winter. So I guess I have some idea of when, but its still a pretty big window of time.
     
  23. kagordo4
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    by kagordo4 » Jul 16, 2010
    I don't want to know. At all. : )

    I usually ruin suprises because I hate them, and he's bad at keeping secrets from me. He's really excited and I know he'll plan something epic, so why would I want to ruin that moment for him. I totally get the urge to ask, I feel it a whole bunch, but now I'm getting ready to start med-school and I'm finishing up under-grad (no break in between, aaarrrgggh) and I have an exam next Friday, ew, and I work the night shift. So anyway, I have plenty of distractions.
     

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