Just for discussion: how important is the perfect engagement?

[janinegirly]

I''m curious what you LIW''s think--is it really important to you to have a perfect engagement? Meaning all you ever dreamed of: the romance, the down on one knee, the glamorous back drop and great story for years. Is it important that your bf take the time to plan it out to be perfect for you?
Or are you more focused on finally getting engaged and the significance/substance of it all--meaning it speaks volumes that this man went out and chose a ring and is now asking you to be his wife for eternity. It''s not so much about the ring (although it doesn''t hurt to have a nice one, hehe), or the material surrioundings, but about what he is saying and doing and what it all means.

Just curious. Even though it''s just one moment, it does get discussed with friends and for years to come, may even be compared (annoying but it happens).

 

[Lauren8211]

Not important to me, it is to him though. He really wants to give me a story to tell.

I''d rather have it be something that is "us" even if it''s not romantic, than to put on a big show.

 

[jcarlylew]

Date: 3/16/2009 10:12:12 AM
Author: elledizzy5
Not important to me, it is to him though. He really wants to give me a story to tell.


I''d rather have it be something that is ''us'' even if it''s not romantic, than to put on a big show.

ditto. i could have a cracker jack ring right now, and i would be just as happy (well, until the ring comes

). But, in respect, i wouldnt want a half ass "becuase she wants it" proposal. I still want something that comes from his heart.

 

[ckrickett]

um, I really don't care to much about the proposal. As long as he does it relatively soon is good enough for me.
I do know he wants to suprise me. But he says I always expect it so he doesn't know when a good time will be.

 

[misskitty]

To me, it''s not the proposal that''s important, but the circumstances around it. If I know that he''s ready and that he means it and that he truly wants to marry me, that means more than any elaborate schemes or beautiful diamonds.

When B and I were discussing moving in together, he asked if I needed a ring on my finger before I''d do so -- I said no, not because I don''t want to be engaged, but because I would always wonder if he''d asked just because he "had to." So for me, it''s important that I know that things are happening because it''s right -- the WHY over the HOW.

 

[SailorsSweet<3]

Im not that concerned abuot a glamorous back drop or heightened romance. I really want it to be an "us" kind of engagement. I think out of it all I'm most excited to hear what words he chooses to use when hes coming down to the final minutes before he asks me to marry him. SO has no problem with sensitivity and I can only imagine how many things he'll want to say, hehe. I'll probably be sitting there knowing for at least a minute or two that hes going to ask for my hand in marriage before he actually gets down to those 3 words.

Since we're already planning, some people are aware of our intentions, and I know we're both anxious for this next step the actual significance of being engaged will be the best part of the engagement for me.

 

[ladypirate]

K is not the type for a super flashy proposal--he''s kind of shy and his brand of romance is more about doing nice things for me on a day to day basis than elaborate declarations of love and adoration. When he does officially propose, I imagine that it will be more about us than about the story, and I wouldn''t want it any other way.

 

[NakedFinger]

I''ve told my SO many times....I care more about what he says in the proposal, that what he does. I want to hear that he loves me, why he wants to marry me, and actually HEAR him ask "will you marry me?" then have to read it on a screen or something lol.

 

[princessplease]

The only thing I want is him on one knee, telling me he loves me, and asking "Will you marry me?" I know a wonderful proposal is important to him, but to me, a wonderful proposal is no big deal. The specifics don''t matter to me as much as him asking me to be his wife.

 

[somegirl932]

I''m with princessplease, the most important thing is the sentiment behind it. I mean, he''s asking for my hand in a partnership forever, and that is all I really need from him.

I wouldn''t mind if he threw in something cute that means a lot to the two of us, but really, as long as his heart''s in it, I know it''s going to be perfect, no matter what he does.

 

[gwendolyn]

"Perfect?" Not really applicable. He isn''t competing to win a prize, or having to outdo other people we know with how they proposed. It can require tons of planning or none at all, as long as it is heartfelt. A few sweet, loving words and that age-old question are all I''d like.

 

[janinegirly]

Ok..let''s say "perfect" in terms of what you expect/are hoping for. For example what if it''s important to you that he be down on one knee, but he doesn''t do that. The end result is the same as is the sincerity, but would it bother you?

I know no one here is going to say, "yes I want a ridiculously perfect proposal", but what if it''s not exactly what you had hoped it would be, or not traditional?

 

[princesss]

Does it really matter all that much HOW it happens? Isn''t it just important that it happens?

I''m with Gwen. When the time comes, all I want is that all-important question. He doesn''t even really have to ask, though, lol. We''ll do what works when we''re ready.

I guess I just don''t understand having it built up in your head that certain things "should" happen in a proposal. BF has a shirt that says, "Tradition: Just because it''s always been done that way doesn''t mean it''s not incredibly stupid." I mean, really...one knee? Who started that??? It looks a little ridiculous if you think about it.

 

[lovindiamonds]

Well, I have to admit that i was married once before and the proposal was just because I wanted it and a bit rushed. I was young 24, just had a baby and ashamed that I wasn''t married yet, so he proposed. Not that we didn''t talk about getting married, it just wasn''t the time yet despite the baby or not. We''re actually best friends now, get along great, but didn''t last.

Now years and years later, I''m going to be getting engaged soon and I''m hoping that it will be something that''s from the heart, that he wants to do because he''s ready and is completely in love with me, whether it''s in the most beautiful spot in the world or in my bathroom

Ok, maybe not my bathroom....but you get the idea. I will add too....that he and I were high school sweethearts, so this proposal (despite the little bump in the road) is a long time coming!

Oh and a great ring definitely won''t hurt, but we''ve worked together on what we like (I want him to like it too) so I know he''ll do great in that department!!

 

[musey]

Date: 3/16/2009 10:12:12 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I'd rather have it be something that is 'us' even if it's not romantic, than to put on a big show.

This was huge for me. I did not want a pre-packaged proposal. It had to be something that was meaningful to us, not just a cute go-to idea.

 

[FrekeChild]

I''m with Princesss. What is up with the one knee thing anyway?

And there is (IMHO) no such thing as a perfect proposal.

 

[Clio]

I''m with Freke and princesss. I never had a pre-conceived idea about a proposal, and it''s a good thing, given how we got engaged! I think I''ve told this story before, but there came a point in our relationship when one of us (and honestly, I can''t remember which one it was!) said, "If we''re going to get married, we''d better pick a date." And so we pulled out a calendar and set a date.

Super romantic? No. But it is very much illustrative of our relationship. We have a laid-back ease with each other that is so nice (and has worked for us for almost 15 years).

 

[LilyOfTheValley]

I think that no matter how a guy proposes, it''s always going to be romantic!

...Unless he throws a ring at you and screams, "Here you go, b*tch!"

 

[Bia]

Date: 3/16/2009 2:14:45 PM
Author: princesss
Does it really matter all that much HOW it happens? Isn''t it just important that it happens?

I''m with Gwen. When the time comes, all I want is that all-important question. He doesn''t even really have to ask, though, lol. We''ll do what works when we''re ready.

Mine didn''t! Well he did, kind of. But it was after I saw the ring... I screamed a bit. Cried a bit. Then he said, ''So are you going to marry me or what?'' And that was that LOL

There was no getting down on his knee. No glamorous backdrop. BUT it was extremely heartfelt and it was so HONEST. It was him showing me that he wanted to be with me forever, as his wife. And it was one of the best moments in my life.

''Perfect'' is great, but it''s not what matters in the end. It''s about the two of you and what that moment means for your lives together.

 

[AmberGretchen]

It was important to me that he thought about it and planned it, but I didn''t have anything specific in mind, and what he ended up planning was not something I would have thought of, but it was lovely, and very "us."

 

[Carbonlove]

My friend and I had this discussion last night. She says she wouldn''t care as long as it happens. For me though, it is super important because we are foregoing a wedding so I want it to be extraordinary. Plus we have been together for over 11.5 years so I think the time and effort is due.

 

[sba771]

My proposal was planned out by FI and was supposed to be everything he knew would be my verison of the dream. Turns out things just kept going wrong and not as planned, and you know what I would not trade it for the world! I also cannot remember anything he actually said to me, I was just too shocked. I think its just the moment and feelings that matter.

 

[dec2410]

i don''t think there''s a perfect proposal. my SO and I are both very low key, not flashy people, so I''d find it strange if he planned this huge hyper-romantic scenario for his proposal but, as many of you ladies already stated, i believe its the sentiment that counts.

 

[lucyandroger]

Date: 3/16/2009 4:03:10 PM
Author: LilyOfTheValley
I think that no matter how a guy proposes, it''s always going to be romantic!

...Unless he throws a ring at you and screams, ''Here you go, b*tch!''

Lily,

You almost made me spit out my coffee!!!

 

[Catmom]

I didn''t even get a proposal. I got a "I think it''s time we got married and I''ve got my grandmother''s diamond. Let''s go pick out a ring." My response........"Uhhh okay." I think he''s more than made up for it in the last 29 years though.

 

[bee*]

Date: 3/16/2009 11:17:56 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
It was important to me that he thought about it and planned it, but I didn''t have anything specific in mind, and what he ended up planning was not something I would have thought of, but it was lovely, and very ''us.''

I agree. I wanted him to have thought about it, even if it was him asking me while sitting on the couch. So long as he wanted it too that was fine with me.

 

[neatfreak]

The perfect proposal wasn''t important to me, but a certain *type* of proposal was in the sense that I would have been seriously disappointed if he did it at a sporting event, a restaurant, or other public place because that would have meant that he didn''t listen to me-since I had told him repeatedly that I was uncomfortable with public proposals (for me). So that type of proposal would have spoke volumes-namely that it wasn''t a person who knew me very well or listened to me.

But my DH did take it one step further than simply not doing it in a super public place, lol. He proposed on a path next to a lake while we were walking our dog and he kept stalling until there was literally NO ONE visible on the entire path before he would do it. It was very cute-at least I know he listed to me!

 

[ckrickett]

Date: 3/16/2009 4:03:10 PM
Author: LilyOfTheValley
I think that no matter how a guy proposes, it''s always going to be romantic!

...Unless he throws a ring at you and screams, ''Here you go, b*tch!''

rofl to funny.
Sometimes I think that is what it''s coming to tho!

 

[Pandora II]

Other than there being no ring and it not being in public I didn''t have any particular wants or needs in a proposal. Obviously I hoped when/if he did that it would come with some thought involved, but if he''d done the down on one knee and huge declarations of love I''d have been wondering what had happened to my boyfriend and who this stranger was...

In the end mine was perfect for us...

My BIL was engaged at Xmas - he put the ring in a cracker, pulled it with her (and he ended up with the ring part) and then said "So, do you wanna...."

It was very him and she was over the moon, and just laughed.

 

[iheartbora]

If there is no "perfect proposal" (in terms of perfect for you), then why do we have "dream proposal"? For many, dream proposals are often unrealistic, but the root of the dream must come from your very own preferences (hence perfect for you), so can we say those preferences (certain pieces of the dream) make up our unique version "perfect proposal"?

Personally, I think the proposal itself is important because it shows how well my SO understands and cares about "us". Not to say a "less-than-perfect" proposal translates to he doesn't care... just that it's comforting to know my future life partner will take my preferences into consideration and is willing to do what it takes to make it perfect for us.

So back to your question, I think both elements can be just as important, and for me, they are almost equally important (both what I dream of and the substance of him asking me to be his wife forever).