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IYO,did we do the right thing by helping our daughter

Discussion in 'Hangout' started by Dancing Fire, Dec 1, 2011.

  1. Dancing Fire
    Super_Ideal_Rock

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    by Dancing Fire » Dec 1, 2011
    out with the d/p on her house? would you lend your child some money to buy a house? did your parents help you out when you bought your first house?

    i know some of you will say let her grow up.
     
    


    


  2. Maisie
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    by Maisie » Dec 1, 2011
    Well you obviously feel very proud of the fact that you gave her the money. You have started a whole thread to make sure anyone who didn't see it in your other thread now knows :bigsmile:

    I would do exactly the same for any of my kids. So you did good in my opinion.
     
  3. PintoBean
    Ideal_Rock

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    by PintoBean » Dec 1, 2011
    I think you did a wonderful thing. It's awesome that you are in a position that allows you to help our daughter out with her new home, and that you went for it!

    My mom and my aunt believe in helping their kids out now when they can, and when their kids need help, rather than waiting to pass it on as an inheritance, which may not be a time when their kids need any monetary assistance.

    I don't have kids yet, but I'd almost prefer to help my kids with down payment on a home, instead of putting the money into a fancy wedding party.
     
  4. diamondringlover
    Ideal_Rock

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    by diamondringlover » Dec 1, 2011
    Yes you did the right thing.....when my son decides to buy a house and I am in the position to help him...I will, heck I help him with lots of things now lol, everytime his car breaks down my hubby works on it and we pay the expense.....
     
    


    


  5. sonnyjane
    Ideal_Rock

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    by sonnyjane » Dec 1, 2011
    I wasn't going to bring this up, but since you started a new thread, I guess I will.

    I don't see anything wrong with helping them out with the down payment. It's a gift. I do remember, however, that a while ago you had asked whether or not you should put your name on the mortgage. I'm not sure what you decided, but if you co-sign a mortgage, it's a HUGE mistake. If you didn't put your names on the mortgage, good for you! You made the right choice. If you did co-sign, there's nothing you can do to change it so no point in going into it further.
     
  6. violet3
    Ideal_Rock

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    by violet3 » Dec 1, 2011
    When I bought my first home, my dad lent me the money for the down payment - I think it was around $14K. I paid him back within 6 months - i will always be grateful that he was able and willing to help me out.
     
  7. monarch64
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    by monarch64 » Dec 1, 2011
    I think you did the right thing. My parents paid for my college education, new cars, etc. They never helped me with a dp on a house because I was engaged or married. If I had been single and asked them for help I feel certain they would've obliged.

    There is a big difference, to me, in helping your offspring financially so that they can start life with every possible advantage, and bailing offspring out of financial messes they've gotten themselves into or giving them money just because you can't stand to see them struggle. Your daughter still has to make her mortgage payments and take care of her house, it isn't like you paid for the entire thing and she hasn't had to or won't have to work for it at all.
     
  8. zoebartlett
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    by zoebartlett » Dec 1, 2011
    As I said in the other thread, I think you were very generous, and I don't see anything wrong with helping your daughter out if you're in the position to do so.
     
  9. Dancing Fire
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    by Dancing Fire » Dec 1, 2011
    we will not put our name on the mortgage. she went to U.S. bank to apply under her name only.
     
  10. sonnyjane
    Ideal_Rock

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    by sonnyjane » Dec 1, 2011
    EXCELLENT! In that case, congratulations lol! I am relieved for you! That would have been really bad.

    I just went back to your other post where you made a comment about "Gift or loan? We'll see"... Any time you give money to a friend or family member, you have to assume it was a gift. If you see a single penny of that money back in the future, then consider yourself quite lucky, but with family transactions like that, it's best to just assume you might not ever get it back.
     
    


    


  11. Dancing Fire
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    by Dancing Fire » Dec 1, 2011
    agree!!
     
  12. Imdanny
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    by Imdanny » Dec 1, 2011
    DF, you did the right thing. My grandparents helped my mom and her sister and brother with buying their first houses and sent or in my mom's case offered to pay for four years of college at state schools. Seriously, some middle class families help their kids buy their first house. Stop beating yourself up. You did good.
     
  13. Dancing Fire
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    by Dancing Fire » Dec 1, 2011
    funny... :lol:.. 35 yrs ago i asked my momm to lend me $3200 to buy a car,she said... you lend the money?? you mean GIVE you the money!
     
  14. Enerchi
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    by Enerchi » Dec 1, 2011
    You did a WONDERFUL thing by helping your child! If you can swing it, it so much more meaningful to help while you can enjoy her happiness with her, rather than waiting for her to inherit any monies. Hopefully no taxes either!

    What great parents your daughter has :bigsmile:
     
  15. monarch64
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    by monarch64 » Dec 1, 2011
    I wanted to ask, DF, how did you get around the gift thing with the bank? And what about tax issues? Don't answer if you don't want to, I'm just curious. I remember we had to account for whatever came into our account before we made our down payment so the bank didn't think someone else gave us the money.
     
    


    


  16. Dancing Fire
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    by Dancing Fire » Dec 1, 2011
    a few months ago we added her name into our account.
     
  17. gardengloves
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    by gardengloves » Dec 1, 2011
    You did great DF, you must so pleased with daughters new house - what a great beginning for her.

    I've helped my kids too with $$$ to get them started , but never co-signed. That part they had to do on own.
     
  18. swimmer
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    by swimmer » Dec 1, 2011
    As long as you gave it with love and support, that was a wonderful way to help your daughter. Monnie put it beautifully.

    DH and I declined help from our parents because we knew that there would be "strings attached" and wanted it to be our house rather than the house that our parents helped buy so they can come and go as they please and tell us what to do with our space. You of course would never do anything like that to your daughter.
     
  19. Clairitek
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Clairitek » Dec 1, 2011
    My parents loaned me money when we bought our house. Then, when I went to pay them back last Christmas (about 2.5 years after we bought it, 2 months after we sold it and lost EVERYTHING we had in it + some), they refused to take the money. They told us to put it in a CD and let it grow and if they needed cash down the line after retirement for any reason they wouldn't hesitate to ask us for it. They also said that their house will eventually be ours and that the money could pay future property taxes or maintenance.

    My husband's parents loaned us money (same amount) and we paid them back every cent with interest (5%, they were paying 3% on that cash, which they borrowed against their paid-off house for home improvement). They also made DH pay for some of his college education, even though they could afford it hand over fist. That was their way of teaching fiscal responsibility, I suppose. What is funny is that my parents paid my room and board and related college expenses (tuition was free, I didn't pay anything out of pocket) and didn't make us pay back the loan yet I know I'm as fiscally responsible as my DH is.

    My grandfather gifted part of a down payment to each of his three kids (my mom being one of them). He didn't pay for their weddings (2/3 eloped anyway) and didn't give them large gifts upon finishing college. He thought the gift of help with buying a home was much more important, and I agree. My parents didn't shell out an immense amount of money for my wedding, either, and and were much happier putting their money towards the house.

    So after all this rambling, I think you did a wonderful thing to help your daugther out. Hopefully one day she will be able to pay it forward with her own kids. :appl:
     
  20. sparklyheart
    Brilliant_Rock

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    by sparklyheart » Dec 1, 2011
    Can I give the perspective of the child (??) who received money for a down payment as a gift?

    When I told my parents I wanted to buy a house, they told me they had already decided they were going to give each of their children a certain amount of money towards a down payment when we were ready to buy. This was never presented to any of us until we approached them. I 100% NEVER expected that or even thought that was an option. It was a very helpful and generous gift!

    Maybe it's just the way I grew up, but I think it's wonderful when parents can provide financial support for children IF those children are financially responsible. There obviously comes a point where parents are taken advantage of but that's not always the case. If the financial contribution contributes to laziness or dependency on the parents then that is not good! My parents provided me and my siblings with quite a bit but it was always a gift and never an expectation. We were all given the same treatment (i.e. we all got a car at 16-not a fancy car, just a car.. we all got assistance with college) so I guess in that way there were expectations but we were also all cut off at the same time so we knew it was coming!

    Everyone's situation is different but I think it's wonderful that you helped your daughter out as long as it doesn't put a strain on you and your wife's finances. Buying a house is certainly not a necessity so it's definitely a different situation than you giving her money for rent because she lost her job and has no money at all.. It was a very nice gift.. If you didn't tell her from the beginning that it was a loan to be repaid then I don't think you can expect to get that money back. FWIW my dad specifically said it was a gift and not to be repaid..
     
  21. mogster
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    by mogster » Dec 1, 2011
    There is currently a $5 million gift-tax exemption. If you gift beyond $13,000 during a year, you have to file a gift tax return, but the $5 million exemption offsets any potential gift tax.
     
  22. Fly Girl
    Ideal_Rock

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    by Fly Girl » Dec 1, 2011
    Yes, yes, and technically, no, not the first house. They did lend us money to build our second (vacation) home. The loan has been paid back in full. We drew up loan papers, signed them, and declared the interest on our tax returns. We were such a good investment that my father was disappointed when we paid off the loan early. :wink2:

    Congratulations to you and your daughter. I'm sure you will enjoy visiting her in her lovely new home.
     
  23. gardengloves
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    by gardengloves » Dec 1, 2011

    Your grandfather sounds amazing, how fortunate you are.. I too was not big with weddings and parties for my kids, but if they need pick up truck, education loan, housing down payment.. that;s where I can help, but the rules are they be responsible, maintain credit.. then I can help
     
  24. kenny
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    by kenny » Dec 1, 2011
    It depends.
    There are good and bad sides to what you did.

    These kinds of things are not ALL right or ALL wrong.
     
  25. Dancing Fire
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    by Dancing Fire » Dec 1, 2011
    yes,and i've heard from both sides... :bigsmile: when are you gonna let her grow up? how much longer are you gonna baby her?
     
  26. Kaleigh
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    by Kaleigh » Dec 1, 2011
    I know you did the right thing DF. You have been loking forward to this day for many years. You love watching the market, she got a great house. Didn't over pay for it, yet quite the opposite...

    Congrats to both of you.

    You taught her well... :wavey:
     
  27. VRBeauty
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    by VRBeauty » Dec 2, 2011
    If you can afford to give that amount without it endangering your welfare - which I suspect is the case - I think you did do the right thing.

    I was only about 2 years into my career when I bought my house. My parents co-signed on the loan and lent me a few thousand dollars for the downpayment - I could have made the downpayment on my own, but it would have left me with practically no savings, which was not a comfortable feeling. I repaid them with interest (to their great surprise, I suspect), and assumed full responsibility for the loan, within two or three years.

    Whether it's in the form of a downpayment, a dowry, or a gift of land, the practice of parents helping their kids establish their first home is an old tradition. I certainly didn't feel entitled to this kind of help but I appreciated it greatly, and it's one of the only times I've accepted monetary help from my parents as an adult.
     
  28. Laila619
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    by Laila619 » Dec 2, 2011
    DF, it's a very nice thing to do for your child(ren) as long as they are responsible. =)

    My parents have offered to give my DH and me money for a down payment too.
     
  29. mayerling
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    by mayerling » Dec 2, 2011
    Yes, I think you did the right thing. Though, I would prefer it if you stopped calling it a loan and referred to it as a gift. A parent lending a child something, and expecting it back, just seems wrong to me.
     
  30. iheartscience
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    by iheartscience » Dec 2, 2011
    Really? I don't think there's anything wrong with loaning a kid money. I've been on the receiving end of gifts and loans from my parents (although not for my down payment-we paid that ourselves).

    DF-as long as your daughter is financially independent otherwise, I think it was very generous of you.
     

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