Issue...am I wrong?

[PrincessD]

Sorry girls & guys this is gonna be long.
Few thing about my future husband and I, we met back in highschool 2000 and just got engaged in may and we are getting married in Vegas in April 2009.

Now heres the issue. My brother and his girlfriend have been dating for 2 years this march and he proposed to her this christmas. Now, before he proposed he told me he wanted the wedding to be in July of 2010. Which I thought would be perfect, but I know its not my decision. FYI, both him and his girlfriend are supposed to be in our wedding. two days after he proposes his fiance is looking at bridesmaid dresses that are identical to mine and is already talking dates and cakes. She asks me if Im ok with sept this year and I said yeah, but he said july of next year. Now, today my brother texts me out of the blue "im thinkin july" I text him back july of 2010?you already said that. Then I realize he means july of this year so I call him and he answers and is immediatley mean to me. He says he''s not going to make his fiance wait another yr and half for ins. I explain to him that my mom, stepdad, sister, and gram(which all live in vegas) are using their vacation time for our wedding, wont be able to come out here to theirs and he says "who cares, dad isnt coming to yours, mom doesnt have to come to mine" Now, my dad said he wont be making it to mine, he didnt want to. On the other hand My mom wants to come to his, but she CANT. He then goes on to say that I didnt think about anyone but myself when I decided to have a wedding in vegas, which is so untrue, I called all my siblings to make sure they could make it, and none of them had any problem with it. Which a wedding is about were the bride and groom want it, not all of their guests. I dont talk to my dad because my stepmom always has rude comments to make to both of us like "thats sleezy, or you''re pressuring him into marrying you and it''ll never work out if you get married." And when I told my dad we were engaged he said "what does that mean", and immediatley changed the conversation. Then he ended the conversation with "call me when you get over yourself"

My brother has always been the person that needs attention first of all. He treats his fiance like crap and she''s actually afraid of him as far as I can tell. His fiance has been textin me all day with rude comments as well, like "you get one day, not a whole year" and your brothers upset that you didnt congratulate us, which is so untrue I called them and said congrats and I loved them. Which I should also say that when I told my brother we were engaged his first words were " I hope he realized what he just did" who says that? . Im just sooo upset and I told them I dont want them in our wedding. I cant stand next to someone on the biggest day of my life knowing the hurtful things that were said.

Did I do the right thing, or was I wrong in freaking out?

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

Wow. I am so sorry to hear how unsupportive your family is being. When is your wedding in relation to your brother's? I know it totally sucks but in the end there is nothing you can do. It sounds like your brother is super selfish and egocentric and will likely do what he wants. His fiance doesn't sound much better... with her immature texting and all... I would just keep planning your wedding per usual. The people who matter most will be those who end up showing up. If they can't make it to both weddings, that's your brother's fault. Most people will probably try to make it to yours if they have already said they would. Even if no one shows up - try not to sweat it. As long as you and your FI are there, that's all that matters. It might be better if your brother didn't show up anyway so you can avoid family drama.

 

[Structenggirl]

I guess I'm not sure WHY you are freaking out...your wedding is in April and it sounds like you already know everyone is coming. Your brother is planning his wedding for 3 months after yours, right? If he's fine with people potentially not being able to attend his wedding because they've already committed to yours, that's his issue. I hope I didn't totally misunderstand your post...It sucks to have drama when you are planning your wedding, but I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Gypsy]

Date: 12/31/2008 8:08:13 PM
Author: Structenggirl
I guess I''m not sure WHY you are freaking out...your wedding is in April and it sounds like you already know everyone is coming. Your brother is planning his wedding for 3 months after yours, right? If he''s fine with people potentially not being able to attend his wedding because they''ve already committed to yours, that''s his issue.

Yeah, ditto. Got tired just reading the post. You''ve got enough to worry about without stressing about all of this drama. As Structen pointed out, there''s no need for the drama, it''s a pretty straighforward thing. Yes, you overreacted. Frankly, none of you sound like you are handing this with any grace-- them or you. If you don''t want them as your attendants, then don''t have them as you attendants, but make that decision with a cool head, not in the heat of emotion. These are people that you are going to have in your life for a long time, if you ''fire'' them as your attendants that is going to create a lot of hard feelings in the long run. I would be the bigger person, call them and apologize for flipping out, tell them that you are happy for them, and leave it at that. At the rate they are going they are probably going to change the date in a week anyway. You can''t control it, try not to stress about it.

 

[bee*]

Date: 1/1/2009 5:45:32 AM
Author: Gypsy

Date: 12/31/2008 8:08:13 PM

Author: Structenggirl

I guess I''m not sure WHY you are freaking out...your wedding is in April and it sounds like you already know everyone is coming. Your brother is planning his wedding for 3 months after yours, right? If he''s fine with people potentially not being able to attend his wedding because they''ve already committed to yours, that''s his issue.

Yeah, ditto. Got tired just reading the post. You''ve got enough to worry about without stressing about all of this drama. As Structen pointed out, there''s no need for the drama, it''s a pretty straighforward thing. Yes, you overreacted. Frankly, none of you sound like you are handing this with any grace-- them or you. If you don''t want them as your attendants, then don''t have them as you attendants, but make that decision with a cool head, not in the heat of emotion. These are people that you are going to have in your life for a long time, if you ''fire'' them as your attendants that is going to create a lot of hard feelings in the long run. I would be the bigger person, call them and apologize for flipping out, tell them that you are happy for them, and leave it at that. At the rate they are going they are probably going to change the date in a week anyway. You can''t control it, try not to stress about it.

ditto to both posts. There is no need for any drama with this. You''re getting married in April, he''s getting married in July. It''s not the same day, week or month. He seems to not mind if people cannot make it so once he''s fine with that there should be no problem.

 

[Tuckins1]

Wow. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this... It's really difficult to deal with hurtful people, especially when it's your own family! What kind of people behave like that!?! I would never DREAM of texting/saying the things that your brother's fiancee is saying to you. She sounds like she might be jealous or at the very least, petty, to me. Your dad and stepmom sound like real winners too...

(I can somewhat relate to the snarky family members myself) Just focus on the people who are supportive and look forward to your special day. The fact that the weddings are in different months should make it a non-issue... I say don't make another comment about your brother's wedding. If he wants to have it at that time, let him. That's his problem if others cannot attend.

 

[lauralu]

I agree with the previous posters....it must be difficult to have to deal with this kind of drama. Sorry for that

Take a moment to slow it down and breath and think about the whole picture. I understand your initial reaction. Now focus on your day which is not the same as theirs. Move past this and leave your brother and his wife2be's immaturity behind and plan your perfect day for you and your guy

 

[galvana]

I agree with the other posts too. Who cares if his wedding is in July? Its AFTER yours? he is the one who may not have people there cuz they are already taking time off to go to yours, so why are you upset?

Try not to let this upset, wedding planning is crazy ---- there will be plenty of other things (w/planning) to get upset about!

 

[AmberGretchen]

OK, so as far as I can tell the main issue is around some family members who may not be able to make it to both weddings if they are so close together.

If that''s true, that should be the ONLY issue, and it should be discussed in a calm, rational, manner. You already have a date and plans, and these family members have already decided to attend your wedding, and this is important to you.

If your brother understands that these family members will not be able to attend his wedding because of their prior commitment to yours, and is OK with that, then that is his decision, however much you may disagree with it.

I really think that this should be all there is to it, and the rest seems, as others have said, immature and unnecessarily dramatic and hurtful. I''d take a few steps back and just think about it for a week or two and then re-evaluate.

 

[purrfectpear]

Actually your brother is correct when he says "you get a day, not a month or a year".

Unless they pick the same day, it''s his affair as to who shows up and who doesn''t. Enjoy YOUR wedding day and try not to worry about what goes on with his.

If he botches it that''s his problem.

If your mom wants to attend both, and she can''t afford the second ticket then perhaps he''ll help her out. One weeks vacation should be sufficient to make both weddings.

 

[Rhea]

Date: 1/1/2009 9:31:40 AM
Author: bee*

Date: 1/1/2009 5:45:32 AM

Author: Gypsy

Date: 12/31/2008 8:08:13 PM


Author: Structenggirl


I guess I''m not sure WHY you are freaking out...your wedding is in April and it sounds like you already know everyone is coming. Your brother is planning his wedding for 3 months after yours, right? If he''s fine with people potentially not being able to attend his wedding because they''ve already committed to yours, that''s his issue.

Yeah, ditto. Got tired just reading the post. You''ve got enough to worry about without stressing about all of this drama. As Structen pointed out, there''s no need for the drama, it''s a pretty straighforward thing. Yes, you overreacted. Frankly, none of you sound like you are handing this with any grace-- them or you. If you don''t want them as your attendants, then don''t have them as you attendants, but make that decision with a cool head, not in the heat of emotion. These are people that you are going to have in your life for a long time, if you ''fire'' them as your attendants that is going to create a lot of hard feelings in the long run. I would be the bigger person, call them and apologize for flipping out, tell them that you are happy for them, and leave it at that. At the rate they are going they are probably going to change the date in a week anyway. You can''t control it, try not to stress about it.

ditto to both posts. There is no need for any drama with this. You''re getting married in April, he''s getting married in July. It''s not the same day, week or month. He seems to not mind if people cannot make it so once he''s fine with that there should be no problem.

Ditto to the previous posters.

 

[LauraBabe08]

I agree with the above posters.

I know this is a difficult time and wedding planning is quite stressful.

You are smart to question your reaction. Yes, you did over-react. But its not the ned of the world. Every bride-to-be does at some time or another. ( I have had multiple incidents - a couple with my mom, and one with the lady at the invitation store. I apologized for all of them and things are better than ever now).

I would advise that you keep your family in your wedding party and not "kick them out." You will regret it later if they are not there standing at the alter with you.