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Is this wedding band ok with my E-ring? (pic heavy)

violetskies

violetskies

Rough_Rock
Joined
Jul 10, 2012
Messages
8
(sorry if this isn't the correct forum, I wasn't entirely sure where to ask this.)

So my Grandmother offered me my great-grandmother's wedding band for my upcoming (December 12th!) wedding.

I was totally surprised, and honoured by this, and of course accepted!
Now in honest truth I half wanted to say yes as I know how much the ring means to my Nana as her mum died very young and never even got to meet me, and I half felt obliged to say yes, as it's not really the band I would have chosen myself - if that makes sense.

This band is so slim! It is probably 1.5 or 1.8mm, but definitely less than 2mm. It also has a very shallow profile.
It is a plain band, in 22k gold. Hallmarked 1922. Slightly out of shape and wearing a little thin at the back, but that's just its age. The jeweller told me I can't fix that without losing the original hallmark. My nana has also said point blank she is NOT ok with me doing anything that removes the original hallmark.

I don't really think it looks ok when wearing it alone. It is very thin. I do only have size 4 fingers so it's not *that* bad, but still.

Now I LOVE my engagement ring to death! It is an 18k gold 2.2mm band with a 0.8 carat RB diamond (twist prong setting). It will sit flush against the wedding band but there is such a difference in width and depth between the two bands, and also a slight difference in colour (18k to 22k).

Basically I'm wondering -
1) Do you personally think the rings look nice together, as a wedding set? Please be honest, my feelings are not easily hurt!
2) Will the fact that they are two different carats of gold have a long term effect on either band? If so, how badly?
3) Do you think the wedding band looks ok when worn alone?
4) Would you be concerned that the wedding band is already wearing visibly thinner at the back? Is it likely to not hold up over the daily wear over the course of what I hope will be a very long and happy marriage?
5) If you were me, what would you do? Keep the ring? Swap in a new replacement ring and just don't tell my Nana? :oops: Something else?

I am more concerned with the safety of the wedding ring than anything else. Thanks everyone!

Ps. Please excuse the gross finger plaster in the photos, and the horrible hands in general!

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It is a bit thicker than I'd suggest, but ound you wear it as a spacer between your ering and a blingier wedding band? It covers the family heirloom sentimental connection and serves a purpose as a spacer! Just an idea. I don't think there would be an issue of the two golds rubbing together aside from normal wear. It's held up 90 years already...it should go several more years!!
 
I love your e-ring setting! I'd never really thought it was true that NSEW prongs make rounds look more round, but on yours it totally does.

1) I think they look good together.

2) Umm, I don't know, but I don't think too much more of an effect than just the normal wearing away of two bands next to each other. For reference, my mom has worn for the past thirty years her made-by-my-grandmother wedding band and my great-grandmother's wedding band (from around 1910), which started off thin and delicate, and they are both still okay.

3) My personal opinion, which probably differs from many here, is that it's way too thin to be worn alone. But I like chunky rings.

4) Yeah, it'll need to be fixed at some point. Too bad you'll lose the hallmark, but jewelry is meant to be worn. And the hallmarks on my great-grandmother's ring, as well as another great-grandmother's ring, have worn away just from the ring being worn so much.

5) I think you should keep it if you like it, but don't worry about having to get it repaired. The set might look nice with a slim bezel-set eternity or half-eternity between the two plain-banded rings. Or you could wear it when you wear your e-ring but have a separate wedding band for when you want to wear one alone. Or wear it as your special occasion/feeling sentimental wedding band but have a different everyday one. There are tons of options.
 
I would also use it as a spacer and get a diamond wedding band to go below it. That way you have your own wedding band and can use the family one when you want!
 
Reading between the lines on your post, I'm guessing that even though you're honored by your grandmother's gift, this is not what you want for your wedding ring. What would you have gotten if your grandmother had not offered you this ring?

If it were my decision, I'd want to start with a new band because - well - I'm the kind of person who wants one wedding band to last my entire marriage (although I might be open to the concept of enhancements down the line :wink2: ) and I'd want to be sure that I started out with a ring that would survive many years of marriage. I know wedding bands don't remain in pristine condition, but I'd want the signs of wear to reflect the longevity of my marriage, not someone else's (not even a beloved relative). I'd also want the option of engraving my band.

And, hard as it might be, that's what I'd tell my Nana!
 
Since you didn't meet your grandmother's mom, you have no real meaningful connection with her ring: give it back to your grandmother and tell her you're afraid of damaging the precious band...the ring should be with someone who really loves it.
Buy yourself whatever you like: you're starting a new life, so get your own new band to represent it.
 
I would wear it as a spacer or start a stacking set on your right hand.
 
I think they look lovely together, but it's a bit plain on its own - for my taste.
Show us a picture of the wedding ring you had in mnd before your nana offered this ring. Do those two go together?
I also like the idea of this heirloom as a spacer for a diamond band.
 
What about wearing it alone on your right hand? I always love the look of a simple band on the right hand. Then you honour your great-grandmother and grandmother, and you can still choose a band that suits your taste and ring.

I have to ask, where did you find your ering setting? My Mom has been searching for one just like it - they are hard to come by!!
 
Thanks for the opinions and ideas everyone.

I was only really thinking of a slim plain gold band anyway, just one that was the same size as my e-ring band so that it looked substantial enough to wear alone if need be & so I didn't have to worry constantly about it breaking! Problem is my Nana is so delighted I am using her mother's ring that considering turning her down breaks my heart, especially since I would only be adding a few extra mm in width if I replaced it. I am totally torn as to whether it is worth upsetting her over.

distracts said:
I love your e-ring setting! I'd never really thought it was true that NSEW prongs make rounds look more round, but on yours it totally does.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much! I think that because both the setting and the prongs are yellow gold it helps to pop the white of the diamond which adds to it too.

VRBeauty said:
I'd want the signs of wear to reflect the longevity of my marriage, not someone else's (not even a beloved relative).
Click to expand...
This is very much how I feel about it too,


rainydaze said:
I have to ask, where did you find your ering setting? My Mom has been searching for one just like it - they are hard to come by!!.
Click to expand...

It's from 77diamonds.com, It's called the north star setting (under contemporary engagement rings), it's fab because although it's a twist prong setting it sits flush against a wedding band so you don't need a shaped one, it took forever for me to find it because I really wanted the whole setting prongs included to be in yellow gold.
 
Thanks violetskies, I've passed the info on to my Mom!

Being that this is your wedding ring and you will wear it/look at it every day, I think it is perfectly acceptable that it should be what you want it to be both aesthetically and sentimentally. I wouldn't fudge anything to your Grandma - you don't need to. The idea that you would like a new wedding band to "reflect the longevity of my marriage, not someone else's (not even a beloved relative)." is a lovely sentiment. You could say just that, and while I don't know your Grandma, I think she'd be hard-pressed to give you grief over that. Then you could reiterate that having your Great-Grandma's band is just a meaningful to you, and you'd like to honour that as well, by wearing it around your neck on a chain, wearing it along with your wedding band, wearing it on your right hand, making it into a pin to wear with scarves or on your favorite jacket, etc.
 
Uhh, maybe this is a dumb questions, but why can't you have 2 wedding bands? I know there are ladies who wear a pave band on either side of their e-ring, and used both rings during their wedding ceremony. Why not get what you want and use the heirloom band, too?
 
Can I ask where you got the setting for your ering? I love it!
 
How about use the ring to be married with and then put it away and wear it occasionally? That way Nana would feel wonderful that it was used for the ceremony.It would be in the pictures and you could always have the story to share. Because you know she is going to be so proud the day of and telling everyone...lol, bless her heart.
I got married with a very thin sterling silver Tiffany band,(wedding band wasn't done yet) and I don't wear it everyday, I usually wear a thin diamond band. But I do bust it out sometimes and wear the one I was married with on my right and sometimes my left hand.
I would also be concerned with losing it or anything happening to it. You could then get the band you want and wear it, have it engraved if possible with something meaningful or your wedding date and then it would still mean something to you even though it wasn't the actual ring in the ceremony.
 
Enerchi|1346036001|3257637 said:
It is a bit thicker than I'd suggest, but ound you wear it as a spacer between your ering and a blingier wedding band? It covers the family heirloom sentimental connection and serves a purpose as a spacer! Just an idea. I don't think there would be an issue of the two golds rubbing together aside from normal wear. It's held up 90 years already...it should go several more years!!
Click to expand...

This was exactly what I was going to say! Get married with 2 wedding bands but this one will be the spacer worn between the two new rings. I think it would be very pretty with a diamond wedding band! I would not want the heirloom ring to be my only wedding band since it is a little thin and couldn't really be work alone. But if you use both at the wedding, you won't be disappointing your grandmother!
 
I am a big fan of the stacking idea. I personally would put the bling between the two bands, simply because the slight color difference between karats bugs me. But that may just be my ocd kicking in!
 
Sorry...it doesn't go with you engagement ring :cry:

Keep the ring, because you nan wants you to have it. but definitely look for a wedding band, that is in keeping with your engagement ring.

The different colors of gold and width just look odd to me.

Blod
 
I would use it as a spacer.
 
diamondseeker2006|1346036859|3257643 said:
I would also use it as a spacer and get a diamond wedding band to go below it. That way you have your own wedding band and can use the family one when you want!
Click to expand...

Same opinion for me!
 
Both my mother and my mother-in-law had plain gold bands that eventually wore out and needed to be replaced. This took about 40 years of daily wear. I'm thinking this old thin 22k band will not last for many more years. As others have pointed out, there is nothing wrong with having an additional wedding band. I'd go ahead and have two wedding bands to wear. I'd get another plain band that matches your e-ring for everyday wear, and keep this one for special family events when granny will be there. :wink2:
 
I would keep it. She obviously wants you to have it.

It looks okay with your ring, I like a plain set like that, and I like thin bands so it looks ok on it's own to me.

Honestly, I would just buy a band you like and wear that as an everyday band after the ceremony. Since age is an issue and she doesn't want you to fix it and remove the hallmark you have the perfect "excuse" as to why you need an everyday band as well (that you like and picked out!). Just tell her you are honored but that you bought a new one for everyday wear so that you won't wear it out. Wear it during family functions or something, or as a RHR when she is around. Or, you could wear that one on your RH during the wedding and use the new one in the ceremony. But I wouldn't give it back to her completely, I think that would hurt her feelings. I think there are numerous ways you can come up with a good compromise. :) I totally understand wanting one you picked out yourself, but I don't think you have to give it totally back in order to make her happy too. :)
 
I would choose a 3/4 eternity or diamond band to wear alongside your Grandma's ring.
For such an important family heirloom, I also love luvsdmb's suggestion to use the ring for your ceremony, and then put it someplace safe.
Plenty of older jewellery loses the hallmarks just through wear!
All the best to you and your Grandma! :)
 
Did your grandmother wear this ring daily? If not it's likely that because it's a very sentimental piece to her, she didn't want to risk losing or damaging it herself. Therefore, I would think that she would understand if you had the same concerns. I'd just mention in conversation that since the ring is already showing signs of age and since it's important to your Gram not to lose the trademark you feel more comfortable using it for the ceremony and special occasions and that you've decided to purchase a 'replica' of the ring that you can wear everyday to honor both your Great Grandmother and Grandmother. You mentioned that you wanted a wedding band very similar anyway, but wanted it to better match your ering, so this accomplishes both.

My gram recently gave me her original engagement ring. I can't describe how meaningful and emotional this was for me. Had it gone to a member of the family that shared my feelings, I would have been happy for them, however if it had gone to someone who simply appreciated the gesture and sentiment only to put the ring away in a jewelry box, I would have been heartbroken and I believe my Gram would be too. If this ring doesn't hold meaning for you (and understandably since you were never able to have a relationship with her), I would seriously consider giving it back. Perhaps there is someone in your family, (your mom maybe? sister? cousins?) that may cherish this ring in a way that you can't.

However if you do cherish the ring but simply prefer to wear your own wedding band, chosen specifically for you, I'd consider finding a fab antique eternity band and wearing the two together on my right hand. I absolutely adore the look of a plain thin band paired with a thin eternity. :love: This way, you honor both of your grandmothers and also have a band of your own to symbolize YOUR marriage.
 
My friend had this exact same issue. She was offered her grandmothers wedding ring by her mother when thoughts turned to planning the wedding. It was a very thin, 1mm 22 carat yellow gold band. Her engagement ring was platinum & she really wanted a full platinum diamond eternity wedding band. So she used both. Her husband popped on the diamond eternity first during the ceremony, followed by the gold band. It is a lovely look & this way she has the best of both worlds. She hasn't offended anyone, she got the diamond band she wanted, and sometimes she removes the engagement & yellow band to wear the eternity alone. Her mother fully understands and at the end of the day, it is something she has to wear on her finger for the rest of her married life, so she had to be happy with her choices. Weddings can be difficult. You can't please everyone & ultimately, it's all about you & what you're happy with :))

Good luck 8)
 
I'd also use it as a spacer and get a wedding band that matches your eng. ring.
 
I agree. I'd use it as a stacker and get a diamond wedding band! Or put hers on a chain and wear it that way.
 
I'd use it as a spacer too. Your ering is beautiful, I love the setting.
 
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