Is there a standard donation for a "Jack and Jill"?

[SunShyne83]

We live on the other side of the country from the 120 people we''re inviting to the wedding - so we are obviously flying to them.

But we made friends in our west coast city who cannot afford to fly out.

If we were to hold a "pub night" or something to that extent, do you charge a "cover" to get into the room?

THANKS!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Meaning...charge people to attend your wedding celebration?

If thats what you meant by the pub night cover charge, I have to admit I''m surprised by the question...NO, thats it!!!!

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/6/2009 10:51:18 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Meaning...charge people to attend your wedding celebration?


If thats what you meant by the pub night cover charge, I have to admit I''m surprised by the question...NO, thats it!!!!

Agreed...if you are inviting people to celebrate with you you don''t charge them, you host them IMO.

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 1/6/2009 11:03:34 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/6/2009 10:51:18 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Meaning...charge people to attend your wedding celebration?


If thats what you meant by the pub night cover charge, I have to admit I''m surprised by the question...NO, thats it!!!!

Agreed...if you are inviting people to celebrate with you you don''t charge them, you host them IMO.

Without a doubt, a big fat DITTO here!

 

[EricaR]

Date: 1/6/2009 11:28:11 PM
Author: pocahontas

Date: 1/6/2009 11:03:34 PM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/6/2009 10:51:18 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor
Meaning...charge people to attend your wedding celebration?


If thats what you meant by the pub night cover charge, I have to admit I''m surprised by the question...NO, thats it!!!!

Agreed...if you are inviting people to celebrate with you you don''t charge them, you host them IMO.

Without a doubt, a big fat DITTO here!

Ditto ditto ditto!

 

[sammyj]

I think everyone who has responded may not be completely clear on what a Jack & Jill is....as it's not just a wedding celebration but a way to 'raise funds' for the wedding. At least that's what I know a Jack & Jill to be. I grabbed a definition from wikipedia:



In Canada, a stag and doe, or buck and doe, is a wedding tradition popular in Southern Ontario.[1] The event is usually organized by the bridal party, but in some circumstances may also be held by the bride and groom before they are married, similar to a combined bachelor party and bachelorette party, or a 'Jack & Jill.' It acts as a fundraiser for the wedding. Guests purchase entrance tickets and are entertained by draws, food and drink, music and games.

SunShyne, the Jack&Jill's I have been to typically charge $10 admission and they usually take place in a hall/community centre.

 

[neatfreak]

Date: 1/7/2009 8:33:29 AM
Author: sammyj
I think everyone who has responded may not be completely clear on what a Jack & Jill is....as it's not just a wedding celebration but a way to 'raise funds' for the wedding. At least that's what I know a Jack & Jill to be. I grabbed a definition from wikipedia:

In Canada, a stag and doe, or buck and doe, is a wedding tradition popular in Southern Ontario.[1] The event is usually organized by the bridal party, but in some circumstances may also be held by the bride and groom before they are married, similar to a combined bachelor party and bachelorette party, or a 'Jack & Jill.' It acts as a fundraiser for the wedding. Guests purchase entrance tickets and are entertained by draws, food and drink, music and games.


SunShyne, the Jack&Jill's I have been to typically charge $10 admission and they usually take place in a hall/community centre.

That may be, but the OP implied that she was inviting people to celebrate her wedding with her on the west coast who couldn't make it to the wedding, which IMO is different than a Jack and Jill. But for what it's worth, I don't think J&J type things are terribly appropriate either...sorry for anyone who likes them, but I don't think it's the responsibility of the couple's friends to pay for their wedding in any shape or form.

 

[Octavia]

Date: 1/7/2009 9:15:59 AM
Author: neatfreak

Date: 1/7/2009 8:33:29 AM

Author: sammyj

I think everyone who has responded may not be completely clear on what a Jack & Jill is....as it's not just a wedding celebration but a way to 'raise funds' for the wedding. At least that's what I know a Jack & Jill to be. I grabbed a definition from wikipedia:


In Canada, a stag and doe, or buck and doe, is a wedding tradition popular in Southern Ontario.[1] The event is usually organized by the bridal party, but in some circumstances may also be held by the bride and groom before they are married, similar to a combined bachelor party and bachelorette party, or a 'Jack & Jill.' It acts as a fundraiser for the wedding. Guests purchase entrance tickets and are entertained by draws, food and drink, music and games.



SunShyne, the Jack&Jill's I have been to typically charge $10 admission and they usually take place in a hall/community centre.

That may be, but the OP implied that she was inviting people to celebrate her wedding with her on the west coast who couldn't make it to the wedding, which IMO is different than a Jack and Jill. But for what it's worth, I don't think J&J type things are terribly appropriate either...sorry for anyone who likes them, but I don't think it's the responsibility of the couple's friends to pay for their wedding in any shape or form.

I agree with Neat...the idea of something like this would be very off-putting to me. I always thought a Jack & Jill was just a combined bachelor/bachelorette party, so apparently this type of thing isn't very popular where I'm from or where I live now. If they're popular where you live and people expect to be solicited to pay for your wedding, then that's one thing, but I'd make very sure that's the case and that they won't be offended before holding a party like this. My friends, not being accustomed to them, would probably be horrified if I asked them to help pay for my wedding.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

I agree with Neat and Octavia...I find the whole idea of a "Jack and Jill" or "Buck and Doe" or whatever to be off putting. I personally aline it with the "the couple is requesting cash instead of gifts" comments we''ve all balked at before. Basically, I live by the mantra that you don''t invite people to a dinner party and hope they bring the food...meaning, if you''re the host you should fully prepared to foot 100% of the cost.

 

[Guilty Pleasure]

When you say West Coast, do you mean the US or Canada? Unless it is a common thing in the area that you live, I would suggest not doing this (if you''re in the US). To my knowledge, that is not done anywhere in the US, and would certainly be taken the wrong way, even if it is a happy tradition in Canada. When in Rome, do as the Romans do!


I''ve never heard of a Jack and Jill being a fundraising event. The term in my experience either means a co-ed shower or a co-ed bachelor/bachelorette party.

 

[ilovethiswebsite]

I recently went to a J&J in Ontario... I think my FI gave them 25$ per ticket, and bought like 3 tickets. I had never heard of a J&J before this, as I am originally from Quebec... Anyway - I wasn''t very impressed with the situation but my FI didn''t seem phased by it. He is from Southern Ontario so I guess he is used to the idea. I thought it was weird.

 

[pocahontas]

Okay, as an Ontarian I feel the need to speak up... I also find the idea of money-grabbing stag and does (or whatever you want to call them) appalling. To be honest, I've never been to one where I've had to pay so not all Ontarians think this is a wonderful idea. I have to admit though that my FI has attended several Bachelor-type parties where he bought an admission ticket that in essence paid for a 4 course meal, or buffet and prizes at a banquet hall. Alcoholic drinks had to be purchased from the bar. A big CAVEAT to this though is that on each and every occasion the event was organized by the best man and not the groom-to-be, which I think is very different imho. Sorry for the rant, but I didn't want people to think all Ontarians think throwing your own party and asking for money is acceptable

ETA: I agree with Neat (again) that my understanding of the original question was whether or not to charge for a wedding celebration. As I've already posted, I think this is totally unacceptable as is the idea of asking for money on any occasion.

 

[Sabine]

If this is a bachelor/bachelorette type party, you might be able to get away with asking guests to pay for their own admission, as long as it is NOT above the cost of what they are actually getting! So if they are getting dinner and drinks, you could ask them to pay for what that would cost. At least where I''m from, if there is an activity (dinner, show, drinks), the guests expect to pay their own way, but they are not expected to pay extra to give a gift to the bride/groom.

 

[Munchkin]

I would not charge a "cover." I would be very offended if I were a guest and it were expected/requested of me.

As for Jack and Jill parties, I had always thought it simply meant a coed party. (Be it shower or bachelor/bachelorette) I first heard of it being a fundraising notion when I moved for a job. Upon hearing I was engaged, a woman at my new job kept encouraging me to throw a "Jack and Jill" because she and her ex-fiance "made SOO much money off it." I was horrified. She even went on to explain that she had a "money tree" at the entrance for people to tie money to - in addition to selling drinks, tickets, etc. Honestly, I was so dumbfounded I think I just walked away. The concept is so opposite my view of hospitality that I didn''t even know how to respond. She brought it up multiple times during the engagement. I started simply changing the subject whenever she mentioned it.

 

[musey]

Date: 1/7/2009 10:38:04 AM
Author: Guilty Pleasure
When you say West Coast, do you mean the US or Canada?

Or Australia? I ask because the OP''s username is SunShyne, perhaps as in the Sunshine (east, in that case where shed be from) Coast of Australia? Wow that was a leap.

I agree that, generally, people in most areas would be offended to be asked to pay for a ticket to such an event.

 

[teapot]

I always thought J&J meant coed. It is not customary in my circle to pay for admission into a party to help pay for the wedding. We pay cash at the wedding instead. I wouldn''t know what to do if someone expected me to pay.

 

[SunShyne83]

I am in Victoria, British Columbia.

I know in Ontario it''s pretty standard to hold a bar night where people bring $5-10 to the bride and groom.

My fiance and I were debating over this for a while.

Thanks for answering the question.

 

[missjaxon]

I am from Saskatchewan and I have never heard of a Jack & Jill. I personally would be upset if somebody invited me to anything where I was expected to contribute to their wedding fund.

 

[Porridge]

Are your friends familiar with a Jack&Jill? Maybe most responses here are a little negative because the posters haven't heard of it (like me, and I'm personally not completely enamored with the idea either, but I've never heard of it!) But if it's fairly normal in your area, and the people you're inviting are familiar with the concept, then I'd go ahead with it. I suppose only you know if you, your fiance and your friends would be comfortable with it. Maybe people would be happy to give a little something since they won't be at the wedding. And maybe you can make it worth the $10 (or whatever) with entertainment! Karaoke anyone? Anyone?? Hey, where you guys running off to???

 

[pocahontas]

Date: 1/12/2009 7:31:03 PM
Author: SunShyne83
I am in Victoria, British Columbia.

I know in Ontario it''s pretty standard to hold a bar night where people bring $5-10 to the bride and groom.

My fiance and I were debating over this for a while.

Thanks for answering the question.

FWIW, I swear not all Ontarians expect guests to contribute or pay coverage to a party hosted by the bride and groom.

 

[Gypsy]

Okay well.

If your guest's are invited to the wedding, but cannot attend (in other words they are recieving invitations but will or have declined), and you want to invite them to a celebration I think that's great.

If it's customary where you are holding the event (physical location of the party) to charge a reasonable cover, then do so at your discretion/

My opinion? Well, if you (the bride and groom) are supposed to provide food, and drinks, and entertainment... AND still supposed to profit, I guess I'm confused. I don't see how you can do this without charging for too much.

Shower's and bachelorettes are usually thrown by the attendants. So if you are an attendant throwing a party for the couple, or your attendant's are throwing one for the couple (as in they are paying for the party, but giving the 'donations' to the couple), then that makes more sense to me. You get to celebrate with people, get a lovely gift, and an informal party, but the bride and groom aren't the ones asking for the money.

As to whether I would pay for admission. Again, if it was a tradition I was aware of, AND I was invited to the wedding AND the bride and groom weren't throwing the event but it was their attendant's doing it, AND it was a reasonable expense for the event, sure. But if were chips, dip, warm soda and an ipod paying under amplified tunes for $50 a couple, and it was thrown by the couple, and it wasn't something I was familar with... not so much.