Home Is the first year really the hardest?

[zoebartlett]

For us, yes, the first year has been the hardest but it's due to circumstances unrelated to being newlyweds. Four months after we got married, my husband was laid off and he spent 6 months looking for a job in our area. That didn't work, so we moved 16 hours away from home, where we had lived close to both sets of parents and my husband's whole family. We moved to another part of the country where we only knew a few people. I didn't have a job at the time we moved, but I found one quickly after arriving. It turns out that the place I was working was horrible, so I left after only 2 months. Now we're living off of one income until I find something else. To say we're stressed is very much an understatement.

In terms of getting used to living together and the stress involved in that, the first 6 months or so we lived together was the hardest. My husband and I bought a condo together before getting engaged, and when we moved in together permanently (as opposed to one of staying over at the other one's place), there was a huge adjustment period. We had to work through a lot of issues, mainly related to cleaning and who was going to be responsible for what. It took some time, but now things are great and we're very happy.

 

[amcgookin]

I just realized this forum was here and am so happy to finally have a place after BBW and SMTR! Although I never did go back to BBW and post my wedding photos... I got lazy, but it''s still on my to do list

So we have only been married almost 7 months and for us it has been challenging.... but in a good way. We lived together for the 6 months prior to the wedding, but it does feel different post wedding. We have a couple of things going against us that is naturally making our first year harder. 1. We are both in our mid-thirties and we were very independent single people before we met each other. 2. We are polar opposites. Sometimes I think my husband was born on another planet and I am sure vice versa! 3. My DH is a horrible communicator! Me I am an over communicator

4. We have only known each other 2.5 years. Thankfully we love each other very much, truly enjoy spending time together and are 100% committed to our marriage so I know that it will get easier in time. AND thank goodness for pre-martial counseling and the post I Do counseling we decided to continue with. I know counseling isn''t for everyone or they think it''s only for crisis situations, but I am so thankful we have someone who we can go to every two weeks and talk about what''s been working and what hasn''t. Being with someone who doesn''t communicate very well this has been invaluable. I hear myself saying all the time "Wow I didn''t know you felt that way". We want to be married for the next 40 years so we thought hey let''s set us up for success by doing this. At the end of the day the more I get to know him and him me the better we respond to each other in positive ways. I think we just need time. So yes the first year has been chanllenging, but like my parents who have been married 40 years say and his parents who have been married 50 years say "marriage is hard work no matter how you look at it and you get out of it what you put into it. Just make sure you more more positive desposits into your marriage bucket than negative deposits and you will be fine.