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Is ring for the giver or the recipient?

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
It seems that a lot of times the giver will get what they want the recipient to have, but who is it for? Why are the typical rules of gift giving out the window when buying an engagement ring? Typically when someone gets you a gift they choose something they believe you would enjoy. I feel that if it is something that I am hoping to wear the rest of my life I should have some input and get what I want. I know getting the recipient involved ruins the element of surprise, but if you are close to getting engaged you've probably been pointed in the right direction dozens of times and probably don't even need to get them involved. What happens when you get a ring you don't like? I know marriage is not about the ring, but I happen to feel it is a very important thing!

What are your thoughts?
 

CaseyP

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 12, 2011
Messages
59
I feel that is it for the recipient, but the normal rules of gift giving aren't out the window.

Normally when someone gets you a present, do you go and pick it out with them? Like you said, the giver probably knows what you want, and if he feels confident in being able to select what you like, then you get surprised, and get what you want.

I, personally, brought my girlfriend in on the search because, at the cost of her being surprised, I want her to have exactly the right ring.
 

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
You don't take them with you, but most likely they get a gift receipt and can take it back. Kinda of hard to pull that one off with an engagement ring lol. I feel that when a woman says that she doesn't like her ring a lot of people see her as ungrateful or spoiled or focused on the minutiae of love and marriage.
 

CharmyPoo

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2004
Messages
7,007
The giver should give what the receiver wants. I won't use e-ring but I will give you an example of a wedding gift. My husband's aunt was extremly generous and got us a european trip for a religious pilgramage - taking up valuable vacation time before our wedding. My husaband and I aren't religious and really didn't want this gift. I didn't even end up going to due my grandma's health. Expensive gift which comes from her heart - but as the receiver .. we understand / appreciate but honestly didn't want.

PS: Is an e-ring really a gift? Some say it is just a symbol of a contract - you have to give it back if you break up but a gift you get ot keep. I remember my husband once gave me a promise diamond ring - we broke up and I gave it back and he gave it back to me .. and some how it is lost now :(
 

yssie

Super_Ideal_Rock
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Joined
Aug 14, 2009
Messages
21,109
makhro82|1316969354|3025113 said:
It seems that a lot of times the giver will get what they want the recipient to have, but who is it for? Why are the typical rules of gift giving out the window when buying an engagement ring? Typically when someone gets you a gift they choose something they believe you would enjoy. I feel that if it is something that I am hoping to wear the rest of my life I should have some input and get what I want. I know getting the recipient involved ruins the element of surprise, but if you are close to getting engaged you've probably been pointed in the right direction dozens of times and probably don't even need to get them involved. What happens when you get a ring you don't like? I know marriage is not about the ring, but I happen to feel it is a very important thing!

What are your thoughts?

I've always maintained that it's for the recipient, if necessary to the exclusion of the giver's priorities.


I've recently had a change of perspective... now I would advise to compromise wherever possible, as much as possible, because
A) it's possible that the giver won't just 'get over' the disappointment of not getting his way on some aspects, especially if he has elaborate design plans, and
B) it's possible that the receiver will care that the giver is disappointed far more than she may have originally suspected.
 

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
@Charmy--- I guess you're right it's not really a gift since you would have to potentially give it back.

@Yssie--- I think you're right that there should be some type of compromise/collaboration since in many cases it is important to both parties. I got the setting I wanted and he got to choose shape. I would have loved to have an asscher, but he is traditional and wanted a round. I adore my ring because it is combination of exactly what we both wanted. Even though I was promised an asscher cut emerald RHR one day :Up_to_something:
 

CaprineSun

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Sep 30, 2010
Messages
547
I think it's both. The receiver should like what they are getting, whilst not totally relinquishing the joy the giver receives from giving said gift.

For my SO, when it comes to the ring, he REALLY wants to surprise me. At the same time, he wanted more to make sure I would love what I received so he let me become very involved.

However, I know he dreams of a surprise proposal. I've posted here about this and comments have been that what I want matters more and to stay involved throughout the whole process.

I won't do that. I want my SO to be just as happy about this process as I am. I often catch him talking to friends and researching online how to do the best romantic surprise proposal. It means so much to him and I won't take that away. Unlike many LIW's, I will not know when he has the ring and won't necessarily be 'waiting' for him to give it to me.

My plan: Help in getting the stone. Pick out the setting. I have typed out any modifications I want made as if I'm directly speaking with the vendor. I will email it to him. And from there, when he feels it it's right to start the process of having the setting made --whether it is a few months from now or even a year-- he will initiate that. Also, the question came up about not seeing the CAD's or hand designs as the ring is being made. I'm giving that part to my SO. He can make those little decisions; he can have that part of the process. Even if they are small imperfections-- I'll know they came with the best of intentions and love from him.

Although I am helping with obtaining the stone (via numbers on the certificates, IS images, ASETS, etc), I have not seen the stone. He will make the decision of what his eyes will love for me to have. The first time I will lay my eyes on the actual stone & setting will be when he surprises me with a proposal. I know I will love it and will be even happier that he got to do this the way he wanted. And it's all because he loves me so much.

While this way is not for many PSers, I think it's the best for me- and I'm so excited! :appl:
 

swingirl

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Joined
Apr 6, 2006
Messages
5,660
I don't think of an ering in the same way as a birthday gift. It represents a promise to wed, is worn everyday, and is kept for a very very long time (well, these days women want upgrades). If the promise is broken by the woman, the ring is supposed to be returned. So the rules are a little different that a typical gift. I always wonder about men who insist on buying what they want and not take into consideration what their gf wants, likes or feel comfortable in. I have tried on many rings that were uncomfortable and unattractive on my finger. But if the bf could care less, what does that say about the relationship?

The best of both worlds is when the woman has input and has her likes and dislikes taken into consideration. And the man puts it all together so that both feel like they contributed to a beautiful ring that they both are proud of.
 

marcy

Super_Ideal_Rock
Premium
Joined
Feb 27, 2007
Messages
24,119
I think it is for the recipient. Since the ering is such a large investment I think it's a good idea for both giver and recipient to have input and find something they both like.
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
Trade
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Apr 26, 2007
Messages
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I think gifts are for the recipient ... but I think the e-ring is an interesting case-in-point because the common social perspective is that it's something the guy selects alone, that represents how he feels about his fiancee. How many of us have heard an approving, "Oh, he done good!" or "He must love you very much!" if the ring is big and blingy, or gotten some obnoxious comment about the state of the relationship if it doesn't measure up to the viewer's standards? I think guys are sort of semi-aware of that, so they tend to want things that they see as being "them" rather than things which are fussy/girly, sometimes. Which ... sort of defeats the purpose, as the point of the thing is to make their loved one happy, not brand her! The intentions are good, I know - I just think the resulting actions need to be thought through.

Oh, for the days when we all choose these things together, and men get to wear symbols of commitment, too ....
 

jewels2

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Sep 19, 2008
Messages
349
I have never understood guys who insist on a particular style/shape of an engagement ring. Why would he care that much when he isn't the one to ever wear it. My husband has his opinion of course , he doesn't like the look of Halos for instance, but if I wanted to wear one it certainly wouldn't bother him. It would drive me bonkers, personally, if I had a SO that insisted on having a say on what kind of jewelry or handbag (belong to a purse forum too LOL) that I chose to wear. Just my personal feelings :bigsmile:
 

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
jewels2|1316986550|3025347 said:
handbag (belong to a purse forum too LOL) that I chose to wear.
Where is this deliciousness?
 

smokey99

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Aug 16, 2011
Messages
124
Im sorry but I just dont get it. What makes you think you are entitled to "get what you want"? These are engament rings- a promise to marry, a symbolism of an agreement between two people. Its not the wedding ring/band which you and he should absolutely be picking out together.
Now, dont get me wrong- I think a guy should do his homework and have a pretty good idea going in what his future fiance would like to have. A guy wants to see his lady happy and most of us also want to make this a surprise and present you with something from the heart- both in the ring and the proposal. But I also think its childish and selfish to stomp your feet and complain because you feel you're not getting exactly what you want either. I think you should stop focusing on the object and more on the symbolsim of it and what it means coming from a man you love, to you.



An interesting read from Wiki regarding 'legal ownership' of the engagement ring...technically its not your property until the marraige... :o

"Legal ownershipIn most states of the United States, engagement rings are considered "conditional gifts" under the legal rules of property. This is an exception to the general rule that gifts cannot be revoked once properly given. See, for example, the case of Meyer v. Mitnick, 625 N.W.2d 136 (Michigan, 2001), whose ruling found the following reasoning persuasive: "the so-called 'modern trend' holds that because an engagement ring is an inherently conditional gift, once the engagement has been broken, the ring should be returned to the donor. Thus, the question of who broke the engagement and why, or who was 'at fault,' is irrelevant. This is the no-fault line of cases."

One case in New South Wales, Australia ended in the man suing his former fiancée because she threw the ring away, after he told her she could keep it even though the marriage plans had fallen through. The Supreme Court of New South Wales held that, despite what the man said, the ring remained a conditional gift (partly because his saying that she could keep it reflected his desire to salvage the relationship) and she was ordered to pay him its AUD$15,250 cost.[6]

Tradition generally holds that if the betrothal fails because the man himself breaks off the engagement, the woman is not obliged to return the ring. This reflects the ring's role as a form of compensation for the woman's damaged reputation.[5] Legally, this condition can be subject to either a modified or a strict fault rule. Under the former, the fiancé can demand the return of the ring unless he breaks the engagement. Under the latter, the fiancé is entitled to the return unless his actions caused the breakup of the relationship, the same as the traditional approach. However, a no-fault rule is being advanced in some jurisdictions, under which the fiancé is always entitled to the return of the ring. The ring only becomes the property of the woman when marriage occurs. An unconditional gift approach is another possibility, wherein the ring is always treated as a gift, to be kept by the fiancée whether or not the relationship progresses to marriage. Recent court rulings have determined that the date in which the ring was offered can determine the condition of the gift. e.g. Valentine's Day and Christmas are nationally recognized as gift giving holidays. A ring offered in the form of a Christmas present will likely remain the personal property of the recipient in the event of a breakup.[7]

In the United Kingdom, the gift of an engagement ring is presumed to be an absolute gift to the fiancée. This presumption may be rebutted however by proving that the ring was given on condition (express or implied) that it must be returned if the marriage did not take place, for whatever reason. This was decided in the case Jacobs v Davis [1917] 2 KB 532."
 

CaseyP

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 12, 2011
Messages
59
I somewhat agree with the above.

In my case, I was worried about my fiance not getting exactly what she wanted within my budget. So I brought her in and she is helping me with the design, etc.

However if I just questioned her likes/dislikes, and got her friends to help me, then made the decision myself, and she was unhappy with it from a material/ object perspective, it would really make me analyze my future commitment to her.


I mean, what guy wants to be with a girl who is more interested in the physical object of the ring than the commitment and the life changing event of a marriage? It would make me feel like she is materialistic to a fault, and short-sighted at that.
 

Circe

Ideal_Rock
Trade
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
8,087
CaseyP|1316991860|3025399 said:
I somewhat agree with the above.

In my case, I was worried about my fiance not getting exactly what she wanted within my budget. So I brought her in and she is helping me with the design, etc.

However if I just questioned her likes/dislikes, and got her friends to help me, then made the decision myself, and she was unhappy with it from a material/ object perspective, it would really make me analyze my future commitment to her.


I mean, what guy wants to be with a girl who is more interested in the physical object of the ring than the commitment and the life changing event of a marriage? It would make me feel like she is materialistic to a fault, and short-sighted at that.
But the one isn't related to the other. A relationship is a relationship, and a material object is a material object. If/when my husband returns or exchanges gifts I get him, it's not like he's trading me in! Symbolism isn't synechdoche.
 

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
smokey99|1316990812|3025388 said:
Im sorry but I just dont get it. What makes you think you are entitled to "get what you want"? These are engament rings- a promise to marry, a symbolism of an agreement between two people. Its not the wedding ring/band which you and he should absolutely be picking out together.
Now, dont get me wrong- I think a guy should do his homework and have a pretty good idea going in what his future fiance would like to have. A guy wants to see his lady happy and most of us also want to make this a surprise and present you with something from the heart- both in the ring and the proposal. But I also think its childish and selfish to stomp your feet and complain because you feel you're not getting exactly what you want either. I think you should stop focusing on the object and more on the symbolsim of it and what it means coming from a man you love, to you.
[/i]

I don't think I'm *entitled* to anything, but I do feel that if it is something that I'm going to wear for the rest of my life it should be something I get enjoyment out of as well. Before we got engaged we had been together for 8 years and to be honest the ring was a bonus to the impending marriage.At that time we'd had the love for EIGHT years so if I wanted to focus on the ring for some time (I think it was a two month period), I think that is okay. IMO my ring does not have any symbolism to me it's an object, a very nice object, but an object just the same. I care much more about the vows and the piece of paper that says married. And in no way did I ever stomp my feet or complain to get what I wanted, because to be honest I did not get exactly what I wanted we compromised. For his ring he does not like jewelry at all. If it were up to me he would've gotten something totally different than he has, but because he has to wear it he got the black diamonds that he wanted because it's what he wants to have.
 

maplefemme

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
May 12, 2011
Messages
874
When my BF asked me to show him pics of what rings I like I have to be honest, I didn't do a ton of research, it was before we found PS.
I found a small princess cut with double halo and showed him, his reaction; "You like that?! It's HIDEOUS!"
My feelings were hurt but we talked it out, he said he'd get it if that's what I really wanted, but the fact he had such a visceral reaction to it bothered me, it was important to me that he like the ring too.
I couldn't care less if he doesn't like my other rings, but I don't want him looking at my engagement ring with distaste.
It's a jewelry item, yes, but to me it's also symbolic. If it wasn't symbolic, why get an engagement ring at all?
He suggested we sit down and look together and find something we both like. It was fun but also a roller coaster, we called stones in, even put a deposit down on one but then we found PS and GOG's videos and realized we'd make the wrong choice. We lost a substantial amount of our deposit by walking away but it was important to us that we be happy with the diamond, now we are.

Bottom line here is that we are all going to have our own ideas and values on PS of how much input a woman should have on their engagement ring, if it's symbolic or if it's just an object. The reality is that the only thing that matters is that you and your partner are on the same page, then it's all copacetic. It's when one of you has different values and/or ideas on the process that problems seem to arise.
 

centralsquare

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Jan 18, 2009
Messages
2,201
maplefemme|1316996777|3025468 said:
Bottom line here is that we are all going to have our own ideas and values on PS of how much input a woman should have on their engagement ring, if it's symbolic or if it's just an object. The reality is that the only thing that matters is that you and your partner are on the same page, then it's all copacetic. It's when one of you has different values and/or ideas on the process that problems seem to arise.
Well said!
 

CharmyPoo

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Dec 10, 2004
Messages
7,007
CaseyP|1316991860|3025399 said:
I mean, what guy wants to be with a girl who is more interested in the physical object of the ring than the commitment and the life changing event of a marriage? It would make me feel like she is materialistic to a fault, and short-sighted at that.
To this point, it is just a material object so what is the big deal if it gets switched up or changed. The commitment is a different thing.
 

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
"The reality is that the only thing that matters is that you and your partner are on the same page, then it's all copacetic. It's when one of you has different values and/or ideas on the process that problems seem to arise."

Couldn't agree more! The only thing that I don't like is that sometimes if the receiver has certain preferences or desires it seems to come across as materialistic or ungrateful. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE jewelry. I was always the kid playing in someone's jewelry box. I happen to also be very picky and find jewelry to be very reflective of one's personal taste. He doesn't care for jewelry at all and I didn't understand why certain things were a big deal to me and thus was willing to let me be involved.
 

Aoife

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Jun 23, 2010
Messages
1,779
smokey99|1316990812|3025388 said:
Im sorry but I just dont get it. What makes you think you are entitled to "get what you want"? These are engament rings- a promise to marry, a symbolism of an agreement between two people. Its not the wedding ring/band which you and he should absolutely be picking out together.
Now, dont get me wrong- I think a guy should do his homework and have a pretty good idea going in what his future fiance would like to have. A guy wants to see his lady happy and most of us also want to make this a surprise and present you with something from the heart- both in the ring and the proposal. But I also think its childish and selfish to stomp your feet and complain because you feel you're not getting exactly what you want either. I think you should stop focusing on the object and more on the symbolsim of it and what it means coming from a man you love, to you.
What a very odd way of framing this issue.

In my opinion, any object that someone, man or woman, is going to be expected to wear every day for the rest of his/her life should be one that the wearer has a lot of involvement in. Otherwise it's about control and power, and not about love and commitment at all.

My DH and I have been together a very, very long time--over 37 years at this point--and while we share many tastes, the one thing he has never been is a mindreader. He has also never, ever insulted me by presuming to know better than I do what I will like. Our purchase of my engagement ring is symbolic of the way we have lived our marriage: we did it together. I didn't need him to prove his love for me by "knowing" what I would like, and I wasn't put in the position of pretending to love something because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

The bottom line for me is that if you can't be honest with each other about something like an engagement ring, which in the grand scheme is just a thing, you are going to have very tough times when life throws you some real challenges--and it will.
 

misssoph

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Apr 22, 2009
Messages
121
I think my husband really regards it as OUR engagement ring, even though I am the one who wears it. We went shopping together, then we went together to a jeweler th have it designed. It is something we did together and I fondly remember that process. I don't think either of us would feel the same if he chose it by himself and gave it me, neither woyld we feel the same if I went out, found a ring and sent him to get it.
 

purplesilk

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Oct 8, 2010
Messages
1,534
The ring is for the recipient if it is cheap, while it's for the giver if it's expensive.
If the ring is cheap, most of the times the recipient can choose it; if given something you don't like, you can ask to change it.
If your SO is going to spend a lot of money on a ring, he considers it as an investment: he will take into account a reputable jeweller's opinion- not yours- ...remember you have to give the ring back if you break off the engagement/marriage.
 

rubybeth

Ideal_Rock
Joined
Nov 12, 2007
Messages
2,567
makhro82|1316969354|3025113 said:
I feel that if it is something that I am hoping to wear the rest of my life I should have some input and get what I want. I know getting the recipient involved ruins the element of surprise, but if you are close to getting engaged you've probably been pointed in the right direction dozens of times and probably don't even need to get them involved. What happens when you get a ring you don't like? I know marriage is not about the ring, but I happen to feel it is a very important thing!

What are your thoughts?
I think that, if your SO knows you, then he would know that the ring is important to you. He would understand that you have a specific style/taste in jewelry and would work to accommodate that either by getting you a diamond in a temp setting, surprising you with something based on styles you've pointed out, or letting you be involved in choosing to the extent that he's comfortable. If your SO is insisting that he pick out the ring on his own, then give him LOTS of inspiration photos/guidance. If he's okay with some level of involvement, then go with it.

As an aside, I don't quite understand these total-surprise engagements where the guy picks out the ring and proposes without even talking about marriage first, but that's just me--I believe more planning should go into the marriage than the wedding, y'know?

My DH knew I liked jewelry and am much more detail-oriented than he is, so he let me choose the diamond and setting with his approval and the tight budget in mind (we were both in school). There were a few settings I liked that he didn't and vice versa, but we found a middle ground we could both be happy with.
 

natascha

Brilliant_Rock
Joined
Aug 10, 2010
Messages
644
I don't agree with some peoples logic that the recipient should just be happy with whatever he/she gets because it is the "meaning" that is important. These same people seem to think that the giver gets to choose whatever they want to give and if the receiver does not like it then the receiver only cares about the ring and is materialistic. That is bull. I agree that the commitment is the important part of getting engaged but if you choose to give a often expensive ring and you require the receiver wear it the you better get them something they will love. Or better yet see if they want to get in on the process and help pick it out. Sure if you are fine with the receiver not wearing the ring and maybe getting something else then you can get whatever you want, otherwise get them something they will love.

I have been both the giver and the receiver and in fact I was the one who spent the most money on our engagement rings. While the giver did have veto and was asked to voice their opinion ultimately the one who is going to wear the ring got to choose.

I ended up with an antic 1.07ct OMC in a halo, my SO would not have picked that in a million years. Does that mean I am materialistic and only care about the ring? Of course not, it only means that that is what I liked and I choose my dream ring to represent our love and commitment to each other. Years before we got engaged when my SO was going to do the military stint then we bought simple matching silver bands to represent our commitment. When these got too dinged up we changed them to matching titanium bands. We wore these simple bands for close to four years.
 

Haven

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Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
I think anything acquired for the purpose of being worn by a particular person is and should be chosen FOR the person who will wear it.

I don't understand men who assert their will over the design of the ring their SO will wear. I don't understand why they care, and I certainly don't understand why they sometimes care so much that they will allow their opinions to cloud those of their SO, and ultimately lead to hurt feelings in the person they supposedly care for. It is very selfish, in my opinion, to try to assert your will about something that is not intended for you to wear or enjoy.

If you are giving someone a gift because YOU like it, then I think you're barking up the wrong tree. I don't gift books that I love to other people unless I know they will love them. I don't buy a bicycle I like for my husband, because he will be the one riding it. If I did, it wouldn't be a gift at all, it would be a selfish ploy to manipulate someone I supposedly love into using something *I* want him to use. Nothing gifty about that. Sounds like money given to a child with serious strings attached, if you ask me. No, thank you!

I know that people vary, and some men have very different opinions on this matter. That is fine. You can be upset that I don't understand you, but I don't. I'm also certain that I could never be in a relationship with a man who thought like this, and I'm very grateful for my husband, as we are on the exact same page on this issue.

I can see it now: "Honey, I bought you this $5,000 bicycle because I know you want a bicycle, but I thought a banana seat would be better than the seat it came with. And I know you like titanium components, but these aluminum components are so much cuter, and they come in pink!"
 

Haven

Super_Ideal_Rock
Joined
Feb 15, 2007
Messages
13,166
*Twinkle*twinkle*|1316978263|3025239 said:
I think it's both. The receiver should like what they are getting, whilst not totally relinquishing the joy the giver receives from giving said gift.
See--any joy I would have in giving someone a gift would be completely sapped if I knew that I wasn't really giving them exactly what they wanted. It's interesting how people's opinions of this vary.

In my mind, the moment I try to assert my will over something I'm buying for someone else is the moment I start to make that gift about *me*, and I don't believe it should be about me at all. If DH is happy, I'm happy.
 

missy

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40,545
makhro82|1316969354|3025113 said:
It seems that a lot of times the giver will get what they want the recipient to have, but who is it for? Why are the typical rules of gift giving out the window when buying an engagement ring? Typically when someone gets you a gift they choose something they believe you would enjoy. I feel that if it is something that I am hoping to wear the rest of my life I should have some input and get what I want. I know getting the recipient involved ruins the element of surprise, but if you are close to getting engaged you've probably been pointed in the right direction dozens of times and probably don't even need to get them involved. What happens when you get a ring you don't like? I know marriage is not about the ring, but I happen to feel it is a very important thing!

What are your thoughts?
My only rule for gift giving is that it is what the recipient wants. Period. I don't get them what I want and love but rather what they want and love.

I think you should be able to choose the ring you will be wearing. Whether he proposes with a temporary placeholder and then you choose the ring together afterward or you choose the ring with him before the proposal doesn't matter. What matters is that you will love the ER you will be wearing for all time. And this is coming from someone who had no input until after the proposal. My dh wanted to totally surprise me with the proposal and he certainly did LOL.
We could have saved a lot of money if he had not already purchased an ER but learn from our mistake.
Good luck!
 

makhro82

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Jul 25, 2007
Messages
385
missy|1317062147|3026017 said:
makhro82|1316969354|3025113 said:
It seems that a lot of times the giver will get what they want the recipient to have, but who is it for? Why are the typical rules of gift giving out the window when buying an engagement ring? Typically when someone gets you a gift they choose something they believe you would enjoy. I feel that if it is something that I am hoping to wear the rest of my life I should have some input and get what I want. I know getting the recipient involved ruins the element of surprise, but if you are close to getting engaged you've probably been pointed in the right direction dozens of times and probably don't even need to get them involved. What happens when you get a ring you don't like? I know marriage is not about the ring, but I happen to feel it is a very important thing!

What are your thoughts?
Good luck!
Haha I got what I(we) wanted! We worked on it together from beginning to end. The proposal was still a surprise though.
 
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Diamond Eye Candy

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