Is it possible to maintain a friendship through every season of your life?

[Jambalaya]

Has anyone got a friend from preschool? I had one. We lasted forty years before life events sent us separate ways.

I grew up with a cousin and we share a lot of memories from childhood, but we've moved on from our relationship. I couldn't support her choice to stay with a violent husband. I did so for ten years, and I couldn't do it anymore. She cut me out after I finally told her straight what a sh#t he was, after she told me they were getting divorced and then changed her mind. Funny thing is, I'm OK with it, even though we're family. I feel like, that was then and this is now. Different season. Both our lives have changed beyond recognition from what they were when we were close. I think we could be close again if she ever got rid of that dreadful man she married.

I'd have liked to keep my preschool friend, though. But again, our lives diverged so much after forty years that we just weren't on the same wavelength anymore. It's funny how you can drift apart after forty years of closeness, but we did.

Anyone else think it's possible to keep a friend through every season of your life, from preschool through old age? I've never seen it, personally. My mother had one, but friendship ran its course after seventy years. (I know!!!) I've seen LONG friendships, and had them myself, but none that have lasted a lifetime.

You? Are lifetime friendships realistic?

 

[Smith3]

Has anyone got a friend from preschool? I had one. We lasted forty years before life events sent us separate ways.

I grew up with a cousin and we share a lot of memories from childhood, but we've moved on from our relationship. I couldn't support her choice to stay with a violent husband. I did so for ten years, and I couldn't do it anymore. She cut me out after I finally told her straight what a sh#t he was, after she told me they were getting divorced and then changed her mind. Funny thing is, I'm OK with it, even though we're family. I feel like, that was then and this is now. Different season. Both our lives have changed beyond recognition from what they were when we were close. I think we could be close again if she ever got rid of that dreadful man she married.

I'd have liked to keep my preschool friend, though. But again, our lives diverged so much after forty years that we just weren't on the same wavelength anymore. It's funny how you can drift apart after forty years of closeness, but we did.

Anyone else think it's possible to keep a friend through every season of your life, from preschool through old age? I've never seen it, personally. My mother had one, but friendship ran its course after seventy years. (I know!!!) I've seen LONG friendships, and had them myself, but none that have lasted a lifetime.

You? Are lifetime friendships realistic?

I’ve had the same best friend since 2nd grade and plan on it being forever. I’m 35, my sister is 4 years older than me and she has the same friend group since grade school. I Think relationships ebb and flow, most of my friends I’ve known for 15+ but I would love more friends. I have a few friends but they are amazing ones, but 2 live out of town and it’s hard making friends at this age and I don’t have kids. My parents have had the same friends since grade school. So yes I do think it possible

 

[kenny]

Of course it's possible, that is if both people want it.

I don't want to hang onto people from my past, even blood family ... so I don't.

 

[Jambalaya]

I don't want to hang onto people from my past, even blood family ... so I don't.

You mean all of them? Or just the ones you don't want to know now? Just curious.

 

[Snowdrop13]

It’s so difficult, isn’t it? My two oldest friends are from primary school, we met age 9 and are now mid 50’s. We know each other so well that we can be out of touch for months, even years, but still chat on the same level when we do get together. It requires effort on both sides and a certain amount of love and fellow feeling. I have several pals from university who didn’t marry and have children, so there’s been a big gap while we were all off doing different things. We’re gradually coming back to each other, which is really nice.

 

[dk168]

Largely no, based on my own experience.

All relationships are 2-way IMHO.

If it is one-sided, sooner or later, the side that puts in a lot more times and efforts into the relationship will give up. And I am guilty in giving up rather too easily.

Besides, people grow apart due to changes in circumstances.

When I went back home for the first summer holiday after I came to UK to study in the late 70s, I found myself growing apart from the girls I went to school with in HK whom I would call very good friends.

When we were together, the conversations evolved around local TV shows, music scenes and celebrities, which were of no interest to me due to being away for nearly a year in the days before www and streaming.

I have known my small circle of close friends of over 20+ years (2 coming up to 30y anniversary) through work in my adult life.

I am still in touch with family friends whom I have known since I came to UK in the late 70s - they kind of looked after me and my sister when my family fell out with my official guardian who is a relative.

I am in good terms with my ex-husband after we split in 2004/5.

People come and go in my life all the time, some stay longer than the others, depending on circumstances and the time and efforts invested in the relationship by both parties.

DK

 

[missy]

Of course it's possible, that is if both people want it.

Yes, this. If both people are willing to make it work it can work. It takes two to maintain a friendship or any relationship really. If it is worth the effort and both parties put in the time and energy it can and will work. I have a few friendships that have lasted many decades. True friends. Through it all. Hard times, good times and the in between times. Life is challenging and it is sweeter when you have true friendships. And for that to be both parties have to want it and put in the time and energy. IMO.

 

[Austina]

It is possible, I have a friend from the age of 4, so 58 years ago. Our lives have taken different paths, I was married young and had a child, she didn’t get married till much later in life, and had a child. There’s a 20 year age gap between our children. I also have friends from when we were 11 who I’m still in touch with. In fact, we’re planning to meet up soon for lunch.

I’ve also had friends I met along the way, some I’m still in touch with, and some not.

 

[kenny]

You mean all of them? Or just the ones you don't want to know now? Just curious.

All.

 

[123ducklings]

Among the people I know, I find that this is much more common with men. I joke that when it comes to friendships men “mate for life” with a best friend they find in early childhood. This is the case for basically all the men in my life to which I am close enough to know of their friendships.

I have close friends that I’ve known for many, many years, but my lifetime friendships are with cousins. I moved around a bit, and in childhood proximity and/or parent involvement plays a big role in maintaining friendships.

 

[musicalmeow]

I've too been thinking about childhood friendships for a while now. I don't have much problems sustaining some of the friendships I've had from ages 11-18 via occasional chats through WhatsApp. However, I find that I'm a lot more careful with what I share with them. We've had our disagreements in our earlier years around trivial things, but to my dismay I found that not much has changed in some people's attitudes and habits (myself included!) when we met up again in person in our 30s (we all became long distance after high school).

 

[elizat]

I think this depends on the people in large measure. For myself I can say I do not have any friends that I've had since childhood and even friends since college and law school, I have lost touch with. However I'm not very good with keeping in touch with people and I am also very introverted.

In my experience most friendships by and large are there for a time or a season, and they tend to fade off. I think there are a lucky handful of people that tend to be able to sustain relationships over very long periods of time even with life changes and different circumstances. I do not appear to be one of those people.

 

[Jambalaya]

A few people have mentioned proximity. It's amazing how much that matters. I'd like to think that we're all linked to our friends by our kindred spirits, but realistically I know that convenience/proximity plays a part.

To me, there's something really special about knowing someone for much of your life - and especially people you knew in your formative years. I like that link to the past. For example, my old childhood friend of forty years is the only person I know who remembers my grandparents.

I've accepted that people and life's seasons change, though. I think huge tests of friendships occur when people experience things like divorce, bereavement, and serious illness.

 

[Ally T]

My BFF in the whole world is from Primary School & we met at age 4. I travelled back to the UK from New Zealand (where I was living at the time) to be her bridesmaid at age 30, then 2 years later she travelled back to the UK from a long trip to Australia (where she then was) to get to my wedding. I only had one bridesmaid, which was my bestie from High School, who I met aged 11. I didn't ask my Primary School BFF to be my bridesmaid as she was breastfeeding on demand at the time, so she thought it better if she was just a guest, although she was never going to be 'just' a guest. As my father used to say about the two of us, "There's no show without Punch...."

I have a huge group of school friends that I keep in touch with, mostly thanks to social media in more recent times, but my 2 BFF's are the bomb. And thankfully they are also close to each other. For about 10 years through mid teens / mid 20's, the three of us came as a package.

Life very much pulls us in different directions & to different parts of the UK, or indeed different parts of the world on occasion, but we are all close. We weather the seasons, children, house moves & life & death together. We may not speak for a couple of months at a time, but we always take up where we left off when we do. In times of stress, they are the 2 people I turn to, and they to me. I have rescued my oldest BFF from drama by travelling 200 miles in my fathers car through the night to get to her, aged 18, and I have turned up on the doorstep of my High School BFF at 2am in tears.

I have friendships that I can take or leave, but these 2 friendships are very precious to me & we are very much deeply rooted into each others lives. We have now all turned 47 & I love them to pieces.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

It is possible b/c I have several. I've cultivated, invested and honored friends/relationships, so they are still here. And I am also fortunate I love my sisters and have great relationships with them. This is work also, but worth it!!!

cheers--Sharon

 

[Jambalaya]

Well, forty years is my record so far! Will be more if my old pre-school friend and I ever drift back toward each other again. I have the occasional daydream that we'll end up living in our old town again in old age.

 

[LLJsmom]

I've wondered this so many times myself. And I agree with @kenny.. if both people want it. And @Snowdrop13 says, it's so hard. It makes me sad sometimes, but there are some things you just can't force. And life happens, people and circumstances change.

 

[Polabowla]

Im sorry @kenny that sounds like there's a painful story there.