Is it okay to have no matching e-ring and wedding band?

[brisk]

Hi all. I got a 2.2ct emerald cut with tapered baguettes as an engagement ring from my fiancé. Now I''ve been shopping around for a wedding rind for almost three months, but I am having a hard time finding the rind that matches my e-ring! I am obsessed with cleaning my emerald cut everyday to keep it shiny, so I definitely do not want another baguette cuts for the wedding ring. I also like the look of round diamonds. I tried on various sizes of round brilliant eternity band, but it looked too gaudy with my e-ring. I tried on a simple platinum band, and it looked too boring. And I came up to the conclusion that my e-ring just looks better without any additional ring. I don''t think it was made to fit a wedding band, anyway. I''ve always wanted a round brilliant with pear-shaped side stones from Tiffany'' or HW. I''ve tried them on before, and I thought that smaller carat weight for this type of ring looks better on my finger. Pricing for 0.5st starts around $4,500 at Tiffany, so it''s actually the same as or less expensive than an eternity band. I am thinking this could be my wedding ring, but.......

My questions are:

(1) Is it okay to have a wedding ring that does not match the e-ring and wear them separately (on different hand or depending on my outfit for the day)?

(2) Do you think it will hurt my fiancé''s feeling for picking the wedding ring which sort of looks like an engagement ring?

Background: He had a jeweler make the e-ring after the classic HW style (without telling me) after our mutual friend told him that I wanted a HW ring. We had small arguments when I mentioned that the "HW inspired" ring was quite different from the actual HW ring. Of course, he is a guy and doesn''t pay attention to the details on the sides or how it fits your finger. He told me that I should pay more attention to the meaning ("engagement") behind the ring, but I think, if we are spending such a large amount of money, why don''t we get something I really like/want? I had even told the mutual friend that I prefer a HW ring even it means that the carat weight I can get may be smaller for the same price...simply because I believe that the settings are far better at brand-name stores like HW or Tiffany.

Sorry for such a long post, but I appreciate any comments. Thanks!

 

[Gypsy]

I'm not touching the HW versus HW inspired issue. Clearly you want a HW ring and aren't going to be happy till you get one... so for your rings, I think you can do whatever you want. Period. As long as your FI is on board.

I will say ONE thing... I wouldn't put any ring above your FI's feelings at all. And your marriage is much more important than any brand name.

ETA:

A) Yes, it is fine.

B) Why not ask him what he thinks, and try to listen to what he says objectively.

 

[FrekeChild]

Well at least we know that the Tiff and HW marketing machines are still working.

Have you looked at the eye candy folder in Show Me The Ring subforum? There are lots of women with emerald cut stones who wear wedding bands with them. I''m assuming you''re having a hard time finding a wedding ring because you want it to fit flush with your ering, correct? That probably won''t happen unless you go custom.

And ditto Gypsy''s post.

 

[yssie]

...I'm taking gypsy's lead and putting the gloves on!



1) yes, whatever you and your FI want is just fine

- no need to follow any societal norms on wedding sets.

2) I really think you need to sit down with your FI and have a good, long chat with FI. An anonymous forum isn't really the best judge of how your FI might feel.



Brand name places have beautiful settings, as do many non or lesser-brand name vendors and artisans (check out leon mege's work, doesn't get better than that tiffs, HW or otherwise

). The big ones do have fantastic advertising departments though

. If really want the original, then... talk to FI.


In the meantime can we have a pic of this emerald with baguettes? It sounds beautiful!

 

[shertz1981]

I have to respectfully disagree re: HW settings being far superior to non-HW settings, especially when a good jeweler does the custom work. However, not the point. JMO.

a) Lots of people do that, especially if one ring is super intricate and needs to be worn solo. I would wear the e-ring on my right hand if splitting up the rings.

b) It might hurt his feelings. I think you two need to have a heart-to-heart, as from this post, it sounds like you''re longing for the ring that wasn''t purchased. I think, though, you need to tread very carefully, because he likely put a lot of effort into the ring purchase. Good luck!

 

[beadchick]

Brisk, I know exactly how you feel. I am also a step cut girl (asscher) and had the worst time trying to find a wedding band to go with my e-ring. Everything that I put next to it made the ering look dull. This was super frustrating b/c I always wanted pave.

Look at katamari''s wedding band. She has a very thin pave. I am thinking you could get two of those and jacket the e-ring. I finally gave up on my pave look after trying on approx 30 different pave rings! I did find a lovely, sparkly asscher band (need to post it, if still sunny tonight, I''ll get it done) that looks amazing w/ my e-ring. I can''t wait to wear it.

You could consider that. To answer your questions:

1. Very okay to not be matchy-matchy. There are some threads on here w/ non-matchy sets and they look great.

2. Be careful with this. I know that with my fiance, I couldn''t bring it up (of course, I picked my ring), but he''s pretty sensitive w/ gifts that he gives me. Of everything he''s given me, I criticized one stupid $10 scarf, and, it didn''t go well. Having said that, he does pretty good w/ everything else. Depending on how your fiance is, this is something you need to practice how you are going to say it w/ one of your girlfriends before you ever bring it up.

If it were me (and it all depends on how your fiance will respond to this), I''d bring up the round brilliant w/ the pears 5 years down the line (b/c I know the response wouldn''t be good now) as a right hand ring or push gift or something. Your ring sounds lovely, I''m sure he put a lot of thought into it. I don''t want to make you feel guilty or anything, just tread carefully. One of my friends has a 2 carat emerald w/ baguettes (yellow gold- which she never wears) and a year later, she absolutely loves it! But, she wasn''t too thrilled initially. He picked out a baguette band, too. Her fingers are tiny, she doesn''t wear the band w/ the ering b/c she thinks it looks like too much on her. She got a tiny 2mm YG band, and it looks amazing w/ her ring. Sometimes the simplest things, you know...

Anyway, congrats on the engagement. Sure whatever you do will work out great!

 

[RaiKai]

Definitely okay for them not to match.

It is not uncommon for women to wear their e-ring on their right hand and their band on their left, or just bring out the e-ring for special occasions, etc.

It is also not uncommon for women to have a fancier ring as their "band". I have had a fancier ring as my wedding band (though never had an e-ring originally for various reasons) but am now having something a little more traditional made (e-ring and matching band).

You could also have something custom made to sit with your e-ring, and if you want to sometimes wear a band alone just get a simple band to wear when you do not want to wear the e-ring.

Talk about it with your fiance. You are marrying the man, so I do hope you are able to talk to him about your feelings openly and honestly (with compassion of course that it may be sensitive for him!) I cannot tell you how he will react. When I talked to my husband about how I did not really like my wedding ring all that much after wearing it for a while, and wanted to have a new e-ring and band custom made with my tax refund he was understandably a bit sentimental as this is the ring he put on my finger when we said our vows....however...he was also 100% understanding that I am the one wearing it everyday and that I wanted to wear something I loved, not that was uncomfortable or that bothered me. Since then, even when I have had pangs of guilt about spending the money or not liking it...he has been 100% supportive and encouraged me to get the ring (which is being designed as I type this . But, my husband is NOT your fiance. All I can suggest is you talk to him about how you feel, and also LISTEN to his own feelings with compassion. If you are entering into a marriage, this is not the first time you will have to discuss some really emotionally sensitive issues!

I also agree with Gypsy that you should not put the ring above your fiance''s feelings either. I will say, I found your comment that "he is a guy and doesn''t pay attention to the details...etc" to be a bit condescending towards your fiance (and men in general!). I will of course assume you did not mean it that way, but it sounds like he did try and have something designed for you with your preferences as best as he could know in mind and I do think that the meaning behind the ring IS important here as he said. And whatever individual characteristics (positive or negative) your fiance has are HIS individual characteristics (I bristle though when people say things like "it''s a guy thing" or "it''s a girl thing"!).

Granted, I do think this is why really the couple should talk directly about ring preferences (or choose together) rather than go the route of asking friends etc (as things get lost in translation) but unless you specifically told him directly what you wanted, or said you wanted to be involved in the decision making, the information gets filtered and murky.

And I have also seen many, many custom made settings that beat anything at any of the brand-name stores. I admire many of the rings here that have been custom made by a smaller "non-brand name" over anything from Tiffany, HW, etc. They just don''t have the same marketing and go by word of mouth, etc.

 

[elrohwen]

I actually prefer erings and wbands that don't match. I like things that "go" but I dislike matchy-matchy. I also think it's fine to wear the rings on separate fingers if you want.

eta: I'm not going to touch the HW vs HW inspired thing. Personally, I don't see the point in getting the original if you can get a reproduction for far less money.

 

[TooPatient]

Date: 3/16/2010 1:48:50 AM
Author:brisk

Hi all. I got a 2.2ct emerald cut with tapered baguettes as an engagement ring from my fiancé. Now I''ve been shopping around for a wedding rind for almost three months, but I am having a hard time finding the rind that matches my e-ring! I am obsessed with cleaning my emerald cut everyday to keep it shiny, so I definitely do not want another baguette cuts for the wedding ring. I also like the look of round diamonds. I tried on various sizes of round brilliant eternity band, but it looked too gaudy with my e-ring. I tried on a simple platinum band, and it looked too boring. And I came up to the conclusion that my e-ring just looks better without any additional ring. I don''t think it was made to fit a wedding band, anyway. I''ve always wanted a round brilliant with pear-shaped side stones from Tiffany'' or HW. I''ve tried them on before, and I thought that smaller carat weight for this type of ring looks better on my finger. Pricing for 0.5st starts around $4,500 at Tiffany, so it''s actually the same as or less expensive than an eternity band. I am thinking this could be my wedding ring, but.......

My questions are:

(1) Is it okay to have a wedding ring that does not match the e-ring and wear them separately (on different hand or depending on my outfit for the day)?

(2) Do you think it will hurt my fiancé''s feeling for picking the wedding ring which sort of looks like an engagement ring?

Background: He had a jeweler make the e-ring after the classic HW style (without telling me) after our mutual friend told him that I wanted a HW ring. We had small arguments when I mentioned that the ''HW inspired'' ring was quite different from the actual HW ring. Of course, he is a guy and doesn''t pay attention to the details on the sides or how it fits your finger. He told me that I should pay more attention to the meaning (''engagement'') behind the ring, but I think, if we are spending such a large amount of money, why don''t we get something I really like/want? I had even told the mutual friend that I prefer a HW ring even it means that the carat weight I can get may be smaller for the same price...simply because I believe that the settings are far better at brand-name stores like HW or Tiffany.

Sorry for such a long post, but I appreciate any comments. Thanks!

Your ring sounds beautiful. Your FI sounds wonderful.

The most important part of my post:
Before you talk to your FI, look at the threads in Rocky Talky and the Proposal section. Listen to what the guys in these places are doing to get THE ring for the women they love. Many of them put in lots of hours searching for the right place to have a high quality ring made and even more hours searching for the right diamond. Listen to what these men are going through to make the woman they love happy. Your talk will go far better if you take just a little time to understand what your FI put into creating a high quality ring that you will wear and treasure for the rest of your life.

Okay, to answer your questions:

1: Absolutely. They don''t have to match. I''ve got a white gold e-ring and 1/2 eternity band (to make sure nothing falls off my finger

). My wb will be either yellow gold or a combo of yellow & white gold.
Wearing on different hands is fine too -- whatever you like and are happy with AND FI is comfortable with.

2: I don''t know your FI so can''t really say how he''d take it BUT it sounds like he put a great deal of time, effort, thought, and LOVE into the ring he gave you. I would suggest finding several wb options you like and then sit down and talk with him (or take him shopping with you) and let him see the things you found.

If you can wait a few years for the HW, you''d probably save yourself (and FI) a lot of hurt feelings and upset. If you can find a more traditional (plain gold, eternity, whatever) wb I''m sure he would be happy to go out WITH you and purchase a five year anniversary ring to wear on your right hand.

 

[mayachel]

No problem at all! At least I hope so, because I''m certain my band won''t match my e-ring regardless of what I choose. To add to the mix, I''m planning on mixing metals My e-ring is platinum and I''ve been eying yellow gold bands.

 

[Luckyeshe]

1. I think non-matchy will be just fine as long as you like it. I''m not into matching all together, but as long as the rings compliment each other, that''s all that matters.

2. I think you need to speak to your FI about your wants and see if you can come up with a compromise. Good luck.

 

[PumpkinPie]

Date: 3/16/2010 7:39:16 PM
Author: Luckyeshe
1. I think non-matchy will be just fine as long as you like it. I''m not into matching all together, but as long as the rings compliment each other, that''s all that matters.


2. I think you need to speak to your FI about your wants and see if you can come up with a compromise. Good luck.

agreed on both points