sandia_rose
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2007
- Messages
- 314
My BF and I went to a Super Bowl party at the house of a friend of his, which sparked an interesting conversation/observation. Something to talk about on a Monday:
His friend is his age (46) and married a much younger woman. So, at the time they got married, he was 44 and his wife was 28. He''s got two teenagers by a previous marriage; the woman was never married previously. They had a baby within a year of getting married. They also have a small dog (it looks like a terrier of some type) and a couple of cats.
Going to refill my beer, I noticed that there was a new dog running around that looked like a smaller version of the dog that they already had. I have only been to this couple''s house once or twice and didn''t know whether the dog was new or whether he was always there and I just never saw/noticed him. The dog seemed to like me and kept jumping in my lap and begging chicken wings.
Getting back to my BF''s house, he said, "M''s dog seemed to like you." And I said, "I never noticed that dog before." And my BF said, "Yeah, M just got it for D (his wife)." So I said, "I dunno about you, but a baby, a dog and two cats are enough small creatures for one house." And he said, "Well......M was telling me......D wants another baby. She was really depressed about it. He felt bad - on one hand, he doesn''t want more kids...but no guy wants his wife to feel bad - so he got her a dog, hoping that might help on some level." So I said to my BF, "A dog is not a baby....but I can see where he was going with that."
That sparked another discussion. I said to my BF, "D married M, knowing that he was much older and knowing that he already had two nearly-grown kids. I mean, she is a smart woman. If she wanted more than one child, shouldn''t she have chosen a younger man or a man who didn''t have previous children and is OK with starting that late?" My BF said, "I dunno. Maybe she thought she could change his mind?" And I said, "But you have to be delusional! M is going to be over 60 when their baby gets out of high school!! If you and I got married, I wouldn''t think of being that selfish. I already know at my age that one child is all I will have -- I started too late -- and if you and I broke up and I dated someone else our age, that expectation wouldn''t change."
I''ve seen this happening a lot among people I know/know of. I have an acquantance that is in his late 40s. He married a woman in her 30s who was eager to have kids. He has kids in their 20s from a prior marriage and has said, repeatedly, that he would have one with her, but that one baby would be it. So they had a baby and he immediately got a vasectomy. The wife is beyond ticked off at him, because she wants another one.
What I am wondering is:
1) These men want younger wives and have chosen women who didn''t have previous children. If they didn''t want more kids, why did they put themselves in positions where they''d have to face that?
2) When I was much younger (20s), I casually dated two men in their 40s. One of the reasons why I wouldn''t seriously date them was because I knew that I might want kids eventually and they wouldn''t. You don''t pursue relationships / get married to people, hoping they "might" change.
But I am seeing this A LOT. Any opinions on the thought process that''s going on?
Bridget in Connecticut.
His friend is his age (46) and married a much younger woman. So, at the time they got married, he was 44 and his wife was 28. He''s got two teenagers by a previous marriage; the woman was never married previously. They had a baby within a year of getting married. They also have a small dog (it looks like a terrier of some type) and a couple of cats.
Going to refill my beer, I noticed that there was a new dog running around that looked like a smaller version of the dog that they already had. I have only been to this couple''s house once or twice and didn''t know whether the dog was new or whether he was always there and I just never saw/noticed him. The dog seemed to like me and kept jumping in my lap and begging chicken wings.
Getting back to my BF''s house, he said, "M''s dog seemed to like you." And I said, "I never noticed that dog before." And my BF said, "Yeah, M just got it for D (his wife)." So I said, "I dunno about you, but a baby, a dog and two cats are enough small creatures for one house." And he said, "Well......M was telling me......D wants another baby. She was really depressed about it. He felt bad - on one hand, he doesn''t want more kids...but no guy wants his wife to feel bad - so he got her a dog, hoping that might help on some level." So I said to my BF, "A dog is not a baby....but I can see where he was going with that."
That sparked another discussion. I said to my BF, "D married M, knowing that he was much older and knowing that he already had two nearly-grown kids. I mean, she is a smart woman. If she wanted more than one child, shouldn''t she have chosen a younger man or a man who didn''t have previous children and is OK with starting that late?" My BF said, "I dunno. Maybe she thought she could change his mind?" And I said, "But you have to be delusional! M is going to be over 60 when their baby gets out of high school!! If you and I got married, I wouldn''t think of being that selfish. I already know at my age that one child is all I will have -- I started too late -- and if you and I broke up and I dated someone else our age, that expectation wouldn''t change."
I''ve seen this happening a lot among people I know/know of. I have an acquantance that is in his late 40s. He married a woman in her 30s who was eager to have kids. He has kids in their 20s from a prior marriage and has said, repeatedly, that he would have one with her, but that one baby would be it. So they had a baby and he immediately got a vasectomy. The wife is beyond ticked off at him, because she wants another one.
What I am wondering is:
1) These men want younger wives and have chosen women who didn''t have previous children. If they didn''t want more kids, why did they put themselves in positions where they''d have to face that?
2) When I was much younger (20s), I casually dated two men in their 40s. One of the reasons why I wouldn''t seriously date them was because I knew that I might want kids eventually and they wouldn''t. You don''t pursue relationships / get married to people, hoping they "might" change.
But I am seeing this A LOT. Any opinions on the thought process that''s going on?
Bridget in Connecticut.
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