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inheriting a diamond: have questions/reservations

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nineset

Rough_Rock
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
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Hey all. First post.

I was unexpectedly pulled aside from a family gathering by my mom who wanted to offer me my great grandmother's diamond engagement ring. I've have been dating my girlfriend for over three years and before that we had dated twice over the past 8 years before that. I've wanted to ask her to marry me for a while now. Unfortunately, I've been in graduate school for the past three years with no savable income and amassing a large debt with the government.

I have long had my mind on a three stone ring (pear side stones, round center stone). The stone that my mom has offered me is between .35 and .48 (and is "supposed to be a really nice diamond" according to my mom.) I could not really tell myself from looking at it as it is old and needs a good polishing. I also need to have it appraised (obviously). The setting is very old fashioned and I know that I would replace it with something more appealing to me.

I'm not so versed in diamonds but I know that big is in and my girlfriend comes from a wealthy family. I'm guessing it's more .5-1.0 ct. (and I know they are solitaire settings ;) I like the three stones though).

I'm excited about the opportunity that the inherited ring gives me and I would love to ask her this winter, but I'm torn because it is not what I had been looking at in terms of size and I think that a three stone would not look right with the size of this diamond as the side diamonds may be as large as the center taking away from "the main attraction."


I'm really looking for some friendly input if anyone has any. Perhaps settings suggestions for "smaller" stones (I know it is smaller than a half carat, but I hate to call anything small). Or perhaps an argument for or against waiting it out for a year or two when I can afford something else (ugh a year or two). Or perhaps just a welcome to the forums :-)

Thanks all,
-J
 
In all honesty, as nice a gesture that is, that diamond may really be too small for what you want to do....welcome to the forums
 
I think that it's the thought rather than the ring that counts. Yes it would be great if you could afford a huge rock right now, but you can't. I don't think that should keep you from proposing AT ALL. If she is a classy girl (which I am sure she is if you want to marry her!) then she would say yes to an onion ring...

For now, I would use the family stone, have it put in a simple solitaire setting, then see what SHE wants to do with it. Has SHE had her heart set on a 3 stone with pears? Or is that YOUR dream ring? Since you said that is what YOU like you need to remember that this is HER ring. Not yours. So as much as YOU want the pears...if you know she wants a solitaire, STICK WITH IT!

You can always get the "dream ring" size for a 5 or 10 year anniversary down the road...

Check out Whiteflash's selection of solitaire rings. The Sleek Line Legato is particularly dainty and gorgeous and just so happens to be very affordable as well...
 
I second neatfreak. This is just a great stroke of fortune. Sure it may be smaller than some, but it's an inherited stone which gives it meaning all of it's own. And it will enable you to move forward with the girl of your dreams. Seize the moment I say!

Plenty of time for honkers in the future if she wants one. I got engaged with a 0.3ct diamond. Didn't matter one bit. Married 10 years now and the success of the marriage was not in any way dependent on the size of our engagement ring.

All the best.

a

p.s. welcome!
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Neatfreak gave you some great advice. My original ering was .15 ct and I cherished it for 16 years; so much so it is now in a pendant. Good luck.
 
I loved Neat Freak encouraging you with an onion ring...but I just want to make sure you know root vegetable usage in the place of engagement rings is a bit out dated. (Shhh.....Neat Freak is a tad behind the curve on that call!)

Those solitaire settings your provided are lovey. And would be great using your stone. I think you should get it looked and sized as soon as possible. It may surprise you to be larger than guessed? It is possible.

You may consider a Halo Ring Setting . It will have stones that surround your family heirloom and will give a larger appearance than you are able to achieve now, without gift stone. (sorry that phrase isn't right...forgive me...it is no biggie, we have all been there, OK?) You can even go with two rows of micro pave stones. The settings you exampled will run close to $900 to $1600 in Platinum. White gold will be cheaper. Not sure if you have decided to go white or yellow. But just wanted to make sure you were adding the setting price into your equation.

That halo exampled...has stones in the shank/band part but it is not necessary, you can go plain band. You can save money there too! If you knew she was willing to go color you could make the halo stones in blue sapphire, or pink, or yellow...but you must be certain that she is willing to go nontraditional with color. The use of colored stones can also lower the price.

We have many PSers that have gone with a beautiful colored stone instead of a diamond for their engagemnet ring. You can get a larger carat sapphire (there are many colors to choose from) and halo it...and use it to propose...and use the gift diamond if permitted for a wedding night gift in a pendant.

Again, get the stone sized. Lets see what mm width it is...and then we can get a better game plan.

DKS

Oh welcome!
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I am craving onion rings for some reason!!
 
Hey there! Welcome...and congrats on finding someone special that you want to share your life with!
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Here's my first thought: if you can do it financially and if you think it would suit her style, consider setting your inherited diamond in a halo setting. Are you familiar with those? I will attach a sample pic below. Halo settings feature small diamonds that encirle the center stone. It gives the illusion of a much larger center stone. I think halo settings often look antique-y which may also be kinda neat because it is an old, antique stone -- as long as she is the type to like that look.The halo setting picture below is from Whiteflash and is $1495 for white gold, but you may be able to find a halo setting that is a bit more simple and less expensive if that won't work.Perhaps the halo'd head of the ring on a plain band would reduce the cost a bit & still be beautiful.

Here's another suggestion to add: a friend of mine and her boyfriend were in a similar situation a while back. He had massive grad school debt piling up and very little income - but they were ready to take their relationship a step further. He had an inherited diamond that was probably about a .45 carat round stone.I think he was concerned about it - compared to the typical size of her friends' engagement ring stones. She likes sapphires, so her boyfriend had two round sapphires just slightly smaller than the diamond set on either side of it. It was a dainty ring, but she loved it because: it was unusual (most engagement rings don't feature colored gemstones..but then again, some do), it had sentimental value to her/him, and because his cash outlay was relatively minimal -- at least compared to what it would have been had he forced himself to fork out money for a larger diamond. She still wears that ring (8 years later) but a few years after they were married, he upgraded her wedding band from a plain gold band to a diamond band with 7 small diamonds. So there aren't any large stones on her finger, but now there are quite a few smaller ones -- and lots & lots of sparkle.



Good luck!

whiteflashhalo.jpg
 
Another vote for Neatfreak's advice, this time from a guy. You have to propose when you think it's the right time, not when you can afford the ring, although your financial situation might influence when you think you're ready to take the next step.

With her coming from a wealthy family, a smaller inherited diamond might mean more than an intentionally purchased 0.5 carat diamond, and a 1 carat, well they ain't cheap. With the government debt, how long would it be before you could splurge $5K?
 
Seems several of us were busily typing away at the same time - all of us suggesting halo settings. Sorry for my redundant post above - but they ARE beautiful and impressive and very in-style right now...!
emsmile.gif
 
Mystical things happen
Date: 9/17/2007 1:01:54 AM
Author: 3shebabes
Seems several of us were busily typing away at the same time - all of us suggesting halo settings.
Click to expand...
Mystical things happen when halos are involved...
 
Wow thanks for all of these awesome suggestions and welcomes. I was thinking about it as well that she would love that this is a diamond passed down from my family as she really does love my family a lot. I am thinking that I will try to get it appraised this week. I like the halo rings and I also have seen some very nice solitaire settings. I''ll keep everyone updated when I get it looked at later this week.

Does anyone have a favorite halo setting or designer?

Thanks again!
 
If you love her and she loves you then she will unerstand your situation and be honoured by the chance to wear a family ring. The halo is a great idea. You can mention to her that the time is right for a special anniversary you can upgrade and get the ring of her dreams. As Angeline said the success of the marriage is in no way depedent on the ring - if it is then you have a problem. You mention her family are wealthy, well, I am sure they will repspect you for being financially sensible and astute by not going into further dept.

If you love her and want to marry her, go for it. When my husband asked me to marry him, the size of the ring was not on my mind, I knew our financials. I just wanted to spend my life with him and marry him.
Good luck.
 
I guess I don''t need to offer more of the same advice. Just want to say welcome, and be sure to let us know what you do decide, and with pictures.

Inherited stones are rife with meaning and sentimental value. No one could scoff at that. I recently inheritend a 5-stone ring that was my grandma''s originally and then most recently, my mom''s, who had had it reset, and who just died in May
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. But anyway, I wear it almost every day (RHR) and my 11 year old son admired it the other day. He seems to be interested in my jewelry lately (prob. b/c I just got a new ER and wedding band) and asked how much it cost (?) and I told him it was passed on to me from my mom...and he said, "so you got it free?" I explained about inherited things, and how one doesn''t think of them as coming "for free", how they come to us as cherished and sentimental heirlooms, for us to care for and then pass on to the next generation.

I love the idea of the halo ring and even if your future fiance isn''t into a more antique look I think you could make it work. And yes, when you''re settled in the future you can definitely upgrade and keep this ring for a cherished right hand stone and pass it on to your children in the distant future.

I hope you propose sooner rather than later!
 
I too think a halo would be a great option! And I also agree, plenty of time for jaw droppers down the road.
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Here is a thread showing a bunch of halo's. Once you see something you like, if the maker is not mentioned, do a search on that person and you should be able to find the thread they made on that particular ring.
 
I feel like the typical halo is too mature a look for what seems to be a young bride-to-be. Anyone share that feeling?
 
Date: 9/17/2007 9:49:10 AM
Author: stebbo
I feel like the typical halo is too mature a look for what seems to be a young bride-to-be. Anyone share that feeling?
Click to expand...
No.
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An ornate halo might look a bit much on a young lady (of course, many on here would disagree with that also), but a simple one would be fine imho.
 
This is kind of the same advice, but my thoughts are to go ahead and propose if you are wanting to. Here are my ideas of what to do w/ the ring:

1) If you like the antique setting at all (or if you think she would), it could possibly be restored to look better. Then it would not only be a family piece but very unique
2) have the diamond set into a halo as already suggested, to look bigger. The halo settig will not be cheap so I''d make sure she likes this look before you go ahead with it. I think my favorite is the Ritani Endless Love
3) Have it set as a simple solitaire (which will be less expensive). You can tell her that as a future anniversary gift, maybe your 5th or 10th or whatever, you would like to buy her a bigger diamond and make this one into a pendant. (OR, eventually you can have the smaller diamond be a sidestone in a 3 stone ring.) There are lots of possibilities!
4) Bezel setting can also make a smaller diamond look bigger. I have seen several neat ones. I bet Whiteflash has one. You might google Whitney Boin or check them out on the Pearlman''s Jewelers website and see what you think, if you like a sleek modern look.
 
A family stone/ring is a lovely idea! Also, you might be surprised that some stones look larger when set alone in a good solitaire setting...The halo is nice IF she likes that design. You might considering proposing to her with the ring as is, and let her decide if she wants to re set it and let her find the setting she loves most? Just another idea...before spending money on a setting (if you're not 100% sure what settings she loves).

ETA: Can you post photos of the ring so we can see what it looks like? That might help us envision other options for your stone! If you can also take photos of it on a woman's finger that would be even better. Oh, and CLOSE UPS!
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I think all of the suggestions are really wonderful, especially the halo suggestions (kind of biased since I have a halo engagement ring myself).

I''m going to throw out a completely different suggestion...what about getting the diamond set into a necklace, and wait a while longer to find out what kind of ring she would prefer? I think the necklace option could be really sentimental and wonderful as well - kind of a like a "promise" necklace.
 
Date: 9/17/2007 11:10:09 AM
Author: SuLi
I''m going to throw out a completely different suggestion...what about getting the diamond set into a necklace, and wait a while longer to find out what kind of ring she would prefer? I think the necklace option could be really sentimental and wonderful as well - kind of a like a ''promise'' necklace.
Click to expand...
That''s what I was thinking - I might give her the stone as a pendant or other piece of jewelry, but not as her ering. It will still have the sentimental value, but not compromise what she might want or hope for in an ering.
 
Yeah I too mentioned the necklace in my reply.

I think he should find out the size of it...over the years the carat size gets confused. My mother began referring to hers as a 1.2 carat. It is 1.49 and she has spent many years thinking it was a .02 instead of .2 instead of .49. Crazy huh?

There are many halos that aren''t antique looking. You can use sleek square edged shanks and the ufo looking side profile like James Allen has. That halo is most contemporary. Drop the miligrain and viola, modern. That''s my pocket full.

DKS
 
First of all her love for you and your love for her are most important factors here. Second, is family. My oldest son was in the a similar, if not the same situation as you were. He had been with his GF for 8 years, and still she had no ring, due in part to financial concerns.

A three stone diamond ring was passed down to my husband and his siblings through his mother. It had previously belonged to my husband''s grandmother. My husband was to get one diamond from the ring and we offered it to my son. Addiltionally, we had a six diamond ring from my mother/grandmother with smaller .25 stones in it. I have three children, and had already decided to give each two of the diamonds.

We had the larger single stone and the two smaller stones mounted in a simple white gold engagemet ring, which my future daughter in law proudly wears and loves. It ties her to both sides of the family and all our history. Funny thing is, we offered the stone to my son without benefit of appriasal - it wasn''t a terribly large stone - but it ended up being appraised for $6,500 plus the two smaller diamonds and setting. So don''t under value the quality of those "family" stones, in history or in appraisal dollars.

My youngest son, now in Med School and I have currently narrowed down his diamond search through this forum. He too is cash strapped, but we think we have found an exceptional diamond and and exceptional value. And by the way, his first requirement was that we find a stone that would blend with the two .25 color I S12 diamonds passed down from his grandmother''s ring. The two smaller diamonds were primary to his diamond search, because of the sentiment involved.

I personally would take the ring to a trusted Jewler/appraiser and get a "ballpark" value. Then you can decide which way to go, a halo or a 3 stone ring and after doing so, get a formal appraisal. Whichever way, I can almost guarntee she will love the old family stone/s as much or actually MORE as any larger diamond or more expensive you could pick out. There is plenty of time in your future together to buy her the perfect ring. My advise, use the family stones......and I think both my sons would agree. And oh, buy the way, your mom is pretty special too for bringing this beautiful opportunity to you. She obviously loves you and your GF very, very much!
 
You have received some great advice here. I agree with the others about using the inherited stone and setting it in a setting that will make it look larger like a halo. Here is a very well made and affordable halo design that is similar to the Ritani line, but less expensive: http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/index.htm?crn=200&rn=1086&action=show_detail. I have several knox rings and all of them are lovely in person.

If she still wants something bigger, then get her an awesome anniversary gift a few years down the line when you are in a better financial position and this ring could be a future right hand ring. I don''t agree with financing now to buy a bigger ring since you are in debt. If she is the one for you, she will understand completely and be thrilled with the ring and excited about the proposal.
 
I reread your post and if the choice is between using this stone, or waiting a year or two till you can afford another one, if you feel the time is right to propose sooner than that, I''d definitely go ahead with this stone and put it in a beautiful setting for her. There''s always the future to ''upgrade.''
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Hi, i''m a bit late chiming in on this, but I think when it comes to inherited stones, size really doesn''t matter. Whether it''s .1, .2 or 5 carats, the sentimental value and love carried within those mms speaks volumes.

I agree that a halo setting would be best if you''re worried about the size of the stone. Do a little research and find out if she likes that type of setting first, though, because they''re beautiful but not for everyone. Good luck with your search!
 
Some perspective: I also came from a well to do upbringing. I need both hands to count the number of friends I have with 2ct or larger stones. (I''m in my late 20s.)

I would SO much rather receive a .5ct ring with a family history than a .75/1.0 without one. Also, if I were in your GF''s shoes, I would have preferred getting the stone in its original setting. I think the uniqueness of the setting would only serve to illustrate the history of the stone. What if you proposed with the original setting, but offered to work with her if she would prefer to update it?
 
Love that idea, munchkin! That was it''s the best of both worlds for you. You get to do what you really want, to propose now with the family diamond and you can share the journey together of finding a setting that''s just right for her.
Great idea!
 
Hey all,

So many Replies this is a great forum community, thanks!

Well, I have an update. I took the ring to Long''s Jeweler''s who seemed to want to have nothing to do with me, as I had to tell them three times that I wanted to replace the setting (which could mean money in their pockets. Oh well, Brick and mortar shops always stress me. I was dressed nicely too. Anyway, I took the ring in it''s original setting to have it cleaned and to have them estimate the size. I thought it would be nice to have the setting nice and clean when I give it back to my Mom. Which on a side note... the original setting is growing on me a bit. I''ll post a picture of it on Friday when I get it back from Long''s. It a yellow gold setting that is about a hundred years old, pretty cool.

So, I had them estimate the size of the diamond so that I could get a better idea of what settings could hold it. The lady said it was 4mm and estimated it to be around .3ct. There are also 4 very small diamonds on the side of the ring.

I have been poking through all of your suggestions and I like the
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Halo
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settings a lot. The whiteflash.com Bezel halo I think is very attractive. There are also a ritani and a beaudry setting that I really like but both are out of my price range (attached below hopefully).

I''ll update with a picture of the original setting on Friday and see if I can get to an appraiser (any recommendation for Massachusetts appraisers?)

Ritani attached Beaudry in next post.

Ritani.png
 
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