I am feeling such renewed hope with the vaccines, especially after talking about them with my sister-in-law, who has worked on one of them. And seeing the extraordinary efforts by scientists around the world has been really incredible. Part of me still can't quite believe that it's real.
I will likely be amongst the last to be eligible for vaccination, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Isolating and not travelling and having so few activities suddenly seem much more manageable when I have reassurance that it will end, even if it takes another year.
But I am also feeling something very unexpected: I don't want certain things about the last 10 months to end. I love that my husband works from home now and doesn't have to fly around all over god's green earth. I love that I have forged much closer relationships with certain people. I love that there has been a kind of collective acceptance of vulnerability and deep empathy in a way that I have never before seen. Meanwhile, some people in my life have revealed very ugly sides of themselves and I fear our relationships may be damaged permanently. It will be a little scary to see how it all translates or disappears into normal life.
I am also a bit worried about not being able to let go of anxiety. People aren't even getting the vaccine yet, so this may be a completely premature and unfounded worry. But for weeks I have been having dreams that I am standing too close to someone, that they are standing too close to me, that I have forgotten my mask, etc. And I have these dreams almost every night. I wonder how long it will take for that to stop being part of my emotional fabric.