Ideal gifts for ''meet the parents'' and staying under their roof for 2 weeks?

[Spongy]

Hi all

I will be going away to my other half''s home country for 2 weeks to meet his parents. I have met the mother before but never the father.

His parents are of indian descent and I am wondering what sort of gift would appeal to them? I am desperate to make a good ijmpression particularly as I''ll be living under their roof for 2 weeks!

I was thinking of chocolates and skincare but if anyone has anything better and would liek to share, I''m be sooooooo grateful!

Thanks

 

[neatfreak]

You''ll get much more feedback if you place this in hangout. This thread is for showing rings.


But to answer your question I always bring "local" products, which usually go over well. If you''re from VT you''d bring cheddar cheese, maple syrup, etc. for example.

 

[Independent Gal]

Hey, I just went through this. Here''s my thread, in case it helps!

https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/help-meeting-ffmil-what-to-bring-her.58538/

 

[surfgirl]

spongy, I've worked quite alot in India so let me think about this and get back to you...!

Oh, and you should re post this in the Brides WorldWide thread...

OK, first of all, be prepared to be scrutinzed...It's part of the DIL process, particularly in an Indian cultural setting. That said, you can do alot to make a good impression and diffuse the situation by bring appropriate gifts. I would stay away from cosmetics because one isn't sure how they will be received ("What? She thinks we smell bad?!?" That sort of thing...). Instead, I would suggest that you bring some gifts that an Indian woman would be able to use such as:

1. SHAWLS
Some really nice shawls (Indian women LOVE their pashminas but perhaps you can find something here that is unusual that they would never find there. Like a Russian paisley design or something like that. Bring a few because you'll no doubt want/need to give to not only your FMIL, but any FSILs and/or Aunties or grannies.

2. FABRIC
Also, Indian women love nice fabric to make saris or salwar kameez so any nice non-Indian fabric might be appreciated, like a nice silk or somthing like that.

3. PERFUME
As I said, this can be dicey depending on how its taken/recieved. You might ask your FI to ask if she wants anything specific from the States, like a special perfume, etc.

4. BOOKS (for the Dad?)
A cocktail table photo book on your home town perhaps?

5. Real IPODS or digital cameras
For any siblings....or FFIL

I'll think of some other things....and add them as I think of them. Also, ask your FI what his mom would like.

 

[AGSHF]

Hi, I agree that first presents can make lasting impressions. I would stay away from things that are too personal like skincare, etc. Consider if you are the recipient, would you want a jar of cosmetics? Probably not. Perfume, while nice, is also personal and your taste may not be theirs.

Some ideas here --

I would tend to look for things that last, not just edibles. Perhaps a lovely large picture frame, perhaps even containing an enlargement of some favorite snapshot of your partner or him (I think it''s a him) with his family? How about a "collectible" from where you live--as long as it''s classy. For example, if you live near local artsy shops, perhaps something indigenous would be great. I think you want to bring a little something of "yourself" that makes a good impression.

A great gift would be something that you know they like but can''t easily get in India. Or introduce them to something great that you are fond of.

Many years ago, I got my future FIL a commemorative plate from the unversity where he earned his Ph.D. Normally I don''t buy commemorative plates, but I had it engraved and it was well received -- and still displayed today.

Also, I would check first with your partner to make sure that there are no cultural taboos to take into consideration.

Good luck shopping!

 

[surfgirl]

My FI and I were thinking more about this...both having spent alot of time in India, and we were thinking of food that that''s representative of where you''re from, but then again, most Indians I know are very "Indian-centric" about Indian foods so I''m not sure that''s worth pursuing.

Oh! Jewelry...? Like freshwater pearls or something? That could be very nice. I dont think the FDIL usually gives that to her FMIL in Indian culture but you''re not Indian so you might be able to get away with it? Pearl stud earring perhaps? Most women have pierced ears.

 

[peridot83]

Wow i'm posting a lot today....stupid finals makes me want to concentrate on anything else!

As a person of Indian decent, I would say a few things to stay away from are:

1. Alcohol (unless your BF/FI is like oh no my parents drink scotch all the time, it's a taboo with a lot of families but others very much embrace it. If they do drink, then look into the customs laws cause that might be an awesome idea)
2. Gift baskets w/ soaps, skincare, or weird luxury foods from Williams Sonoma (My parents are always puzzled by these, and immediately wait for a time to pass them on to another family).


About jewelry or shawls...as long as its soething you wouldn't be able to get in India. Cause trust me, my parents are always going "oh look, selling that X for $100 you could get that for $20 in India" Things that fall into that category would be Cashmere shawls, Indian looking jewelry, Indian embroidered looking tops.

This I guess applies to all decents: Get an idea about whether they are "practical" down to earth people, or whimsical. My mother is whimsical, so she loves cute figurines and pretty vases etc. our house is cluttered w/ that sort of thing and always wants more...very into decorating. Something, that may not be easily found in India, crystal perhaps?

If they are more practical, only shop for what they need: I don't know how much you want to spend but a good set of knives or pots and pans.

Also chocolates always go over very well.

Also general tips for staying over: Always offer thanks and offer to help around house or help pay for things after the first few days: It goes in a typical dance for a really long time but keep playing it (Please let me take you to dinner etc. I so appreciate you taking all the trouble to stay over, them: oh no its no trouble, you: oh no I must insist, them: oh no no you are our guest) at least volley it back a few times. Also, if you end up going to another families home: its always "oh you must be starving, oh no auntie I'm really Ok, no no I must insist" etc. etc.

Also I'm sure your SO will direct you but some families are very wierded out by physical affection. I'd also avoid wearing anything that shows off a lot of leg (stay knee length or below). Jeans and sleaveless tops are considered extremely informal so keep that in mind as well.

 

[peridot83]

I just thought of a really good one, they're really really into tea overthere (but they're particular so I wouldn' t get actual tea). So if they don't have one, a nice tea set? Or a serving tray?

Oh yea, seconding SurfGirl. Make sure to ask your SO about how many other gifts to get for other relatives that you meet. Ask especially if they'd like things like college sweatshirts, ethced glass touristy things or that's not their style.

A digital camera would be a big hit...but only if they were well off enough to have some sort of working internet/computer at home that they use frequently. There's also the adapter/electicity/technology problems of going from one region to another. Also, depending where & how well they off they are, it may be easy or difficult to get pictures developed. Again, ask your SO.

 

[ejsarkar]

My husband is Indian (I''m not) and I had the same situation staying with his family in India for 3 weeks. I was so stressed out about getting the perfect gifts. I brought hand soaps/creams and nail polish for the aunties and cousins and for the dads/uncles I brought button down shirts short and long sleeve -- light colors with stripes (at their request) and chocolates. For the kids I brought fun art supplies (purple glue sticks, glitter etc) and american candies (ha ha, the thing that went over the best with them was the little breath strips that were new at the time in 2001). The girls LOVED barbies.

Once I got there, I realized the soaps/handcreams didn''t go over too well-- they have their own tastes. The nail polish was good but they really wanted name brand stuff. Cosmetics like L''Oreal and Revlon are super expensive. Black liquid eyeliner is a huge hit and expensive over there. ( Next time I am bringing gift bags of nail polish, eyeliner and lipstick by Revlon-- they were too shy to ask for this but it''s what they wanted). One of the younger aunts really wanted some every day type jewelry-- silver necklaces/earrings (non indian style) - I wish I had known that. Kitchen accessories that you just don''t get there woudl be super. I wish I had brought a Good Grips vegetable peeler. His family cook a ton in a tiny kitchen and they just don''t have all the gadgets we have--- even tupperware woudl have been a big hit. The dads/uncles/younger uncles and teen boys really like american name brands (Hilfiger, Calvin Klein etc). Chocolates are always appreciated.

Biggest advice is bring extra of every category because you will ALWAYS visit someone you weren''t expecting to or some other person comes over and it''s the worst feeling to know you can''t run out to get something last minute. I packed 6 extra boxes of chocolates for this and used them all.

Respectful attitudes go a long way. I won over everyone just by learning a few words in Bengali (which I loved and wanted to do anyway) and for the elders, touching their feet and then your heart when you first meet them to show respect.

Also, public affection between men and women is frowned upon so I''d avoid this around the family.

Good luck!

 

[Camilla]

Hi, I''m Indian (but live in England) and every year we go back to India and take a good half suitcase full of chocolates for all the people we visit. A few large boxes of chocolate assortments are good for the family you are staying with, and then smaller boxes of nicer chocolates for people you visit for lunch/dinner/just a visit. I really cracked up over peridot83''s comment...It''s so unbelievably true. Be prepared for lots of niceties!

I''d stick with brand names for presents...they are slowly becoming availible there, but not many people buy them - so the brand name will be appreciated as well as the gift. General sized t-shirts are great for giving to younger people, but for all those slightly older uncles and aunties - KITCHENWARE!!! (well, the closer family anyways). We always get asked to bring over tons of kitchenware, normal things that make your life easier (like scissors with good grips and things that can be washed up easily) because they are often not availible/really expensive in India (someone else mentioned this too). A nice pen would be valued by male members of the family, as well as books that look interesting and are about something academic (sciencey/history etc...)

What your future in laws are probably looking out for is for a nice girl who''ll make a nice daughter in law and a nice mother for their grandchildren...be yourself, be smiling and be helpful (something I''m constantly told to be by my mother!)...I generally always ask if I can help with anything when I go to anyones house, and usually get told to just sit down and relax, but it''s a nice gesture anyway!

 

[winternight]

I''m not Indian but I''m from a culture close to there - one thing I think some Americans don''t realize about the ''song and dance'' is that you''re supposed to keep going. I read an article about a group of Americans who were giving a tip to a tour operator, when he said ''no, I can''t take it, its my pleasure.'' They said ''oh, ok.''

They didn''t realize that they were supposed to insist. I think in those cultures you are really supposed to say thanks and when someone doesn''t want to take a gift, insist for awhile (nothing extreme though!). Also, when you''re eatting don''t stuff yourself because extra courses may come up - at least in my culture its rude to refuse to eat something and the hostess keeps bringing out more food when you think the meal is over. So try to leave a little room just in case. Definitely learn some nice phrases to say, especially when fed, in my culture we have one that translates as ''may your hands not hurt from the effort'' or something.

Nivea hand cream is a popular gift among my family, the giant tub is impressive, like the one you''d get from Costco. Ask your fiance what brands are popular - usually certain specific brands are really preferred. I second the expensive cosmetics - maybe Clinique would also be appreciated, you could get some things during gift time. My father travels overseas and he hits the outlets for gifts - clothes from Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren (esp. popular), Levis (ditto), other American name brands.

I would think the men would like nice buttoned down, long sleeved shirts. Maybe you could find somewhere with a good sale and a good return policy just in case. Hershey''s chocolate was a big hit when I went overseas, just because its so American. If you want to get frangances but don''t know what the person likes what I do is get a sampler set of a good brand - like one of those little sets that has 5 types of Chanel or Dior perfume.

I wouldn''t get tea unless you get a pricey loose leaf British variety - something imported - nothing from the supermarket - it doesn''t compare.

I would stay away from jewelry - most Indian woman (with the means) wear 22k and its amazing - (I have some actually). 14k, even 18k wouldn''t be worn there. I don''t know about silver. Personally I wouldn''t get a pashmina or sari material - I have a feeling its much cheaper over there and higher quality. I could be wrong though.

Some of what you get is going to depend on their financial circumstances. I have a friend whose cousins are so rich they basically only wear Italian designer clothing, so in that case cooking items wouldn''t work - but maybe chocolate and cosmetics would still be cute. You''ll want to get a feel for that.

 

[surfgirl]

You know what I think would totally endear you to your FMIL? As soon as you get there, ask if she''ll teach you how to cook for her son. That would give you a project while you''re there and next to their children, all my female colleagues in India are very proud of their cooking abilities. To show an interest in learning how to cook good Indian food "so you can feed her son properly " would probably go a long way...I wonder what those who are of Indian descent think about that idea...

Oh, one last thing. In India, there are huge sections in the Sunday papers for match making and the ads are usually placed by the mothers. Many say they are looking for "homely" girls and I thought "what? Is their son so ugly that they''re advertising for ugly girls?" but actually it refers to girls who are good "home makers"...hint hint

 

[Spongy]

Hi everyone

THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for all your helpful replies!
I don''t have much time to get the gifts sorted out as I''m actually flying off tomorrow Sunday afternoon and I''m working half day on Saturday today.

I''m not sure how well off/fussy my future father/mother in law is but I originally was thinking of buying her a well known skincare like Estee Lauder. But now having read your replies here, I''ve decided against it and I think I will go for the safer option and buy her a gift set. My fiancee mentioned that they don''t have Body Shop and things like Loreal are generally expensive so I will try to get things like mascara, nail polish , etc from there for the ladies side.

I think my main problem is the dad as I have never met him I''m more ''paranoid'' of getting the right gift. As someone said, they might look to see how ''homely'' I am for their son and this may show in my gifts and my appearance. My boyfriend has already vetted all my clothes which are deemed too ''sexy'' and the ironic thing is that, they''re those baby tees I wear with jeans during summer.

Anyways, back to the dad, I was thinking of getting after shaving gel as my fiancee is buying him an electric razor.

My fiancee bought a digital camera the last time round he went back so maybe not this time but I suppose I should check again.

I''m so excited!

 

[surfgirl]

What about a nice pen set for the FFIL? Something that looks regal? A photo book from the city where you two live? I think FILs care less about the "homeliness" of the FDIL than the FMIL and female family members do...Cooking gadgets were a good idea someone mentioned. Oh! I remember that when I wanted to get a manicure at a very nice hotel, the only "high class" nail polishes they had were Revlon...As someone already said, and also I think L''Oreal was a "premium" brand there too.

You might want to ask the FMIL or sisters to take you shopping one day to get some local clothing. I think they might like that as well. Will you be in the Delhi area? If so, Fab India is a great place to shop for real Indian clothing (located in Greater Kailash II, aka GK2). Great stuff there. But please! For the love of god, leave the "baby t''s" home! They will NOT get a good reception...Demure and well-covered is important. No PDA. Dont even TRY to meet each other after the others go to bed. You dont want to start any scandals

Most of all, have fun! India is a wonderful country filled with amazing cultures. I cant wait to hear your impressions!