I need help on how to fire someone.

[Allisonfaye]

I have a sitter that works 20 hours a week. I have a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old. This sitter has been with me since Sept, when I was pregnant. After my baby was born, we had her for about 45 hours a week but now we cut back her hours to 20. She is a sweet person but not very ambitious and not a very hard worker. I have asked her over and over to do stuff and finally put together a list on what I need done while she is here and most of the time, she doesn''t do the stuff. She has a history of depression and seems kind of ''out to lunch'' sometimes. I don''t think she has ever sought help for her depression.

She loves my kids. But she isn''t helping me much. My husband thinks our kids safety could be at risk. I can''t get anything done while she is here because I am constantly monitoring her too.
She is moving out of state anyway in November.

I thought it might take a while to find someone so I started looking. I found someone pretty quickly so I hired her. She came one day to meet my husband and I told her if she hung around, I would pay her. She is great! Hard worker, intelligent, ambitious and she can work my crazy schedule. My current nanny bolts out the door as soon as she can. I am constantly rushing home to relieve her. She does have another job but even on days that she isn''t working or working much, much later, she says she can''t stay.

She makes me mad but part of me really cares about her. I just don''t want to hurt her feelings. She got fired from her last nanny position just after she started working for me. She said the lady took total advantage of her good nature and never told her what time she was going to be able to leave and kept her way long and didn''t pay her for all the hours. When she mentioned it to the lady, she kicked her out right then and there. The woman had a new nanny almost immediately, so I suspect she had already had someone else for whatever reason, I don''t know.

So, I am trying to decide how I want to tell her that I no longer need her.
I could a) tell her we are no longer going to use a nanny or b) tell her that I was talking to a neighbor and mentioned that we were losing our nanny in Nov and she knew someone that would be interested and able to work our schedule (which is not easy to find) and that I can''t pass up the opportunity.

Part of me wants her to know that she is getting fired but part of me doesn''t. The reason I mentioned the other lady firing her is because my nanny still sees her kids outside from time to time and it tears her up because she misses them so much. I want her to be able to come and visit my kids if she wants, but if she knows she is fired, she might feel she can''t. Should I spare her feelings and tell her story b? Or would that spare her feelings? If I tell her we are no longer using a nanny, she could probably find out pretty easily that we are. The car will be out front or my two year old might mention her name.

Is there another way that I haven''t thought of? What do you guys think I should do?

 

[movie zombie]

Date: 6/19/2006 1:46:30 PM
Author:Allisonfaye
I have a sitter that works 20 hours a week. I have a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old. This sitter has been with me since Sept, when I was pregnant. After my baby was born, we had her for about 45 hours a week but now we cut back her hours to 20. She is a sweet person but not very ambitious and not a very hard worker. I have asked her over and over to do stuff and finally put together a list on what I need done while she is here and most of the time, she doesn''t do the stuff. She has a history of depression and seems kind of ''out to lunch'' sometimes. I don''t think she has ever sought help for her depression.

She loves my kids. But she isn''t helping me much. My husband thinks our kids safety could be at risk. I can''t get anything done while she is here because I am constantly monitoring her too.
She is moving out of state anyway in November.

I thought it might take a while to find someone so I started looking. I found someone pretty quickly so I hired her. She came one day to meet my husband and I told her if she hung around, I would pay her. She is great! Hard worker, intelligent, ambitious and she can work my crazy schedule. My current nanny bolts out the door as soon as she can. I am constantly rushing home to relieve her. She does have another job but even on days that she isn''t working or working much, much later, she says she can''t stay.

She makes me mad but part of me really cares about her. I just don''t want to hurt her feelings. She got fired from her last nanny position just after she started working for me. She said the lady took total advantage of her good nature and never told her what time she was going to be able to leave and kept her way long and didn''t pay her for all the hours. When she mentioned it to the lady, she kicked her out right then and there. The woman had a new nanny almost immediately, so I suspect she had already had someone else for whatever reason, I don''t know.

So, I am trying to decide how I want to tell her that I no longer need her.
I could a) tell her we are no longer going to use a nanny or b) tell her that I was talking to a neighbor and mentioned that we were losing our nanny in Nov and she knew someone that would be interested and able to work our schedule (which is not easy to find) and that I can''t pass up the opportunity.

Part of me wants her to know that she is getting fired but part of me doesn''t. The reason I mentioned the other lady firing her is because my nanny still sees her kids outside from time to time and it tears her up because she misses them so much. I want her to be able to come and visit my kids if she wants, but if she knows she is fired, she might feel she can''t. Should I spare her feelings and tell her story b? Or would that spare her feelings? If I tell her we are no longer using a nanny, she could probably find out pretty easily that we are. The car will be out front or my two year old might mention her name.

Is there another way that I haven''t thought of? What do you guys think I should do?

in reading your post, i''m not sure that you are clear about the situation for your ownself. until you are, you can''t be clear with her.

my take as a distant third party: you are not happy with her performance. you question your childrens'' safety. her schedule does not accomodate yours in the way that you would like. while it is nice to be considerate of feelings, the line between employer and employee has become blurred resulting in your feelings of conflict re her feelings/mental well being and those of you and your family. tell her you know she''s leaving in november and you have the opportunity to hire someone right now but the person can''t wait until november to start. therefore, you appreciate her help with your children and here''s a check for $xxxx as severance pay for the short notice. it is the truth minus the parting shot that she has failed your expectations. don''t bring up being willing to give a reference unless she asks. then you must be honest and say that you can give her a good reference for watching the children but not for doing additional chores.....not all positions will want her to do additional chores. however, if you are concerned about the safety of your own children, can you in good conscience give her a good recommendation to watch someone else''s children?

again, i''m a totally distant third party so i may seem abrupt and cold and see it as a black and white situation. i know for you it isn''t.

movie zombie


movie zombie

 

[Allisonfaye]

You don''t seem cold and distant at all. You have described it pretty accurately. I guess the bond that we share is caring about my kids. And for some reason, I do care about her.

I couldn''t in good conscience give her a reference and will not offer it. I am hoping she doesn''t try to do child care in her new location.

 

[selflove]

Allison--I think you owe her the truth so that she can take the opportunity to change her behavior/performance for future employers. Be nice about it. You don''t have to use the word "fire"...just use language like "It''s just not working out." Give her a severance check, get they keys back, and wish her well. I wouldn''t even discuss the reference issue with her.

 

[Mara]

Date: 6/19/2006 3:20:57 PM
Author: selflove
Allison--I think you owe her the truth so that she can take the opportunity to change her behavior/performance for future employers. Be nice about it. You don''t have to use the word ''fire''...just use language like ''It''s just not working out.'' Give her a severance check, get they keys back, and wish her well. I wouldn''t even discuss the reference issue with her.

I agree...be honest with her if you respect her and care about her. She deserves to know why you are doing this and maybe she will see it as a wake-up call and get some help. If you just try to lie or get around the truth, she won''t get a whit of benefit from the whole situation and will probably feel more bitter later and blame you because she doesn''t know the truth.

Good luck, it''s a bad situation but as adults many times we have to deal with things we don''t want to.

 

[aljdewey]

Date: 6/19/2006 1:46:30 PM
Author:Allisonfaye

So, I am trying to decide how I want to tell her that I no longer need her.
I could a) tell her we are no longer going to use a nanny or b) tell her that I was talking to a neighbor and mentioned that we were losing our nanny in Nov and she knew someone that would be interested and able to work our schedule (which is not easy to find) and that I can''t pass up the opportunity.

Part of me wants her to know that she is getting fired but part of me doesn''t. The reason I mentioned the other lady firing her is because my nanny still sees her kids outside from time to time and it tears her up because she misses them so much. I want her to be able to come and visit my kids if she wants, but if she knows she is fired, she might feel she can''t. Should I spare her feelings and tell her story b? Or would that spare her feelings? If I tell her we are no longer using a nanny, she could probably find out pretty easily that we are. The car will be out front or my two year old might mention her name.

Is there another way that I haven''t thought of? What do you guys think I should do?

I''d go with Plan B for a few reasons.

Plan A is a bad idea because it puts you in the position of lying, and it''s a lie that can easily be found out.

Also, she may not be a great nanny, but you''ve said she''s a sweet person. Further, your kids may have an attachment to her. The fact that she''s a horrible worker doesn''t make her a bad person, and as long as you will be with the children when she visits, their safety will not be at risk. Plan B leaves the option for subsequent contact if it''s desired/feasible.

Also, there''s nothing to be gained by you (other than satisfaction) at having her know you were displeased with her work and that your dissatisfaction has contributed to her replacement. While Selflove''s rationale is very noble, I''d be more concerned by what''s in it for YOU in disclosing that.

I don''t see you gaining anything, but I can foresee a bunch of possible negative outcomes if you do: disclosing personal information to friends/neighbors, inappropriate angry response, possible damage to your home on the way out, etc. There''s just too much that could be at risk.

If this girl is going to get her act together, it will happen anyway. I''m sure she already realizes she doesn''t like some of the tasks given her and that she''s not doing them well.

I''d avoid the topic of being a reference completely. If she brings it up, I''d tell her that your personal policy is to only verify dates of employment, just as corporations do.

Good luck.

 

[msdarlinjoy]

Allisonfaye ~

If I or my husband thought that someone whom was caring for our children (especially under the age of 10), based on visual observations, thought their safety was or could be at risk of said caretaker ... I would not hesitate from relieving them from their duties.

No ands, ifs, or butts!

To me it''s a no-brainer! What responsible parent would put their children at risk?

If there is a red flag going up ... don''t disregard it. There are alot of crazy things going on in this world! Times have certainly chained since I was a youngster. Innocence once lost is never regained! Once someone is hurt, although they may heal on the outside ... emotional scars remain on the inside.

I personally would be more concerned about her depression and what is she capable of doing to your children!

Depression ... the word itself is vague. I have known people who were depressed do things that were not in their best interest or others best interest ... I have seen people who were depressed hurt people and themselves ... I have know people who were depressed and live safe and comfortable lives ... only after they reached out for help though.

I would with your husband present, tell her that you will no longer be needing her services, Do this first thing in the morning, never on a weekend. Thank her for her efforts, and give her a severance check. Ask for the keys back, if she refuses, or said that she forgot them, I would call the locksmith, do this in the earliest morning possible, so if you need to call said locksmith, you will have the day to get this accomplished before nightfall.

Been there ... done that! Listen to that red flag!!!

If she ask''s why, I would say that you need someone who not only can care for your children, but give you more hours of service to do other jobs when you need it, and not feel pressured about rushing home to relieve her. You could referance this to what she said about her previous nanny job, that her employer always kept her too long, and you didn''t want to do that to her, so you were able to find someone else who could allocate working longer hours, and sporatic shifts.

Good luck with this ... personally I would make a clean break ... I would not schedule any visitation ... the kids are young and there is already someone ready to take her place ... go on with life, and don''t worry about her feelings ... this is a non-relative who was hired to do a job ... not firing your sister or mom whom watches your kids. Keep the relationship professional, and not emotional.

You are definately in a difficult position, just ask yourself ... what if your husband is right ... what if your children could be harmed by something she did, said ... or allows the children to do when she''s not all there?

Big hug to you!!!

 

[ephemery1]

Finding a nanny that is the right fit for your family is an EXTREMELY personal thing... it''s no wonder you care about this person and don''t want to hurt her! As somebody who has been a part of several families over the years as a babysitter/nanny, I know that if the right chemistry isn''t there between babysitter and family, the kids are NOT being cared for in the way they deserve. So don''t feel any guilt about finding somebody who is a better match for you... just explain to your current nanny that you knew she would be leaving in November, and were fortunate enough to find a replacement already who may offer your family some additional things that you require from a caregiver. If you want to go into detail, explain that the new person''s flexibility and energy seem better suited to the ages of your young children and your busy schedule... you may not need to point out her flaws directly, just highlight some of the qualities that make the new nanny a better match.

I have a feeling you will handle the situation very tactfully and with respect to the current nanny''s feelings... and hopefully the new person will be everything you needed and more! Personally, nothing made me happier as a babysitter than seeing the pure relief and gratitude on a busy mom''s face when they knew their children were being cared for EXACTLY the way they should be, and they could head out to run errands for an hour, or fly to Spain for a week, with equal assurance that everything would be fine in their absence. I took a lot of pride in every "how did I get along without you??" and "you have made my life SO much easier" and "the kids have never been this excited about a babysitter before!" comment I received.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Date: 6/20/2006 11:52:33 PM
Author: ephemery1
Finding a nanny that is the right fit for your family is an EXTREMELY personal thing... it''s no wonder you care about this person and don''t want to hurt her! As somebody who has been a part of several families over the years as a babysitter/nanny, I know that if the right chemistry isn''t there between babysitter and family, the kids are NOT being cared for in the way they deserve. So don''t feel any guilt about finding somebody who is a better match for you... just explain to your current nanny that you knew she would be leaving in November, and were fortunate enough to find a replacement already who may offer your family some additional things that you require from a caregiver. If you want to go into detail, explain that the new person''s flexibility and energy seem better suited to the ages of your young children and your busy schedule... you may not need to point out her flaws directly, just highlight some of the qualities that make the new nanny a better match.

I have a feeling you will handle the situation very tactfully and with respect to the current nanny''s feelings... and hopefully the new person will be everything you needed and more! Personally, nothing made me happier as a babysitter than seeing the pure relief and gratitude on a busy mom''s face when they knew their children were being cared for EXACTLY the way they should be, and they could head out to run errands for an hour, or fly to Spain for a week, with equal assurance that everything would be fine in their absence. I took a lot of pride in every ''how did I get along without you??'' and ''you have made my life SO much easier'' and ''the kids have never been this excited about a babysitter before!'' comment I received.

Will YOU come and be my new sitter? Please. Please....

 

[diamondfan]

AF, I had a nanny live in for 6 years and I love her, but she had to leave last year due to illness. She never told me she took meds for a psychological condition and then for some reason stopped them and started to fall apart in front of us. I still help her and we care for her, and she was hospitalized. I do not think she would be violent or ever dream of hurting my kids BUT I could not take a chance, and with my kids having friends over etc...too tough to deal with. In 13 years I have had basically 3 live in''s along with college girls to pick up slack if my nanny did not drive or something. To me, if she is not a great or devoted worker and you have ANY reason to doubt her (beyond any normal things one would feel letting someone in their home etc)...I would say bye and be firm but fair. Just let her know that your needs have changed and that you know, since she will be leaving anyway, that you needed to replace her. Thank her for her time and efforts. If you get a reference call, it is so tough...you can say she worked for you, and unless you think she would be neglectful or hurt someone''s kid, I might be concerned legally about what you can and cannot say. (I know different states have different rules governing this kind of stuff, when we lived in L. A., I know Cali was an "at will" state so you did not need a reason to fire someone)...she might be better in a home with much older kids...but frankly, she watches the clock to rush out, is not accomodating your very clear and well defined requests...add to that the depression and "not being there" mentally, and I think it is pretty clear cut. I never minded explaining how I liked things done, I never expected a mind reader, but I DID expect the person to appreciate their job, and to be reliable and put my kids well being first. You need peace of mind and she is clearly not giving it to you...and she maybe really is better suited to doing something else. Bottom line, you need to do what is best for you and your family, which you clearly know already, and you can gently let her know the issues so she can improve for her next job, or you can just nicely say good bye and not worry about it...

 

[Kaleigh]

I''d be honest if I were you. How will she learn anything if you spare her the truth?? You can do it in a caring and tactful way. I had one that was a great person but not the best at doing what I needed her to do. I never asked her to do stuff over taking care of the kids but sometimes they were in school and while they were in school, I needed stuff done. I worked long hours only to come home and finish the stuff she didn''t do. So I fired her and she wasn''t surprised at all. It went well actually. I found an amazing sitter shortly after that and to this day she is still a member of our family. She isn''t a Nanny anymore and has a great job with the IRS. I adored her and still do. She took great care of my kids and if I got home a few minutes late it wasn''t a problem. Plus she did everything I asked her to and more. I was so lucky to have found her. Good luck!!

 

[ephemery1]

Date: 6/21/2006 9:57:35 PM
Author: Allisonfaye

Date: 6/20/2006 11:52:33 PM
Author: ephemery1
Finding a nanny that is the right fit for your family is an EXTREMELY personal thing... it''s no wonder you care about this person and don''t want to hurt her! As somebody who has been a part of several families over the years as a babysitter/nanny, I know that if the right chemistry isn''t there between babysitter and family, the kids are NOT being cared for in the way they deserve. So don''t feel any guilt about finding somebody who is a better match for you... just explain to your current nanny that you knew she would be leaving in November, and were fortunate enough to find a replacement already who may offer your family some additional things that you require from a caregiver. If you want to go into detail, explain that the new person''s flexibility and energy seem better suited to the ages of your young children and your busy schedule... you may not need to point out her flaws directly, just highlight some of the qualities that make the new nanny a better match.

I have a feeling you will handle the situation very tactfully and with respect to the current nanny''s feelings... and hopefully the new person will be everything you needed and more! Personally, nothing made me happier as a babysitter than seeing the pure relief and gratitude on a busy mom''s face when they knew their children were being cared for EXACTLY the way they should be, and they could head out to run errands for an hour, or fly to Spain for a week, with equal assurance that everything would be fine in their absence. I took a lot of pride in every ''how did I get along without you??'' and ''you have made my life SO much easier'' and ''the kids have never been this excited about a babysitter before!'' comment I received.

Will YOU come and be my new sitter? Please. Please....

I wish!!

I miss those days... I feel so lucky to have worked for some amazing families over the years... one with 6 kids, another with 5... I learned some key organizational skills through it all! I have a masters degree now and have worked in several different fields since then, and still consider babysitting my most important and rewarding job (and the one that taught me the most!)... I loved loved loved having that kind of a positive influence on a family, especially knowing how many people out there just genuinely don''t appreciate having that opportunity.

But you''ll find the right person... just don''t be afraid to want the best for your family!

 

[diamondfan]

Allison, just to let you know you seem like a lovely woman, and I am like you in that I take on the person''s personal stuff and then the line between employer and employee can get blurry. Then the effectiveness can decrease. Your kids come first, you would could not live with yourself if something happened while she was caring for them...not that it is to that point, but I think you know in your heart that on all levels she is no longer a viable option. I would HATE feeling I had to rush home and would not appreciate feeling she is in a hot rush to bolt out the door. I am sure you respect her needs and her time, but things happen and if you are delayed you do not want to get uptight over it. It just seems time to part ways. You could tell her that it seems that it is not really working out and due to your needs seeming to be in conflict with what she can give, you think it is best to part ways. Give her a couple weeks pay and change the locks even if she does give the key back (you do not know if she ever made a copy, sounds paranoid but better safe than sorry). I have a friend who had to fire someone who was not up to the pre agreed upon tasks, and she started the conversation with, You do not seem happy in this job, it seems it is not the right fit for you. Once she put it out there on the employee, there was no defensiveness, the girl was relieved to admit that no, she was not happy, it was too much for her to handle and she did not know how to approach it...so her attitude spoke volumes about her feelings! Maybe your girl will expect a reference, maybe not...she might realize she has not been stellar in your home...but you never know!

You and your family come first. You are paying someone to do a job and be in your home with your kids. I think a nanny or someone in the home needs to be flexible, this is very different than a nine to five office job...and a go with flow person who is there to help you is a wonderful find. Hopefully the new girl will be all that for you, so you can leave and feel confident about the care being given to your kids and the jobs getting done too...Good luck...

 

[ephemery1]

Again, I have to offer a different point of view to the whole employee/employer concept when it comes to babysitting. Although certainly it is important that your nanny respect you, your family, and your way of doing things... and needs guidelines to do those things correctly... for me, effectiveness increased dramatically when I was able to maintain a true and solid friendship with the parents. And that goes far beyond the bounds of a traditional employee relationship. This is somebody who is in your home, influencing your children in countless ways... if you just want a 9-5er who will make sure your kids don't fall into the pool or throw the blocks, that's one thing. But when you want somebody to essentially do all the things that you would do if you could be there (from kissing boo-boos to knowing how they like their sandwiches cut to handling playdate crises to being able to tell which twin is which just from his weight in your arms as you carry him up to bed)... you need to treat this relationship a little bit differently than you treat, say, your housekeeper. When you become more aware of each other on a personal level, you become more in tune to the children you are sharing... and it may be naive to expect that all babysitters would still take responsibility and not take advantage of that, but I like to think there are at least a few of us out there.

So Allison, don't expect yourself to be able to completely detach from your nanny's feelings during the whole "letting go"... it is no wonder you care about her on a personal level... you are probably an excellent mother who was instinctually seeking the relationship I described above. It is really just her "fit" with the family (and maybe babysitting in general) that needs to be addressed. And then you can focus your energies on building that relationship with somebody new!

 

[moon river]

Date: 6/19/2006 3:20:57 PM
Author: selflove
Allison--I think you owe her the truth so that she can take the opportunity to change her behavior/performance for future employers. Be nice about it. You don''t have to use the word ''fire''...just use language like ''It''s just not working out.'' Give her a severance check, get they keys back, and wish her well. I wouldn''t even discuss the reference issue with her.

Well said.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Wow, there are a lot of differing opinions here.
I am not terribly concerned about her mental condition (that she will do anything bad, I mean).

I had planned to do it this Sat when my kids are out and sleeping because I do think she might cry and I think it will be harder on her and on my two year old if she does.

I am, however, waiting for the new girl''s references to call me back. For some reason, they haven''t yet. I don''t know if it will work out for Sat or now. I just want to get it over with.

I think, as someone mentioned, she is not terribly happy either. I think I forgot to mention that she has aspirations to be a aesthitician ( I know this is spelled wrong) (person that does facials and makeup). So I have always known it is not her first career choice (which isn''t entirely bad). Rarely, do you find someone who has permanent aspirations to be in childcare. If find a LOT of women from eastern Europe come here and are not qualified to do what they really want to do so they do that or housekeeping.

I will keep you posted as to what happens.

 

[Allisonfaye]

Well, I am majorly bummed. I just found out the new nanny took another job. I had a gut feeling when I couldn''t verify her references and they didn''t return phone calls that something was amiss.

I just was really ready to move forward. Now I have to start all over. I am debating going nannyless for a while. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face?

I wish I could think of more resources on how to find a nanny. I have tried our local community message board but everyone who wants to nannyshare wants the hours that they want and they want to give you the leftovers.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

[cutey TT]

Allison - I wanted to let you know that I was in a similar situation as you with our first nanny. She came to us highly recommended, but once she started working for us, we started having some major problems (at least from my perspective). She would leave early everyday, and was constantly having family emergencies or taking days off due to some reason or another. I work from home, so I was able to monitor her behavior and she spent way too much time watching TV or on the internet, and was constantly asking me or my husband for inappropriate favors (pain medication for her husband ... my husband is a physician). Also, she did not listen to anything I told her regarding my daughter (i.e., don''t feed her everytime she cries, stick to her feeding schedule), and had this whole "I know better than you" attitude. My daughter was 4.5 months when she started working for us. I ended up having to let her go after about 4 months cuz I was going to lose my mind and she was stressing me out so much. I had a ton of other grievances, but I won''t get into all of them right now...the list is just too long.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you support in saying that when someone is not right for you and your family, you need to move on. I, too, was afraid of letting our nanny go cuz I knew my daughter was already used to her...I didn''t want to have to go through the hassle of finding someone new and potentially deal with other issues...I didn''t have any good leads for any other nannies...and let''s face it, I was scared.

Finally, one day, she called in sick for the nth time an hour before she was supposed to show up. I decided then and there that I was done with her. The next day when she showed up for work (clearly not sick), I told her that I was willing to pay her 2 weeks severance, but that I was going to have to find someone new (of course, she was mad and shocked and all that). The reason I gave was that her leaving early everyday (which I had previously warned her about) was messing up my work schedule, and I needed to find someone who could commit to staying later in the afternoons when necessary. I hired her to accommodate my work schedule, and the entire time she was with us, I felt like I was accommodating her.

To make a long story short, we went through a couple weeks where we didn''t have a full-time nanny...only had part-time coverage...but at least because I work from home, I was able to capitalize on the times my daughter was napping, and I worked later in the evenings after my daughter went to bed. I was then able to find another nanny (interviewed several this time around since I had a better idea of what I was looking for, versus relying solely on someone else''s recommendation). Nanny #2 has been with us almost a year now and I can''t tell you how much easier she makes my life. She is hard-working and loves my daughter. She values her job and I enjoy seeing her everyday.

Change can be frightening, but sometimes, it really is for the best. HTH

 

[cutey TT]

Date: 6/22/2006 6:34:38 PM
Author: Allisonfaye
Well, I am majorly bummed. I just found out the new nanny took another job. I had a gut feeling when I couldn''t verify her references and they didn''t return phone calls that something was amiss.

I just was really ready to move forward. Now I have to start all over. I am debating going nannyless for a while. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face?

I wish I could think of more resources on how to find a nanny. I have tried our local community message board but everyone who wants to nannyshare wants the hours that they want and they want to give you the leftovers.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Have you tried any local nanny agencies? At least you know their candidates have been pre-screened to some degree. Another option would be to check around at your local churches. I know that sometimes they maintain lists of women who are interested in nanny or housekeeping type jobs. A couple of my friends have found nannies this way.

I''ve seen postings on craigs list of women who are interested in nanny positions, but I''m a little wary of hiring someone this way just cuz I''ve heard some freaky stories about CL.

And last but not least, ask your friends who have nannies if they have any friends who are looking for work...you never know what you might find. I know my nanny''s roommate is currently looking for a job, and I would refer her in a heartbeat just cuz I trust my nanny so much. I figure, if this other lady is good enough to be roommates with my nanny, then that''s pretty good in my book.

Good luck!

 

[Allisonfaye]

Thanks for the tips. I am going to place an ad in the local paper and maybe put up a flyer at Whole Foods. I am working with one agency but they are the ones who sent the girl who flaked. I asked them what their screening process involved and it doesn''t sound like much I couldn''t do myself. I can do a criminal background check myself as well. Meanwhile, I will ask around too. I took my kids to the park in my neighborhood and 90% of the kids are with their nannies so I will ask them if they know anyone who is looking too. I am determined now!