I am so furious with my husband right now...

[Italiahaircolor]

We're getting blasted with a horrible winter storm here in Chicago. Frigid temps, poor driving conditions, endless amount of snow. It's a nightmare.

My DH received tickets to a Blackhawks game for Christmas, and it just so happens to be tonight. Due to the fact that I had work obligations, I had to go into the office today (if I didn't have to, believe me, I wouldn't have--it's awful outside, it took me nearly 3 hours to drive 45 miles). Well, with the weather being such, I phoned Mark to tell him I don't think I can make the game, and as a matter of fact, I think it would be smart if we just scrapped going tonight all together. I even told him I'd buy him and a friend tickets at a later date, but if we're going to err--lets do it on the side of caution.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, my bull headed husband is insisting upon going.

. He's all full of the excuses that he'll "drive slowly" and he'll be in "no rush". I told him I was wasn't worried about his driving, I am worried about everyone else. He doesn't get it. And that makes me hate him, seriously.

We are married, we're a family, so when he takes stupid, thoughtless risks, he hurts us, he puts us at risk. Maybe I'm overly cautious, but tough, there are things in this life worth risking it all for--and a hockey game isn't one of those things, sorry. It makes me seriously reevaluate everything. If he's really this selfish--and pig headed, then how can I have children with him? How can I continue to build a life with this man? I make sacrafices for us all the time that are far bigger "gives" than missing a stupid hockey game.

Mark loves hockey. He still plays on an adult league...and he's been known to TiVo all the games he can't watch live. I get that he has love for the game, and I can appreciate that. But, at what point does it become just a game? Not something worth risking life and limb over? Not something worth driving in a freakin blizzard for? He's famous for this...he's driven in ice storms to play with his friends in his adult league...and everytime I plead with his common sense not do it...and every time I lose, because he feels he's made an obligation and that his friends are "counting" on him. Whatever. I could slap him and I would if he were here right now. Seriously.

I was so furious when he told me he was still planning on going that I told him that if he gets in an accident, that he'll be getting a part time job to pay for repairs--that he wont see a single red cent of our family money to pay for his mistake. Of course, if he gets in an accident I'll be devasted, but if he's willing to assume the risk--then he'll eat whatever may come from it alone.

I am still over the moon mad at him, but thank you all for letting me vent.

 

[Elmorton]

Italia, my DH and I fight about road conditions all the time too...I believe that absolutely nothing is worth risking your life on awful roads, and my DH believes that most things are worth the risk (though he''d probably let up a bit for a sporting event - it would be a tossup though, because he''d hate to see the $ wasted). I completely agree with what you said - in fact, these are my arguments, too - but sometimes I don''t win the argument :Wish I could offer you some advice, but I''m in the same boat.

 

[luckystar112]

I can totally understand why you feel that way. But I know already that if my DH and I were in the same situation he would decide to go too. Maybe it''s a man thing. They just aren''t as scared as us!
Of course, being women, we have a tendency to look at the "big picture" when we''re angry. So I would definitely be thinking the same things as you when it comes to starting a family or feeling like he''s too immature and dense to get the idea of "marriage".
But isn''t it a little bit of a power thing, too? Because here you are making a suggestion about what you feel would be best for your family and he is just dismissing it. It does appear to be a bit of a power struggle because you''re ticked off that he won''t follow your suggestion, and he wasn''t even willing to consider it. Not even a "well, let''s just see if the weather calms down" type of response.
So basically, I''d feel the same way as you in the middle of my anger, but just try to calm down...breathe...
You don''t hate him. You are extremely annoyed at his carelessness, scared that he is going to get killed, and hurt that he thinks he can get final say in everything.

 

[sklingem]

If I lived outside of Chicago I would NOT take any risks - especially today. I assume that there is no way to take public transportation? (i.e. Metra etc.)
R.

 

[Burk]

I can almost guarantee my husband would do the same thing!!! We live in the midwest also so we have some pretty bad weather at times and there is always something DH just HAS to do when the roads are the worst! I cannot stand it! Sorry you''re going through this. And, if you''re anything like me, you''ll be stressed out all night wondering if he''s okay. Men.

 

[AmberGretchen]

Have you really rationally discussed with your DH how it makes you feel, and how worried you get? I''ve had similar situations with my DH, and once I was able to really make him understand how torturous it was for me to worry about him like that (he worries too, though for different things, so he understands if I can communicate it effectively), we were able to make some compromises.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 1:28:18 PM
Author: Elmorton
Italia, my DH and I fight about road conditions all the time too...I believe that absolutely nothing is worth risking your life on awful roads, and my DH believes that most things are worth the risk (though he''d probably let up a bit for a sporting event - it would be a tossup though, because he''d hate to see the $ wasted). I completely agree with what you said - in fact, these are my arguments, too - but sometimes I don''t win the argument :Wish I could offer you some advice, but I''m in the same boat.

It''s sheer frusteration. But, my anger has calmed down some...so I''m not super mad anymore, just disgusted.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 1:30:13 PM
Author: luckystar112
I can totally understand why you feel that way. But I know already that if my DH and I were in the same situation he would decide to go too. Maybe it''s a man thing. They just aren''t as scared as us!
Of course, being women, we have a tendency to look at the ''big picture'' when we''re angry. So I would definitely be thinking the same things as you when it comes to starting a family or feeling like he''s too immature and dense to get the idea of ''marriage''.
But isn''t it a little bit of a power thing, too? Because here you are making a suggestion about what you feel would be best for your family and he is just dismissing it. It does appear to be a bit of a power struggle because you''re ticked off that he won''t follow your suggestion, and he wasn''t even willing to consider it. Not even a ''well, let''s just see if the weather calms down'' type of response.
So basically, I''d feel the same way as you in the middle of my anger, but just try to calm down...breathe...
You don''t hate him. You are extremely annoyed at his carelessness, scared that he is going to get killed, and hurt that he thinks he can get final say in everything.

I wouldn''t say it''s a power thing...we don''t do "power struggles". I have absolutely no problem with him going out to play hockey, or pool with his friends if the weather is fine...and if we werent in the middle of a nightmare storm, I wouldn''t care at all to be perfectly honest...it''s his inability to see that its dangerous and not worth it that makes me seeth.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 1:31:04 PM
Author: rob09
If I lived outside of Chicago I would NOT take any risks - especially today. I assume that there is no way to take public transportation? (i.e. Metra etc.)
R.

Not from where we live to where he would need to go, no.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:05:44 PM
Author: Burk
I can almost guarantee my husband would do the same thing!!! We live in the midwest also so we have some pretty bad weather at times and there is always something DH just HAS to do when the roads are the worst! I cannot stand it! Sorry you''re going through this. And, if you''re anything like me, you''ll be stressed out all night wondering if he''s okay. Men.

Oh, he''ll be having his stupid "fun" and I''ll be eatting finger nails, for sure. I''ll probably clean the house within an inch of its life. You''re right, men.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:09:18 PM
Author: AmberGretchen
Have you really rationally discussed with your DH how it makes you feel, and how worried you get? I''ve had similar situations with my DH, and once I was able to really make him understand how torturous it was for me to worry about him like that (he worries too, though for different things, so he understands if I can communicate it effectively), we were able to make some compromises.

Oh, I didn''t yell at him...and I was perfectly calm and collected (I''m at work, and I check my emotions at the door)...but my reserve met his reserve and we clashed...I''m not going to ever condone this behavior and he wants to go...we''re deadlocked.

 

[princesss]

I''m sorry, Italia. My BF can be a bit hardheaded about certain things (it took me almost a week to get him to see a doctor when he had mono), so I understand what it''s like to want to scream, "You could DIE, you idiot, why don''t you see that dying is a BAD IDEA?!?!?!?!"

What I ended up having to do was really let him see the fear. I ended up letting down the walls a little bit, and when he realized exactly how terrified I was he agreed to do whatever it was I needed him to do. (Heck, he even took himself to the doctor''s office last week without me having to ask. Amazing.)

I really hope this works out. I''d be worried and upset and angry, too.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Italia, for what it''s worth, I completely understand your frustration and I would feel exactly the same way! Men can be so short-sighted sometimes! Having said that, I know that if my DH had Penguins tickets, he would GO to that game even if there was six feet of snow on the ground and it was still coming down!!!

((((HUGS)))) Now go get yourself some hot chocolate and try to forget about pigheaded husbands for a while!

 

[crystalheart1]

It is a guy thing... I know you are having awful weather in Chi town.. it has been all over the news.

So sorry you are feeling this concern for his well being.. you are not out of line! I know I would be just as worried

But men are big babies when sports come into play. My son broke his leg while playing football ( he is in college )
and still continued to " try" to play until he was physcially not capable.
My DH comes home not being able to talk because he screams so much while watching sports..

It is one of those things we have to deal with when it comes to the opposite sex

 

[Steel]

Sorry Italia.

I cannot remember which learned poster said this recently but I will quote them as I think their course of action was very wise.

She told her husband she would stand him in the front yard with a ''husband for sale'' sign around his neck.

I think you should put your nervous energy into making a sign for him to wear when he comes home...and he can stand out in the cold wearing it.

Husbands; can''t understand ''em and nobody will buy ''em.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:20:05 PM
Author: princesss
I''m sorry, Italia. My BF can be a bit hardheaded about certain things (it took me almost a week to get him to see a doctor when he had mono), so I understand what it''s like to want to scream, ''You could DIE, you idiot, why don''t you see that dying is a BAD IDEA?!?!?!?!''

What I ended up having to do was really let him see the fear. I ended up letting down the walls a little bit, and when he realized exactly how terrified I was he agreed to do whatever it was I needed him to do. (Heck, he even took himself to the doctor''s office last week without me having to ask. Amazing.)

I really hope this works out. I''d be worried and upset and angry, too.

Your boy BF...Mono is awful.

 

[princesss]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:35:15 PM
Author: Italiahaircolor

Date: 1/14/2009 2:20:05 PM

Author: princesss

I''m sorry, Italia. My BF can be a bit hardheaded about certain things (it took me almost a week to get him to see a doctor when he had mono), so I understand what it''s like to want to scream, ''You could DIE, you idiot, why don''t you see that dying is a BAD IDEA?!?!?!?!''


What I ended up having to do was really let him see the fear. I ended up letting down the walls a little bit, and when he realized exactly how terrified I was he agreed to do whatever it was I needed him to do. (Heck, he even took himself to the doctor''s office last week without me having to ask. Amazing.)


I really hope this works out. I''d be worried and upset and angry, too.

Your boy BF...Mono is awful.

Yeah, he got mono a few years ago, and kept trying to play competitive frisbee. I wanted to hit him. I can''t even count the number of conversations we had that basically went like this:

"I''m going to play frisbee."
"No you''re not."
"But I want to."
"The doctor said you could rupture your spleen if you run. No. No frisbee."
"You''re mean."
"Tough sh*t."

 

[JSM]

This is going to sound horrible... but I grew up in Chicago. If I had tickets to the Hawks game tonight, I'd go to. *ducks from rotten fruit*

Can you convince him to drive to the train station and take the blue line (or the Metra, etc) in? He'd still get to go, and wouldn't face highway traffic all the way into the city.

 

[neatfreak]

Awww Italia I'm sorry you are frustrated. And I'm sorry if this is off the mark, but it sounds like this is much bigger than the hockey game especially if this is making you use the word "hate" and questioning your entire future together. I'd sit that man down and talk to him about how you are feeling about everything, not just tonight.

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:56:44 PM
Author: neatfreak
Awww Italia I''m sorry you are frustrated. And I''m sorry if this is off the mark, but it sounds like this is much bigger than the hockey game especially if this is making you use the word ''hate'' and questioning your entire future together. I''d sit that man down and talk to him about how you are feeling about everything, not just tonight.

I love my husband, I do. But right now, in terms of this incident, I''m extremely angry with him.

I am doubly angry and most of my frusteration stems from the fact that this isn''t how Mark generally is. He''s typically very sensitive to my needs...but he''s being very pig-headed about this stupid, worthless hockey game.

I''m extremely vocal in our relationship -- we don''t have ongoing issues because of this fact, we sort our s*** out as it comes up -- and maybe I overacted in the light of my anger...but I love him, and he''s being childish and I am frusterated.

 

[luckystar112]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:56:44 PM
Author: neatfreak
Awww Italia I''m sorry you are frustrated. And I''m sorry if this is off the mark, but it sounds like this is much bigger than the hockey game especially if this is making you use the word ''hate'' and questioning your entire future together. I''d sit that man down and talk to him about how you are feeling about everything, not just tonight.

Yeah, that''s basically what I was trying to say!

 

[Porridge]

I''m so sorry honey, I totally understand where you''re coming from, especially the "it''s not your driving, it''s everyone elses!" argument. All I can say is that your man is not especially pigheaded - it seems to go for most of them! And I''m sorry to generalize guys! But I do think that somethimes men are a wee bit too confident about their driving skills, and forget about the other maniacs on the road.

Don''t worry sweetie - you''re not alone in this one.

 

[Judah Gutwein]

I''m so sorry....
Communication is key.
Sit down, share your feelings and this too shall pass.

Best!!

 

[strmrdr]

ah yes he is observing man rule #4

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/14/2009 3:57:56 PM
Author: strmrdr
ah yes he is observing man rule #4

Just call me fishy.

I''ll bite Storm...What is man rule 1,2,3 or 4?

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 1/14/2009 4:03:04 PM
Author: Steel

Date: 1/14/2009 3:57:56 PM

Author: strmrdr

ah yes he is observing man rule #4

Just call me fishy.


I''ll bite Storm...What is man rule 1,2,3 or 4?

I would tell but then I would get kicked outa the club is rule #1

 

[Steel]

Date: 1/14/2009 4:07:16 PM
Author: strmrdr

Date: 1/14/2009 4:03:04 PM
Author: Steel

Date: 1/14/2009 3:57:56 PM

Author: strmrdr

ah yes he is observing man rule #4

Just call me fishy.
I''ll bite Storm...What is man rule 1,2,3 or 4?

I would tell but then I would get kicked outa the club is rule #1

I understand - gotta respect the code.

Funny how a man could remember a set of rules in a code but not to pick up his socks...put the seat down...hmmm.

 

[strmrdr]

Date: 1/14/2009 4:12:37 PM
Author: Steel

I understand - gotta respect the code.


Funny how a man could remember a set of rules in a code but not to pick up his socks...put the seat down...hmmm.

rule 254 says we can make them up on the spot as needed

 

[kittybean]

I''m sorry you''re so frustrated, Italia. You''re definitely not alone--my FI does the exact same thing, all the time. He always thinks he can drive through anything, make any plane, finish a million projects at once, etc., because he is a MAN and that''s what MEN DO (cue Tim Allen manly laugh)! The only way he really learns is when he makes a mistake and it costs him (us!) something. It''s something that really bothers me about him. I don''t have any wise words for you, but I just wanted to let you know you''re not alone.

 

[BlueSki231]

Date: 1/14/2009 2:41:03 PM
Author: jsm
This is going to sound horrible... but I grew up in Chicago. If I had tickets to the Hawks game tonight, I''d go to. *ducks from rotten fruit*


Can you convince him to drive to the train station and take the blue line (or the Metra, etc) in? He''d still get to go, and wouldn''t face highway traffic all the way into the city.

Ha me too. Well, not the Hawks game necessarily but if I had tickets to an event I was really looking forward to, there is no kind of weather that would stop me. Ok, maybe a tornado...

I''m in the NW suburbs.. it was kinda bad this morning driving but right now it''s really not that bad.. they seem to have been keeping up with the roads. Who knows how rush hour will be though... it''s not even snowing anymore!

Maybe I''m reckless, crazy, or irrational but I don''t let bad weather (or the chance of it!), especially snow, control my life. If I want to be somewhere and there''s a snow storm I don''t care I''M GOING even if I have to drive slow and it takes me 3 hours to get there! And I''ve never regretted it..

I''m sorry, call me whatever you like, but I just never understood the "I''m staying home cause the weather is too bad" excuse..